SG-1 Fic: Rosemary for Remembrance (the Paragon of Animals remix)
Title: Rosemary for Remembrance (the Paragon of Animals remix)
Author: abyssinia4077
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Characters: Teal'c/Shau'nac, Teal'c/Va'lar, Teal'c/Drey'auc, Teal'c/Ishta, Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, Sam Carter
Rating/Warning: PG-13 (reference to sexual acts). Spoilers through "Birthright."
Disclaimer: Stargate and its characters are owned by Bridges Studios and MGM and many people who are not me. I'm just having fun here.
Word Count: 3662 words
Author's Note: A remix of _minxy_'s Into the Breach, written for gateverse_remix 2008.
HUGE thanks to rydra_wong, beanpot, annerbhp and aurora_novarum for various brain-storming help, beta-work, more brain-storming help, and telling me to post this thing already. All mistakes my own (and this has been rewritten so many times some betas might barely recognize it).
Also big thanks to _minxy_ for the original fic, for running the ficathon, and for being patient with how late I am at posting this.
Shau'nac stood near the edge of the clearing and watched as Teal'c moved his bashaak through the steps of an advanced kata. His movements were less smooth than usual, betraying the calm surface he projected. When he neared the end she stepped forward, sure he'd known she was there but projecting her voice all the same. "You are nervous."
Teal'c did not react, flowing through the final movements and bringing the bashaak to rest before turning to face her. "I am not," he replied in a voice full of young pride.
"You fear Master Bra'tac will not choose you." She stepped forward, letting her hips guide the movement, providing Teal'c with something to distract his worry.
"I will be assigned to whichever master is best suited for my instruction."
She wanted to laugh that he thought himself anything but transparent. "Master Bra'tac is the best." She took another step -- sashay of hips and roll of shoulders to emphasize the curves she was still growing into -- and traced one finger down the muscle of his arm, watched his skin shiver at her touch. "And you desire the best. Deserve the best."
He did not resist when she rose to kiss him but after a moment he pushed her away and she swallowed her disappointment. "We must not. It is forbidden," he insisted. Warriors in training were unallowed the distraction a relationship would bring, yet Teal'c was one of the few who diligently obeyed that rule. Perhaps it was the challenge which drew Shau'nac to him again and again.
"I do not care."
Teal'c shook his head and stepped back. "You are to serve our god as a priestess at his temple." The unspoken implication that she must remain pure, that she did not respect her duty, cut like a knife but she refused the bait. She was not here to argue.
"And someday you will be First Prime of all his armies."
"You don't know that."
"Please, Teal'c, you have always been faster and stronger and braver than the others. I see it in your eyes, the determination to go far." She still remembered when Teal'c and his mother had arrived on Chulak amid a swirl of rumors about Teal'c's father not properly serving Cronus. The mother had merely looked tired but Teal'c had a chip on his shoulder and something to prove.
"This is wrong," he repeated as she approached again, wrapping her arms around him.
"I do not care," she whispered. This time when she reached up to kiss him, primta moving restlessly inside her, he did not pull away.
Months later she'll meet him again at this hill, stand under the moonlight, and beg him to run away with her -- to forsake her temple and his training and live life on their own terms. He'll hold her and shake his head and talk about duty and honor and loyalty and watch silently as she leaves him. When their paths cross again she'll have made a place for herself in the temple and he'll be a rising Jaffa warrior, fiercely loyal to his god.
*
Jack played with the balance of the unfamiliar stick as he warily circled Teal’c around the mats, waiting for the Jaffa to do something other than watch him. He’d spent a lot of time carefully not thinking about why Teal’c, who had once commanded an entire galactic army, would willingly defer to Jack’s command. Learning Jaffa fighting techniques was a way to not only understand his enemy, but also his alien teammate.
Teal’c’s stick came forward with surprising speed, a downstroke Jack only barely managed to parry, the shock of impact running all the way to his shoulders. He missed the next swipe and ended up gasping flat on his back.
