[SuJu] Five Times Heechul Auditioned for a Girlband
[Title] Five Times Heechul Auditioned for a Girlband
[Author] honooko
[Rating] G (gee gee gee baby baby)
[Notes] Heechul has a dream. It involves crossdressing.
1. the time he thought of it.
“There’s too many of us,” Heechul declared one evening. Hankyung looked confused, but Heechul wasn’t sure if it was because of his statement, or because Hannie had no idea what he was saying. The Chinese boy’s Korean left something to be desired; hell, it might be both.
“You say that like we have a choice,” Kibum commented blandly from his seat on the floor. Hankyung nodded; apparently he did know what was going on. Small blessings, Heechul supposed.
“No, really,” Heechul said. “I’ve got this idea.”
“This should be good,” Kibum muttered. Hankyung looked expectant.
“You know BoA?”
“Everyone knows BoA,” Hankyung supplied. Heechul rolled his eyes.
“I know,” he said. “But she doesn’t have any real competition, right? It’s just her. Because she’s a girl.”
“If the next thing you say involves surgery in Thailand, I am out of here,” Kibum said warily.
“No surgery,” Heechul assured him. “Surgery could never make anyone as pretty as I am anyway.”
“BoA’s prettier,” Hankyung commented. Heechul punched him in the arm.
“Anyway,” he continued. “What if we make a girl band?”
“Did you fall and hit your head?” Kibum asked. “I think we have too much dick to be a girl band.”
“Nonsense,” Heechul said. “Anything you put your mind to, and all that.”
“Wait,” Hankyung said, frowning. “Are you really a girl?”
“Why don’t you come to my room tonight and find out,” Heechul leered. Kibum made a pointed gagging noise and Hankyung checked for escape routes.
The next day, Heechul invaded the office.
“Hello!” Heechul declared brightly. “I’m here for the audition!”
“Kim Heechul,” the producer asked. “What are you doing here?”
“I just told you, I’m here for the audition! Look, I brought a CD,” he said. He winked at the producer and handed it to him, adding, “It’s BoA’s. I’m really good at her stuff.”
“You’re already in a group,” the producer sighed, “and you’re male.”
“So?” Heechul said. “I’m prettier than almost everyone here.”
Heechul did not get to perform that day, but he did strengthen his resolve to fulfill his ultimate dream.
2. boys generation
“I’m Heesica!” Heechul introduced himself.
“You’re Kim Heechul,” Jessica replied. “We’ve known each other for years.”
“Tell everyone I’m your extremely attractive older sister so I can be in your band,” Heechul said seriously.
“I’m going to call your managers and tell them Heechul-oppa is crazy,” Jessica said, planting her hands on her hips.
“Heechul-unni,” Heechul corrected brightly. “Boys Generation!”
“Oh my god,” Jessica sighed.
3. wonder boys
“Uh,” said JYP. “…Name?”
“Ahn SoHeechul!” Heechul announced. “Omona!”
“Security!” JYP said.
5. m(x)
“Look, just switch me out for that one!” Heechul said, gesturing at Amber. “It probably has a penis anyway!”
Amber looked hurt. Sulli patted her arm comfortingly and Luna clucked her tongue.
“Seriously, if you need a lesbian member, I’m your guy!” Heechul reasoned.
“My sister says you’re crazy,” Krystal said, holding up her cell phone. “And that we should let Victoria snap you in half with her badass kung-fu.”
Victoria cracked her knuckles.
“I’ll let you think about my offer,” Heechul said as he made his exit.
5. gee gee gee gee baby baby
“You know the choreography for this song better than for our songs,” Sungmin said, crossing his arms and huffing. “I don’t see why we have to do one of theirs for the concert when we could be working on ours!”
“Jessica’s taken, but I’ll let you be Sunny,” Heechul said, holding out a scrunchie.
“We need t-shirts with our names on them,” Sungmin declared. “And everyone has to audition.”
