Short - Fall From A Shooting Star (Lance/JC; JC/Justin)
Fall From A Shooting Star
For as long as I can remember, JC has been in love with Justin.
Well, maybe been in love is a little much. More like been in lust. Or maybe even wanted.
I mean, I know he loves Justin, he loves all of us, but I don’t know if he’s in love with him. I think it’s just a physical thing. But I could never tell him that.
After we got together, I thought he would forget about Justin. Well, as much as anyone can forget about a twenty-year-old kid with the body of a God and liquid gold hips. He’s always around, and I guess that can be kind of hard for someone to overlook.
Let’s get this out on the table: I have nothing against Justin. He’s one of my best friends. It’s not his fault that JC wants him. It’s not his fault he grew up into...well, into what he is now.
Although, it is his fault that he started paying more attention to JC lately.
JC and I...well, I don’t know what we are. I mean, we just started whatever it is we’re doing, I couldn’t say that it was serious.
Although, I’ve been in love with JC for about as long as he’s been in love with Justin.
And when I say in love I mean in love.
None of this in lust, or wanting crap. Full on, blown out love. Without wanting to sound too much like a Hallmark card, he makes me happy. When he’s around, my spirits lift. I don’t think he knows- no, I know he doesn’t know - how much I love him. If he did, I don’t think he would be doing what he’s doing. I would hope not anyway.
See, when Justin started to pay more attention to him, JC started hanging around Justin more. They were constantly touching, constantly laughing, constantly flirting. I thought maybe I was reading more into it than it was, but I wasn’t. Both Joey and Chris mentioned it to me.
“Hey,” Joey said one day as I watched them play basketball. Justin had his shirt off and JC was finding every excuse in the book to run his hand along Justin’s glistening skin.
“Yeah?” I asked.
Joey nodded towards JC and Justin. “What’s that about? I thought you and JC were...”
I looked at him as his voice trailed off. Shrugging, I said, “We’re not serious.”
Joey rested his hand on my shoulder, “He may not be, but you are.”
Turning back to the game, I put my sunglasses on, dismissing Joey. “I am not.”
I felt Joey’s eyes on me, but I studiously ignored him. I wasn’t serious. Sure, I was in love with him, but I’m not dumb enough to be serious about someone who doesn’t know what he really wants.
Truthfully, deep down, I think JC wants me. I think what he sees in Justin is nothing more than a passing thing. Justin is like...he’s like heaven, that unattainable thing that you want on earth but can’t have. So I’ll let him have Justin. I’ll let him go and have his fun. I’ll let him see if things are really better on the other side.
By the other side, I mean heaven.
What’s that saying? If you love someone, set him free? That’s what I’m doing. I love JC. I’m setting him free to let him see how things could possibly turn out.
I just hope he comes back. I hope things in heaven are overrated. I hope the lights aren’t shining as bright out there as JC seems to think they are.
I hope. That’s all I can do. I can watch and wait, but it all comes down to hoping and praying that things aren’t great for JC out there, that he comes back to me.
I may not be a twenty-year-old kid with the body of a God and liquid gold hips, but I have something to offer JC that Justin doesn’t.
Love.
*****
He looked at me in shock when I told him. It was almost comical, really. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open and he just stared at me.
“You what?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “JC, I know you want him. It’s okay, really. Go. Do whatever it is you have to do.” I met his eyes. “Just...be careful, okay? Don’t fall in love too quickly.”
Something changed in JC’s eyes. I don’t know what it was, but a shadow fell across the blue eyes before they glinted with anticipation. “You’re okay with this?” he asked.
I nodded, “Yeah. Go ahead. I know you’ve always wanted it.”
But just because he always wanted it didn’t mean it was for the best.
*****
I couldn’t really watch them from that point on. Of course I saw them, I didn’t treat either one of them any differently, although now I couldn’t curl up next to JC on the couch. I couldn’t just touch him because I felt like it. I couldn’t run my fingers through his hair when I got stressed. I just...I couldn’t.
But Justin could.
I don’t know how they got together or when, and I supposed it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. All that mattered was that they were together. One day I walked onto the three man bus and there they were, lying on the couch, kissing.
“Oh,” I said.
Justin looked at me from his spot under JC and guilt flashed in his eyes. “Lance,” he said.
I forced a smile and held up my hands. “Sorry. I was just looking for Chris.”