“Are you unharmed, O’Neill?” Teal’c’s face swam into view above him and Jack reached up for the hand waiting to pull him to his feet.
“You’re sure this isn’t just an excuse to hit me with a stick?” Jack asked, standing up and realigning his grip. Teal'c's eyebrow rose in what Jack had started recognizing as mild amusement.
“A bashaak is among the first weapons a chal'til learns in his training to become a warrior,” Teal’c explained, sidestepping to Jack’s left. “You may one day face it in battle.”
“Couldn’t I just shoot him?” Jack asked, debating whether he was better off watching Teal’c’s eyes, his hands, or his feet.
It didn’t matter. He barely saw the stick move before he found himself on his knees, stick clattering out of his numb hand to land several feet away. “Perhaps,” Teal’c’s voice came from above, sounding smug, the bastard. “And perhaps not.”
This time Teal’c’s hand lingered in his own for a just a second before releasing him to find his lost weapon. “It is a dance like your boxing, O’Neill. You must focus on the move your opponent will make next, not the one which has already come.”
“You realize that doesn’t make any sense,” Jack grumbled, trying to see what Teal’c meant. Watching carefully he could find some sense of a pattern to Teal'c's movements, if only he could pick it out.
He parried the next two blows before taking a third to his ribs and a fourth that sent him sprawling forward on the mat. “You must move on instinct, O'Neill. You are thinking too much.”
“Don’t let Daniel hear you say that,” Jack grunted, pushing himself up. There was something in Teal’c’s eyes as they circled each other again -- concentration and focus and maybe a hint of curiosity but beneath it all something softer, something Jack almost wanted to call affection. He shook his head and stepped forward, taking the initiative this time, rewarding himself with a surprised look from Teal’c and a glancing blow to the Jaffa's arm.
*
Va'lar watched light from the bonfire flicker across Teal'c's face. He could feel his blood begin to pulse with the mild alcohol Apophis had granted them leave to drink as the adrenaline of battle slowly faded. To his right Teal'c looked amazingly calm, staring into the fire.
They had done well this day, the first battle for their cohort of warriors and a great hard-won victory to secure territory Heru'ur had attempted to claim. Va'lar was not surprised by how much Teal'c had stood out on the battlefield that day.
Around them warriors spoke and boasted, occasionally wandering away from the fire alone or in pairs. Va'lar wondered what Teal'c was thinking, wondered if he rose and held out his hand, if Teal'c would follow him into the forest. Before he could lose his nerve he stood, locking his knees to keep from wobbling, and turned to reach a hand out to Teal'c.
At first Teal'c didn't react, but then he reached up to take Va'lar's hand, wrapping strong fingers around his wrist as he hauled himself up. Va'lar caught a glimpse of Master Bra'tac watching them from the other side of the fire before he led Teal'c into the forest.
Heart beating fast, Va'lar blindly led them through the forest, amazed Teal'c was still following him as the light from the fire faded. Va'lar wasn't sure he wanted to stop, to turn around and face Teal'c, who he'd been training side by side with for some time now, but the fire in his veins, the persistent aching need for something, drove him to pause.
"Were you frightened today?" It was the last thing he meant to ask, but it was what came out of his mouth and he hoped Teal'c couldn't feel the way his fingers trembled.
Teal'c was quiet a long time, as though considering an answer. "I believed we would succeed."
Va'lar nodded, knew Teal'c was not prone to doubt. "Do you think our lord Apophis will reward us well? That he will be pleased?"
Teal'c's grin was all teeth. "We have solidified territory Heru'ur would usurp. His army ran like frightened children."
"But you were not afraid." It was a statement, not a question, as he pushed Teal'c against a tree to search his face. If Teal'c had not feared battle, perhaps there was nothing to fear now. Teal'c stood calmly, not moving a muscle as Va'lar watched him. Years from now Teal'c will abandon him on a smoking battlefield, defy their god by sparing his life. But tonight there is only adrenaline and excitement and victory.
