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Weevil likes to hold her after sex; when he finishes, he likes to bury his face against her breasts as he collapses on top of her. Sometimes she feels trapped by him, his arms wrapped around her back as he breathes on her, hot and moist. His fingertips trace along her hipbone and he pulls her tightly against him, and she thinks this is probably what people call 'making love.' But Lilly would rather fuck.
She'd also prefer to be on top. When you're on top, you're in control; you set the pace and the scene and it's all about you. Sex is an awesome showcase.
These are the kind of things Lilly thinks about while doing it.
But she does also love it when he's behind her, one hand at the small of her back, anchoring her, and his other kneading her ass. It feels best that way and it also means she doesn't have to see him, and not seeing him means she doesn't have to watch as he gazes at her adoringly, telling her without words that he'd do anything for her, that he was already gone, madly in love with Lilly Kane.
He's supposed to be the big bad PCHer, someone your parents warn you about (and oh does Lilly love to picture Celeste fainting at the sight of them, her hands clutching her pearls as she falls to the floor). If Lilly wanted that slow and sweet bullshit and to hear about how beautiful she is, she would have stayed with Logan.
No, Lilly just wants to fuck.
She pulls out of his grasp, runs a hand through her now tangled, perfectly-awesome-and-freshly-fucked hair, and edges away from him. She pretends to miss the look of hurt that flashes on his face.
***
Okay, so sometimes it feels nice, being wanted like this by him. Sometimes she catches herself nearly falling asleep, her fingers unconsciously running up and down his back as he nuzzles against her.
They're in his room, one he shares with two cousins. His grandmother could be home any minute, with at least four little kids in tow, and they would be caught. The thought excites her; the idea that they could be found, that everyone would know and everyone would tell. She thinks that's what she wants- to be caught and called out, to see the shock on Veronica's face, the annoyance on Duncan's, the pain on Logan's. Her parents...well, she's not sure exactly how they would react, but she's sure she'd get a reaction. Disgust and dismay but never surprise.
Or maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they were uninterrupted and she could stay just like this, falling asleep here. Lord knows she'd love a break from the Kane Church of Latter Day Saint Duncans. At least Weevil's shabby house is a home; even his tiny bed, with cheap, mismatched sheets, is surprisingly comfortable.
He lifts his head and grins down at her, and she quirks an eyebrow because seeing him smile is still really weird.
Then his smile is gone and he looks...pensive? Serious? Totally pussy-whipped?
"You know I love you, right?"
Yeah, the last one.
She doesn't know what to say so she just nods, and she doesn't mean to smile back at him, but for some reason she is.
***
She shuts her locker door and nearly jumps in surprise when she finds Veronica standing next to her.
"Don't lurk," she growls playfully.
"I wasn't lurking. You're just not very observant."
"That's what you think." She examines Veronica closely, from head to toe. "New sweater?"
Veronica groans, but nods.
"It's cute. See, I notice things."
"While I always appreciate your keen eye for fashion, we really need to talk." Veronica grabs her arm, pulling her toward the girls' bathroom. Madison and Shelly are primping in front of the mirror, gossiping before the 3rd period bell, and Lilly simply glares in their direction and then they're slipping their expensive cosmetics back into their expensive purses and heading out wordlessly.
"God Veronica, this better be important, because you're going to make me late for history." Veronica's eyes narrow suspiciously before Lilly giggles, turning to hop up on the counter. "I'm totally kidding. What's up?"
Now Lilly adores Veronica, and Lilly doesn't really adore anyone. But Veronica Mars is good people, a friend who would go to the end of the earth for her and not just because of her last name. So it's a little distressing to see her now, so shaken.
"It's Duncan," Veronica says, wringing her hands. "It's like he's broken up with me but hasn't gotten around to telling me yet."
***
"Jesus, Lil, what's with you? Huh?" Weevil pulls back, angry now, the last snotty comment falling from her mouth finally pushing him over the edge and far away from her.
A part of her wants to apologize, and there are several sweet words dancing on the tip of her tongue, but she swallows them down and then licks her lips. "Lighten up."
"You can be a real bitch sometimes, you know that?" He's sneering at her and he looks really hot doing it.
But then she hears his words, really hears them, and it hurts. It isn't the first time someone called her a bitch (and it most certainly won't be the last) but it hurts.
"I've just got a lot on my mind."
He gives her that look, that mix of exasperation and doubt, the look her parents always give her when she comes home late and begins reciting her excuses.
"Yeah? What?" It's hardly a question of concern; what he really means is what they all mean: what the hell does a pretty little rich bitch have to fret about? Doesn't she have it all? Shouldn't her biggest concern be her nail appointment?
Funny how the rich kids are the ones labeled snobs.
The truth is she's dealing with a lot right now and the one person she wants to go to and confide in is absolutely the one person she can't. It sucks, and she's so tired of feeling like shit all the time.