JC sat up, moving off Justin and adjusting his shirt. “He’s not here. He’s with Joey.”
I nodded, “Sure. Okay.” Taking a deep breath, I turned towards the door. “Bye.”
“Lance,” JC called out to me.
“Yeah?” I asked, turning back around, already down the steps of the bus.
His eyes met mine. Shaking his head slightly, he said. “Nevermind.”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I said softly. “That’s what I thought.”
*****
I’ll give them credit. They lasted longer than I thought they would. Although, that’s Justin for you. He doesn’t fail. At anything. If he really wanted their relationship to work, it was going to work, no matter what.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that Justin was happy with JC. And it made me think. I mean, what does Justin have that I don’t? Besides the obvious, I mean. I’ll never have his body, or his voice, or his charm, but I thought I had something, you know? I thought there was something special about me, something that would make JC wake up and fall in love with me.
Apparently, my something special are my delusions.
*****
He stood in front of me, his hands at his sides, his tongue between his lips, something he did when he was nervous. I usually found it endearing, today, I just found it made me nervous, too.
“What’s up?” I asked him, pushing aside my laptop and taking off my glasses.
“Can we talk?” He asked. His gaze traveled to my papers, “Or are you busy?”
I shook my head, “Nah, just Meredith stuff. It can wait.” I watched him fidget and I narrowed my eyes, “Come on, JC, what’s up?”
“I think I love you,” he blurted out.
I know my expression matched my shock and I just stared at him. “What?”
His eyes raised from the floor to meet mine. “I think I love you.”
“But, Justin...”
JC shook his head, “I’m not in love with him. I thought I could be, you know. I thought that I was.” He bit his lip and looked at me, “But I’m not.”
“You just realized that?” I asked.
He sighed and moved to sit opposite me at the table. “No, Lance, it didn’t just hit me or anything.” He searched for his words, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. “The past few weeks, with Justin, they were...” he met my eyes, “different.”
“Different?” I knew I was just repeating what he said, but I didn’t know what to say to him. I mean, the past few years, I’ve been wanting to hear those words come out of JC’s mouth, I love you, and now that they had, I didn’t believe him. What was wrong with me?
JC nodded, “Yeah, different. Justin is great, but he’s not what I thought, I guess.” JC smiled sheepishly, “He didn’t live up to my expectations, I guess.”
I allowed myself to smile. Imagine that, Justin failing to meet expectations. I shrugged, “Maybe your standards were too high.”
JC shook his head, his eyes bright with energy. “That’s just it, Lance. I had him built up in my mind to be this perfect thing. The one person who was perfect for me.” He stood, pacing in the small space on the bus, needing to move. “I thought he was everything I wanted. I thought that if I could just get out there and be with him, I would be really happy.” He stopped pacing and his shoulders dropped, “I wasn’t. The whole time I was with him, I compared him to you.”
“To me?” I asked. “Come on, JC, that’s no comparison.” I shook my head in amusement.
He dropped to the floor next to me and put his hands on my knees, “But it is, Lance. God, I had this vision of life with Justin, and it was nothing compared to this life with you.”
“JC,” I said, pushing his hands off my knees, “get real, okay? Justin is everything, I’m just a boring guy who works too hard.”
JC smiled. “I know. But that’s what I like, Lance. I like coming back to the hotel room and finding you working, the leftover dinner you had saved for me to eat. I like being able to call you and talk about nothing for hours. I like that you’re my best friend, that you got my back, no matter what.”
He smiled at me, met my eyes. “I like coming home to you, because I know there I’ll find love.”
I asked a question I probably didn’t want to hear the answer to. “What was is like coming home to Justin?”
“Sex,” he said simply. “There was nothing else. The conversations were pointless. They were conversations I would have with my friends, not my lover. He was like...this shooting star that you think will burn so brightly, you know? You see it in the sky and it just takes your breath away. And you want to ride it, escape on that star, and then it burns out before you get that chance.” JC took my hands, “But the good thing is, that shooting star makes you realize there are other stars, and they shine just as brightly. And those stars don’t fade after a moment. They burn forever.”
I smiled, taking my hand from JC’s and reaching out to touch his hair. As usual, he wasn’t making much sense, but I understood him perfectly.
I always have.
I pulled him close to me and kissed him gently.