Teal'c offered the tiniest nod and Va'lar leaned in, his skin pale against Teal'c's and his muscles just as strong. Tonight there was much to celebrate.
*
Daniel stared at the campfire, half-eaten MRE getting cold at his feet. Around the camp he could hear Sam and Jack's footsteps re-checking the perimeter, not trying to remain silent since there was nothing of interest on this planet. Nothing of interest to Jack, anyway. Daniel had carefully studied what he could of the ruins they'd found that morning and was already mentally writing his recommendation for future study. For some other team.
"Daniel Jackson." Teal'c's voice interrupted his thoughts as he grabbed a handful of dry leaves to throw into the fire. "Are you unwell?"
"No, Teal'c, I'm fine," Daniel sighed, scooting over so Teal'c could join him on the log. "Just tired I think."
"We have had many long missions recently. Perhaps General Hammond will grant us leave before our next mission."
"No, it's not that. It's..." not knowing what he was doing anymore. When Catherine first brought him into the mountain, it had just been a way to make some cash (because he did need to eat) and then an interesting puzzle and later a quest to find Sha’re (failed) and then Shifu (failed) and now…what? He wasn’t a soldier, but more and more of their missions were shoot first, ask questions later. There was a time he could have talked out his concerns with Sam, maybe even to Jack, but lately it felt increasingly obvious that they were together, part of a military he found himself fighting against more often than with. He might have left already if he had anywhere else to go.
"It is what?" Teal'c finally asked, and Daniel knew he must have been staring into the fire a long time for Teal'c to give up waiting for his answer.
"Do you think anything we're doing really matters?" Daniel answered with a question. "We go from planet to planet and sometimes we fight Goa'uld and for what? Can we say the galaxy is better than it was five years ago?"
"The Jaffa teach that one warrior can turn the tide of a battle, if he is brave enough," Teal'c responded. "We have won a great many battles, Daniel Jackson."
"Sometimes it doesn't feel like it," Daniel admitted, standing up and walking to the edge of camp to watch the sunset, arms wrapped around his torso. Maybe Abydos was a curse, just long enough for him to forget how to be lonely.
"Looks clear. You've got first watch." Jack barely acknowledged Daniel with a brief nod before following Sam into the tent they were sharing.
Hours later, uneventful watch long past, Daniel stared at the moonlight straining through the canvas ceiling of the tent overhead. Somewhere outside he could hear a murmured conversation - Sam's voice alternating with Teal'c's low rumble - punctuating the silence. He closed his eyes when Teal’c finally came into the tent, pretending to be asleep though he knew he probably couldn’t fool him. Teal’c was almost silent and Daniel waited until, he hoped, Teal’c had settled into kel'noreem before pulling an arm up to shield his own eyes, some childish impulse to hide from everything (if I can’t see you, you can’t see me).
The tiny rustle of fabric warned Daniel before Teal’c’s hand brushed against the arm Daniel still had by his side. He wasn’t sure why he did it, whether he needed reassurance or connection or a simple touch, but he turned his wrist, just a fraction, to let Teal’c’s hand (large and warm and scars and calluses) slip into his own. Teal’c didn’t say a word - merely let him hang on and breathe and be anchored and Daniel wondered for a minute if perhaps he wasn't the only lonely person on the team, remembered Teal'c too had left a world and family behind. He gave Teal'c's hand a small squeeze, grateful for the connection however small.
*
Drey'auc should have been excited when her marriage assignment was announced. Rumors were that Teal'c would climb high in the ranks of Apophis's army, would be a warrior able to provide well for his family. But Drey'auc did not look forward to the constrained life that awaited her. Still, on the day of their marriage ceremony - a day when over a hundred Jaffa warriors were paired, given a month's leave before returning to battle - she looked her new husband in the eye and offered her barely-trembling hand to his much-warmer one.
