나만 바라봐 (Look Only at Me) Chapter 2
Title: 나만 바라봐 (Look Only at Me)
Author: abstractpersona, yeeun
Genre: Drabble
Length: Regular(?)
Pairing(s): DongHaeXKiBum, YunHoXJaeJoong, EetukXYoochun, HeeChulXJaejoong
Overall Rating: PG (for now^^)
Dedicated to: That person that lives downstairs
Chapter 2: Drink, Drank, Drunk
Scene: Night Club in Dongdaemun
People at scene: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Heechul, Kibum, Eetuk
“Sup guys?” said Yoochun as he slapped fives with the men at the table.
“The usual. Oh this is Eetuk by the way, the leader of Super Junior,” introduced Heechul. The man that was introduced firmly shook hands with Jaejoong and Yoochun as a formality, however, his hand lingered a little too long in Yoochun’s grasp. This was unnoticed by Yoochun and the others as they were distracted by nonchalant Kibum who asked them to hurry and submit their order.
--
“So, how’s things been holding up for you? You guys are getting launched next week right?” asked Jaejoong who had downed a shot glass of whiskey shortly after. The men had met in university then shortly after, they were listed to join SM based on looks, talent and dancing ability. Having not met for ages due to differing training schedules, years of events were to be retold in these few hours.
“It’s cool, SM has been really nice and patient with us even though coordination with a thirteen people band is a nightmare. But, I need ‘myself’ time! This is totally sucking up my life…” commented Heechul. “Oh Teuk, forgot to tell you, this Saturday we’re meeting DBSK for dinner.” It was a statement, not a question and it did not receive any response from Eetuk which meant that the meal was good for the go.
Yoochun smirked. Same ol’ Heechul.
“So Bummie, heard that you’re doing a drama with Heechul?” asked Yoochun in an attempt to include the otherwise quiet Kibum. He added on in a whisper such that only Jaejoong could hear, “Must be a pain in the arse.” Reverting back to normal tones he continued, “Have any cool scenes to show us?”
At this point, Kibum was already drunk. The man could not hold his liquor and for some reason had already downed 4 shots-a recipe for a zoned-out Kibum for sure.
“S-sure,” he hiccoughed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, composing himself to the role that he was assigned. His drunken demeanor had changed into one completely serious but emotional.
“Is it so difficult to accept my feelings for you? What have we shared all this time? Why do you treat my feelings like poison, shards of glass that cut your side?” he paused, in what seemed like a mock choking back of tears. “The times we had spent together, did that not mean anything to you? Do you know how hard it was for me to fight those feelings? Every time we shared laughter, when I watched you cry over what you could not explain, I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into you. As I watched you hurt, I too hurt. I wanted to take your pain, all of it, and make it mine. I couldn’t bear to see you suffer any more. I would have done anything for you But why? Why can you not accept what is already yours?-My heart.”
And with that, Kibum slumped onto the table in a deep sleep.
Three of the four raised their eyebrows in admiration of the wonderfully played out scene by their Dongsaeng. The single person, the one who starred in the drama along Kibum thought to himself: But that wasn’t in the script.
~
[Separate conversations]
#1: Eetuk and Yoochun
“It’s great at first. The stardom and fandom, it makes one feel special somewhat,” said Yoochun as he stared upward to the ceiling as though he reveled in the joy of being idolized. Then, he turned solemn as he looked back to the man in front of him who listened intently, clinging onto Yoochun’s every word. “Then it gets bearable, then irritating, and soon you will hate it. You will hate it so much that you’d wish that you’d never gone into show business.”
Eetuk nodded, absorbed in self-thought, contemplating the weight of what Yoochun had said, of what he may face in the future.
He’s fun to mess around with, grinned Yoochun. “Hey, I’m kidding. But it really depends on your personality. We,” he emphasized, gesturing to Jaejoong and then to himself, “enjoy it. On the other hand, Yunho and Junsu hate it.”
“I think-,” if we were forced to live a public life,” voiced Eetuk, his words encrusted with contemplation and dread at what his life would become in no less than a week. “No secrets can be kept. Where what may seem good to us is perceived as bad by the public, where news and rumors can crush a person and drive them to their death, any ordinary person would die.” After a long pause, he added softly, “you must be a remarkable person then.”
Yoochun smiled. He had never thought about it in that way before and Eetuk’s words made him feel uncomfortable for it dredged up many questions in his life. Was it all just a lie? Would this soon go away like it did for Yunho and Junsu? I do want my own life. Is it really all that bad? Any person would yearn for this life that we lead, I did too. Fame money and fortune…
“Are not the most important things in the world,” said Eetuk, completing my thoughts. Then he smiled and continued, stretching out an open palm acro ss the table, “friends are.”