“I’m so glad we understand each other,” Heechul said brightly.
[Author] honooko
[Rating] G (gee gee gee baby baby)
[Notes] Heechul has a dream. It involves crossdressing.
1. the time he thought of it.
“There’s too many of us,” Heechul declared one evening. Hankyung looked confused, but Heechul wasn’t sure if it was because of his statement, or because Hannie had no idea what he was saying. The Chinese boy’s Korean left something to be desired; hell, it might be both.
“You say that like we have a choice,” Kibum commented blandly from his seat on the floor. Hankyung nodded; apparently he did know what was going on. Small blessings, Heechul supposed.
“No, really,” Heechul said. “I’ve got this idea.”
“This should be good,” Kibum muttered. Hankyung looked expectant.
“You know BoA?”
“Everyone knows BoA,” Hankyung supplied. Heechul rolled his eyes.
“I know,” he said. “But she doesn’t have any real competition, right? It’s just her. Because she’s a girl.”
“If the next thing you say involves surgery in Thailand, I am out of here,” Kibum said warily.
“No surgery,” Heechul assured him. “Surgery could never make anyone as pretty as I am anyway.”
“BoA’s prettier,” Hankyung commented. Heechul punched him in the arm.
“Anyway,” he continued. “What if we make a girl band?”
“Did you fall and hit your head?” Kibum asked. “I think we have too much dick to be a girl band.”
“Nonsense,” Heechul said. “Anything you put your mind to, and all that.”
“Wait,” Hankyung said, frowning. “Are you really a girl?”
“Why don’t you come to my room tonight and find out,” Heechul leered. Kibum made a pointed gagging noise and Hankyung checked for escape routes.
The next day, Heechul invaded the office.
“Hello!” Heechul declared brightly. “I’m here for the audition!”
“Kim Heechul,” the producer asked. “What are you doing here?”
“I just told you, I’m here for the audition! Look, I brought a CD,” he said. He winked at the producer and handed it to him, adding, “It’s BoA’s. I’m really good at her stuff.”
“You’re already in a group,” the producer sighed, “and you’re male.”
“So?” Heechul said. “I’m prettier than almost everyone here.”
Heechul did not get to perform that day, but he did strengthen his resolve to fulfill his ultimate dream.
2. boys generation
“I’m Heesica!” Heechul introduced himself.
“You’re Kim Heechul,” Jessica replied. “We’ve known each other for years.”
“Tell everyone I’m your extremely attractive older sister so I can be in your band,” Heechul said seriously.
“I’m going to call your managers and tell them Heechul-oppa is crazy,” Jessica said, planting her hands on her hips.
“Heechul-unni,” Heechul corrected brightly. “Boys Generation!”
“Oh my god,” Jessica sighed.
3. wonder boys
“Uh,” said JYP. “…Name?”
“Ahn SoHeechul!” Heechul announced. “Omona!”
“Security!” JYP said.
5. m(x)
“Look, just switch me out for that one!” Heechul said, gesturing at Amber. “It probably has a penis anyway!”
Amber looked hurt. Sulli patted her arm comfortingly and Luna clucked her tongue.
“Seriously, if you need a lesbian member, I’m your guy!” Heechul reasoned.
“My sister says you’re crazy,” Krystal said, holding up her cell phone. “And that we should let Victoria snap you in half with her badass kung-fu.”
Victoria cracked her knuckles.
“I’ll let you think about my offer,” Heechul said as he made his exit.
5. gee gee gee gee baby baby
“You know the choreography for this song better than for our songs,” Sungmin said, crossing his arms and huffing. “I don’t see why we have to do one of theirs for the concert when we could be working on ours!”
“Jessica’s taken, but I’ll let you be Sunny,” Heechul said, holding out a scrunchie.
“We need t-shirts with our names on them,” Sungmin declared. “And everyone has to audition.”
“I’m so glad we understand each other,” Heechul said brightly.