He was more tentative than she expected, bedding her that night, and though they coupled often that month no child was conceived. When the month was over he donned his armor and left their house. She watched his back until he disappeared beyond the horizon. He never looked back. Still, she was surprised to find she missed his presence in their home, both as a warm body and as company to talk to.
And now, finally, her belly swelled with child and Teal'c had been granted leave for the birth, but he did not seem excited at the prospect. All he could speak of was a fellow warrior, one he had trained with, who had died in a village Teal'c had burned on his last campaign.
"Husband," Drey'auc said, coming upon him staring into the darkness, long after they should retire to bed. "You worry too much." She let her hands rub over his shoulders, wishing to soothe his thoughts.
Teal'c turned, laying hands on her belly, but the baby was not kicking. Drey'auc wanted to take his hands, shake them, make him tell her what worried him.
"You serve Apophis well." She ran her fingers over the backs of his hands, wrapped her palms around the tips of his fingers. "Our child will grow up great like his father.
His reply was sharp and angry. "Our child will grow up a slave to a lie."
"Do not say such things out loud," Drey'auc snapped back, pulling her hands away. He could not protect them while he was away and if others suspected he might not believe, he would put her and their child in jeopardy. "Even if they are true."
"I will say what I like in this house." His eyes blazed with anger but, she thought, not at her.
"No." Drey'auc stepped back, keeping her voice stern. "For me, for our child, for yourself, you will still believe. What other choice is there?"
"Master Bra'tac believes it does not need to remain this way."
"Master Bra'tac does not have a family depending on him nor a long life yet ahead," Drey'auc pointed out, sitting across from Teal'c at the table. "Teal'c, you are strong and wise and I have faith you will do what you know to be right. Whether or not Apophis is a god, we must live the life given to us. You cannot change the world because you do not like it." A voice inside her whispered that if anyone could, it was her husband, with that terrifying combination of determination and idealism, the ability so rare among her people to see not only what is, but what could be. She both loved and hated it about him.
Teal'c opened his mouth to protest but stopped, watching her hands rub circles to calm herself, not disturb the child within her. A flash of regret darkened his face, as though he were imagining the day he would leave them behind to pursue something much too big. Drey'auc could only hope that day was a long way off.
*
Sam lay on a bedroll in the back of Thor’s ship, listening to the almost-silent hum of the engines whisking them back to Earth, not quite willing to close her eyes and see where her dreams might take her. Daniel and Colonel O’Neill were probably still in the other room, with Daniel bringing the colonel up to speed on everything he’d missed while frozen in Antarctica. In stasis in Antarctica. While they couldn’t rescue him.
She envied Daniel the easy way he had with the colonel. She'd had it once, in the beginning, after Antarctica, but then things had gotten complicated and she couldn’t let herself get too close to him anymore, couldn’t draw away. Pete was supposed to be the fix, the magic bullet to cure whatever rift was between her and colonel, give her that personal life he told her to have, but after Fifth…
A sliver of light came from the doorway and she blinked as it crossed her eyes. “Major Carter, are you well?” Teal’c asked quietly from the doorway.
Sam sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. “I think so, Teal’c. Or, I will be.”
Teal’c considered her for a minute and then stepped inside, closing the door before coming over to sit beside her. “When I first came to the world of the Tau’ri, I was surprised to find female warriors fighting beside the men,” Teal’c began. “In Jaffa society women are trained so they may defend themselves if attacked, but they are not fighters. For a warrior as great as O’Neill to fight beside a woman would be unthinkable.”
Sam shifted, remembering the military men she’d encountered over the years who’d thought the same thing. “It’s only recently that it's been acceptable here,” she pointed out to Teal’c. “Though women have been fighting unofficially throughout history.
“Daniel Jackson told me of the Amazons. Jaffa women also possess more fighting skill than is often acknowledged.”
“What happened…with Fifth…” Sam started. “Is exactly why people didn’t want us to serve.”
“Do you believe you were weak?” Teal’c asked, turning his head to look at her. “That you allowed yourself to be captured? That you did not attempt to escape?”