Yoochun looked at the man before him, the one who had exposed much of life’s problems and questions to him. He reached out and slapped his hand into Eetuk’s palm then pulled away and punched his ready fist.
“Friends.”
---
#2: Heechul and Jaejoong
“You guys are like famous throughout Asia! Is it difficult?”
“Nah, it’s really awesome! You meet many people and the attention is fantastic!” said Jaejoong as he slapped high fives with the understanding Heechul. [The two were on the same mindset.]
“So, you and Yunho huh?”
“I wish,” sighed JaeJoong, “It’s all just rumors but… I do… like…”
“Then why don’t you just go for it?”
“I don’t think he feels anything for me. Besides, if it is a relationship gone wrong, it may just jeopardize the existence of the group and I can’t do that to the others just for my own selfish wants.” Jaejoong tapped the counter table and gestured toward his glass. The bartender filled the crystal glass with a thick frothy golden liquid and handed it to Jaejoong who downed it in a matter of seconds.
“Bro, if you want something so bad, other things have to be put at risk, or risk losing your own happiness. That’s life.”
“Maybe I can win his heart then? Oh, I don’t know!”
Heechul hit Jaejoong’s hand onto the table, restraining his friend from ordering more alcohol. “Stop running away! That’s all you ever do… You’ve never been so into someone else before. He must really be something special then?”
Jaejoong hiccupped and smiled sheepishly to himself, projecting the image of a lovesick schoolboy. The previously semi-conscious Kibum heavily pushed himself off the table and slapped a hand on Jaejoong’s shoulder. He mumbled, “Go for it. Or you’ll live with regrets…” then resumed into a state of drunken stupor.
“Yeah man,” echoed Heechul. “It’s worth a shot. The worst thing he could do is turn you down and that will be the end of it.”
The half-drunk Jaejoong mumbled a reply then slumped onto the table to join Kibum, probably in a state of bliss. He did not know that his happiness was not shared by his friend. He did not hear the crunching sound of Heechul’s heart every time he smiled sickeningly at the thought of Yunho. He did not hear what Heechul had to say as he was unconscious.
I wish I did.
----
BANZAII!!
It’s a totally random chapter cause I needed a ‘bridge’ per se. Forgive me for this filler and I hope it whets your appetite for now…
Author: abstractpersona, yeeun
Genre: Drabble
Length: Regular(?)
Pairing(s): DongHaeXKiBum, YunHoXJaeJoong, EetukXYoochun, HeeChulXJaejoong
Overall Rating: PG (for now^^)
Dedicated to: That person that lives downstairs
Chapter 2: Drink, Drank, Drunk
Scene: Night Club in Dongdaemun
People at scene: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Heechul, Kibum, Eetuk
“Sup guys?” said Yoochun as he slapped fives with the men at the table.
“The usual. Oh this is Eetuk by the way, the leader of Super Junior,” introduced Heechul. The man that was introduced firmly shook hands with Jaejoong and Yoochun as a formality, however, his hand lingered a little too long in Yoochun’s grasp. This was unnoticed by Yoochun and the others as they were distracted by nonchalant Kibum who asked them to hurry and submit their order.
--
“So, how’s things been holding up for you? You guys are getting launched next week right?” asked Jaejoong who had downed a shot glass of whiskey shortly after. The men had met in university then shortly after, they were listed to join SM based on looks, talent and dancing ability. Having not met for ages due to differing training schedules, years of events were to be retold in these few hours.
“It’s cool, SM has been really nice and patient with us even though coordination with a thirteen people band is a nightmare. But, I need ‘myself’ time! This is totally sucking up my life…” commented Heechul. “Oh Teuk, forgot to tell you, this Saturday we’re meeting DBSK for dinner.” It was a statement, not a question and it did not receive any response from Eetuk which meant that the meal was good for the go.
Yoochun smirked. Same ol’ Heechul.
“So Bummie, heard that you’re doing a drama with Heechul?” asked Yoochun in an attempt to include the otherwise quiet Kibum. He added on in a whisper such that only Jaejoong could hear, “Must be a pain in the arse.” Reverting back to normal tones he continued, “Have any cool scenes to show us?”
At this point, Kibum was already drunk. The man could not hold his liquor and for some reason had already downed 4 shots-a recipe for a zoned-out Kibum for sure.
“S-sure,” he hiccoughed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, composing himself to the role that he was assigned. His drunken demeanor had changed into one completely serious but emotional.