So she does what she always does, what she has to do. She sucks it up, buries it down and then covers it with a Crest commercial smile.
"Well, for one, I'm thinking that this was fun, but it's over now."
She pushes away from his bike, her hips swiveling deliciously in her tight designer jeans.
"So you're going back to him again?"
She's facing away from him, so he can't see her roll her eyes. He doesn't get it and that means he never did. Just once it'd be nice to have someone she's fucking finally understand her.
"Maybe," she calls out in a sing-song voice, her hands now in her coat pockets as she walks to her car.
"After what he did to you? After that?"
She winks at him as she turns the key in the ignition and pulls into reverse. "Later, Weevil." And she really means, Until next time, Weevil, because they both know it's not really over.
***
She's so not getting back with Logan. Not yet anyway. But maybe Weevil has the right idea about going to him now. Since her bad boy on the side is overdosing on obliviousness, and with Veronica not being an option and Duncan all prone to violent hysteria, Logan is sort of her only friend by default.
Things are made a little harder by the fact that he isn't exactly on speaking terms with her right now. She really misses the early post-breakup stages, particularly the one where Logan grovels.
But he is still all indignant and huffy, very 'you're to blame, too' and with that comes his haughty silent treatment, punctuated only by the evil eye whenever he catches a glimpse of her in the halls.
Such a fucking drama queen, God.
Now it's Saturday afternoon and Lilly has already spent the better part of her day on grooming. There is an article in one of her fashion magazines about throwback beauties, the stars of the silver screen. Lilly focused on the photos of one in particular, seemingly transfixed by her. She read the brief description about the actress that accompanied her pictorial, about how her great beauty masked a terrific sadness and ultimately very tragic life.
So Lilly is staring back at herself in the mirror, admiring the hairstyle she spent almost two hours copying. Even Veronica Lake never looked this good.
There really isn't a reason to dress up to go over to Logan's, but she decides to do it anyway. Maybe he'd gawk a little, realize what he's missing out on and how completely asinine it was for him to go after Yolanda, and then he would feel just awful over it. Lilly would like that.
So she picks out a little black dress, something she could imagine Veronica Lake wearing in one of those old films Lilly never wants to watch because there's no point in seeing black and white movies now. She glances back at her phone on the nightstand and thinks for a minute about the other Veronica in her life, her Veronica, and how much she wants to call her and tell her everything. But she can't.
In the car on the way to the Echolls mansion, Lilly plays her CDs so loud she can barely stand it. But it's the perfect way to drown out her thoughts and she dances in her seat, her fingers tapping against the steering wheel in rhythm with the music.
"Logan's not here," Aaron tells her, and the skivvy bastard doesn't even try to hide the way he's checking her out, his eyes roaming from the tips of her ruby red toes up to the lock of blonde hair falling over her eye.
She won't give him the pleasure of knowing the effect he's having on her, so she feigns disinterest as she crosses her arms, which is one of her favorite ways to discreetly call attention to her cleavage. In the rare instances she tries to be discreet about anything.
"So when will he be back?"
"Well, he's out surfing for the day, with the Casablancas boys." He steps forward. "Lynn's in LA until tomorrow night. I was about to order some lunch for myself. Would you care to join me?"
She shrugs uncaringly, even though she knows exactly what he's getting at. Lilly had been with Logan for nearly two years and Aaron dropped that Father of the Year act a long time ago. Even an Oscar winner can only fake it for so long.
She studies him for a second and decides that she could definitely have him right now, if she wanted to. But she's still not sure. On one hand, he's still sorta hot, and he's got that whole old, rich and mysterious thing going for him. He's famous, too. Not like Brad Pitt famous anymore but he had that once. That counts, right?
But there's something about him that kind of always made her uneasy, and it's not just because he's been eye-fucking her since she was 14. Logan always says that his father is the biggest asshole on the planet, and she's heard a couple of his stories, but she's never really bought it. After all, what the hell does Logan know? He thinks her family is the fucking Cleavers and it's pathetic how much he wants to be a part of that.
Logan. Well, it would certainly teach him a lesson for cheating on her. She mentally weighs her options, and getting her revenge just means more than any concerns about going the whole way with a possible creeper.
She brushes past him, slowly slipping her little red jacket off her shoulders then tossing it carelessly onto the couch. She sits and then purposely crosses her legs, her eyes locked with his as he moves in for the kill...
***
"You can stop picking, you know. It's only like 70 calories."
Veronica sighs, pushing the yogurt cup away from her. "I'm not hungry."