“It doesn’t matter what I believe.” Sam shook her head, tried to rub the feel of metal from her wrists. “It’s what they think about how strong I was.”
Teal’c sat in silence for several minutes, letting her words echo off the walls into silence, not looking at the hand she was using to rub her wrist over and over. “Major Carter, you proved to me the strength a woman can offer. Without your experience, I never would have spoken with Ishta’s people.”
“I almost gave up,” Sam whispered into the room.
Teal’c’s arm came up around her, pulling her gently to lean against his shoulder. “And yet, you did not.”
She leaned into the comfort he offered, feeling safe and secure -- his warmth so different from the cold, dispassionate metal, and closed her eyes, secure in the belief that the dreams would not come.
*
It was impossible to not hear stories about Teal'c, the shol'va who would win freedom for the Jaffa, but Ishta had not known what to expect when she sent her people out to bring him and his Tau'ri companions to Ha'ktyl. When he came into their camp and immediately demanded they change their ways, her heart sank. Surely someone who could imagine a world where Jaffa could be free could also imagine a world where Jaffa women could play an equal role.
"You do not approve of our ways," she said later, where she never expected to be, pressed against his back and stroking his arm. "And yet you too understand the desire and sacrifice needed to change what is."
"Not all sacrifices are equal," Teal'c said, rolling onto his back. "There is no gain in becoming like those we wish to free ourselves from."
Ishta sat up, pulling away from his touch. "We are not like the Goa'uld," she spat. He still understood so little, had no concept what her people had gone through to get to where they were.
"No, but you are as willing as they to sacrifice the life of another Jaffa."
"You have fought against and killed many Jaffa, even after you began campaigning for their freedom," she pointed out.
"Only to defend myself."
"But we too defend ourselves. Just as you cannot survive if another Jaffa kills you, we cannot survive without the symbiotes they provide." She did not expect him to understand.
The question he asked instead surprised her. "Why did you welcome me to your bed?"
She had not planned to bed another after the death of her husband, in truth had rarely seen Jaffa men for years unless they were at the other end of her staff weapon. It was a decision she hadn't realized she'd made until she offered the comfort to another lonely soul. "Because I could choose to," she finally said. "Because I see in you the ability to look at the world and see what it could be, and someone I could choose whether or not to be with, someone who had the same freedom."
Teal'c nodded. "And you can also choose a way to be free of the Goa'uld completely, no longer depend on them to survive or risk your own lives to procure symbiotes."
"Working with the Tau'ri, you have seen other ways of living?"
"They have shown me the value of freedom, but also the cost," Teal'c admitted. "One I have found worth paying."
"Then we shall talk again," she said, closing her eyes and considering. Teal'c had treated the woman, Carter, on his team as an equal. Perhaps he was a Jaffa she could also trust.
When she woke he was gone, and yet she expected he would return. If he so chose.
Author: abyssinia4077
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Characters: Teal'c/Shau'nac, Teal'c/Va'lar, Teal'c/Drey'auc, Teal'c/Ishta, Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, Sam Carter
Rating/Warning: PG-13 (reference to sexual acts). Spoilers through "Birthright."
Disclaimer: Stargate and its characters are owned by Bridges Studios and MGM and many people who are not me. I'm just having fun here.
Word Count: 3662 words
Author's Note: A remix of _minxy_'s Into the Breach, written for gateverse_remix 2008.
HUGE thanks to rydra_wong, beanpot, annerbhp and aurora_novarum for various brain-storming help, beta-work, more brain-storming help, and telling me to post this thing already. All mistakes my own (and this has been rewritten so many times some betas might barely recognize it).
Also big thanks to _minxy_ for the original fic, for running the ficathon, and for being patient with how late I am at posting this.
Shau'nac stood near the edge of the clearing and watched as Teal'c moved his bashaak through the steps of an advanced kata. His movements were less smooth than usual, betraying the calm surface he projected. When he neared the end she stepped forward, sure he'd known she was there but projecting her voice all the same. "You are nervous."