JC fell from his shooting star, but he knew I would be there to catch him.
For as long as I can remember, JC has been in love with Justin.
Well, maybe been in love is a little much. More like been in lust. Or maybe even wanted.
I mean, I know he loves Justin, he loves all of us, but I don’t know if he’s in love with him. I think it’s just a physical thing. But I could never tell him that.
After we got together, I thought he would forget about Justin. Well, as much as anyone can forget about a twenty-year-old kid with the body of a God and liquid gold hips. He’s always around, and I guess that can be kind of hard for someone to overlook.
Let’s get this out on the table: I have nothing against Justin. He’s one of my best friends. It’s not his fault that JC wants him. It’s not his fault he grew up into...well, into what he is now.
Although, it is his fault that he started paying more attention to JC lately.
JC and I...well, I don’t know what we are. I mean, we just started whatever it is we’re doing, I couldn’t say that it was serious.
Although, I’ve been in love with JC for about as long as he’s been in love with Justin.
And when I say in love I mean in love.
None of this in lust, or wanting crap. Full on, blown out love. Without wanting to sound too much like a Hallmark card, he makes me happy. When he’s around, my spirits lift. I don’t think he knows- no, I know he doesn’t know - how much I love him. If he did, I don’t think he would be doing what he’s doing. I would hope not anyway.
See, when Justin started to pay more attention to him, JC started hanging around Justin more. They were constantly touching, constantly laughing, constantly flirting. I thought maybe I was reading more into it than it was, but I wasn’t. Both Joey and Chris mentioned it to me.
“Hey,” Joey said one day as I watched them play basketball. Justin had his shirt off and JC was finding every excuse in the book to run his hand along Justin’s glistening skin.
“Yeah?” I asked.
Joey nodded towards JC and Justin. “What’s that about? I thought you and JC were...”
I looked at him as his voice trailed off. Shrugging, I said, “We’re not serious.”
Joey rested his hand on my shoulder, “He may not be, but you are.”
Turning back to the game, I put my sunglasses on, dismissing Joey. “I am not.”
I felt Joey’s eyes on me, but I studiously ignored him. I wasn’t serious. Sure, I was in love with him, but I’m not dumb enough to be serious about someone who doesn’t know what he really wants.
Truthfully, deep down, I think JC wants me. I think what he sees in Justin is nothing more than a passing thing. Justin is like...he’s like heaven, that unattainable thing that you want on earth but can’t have. So I’ll let him have Justin. I’ll let him go and have his fun. I’ll let him see if things are really better on the other side.
By the other side, I mean heaven.
What’s that saying? If you love someone, set him free? That’s what I’m doing. I love JC. I’m setting him free to let him see how things could possibly turn out.
I just hope he comes back. I hope things in heaven are overrated. I hope the lights aren’t shining as bright out there as JC seems to think they are.
I hope. That’s all I can do. I can watch and wait, but it all comes down to hoping and praying that things aren’t great for JC out there, that he comes back to me.
I may not be a twenty-year-old kid with the body of a God and liquid gold hips, but I have something to offer JC that Justin doesn’t.
Love.
*****
He looked at me in shock when I told him. It was almost comical, really. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open and he just stared at me.
“You what?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “JC, I know you want him. It’s okay, really. Go. Do whatever it is you have to do.” I met his eyes. “Just...be careful, okay? Don’t fall in love too quickly.”
Something changed in JC’s eyes. I don’t know what it was, but a shadow fell across the blue eyes before they glinted with anticipation. “You’re okay with this?” he asked.
I nodded, “Yeah. Go ahead. I know you’ve always wanted it.”
But just because he always wanted it didn’t mean it was for the best.
*****
I couldn’t really watch them from that point on. Of course I saw them, I didn’t treat either one of them any differently, although now I couldn’t curl up next to JC on the couch. I couldn’t just touch him because I felt like it. I couldn’t run my fingers through his hair when I got stressed. I just...I couldn’t.
But Justin could.
I don’t know how they got together or when, and I supposed it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. All that mattered was that they were together. One day I walked onto the three man bus and there they were, lying on the couch, kissing.
“Oh,” I said.
Justin looked at me from his spot under JC and guilt flashed in his eyes. “Lance,” he said.
I forced a smile and held up my hands. “Sorry. I was just looking for Chris.”