Lilly manages to bite her tongue, but Veronica is really testing this BFF thing right now. Three days of nonstop moping is two too many. Lilly had managed to convince Duncan to at least tell Veronica that they were through, with some bullshit excuse about how they were moving too fast. Veronica seemed to buy it, which is ridiculous because a little over-the-sweater action is hardly 'too fast' and Duncan is, like, the worst liar ever. But whatever, Veronica has her reason now so she should be able to start with the whole moving on thing. Except she's not, and it's starting to bring Lilly down.
"C'mon, you'll need your energy for Yoga after practice."
Veronica's mouth drops open, readying her protest, and that annoyance is the first spark Lilly's seen from her in the last week. "Yoga? I'm still sore from kickboxing yesterday."
"Well I'm still sore from Fleet Week but you don't hear me complaining," Lilly returns, and she's thrilled by the hint of a smile on Veronica's lips, even though it's quickly covered.
"Ew."
"Cheer up, cupcake. Exercise releases endorphins and you are in serious need of some endorphins right now. Besides, the car wash is this weekend and we've got to look good." She's losing her again, she can tell, so she kicks Veronica's feet from underneath the table. "Who wears short shorts?" she sings, shimmying her shoulders. "We wear short shorts." This time Veronica can't fight her laugh. Victory.
"Hey."
They both look up to see Logan standing next to the bench where Veronica is sitting. "Can we talk?" he asks Lilly, his attention all on her.
She can tell by the hunch of his shoulders that he's in super-serious mode. If it were any other time, she'd assume this is the moment where he comes crawling back and begging forgiveness, but she knows this is about last night and Duncan. Lilly had heard the shouts from down the hall, and she poked her head in the room just in time to see Logan pulling her brother off her father. After Duncan fell to the floor in a boneless heap and Jake stood, shaking it off like it was nothing, Logan had turned to find her staring at them, blank-faced.
She didn't want to talk about it then and she doesn't want to talk about it now.
"Later, okay?" and she dismisses him. Out of habit, he lightly taps the side of his fist against the table top, spares a quick glance toward Veronica, and then leaves wordlessly.
"So I guess you two will be back on by final bell," Veronica states simply, once he's out of earshot.
"Don't count on it," Lilly says as she continues to stare at his retreating form.
Veronica ignores her words, having heard it all before. "Maybe when you get back together, he'll start talking to me again."
Lilly finally turns back to her best friend. "Huh?"
"He hasn't said a word to me since I told you about Yolanda. He blames me for you breaking up with him." She pauses for a second, her eyes downcast. "Do you...do you think maybe he said something to Duncan?"
"About what?"
"I don't know. Me? I mean, Duncan and I were fine. Great, actually, and then-"
Lilly rolls her eyes at this so Veronica rushes to finish her thought, "-then suddenly we're not? And it happens right after Logan decides he hates me?"
While Logan usually makes a lovely scapegoat, and God only knows how many times Lilly's used him for just that, she's too distracted now by thoughts of her brother and parents to consider anything else.
"Let's talk about something else!" she suggests cheerfully.
So they do.
***
Pervs will line up around the block to pay cash for a half-assed carwash, as long as the girls' asses are half-covered, at least. Their pep squad uniforms aren't really slutty, but it gets the job done.
She thinks Aaron will like her in it, and she's kind of excited about seeing him later. At first she wasn't going to do it again, but sex with him was surprisingly not terrible. There's something about the whole forbidden thing that totally works for her.
Her enthusiasm must be visible because Veronica teases her about her giddiness. She jokingly says something about being high on life and then tries to get back to washing the car, but a part of her can’t resist. She can’t tell Veronica what’s going on but she has to say something.
“I’ve got a secret. A good one.”
They both notice the pep squad Nazi, Trish, coming their way, so they pretend to get back to work.
She almost drops it but Veronica’s composure is maddening. “Oh come on! You’re not going to ask me?”
Her best friend rolls her eyes, her arms outstretched as she continues to scrub at the hood with a soapy sponge. “Fine. Gee, Lil, what’s your secret?”
Lilly’s wide green eyes sparkle mischievously. “I can’t tell you.”
Veronica flicks some suds her way and laughs. “Guess I’ll just have to read about it in the papers like everyone else, then.” After a moment’s pause, Veronica continues their conversation, her smile still intact. “So I talked to Logan yesterday.”
“How thrilling.”
“I asked him outright if he had anything to do with Duncan breaking up with me and he said no. Funny thing is, I believe him.”
“We really need to get you a new man already.”
“He said he doesn’t know why Duncan broke up with me, and when I told him what he told me, he said that didn’t sound like Duncan.” She stops washing and looks behind her shoulder, her eyes scanning the lot for Trish. When Veronica sees her three vehicles over, salaciously patting down a bright red Hummer, she continues. “And he’s right.”
Lilly’s just about had it but she reigns in her temper enough to not lose it completely. “God, Veronica! Let it go! Why do you even want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?”