Teal'c did not react, flowing through the final movements and bringing the bashaak to rest before turning to face her. "I am not," he replied in a voice full of young pride.
"You fear Master Bra'tac will not choose you." She stepped forward, letting her hips guide the movement, providing Teal'c with something to distract his worry.
"I will be assigned to whichever master is best suited for my instruction."
She wanted to laugh that he thought himself anything but transparent. "Master Bra'tac is the best." She took another step -- sashay of hips and roll of shoulders to emphasize the curves she was still growing into -- and traced one finger down the muscle of his arm, watched his skin shiver at her touch. "And you desire the best. Deserve the best."
He did not resist when she rose to kiss him but after a moment he pushed her away and she swallowed her disappointment. "We must not. It is forbidden," he insisted. Warriors in training were unallowed the distraction a relationship would bring, yet Teal'c was one of the few who diligently obeyed that rule. Perhaps it was the challenge which drew Shau'nac to him again and again.
"I do not care."
Teal'c shook his head and stepped back. "You are to serve our god as a priestess at his temple." The unspoken implication that she must remain pure, that she did not respect her duty, cut like a knife but she refused the bait. She was not here to argue.
"And someday you will be First Prime of all his armies."
"You don't know that."
"Please, Teal'c, you have always been faster and stronger and braver than the others. I see it in your eyes, the determination to go far." She still remembered when Teal'c and his mother had arrived on Chulak amid a swirl of rumors about Teal'c's father not properly serving Cronus. The mother had merely looked tired but Teal'c had a chip on his shoulder and something to prove.
"This is wrong," he repeated as she approached again, wrapping her arms around him.
"I do not care," she whispered. This time when she reached up to kiss him, primta moving restlessly inside her, he did not pull away.
Months later she'll meet him again at this hill, stand under the moonlight, and beg him to run away with her -- to forsake her temple and his training and live life on their own terms. He'll hold her and shake his head and talk about duty and honor and loyalty and watch silently as she leaves him. When their paths cross again she'll have made a place for herself in the temple and he'll be a rising Jaffa warrior, fiercely loyal to his god.
*
Jack played with the balance of the unfamiliar stick as he warily circled Teal’c around the mats, waiting for the Jaffa to do something other than watch him. He’d spent a lot of time carefully not thinking about why Teal’c, who had once commanded an entire galactic army, would willingly defer to Jack’s command. Learning Jaffa fighting techniques was a way to not only understand his enemy, but also his alien teammate.
Teal’c’s stick came forward with surprising speed, a downstroke Jack only barely managed to parry, the shock of impact running all the way to his shoulders. He missed the next swipe and ended up gasping flat on his back.
“Are you unharmed, O’Neill?” Teal’c’s face swam into view above him and Jack reached up for the hand waiting to pull him to his feet.
“You’re sure this isn’t just an excuse to hit me with a stick?” Jack asked, standing up and realigning his grip. Teal'c's eyebrow rose in what Jack had started recognizing as mild amusement.
“A bashaak is among the first weapons a chal'til learns in his training to become a warrior,” Teal’c explained, sidestepping to Jack’s left. “You may one day face it in battle.”
“Couldn’t I just shoot him?” Jack asked, debating whether he was better off watching Teal’c’s eyes, his hands, or his feet.
It didn’t matter. He barely saw the stick move before he found himself on his knees, stick clattering out of his numb hand to land several feet away. “Perhaps,” Teal’c’s voice came from above, sounding smug, the bastard. “And perhaps not.”
This time Teal’c’s hand lingered in his own for a just a second before releasing him to find his lost weapon. “It is a dance like your boxing, O’Neill. You must focus on the move your opponent will make next, not the one which has already come.”
“You realize that doesn’t make any sense,” Jack grumbled, trying to see what Teal’c meant. Watching carefully he could find some sense of a pattern to Teal'c's movements, if only he could pick it out.