“Is it so difficult to accept my feelings for you? What have we shared all this time? Why do you treat my feelings like poison, shards of glass that cut your side?” he paused, in what seemed like a mock choking back of tears. “The times we had spent together, did that not mean anything to you? Do you know how hard it was for me to fight those feelings? Every time we shared laughter, when I watched you cry over what you could not explain, I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into you. As I watched you hurt, I too hurt. I wanted to take your pain, all of it, and make it mine. I couldn’t bear to see you suffer any more. I would have done anything for you But why? Why can you not accept what is already yours?-My heart.”
And with that, Kibum slumped onto the table in a deep sleep.
Three of the four raised their eyebrows in admiration of the wonderfully played out scene by their Dongsaeng. The single person, the one who starred in the drama along Kibum thought to himself: But that wasn’t in the script.
~
[Separate conversations]
#1: Eetuk and Yoochun
“It’s great at first. The stardom and fandom, it makes one feel special somewhat,” said Yoochun as he stared upward to the ceiling as though he reveled in the joy of being idolized. Then, he turned solemn as he looked back to the man in front of him who listened intently, clinging onto Yoochun’s every word. “Then it gets bearable, then irritating, and soon you will hate it. You will hate it so much that you’d wish that you’d never gone into show business.”
Eetuk nodded, absorbed in self-thought, contemplating the weight of what Yoochun had said, of what he may face in the future.
He’s fun to mess around with, grinned Yoochun. “Hey, I’m kidding. But it really depends on your personality. We,” he emphasized, gesturing to Jaejoong and then to himself, “enjoy it. On the other hand, Yunho and Junsu hate it.”
“I think-,” if we were forced to live a public life,” voiced Eetuk, his words encrusted with contemplation and dread at what his life would become in no less than a week. “No secrets can be kept. Where what may seem good to us is perceived as bad by the public, where news and rumors can crush a person and drive them to their death, any ordinary person would die.” After a long pause, he added softly, “you must be a remarkable person then.”
Yoochun smiled. He had never thought about it in that way before and Eetuk’s words made him feel uncomfortable for it dredged up many questions in his life. Was it all just a lie? Would this soon go away like it did for Yunho and Junsu? I do want my own life. Is it really all that bad? Any person would yearn for this life that we lead, I did too. Fame money and fortune…
“Are not the most important things in the world,” said Eetuk, completing my thoughts. Then he smiled and continued, stretching out an open palm acro ss the table, “friends are.”
Yoochun looked at the man before him, the one who had exposed much of life’s problems and questions to him. He reached out and slapped his hand into Eetuk’s palm then pulled away and punched his ready fist.
“Friends.”
---
#2: Heechul and Jaejoong
“You guys are like famous throughout Asia! Is it difficult?”
“Nah, it’s really awesome! You meet many people and the attention is fantastic!” said Jaejoong as he slapped high fives with the understanding Heechul. [The two were on the same mindset.]
“So, you and Yunho huh?”
“I wish,” sighed JaeJoong, “It’s all just rumors but… I do… like…”
“Then why don’t you just go for it?”
“I don’t think he feels anything for me. Besides, if it is a relationship gone wrong, it may just jeopardize the existence of the group and I can’t do that to the others just for my own selfish wants.” Jaejoong tapped the counter table and gestured toward his glass. The bartender filled the crystal glass with a thick frothy golden liquid and handed it to Jaejoong who downed it in a matter of seconds.
“Bro, if you want something so bad, other things have to be put at risk, or risk losing your own happiness. That’s life.”
“Maybe I can win his heart then? Oh, I don’t know!”
Heechul hit Jaejoong’s hand onto the table, restraining his friend from ordering more alcohol. “Stop running away! That’s all you ever do… You’ve never been so into someone else before. He must really be something special then?”
Jaejoong hiccupped and smiled sheepishly to himself, projecting the image of a lovesick schoolboy. The previously semi-conscious Kibum heavily pushed himself off the table and slapped a hand on Jaejoong’s shoulder. He mumbled, “Go for it. Or you’ll live with regrets…” then resumed into a state of drunken stupor.
“Yeah man,” echoed Heechul. “It’s worth a shot. The worst thing he could do is turn you down and that will be the end of it.”
The half-drunk Jaejoong mumbled a reply then slumped onto the table to join Kibum, probably in a state of bliss. He did not know that his happiness was not shared by his friend. He did not hear the crunching sound of Heechul’s heart every time he smiled sickeningly at the thought of Yunho. He did not hear what Heechul had to say as he was unconscious.
I wish I did.
----
BANZAII!!
It’s a totally random chapter cause I needed a ‘bridge’ per se. Forgive me for this filler and I hope it whets your appetite for now…