To her credit, Veronica covers her hurt quickly. But it's still not quite fast enough. “You know, I said the same thing to Logan about you,” she tries to add off-handedly, but there's still a hint of anger evident in her tone. Lilly doesn't respond, doesn't know how to, and then Veronica moves on to another car and they don't talk for the rest of the day.
***
Lilly's still stinging from the earlier incident with Veronica, but she's got a 'date' with Aaron and she's hopeful that it'll be a decent distraction.
She knows from the gossip grapevine that Logan is in Mexico with Dick and Beaver today, so she pulls into his usual parking spot in the Echolls' huge driveway and then makes her way to the pool house, since Aaron always insists they make it there. "Come here, lover," she calls out, lithely making her way to the bed in the center of the room. "Time to earn your keep."
She flops back on the mattress, stretching languidly. But then something in the ceiling fan catches her eye, and Lilly might not be in advanced calc like Duncan but she can add 2 + 2.
There's another camera in the headboard. Lilly follows the line from the ceiling fan to the bookcase, where she finds the monitors. So that's why Aaron wanted to keep fucking her here. 'Romantic atmosphere' Lilly's ass.
"Oh, you dirty dog," she whispers, partly impressed by the kink but still annoyed he did it without her permission. She takes the tape out of the recorder and grabs a few others that were laying around for good measure.
She heads back to her car where she puts the tapes in the center console; it's always good to have a little insurance. Then the yellow Xterra pulls in behind her before she's even got her seatbelt on. "Shit," she mutters as Logan gets out and approaches her car door.
"Lost, Lilly? You'd think you'd know by now that the bondage shop is on the other side of town."
She smirks evilly, her fingers tightening around the steering wheel. "Oh I don't know Logan, from what you say, this is the place to come for whips." His smile falls as hers broadens considerably.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you, silly!" Her grin now is free of any malice as her mind races with excuses.
He doesn't seem interested in any barbs, probably still too shocked that she went there. "Why?"
Lilly's always been as fast on her feet as she is on her back. It's just one of her many gifts. "I want you to stay away from Veronica," she says quickly, harking back to the earlier conversation with her best friend. "Don't talk to her about Duncan. Just...stay away."
Logan perks up, always interested in a challenge. "Veronica's my friend, too. Friends talk."
Her eyes narrow suspiciously. "Don't be a dick, Logan. At least do it for Duncan."
He looks away, exhaling slowly. "What's wrong with him?"
"Stressed about the PSATs?" she offers unconvincingly. "Finally crumbling under all of the pressure that comes with being heir to the Kane legacy?"
They both know it's more serious than that, though Lilly has a lot more information on Duncan's "illness" than Logan does. But, thankfully, Logan seems content to move on to another topic. He reaches through her open window to grab her hand, which he caresses gently with his thumb. "I'm glad you're here," he tells her, his voice low. "I wanted to give you something."
She smiles triumphantly, a large weight now lifting from her shoulders. There's only a few things Lilly can depend on in her life; one is that Veronica will always be her best friend, no matter what. Another is that Duncan will always stand by her, even when he knows she's wrong. But also on that short list, high above stuff like Victoria's Secrets' semi-annual sales and monthly appointments with her stylist Mario, is Logan always coming back to her.
He grabs something out of his sweatshirt pocket and hands it to her. It's a shot glass with a picture of a bean sunbathing, heat waves emanating from its cartoon head. It says, 'I got baked in Ensenada' on the top, and she laughs.
"And there's this, too." She looks up to see him holding out a folded piece of paper. She takes it curiously and opens it up, but he asks her to read it later. "I was going to leave it in your car earlier, but it was locked. You're here now though, so..." He smiles bashfully, his thumbs in his jean pockets.
"Logan!"
They both look to see Aaron walking toward them, his eyes darting nervously between the two. "I thought you were in Mexico!"
"Change of plans, Pops."
Aaron smiles, then turns to greet Lilly. "Oh, look who's here! Lilly, it's been awhile."
She returns the same fake grin as she begins to pull out of the drive. "Hello, Mr. Echolls. Goodbye, Mr. Echolls."
"Don't be a stranger now!" he calls, and for a split second the smile slips and his eyes turn so cold that it kind of freaks Lilly out a little.
She pulls alongside the road about two blocks away so she can read whatever Logan gave her. He's always been a sort of hopeless romantic at times, though she never pegged him for a poet. But as her eyes scan along the lines of his handwritten words, her face falls. This isn't exactly a love letter.
Sure it's laced with love. A lot of love, actually. His words are sweet and sincere but they're also retreating and final.
It's over. It's really, really over and Lilly doesn't care about all the fucking nice things he says because all she can think about is the one thing he doesn't actually say but absolutely implies.
Logan's not coming back to her this time.
She wipes at her tears as she heads home. Somewhere between his house and hers, she switches from heartbroken to infuriated.
Two hours later, the tapes are released to the media.
TBC