I think God is telling me to go gay.
After a number of creepy relationship coincidences (such as seeing the mother of a past ex, whose father threatened me with a shotgun), I think the series has finally peaked.
Phone rings:
Me: Hello?
Her: Michael Poulin!
Me: David Poulin!
Her: David! It's Mandy!
Me: Oh!
Her: You don't remember me, do you?
Me: Not at all!
Her: Our parents were best friends forever way-back-when!
Me: Oh yeah...
Her: You don't remember me at all.
Me: No... I remember playing Jenga with you. (It was on a step. Wooden floors. The living room was elevated. House on the side of a still. Wooden patio, more than one story. I thought it was so fancy. There was also some local park, where we'd all play on the kids stuff, which was equally impressive. Was she a little chunky? Did she harass us? I remember something about a purse, and about my brothers not liking her. A girl in the gap between the ages of the two sets of brothers. That had to have given all of us a predisposition against her, but she probably earned it in time.)
Her: So what are you up to these days?
Me: Uh, I work at Albertson's, stocking liquor.
Her: Hey! I work at Vons as a checker! Anyway, my parents are out of town so I'm just hanging out with a couple of friends. You should hang out. How old are you now, anyway?
Me: Twenty-one.
Her: Yay! You're legal.
Me: Well... I was legal three years ago. (Some problems with wording it, as I try to get my pipe together.)
Her: Well, you can drink.
Me: And shouldn't you be unhappy about that? (Slightly mocking here:) Now I'm even more tempted by the pleasures of the flesh. (In retrospect, that sounds like a come on. But... it wasn't. It was referring only to alcohol, I swear to God.)
Her: Hah, I guess. Not really. We should hang out sometime, though. That'd be fun. We could play Jenga! I'll kick your ass just like always.
Me: Uh, yeah right. Girls suck at everything.
Her: Is that so? And anyways, now that we're older, the age difference between us isn't that big a deal. Just thought I'd put that out there.
Me: Okay... why'd you call, anyway?
Her: We're having a non-surprise birthday party for my mom next week, so I was calling to invite your parents. Can you tell her for me?
Me: I'll probably forget. You should call another time.
Her: How 'bout you be a big boy and take a note?
Me: Ugh... alright. (I take the note.)
Her: So anyway, you wanna come over? We'll play Jenga, and you can smoke here!
Me: I have to work early, so I'm going to bed soon.
Her: That's okay, you can just come over for a bit!
Me: I don't have a car.
Her: Well maybe when Greg [her brother] gets home he can drive you. I call you when he gets home.
Me: I won't answer the phone.