JC sat up, moving off Justin and adjusting his shirt. “He’s not here. He’s with Joey.”
I nodded, “Sure. Okay.” Taking a deep breath, I turned towards the door. “Bye.”
“Lance,” JC called out to me.
“Yeah?” I asked, turning back around, already down the steps of the bus.
His eyes met mine. Shaking his head slightly, he said. “Nevermind.”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I said softly. “That’s what I thought.”
*****
I’ll give them credit. They lasted longer than I thought they would. Although, that’s Justin for you. He doesn’t fail. At anything. If he really wanted their relationship to work, it was going to work, no matter what.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that Justin was happy with JC. And it made me think. I mean, what does Justin have that I don’t? Besides the obvious, I mean. I’ll never have his body, or his voice, or his charm, but I thought I had something, you know? I thought there was something special about me, something that would make JC wake up and fall in love with me.
Apparently, my something special are my delusions.
*****
He stood in front of me, his hands at his sides, his tongue between his lips, something he did when he was nervous. I usually found it endearing, today, I just found it made me nervous, too.
“What’s up?” I asked him, pushing aside my laptop and taking off my glasses.
“Can we talk?” He asked. His gaze traveled to my papers, “Or are you busy?”
I shook my head, “Nah, just Meredith stuff. It can wait.” I watched him fidget and I narrowed my eyes, “Come on, JC, what’s up?”
“I think I love you,” he blurted out.
I know my expression matched my shock and I just stared at him. “What?”
His eyes raised from the floor to meet mine. “I think I love you.”
“But, Justin...”
JC shook his head, “I’m not in love with him. I thought I could be, you know. I thought that I was.” He bit his lip and looked at me, “But I’m not.”
“You just realized that?” I asked.
He sighed and moved to sit opposite me at the table. “No, Lance, it didn’t just hit me or anything.” He searched for his words, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. “The past few weeks, with Justin, they were...” he met my eyes, “different.”
“Different?” I knew I was just repeating what he said, but I didn’t know what to say to him. I mean, the past few years, I’ve been wanting to hear those words come out of JC’s mouth, I love you, and now that they had, I didn’t believe him. What was wrong with me?
JC nodded, “Yeah, different. Justin is great, but he’s not what I thought, I guess.” JC smiled sheepishly, “He didn’t live up to my expectations, I guess.”
I allowed myself to smile. Imagine that, Justin failing to meet expectations. I shrugged, “Maybe your standards were too high.”
JC shook his head, his eyes bright with energy. “That’s just it, Lance. I had him built up in my mind to be this perfect thing. The one person who was perfect for me.” He stood, pacing in the small space on the bus, needing to move. “I thought he was everything I wanted. I thought that if I could just get out there and be with him, I would be really happy.” He stopped pacing and his shoulders dropped, “I wasn’t. The whole time I was with him, I compared him to you.”
“To me?” I asked. “Come on, JC, that’s no comparison.” I shook my head in amusement.
He dropped to the floor next to me and put his hands on my knees, “But it is, Lance. God, I had this vision of life with Justin, and it was nothing compared to this life with you.”
“JC,” I said, pushing his hands off my knees, “get real, okay? Justin is everything, I’m just a boring guy who works too hard.”
JC smiled. “I know. But that’s what I like, Lance. I like coming back to the hotel room and finding you working, the leftover dinner you had saved for me to eat. I like being able to call you and talk about nothing for hours. I like that you’re my best friend, that you got my back, no matter what.”
He smiled at me, met my eyes. “I like coming home to you, because I know there I’ll find love.”
I asked a question I probably didn’t want to hear the answer to. “What was is like coming home to Justin?”
“Sex,” he said simply. “There was nothing else. The conversations were pointless. They were conversations I would have with my friends, not my lover. He was like...this shooting star that you think will burn so brightly, you know? You see it in the sky and it just takes your breath away. And you want to ride it, escape on that star, and then it burns out before you get that chance.” JC took my hands, “But the good thing is, that shooting star makes you realize there are other stars, and they shine just as brightly. And those stars don’t fade after a moment. They burn forever.”
I smiled, taking my hand from JC’s and reaching out to touch his hair. As usual, he wasn’t making much sense, but I understood him perfectly.
I always have.
I pulled him close to me and kissed him gently.
JC fell from his shooting star, but he knew I would be there to catch him.