He parried the next two blows before taking a third to his ribs and a fourth that sent him sprawling forward on the mat. “You must move on instinct, O'Neill. You are thinking too much.”
“Don’t let Daniel hear you say that,” Jack grunted, pushing himself up. There was something in Teal’c’s eyes as they circled each other again -- concentration and focus and maybe a hint of curiosity but beneath it all something softer, something Jack almost wanted to call affection. He shook his head and stepped forward, taking the initiative this time, rewarding himself with a surprised look from Teal’c and a glancing blow to the Jaffa's arm.
*
Va'lar watched light from the bonfire flicker across Teal'c's face. He could feel his blood begin to pulse with the mild alcohol Apophis had granted them leave to drink as the adrenaline of battle slowly faded. To his right Teal'c looked amazingly calm, staring into the fire.
They had done well this day, the first battle for their cohort of warriors and a great hard-won victory to secure territory Heru'ur had attempted to claim. Va'lar was not surprised by how much Teal'c had stood out on the battlefield that day.
Around them warriors spoke and boasted, occasionally wandering away from the fire alone or in pairs. Va'lar wondered what Teal'c was thinking, wondered if he rose and held out his hand, if Teal'c would follow him into the forest. Before he could lose his nerve he stood, locking his knees to keep from wobbling, and turned to reach a hand out to Teal'c.
At first Teal'c didn't react, but then he reached up to take Va'lar's hand, wrapping strong fingers around his wrist as he hauled himself up. Va'lar caught a glimpse of Master Bra'tac watching them from the other side of the fire before he led Teal'c into the forest.
Heart beating fast, Va'lar blindly led them through the forest, amazed Teal'c was still following him as the light from the fire faded. Va'lar wasn't sure he wanted to stop, to turn around and face Teal'c, who he'd been training side by side with for some time now, but the fire in his veins, the persistent aching need for something, drove him to pause.
"Were you frightened today?" It was the last thing he meant to ask, but it was what came out of his mouth and he hoped Teal'c couldn't feel the way his fingers trembled.
Teal'c was quiet a long time, as though considering an answer. "I believed we would succeed."
Va'lar nodded, knew Teal'c was not prone to doubt. "Do you think our lord Apophis will reward us well? That he will be pleased?"
Teal'c's grin was all teeth. "We have solidified territory Heru'ur would usurp. His army ran like frightened children."
"But you were not afraid." It was a statement, not a question, as he pushed Teal'c against a tree to search his face. If Teal'c had not feared battle, perhaps there was nothing to fear now. Teal'c stood calmly, not moving a muscle as Va'lar watched him. Years from now Teal'c will abandon him on a smoking battlefield, defy their god by sparing his life. But tonight there is only adrenaline and excitement and victory.
Teal'c offered the tiniest nod and Va'lar leaned in, his skin pale against Teal'c's and his muscles just as strong. Tonight there was much to celebrate.
*
Daniel stared at the campfire, half-eaten MRE getting cold at his feet. Around the camp he could hear Sam and Jack's footsteps re-checking the perimeter, not trying to remain silent since there was nothing of interest on this planet. Nothing of interest to Jack, anyway. Daniel had carefully studied what he could of the ruins they'd found that morning and was already mentally writing his recommendation for future study. For some other team.
"Daniel Jackson." Teal'c's voice interrupted his thoughts as he grabbed a handful of dry leaves to throw into the fire. "Are you unwell?"
"No, Teal'c, I'm fine," Daniel sighed, scooting over so Teal'c could join him on the log. "Just tired I think."
"We have had many long missions recently. Perhaps General Hammond will grant us leave before our next mission."
"No, it's not that. It's..." not knowing what he was doing anymore. When Catherine first brought him into the mountain, it had just been a way to make some cash (because he did need to eat) and then an interesting puzzle and later a quest to find Sha’re (failed) and then Shifu (failed) and now…what? He wasn’t a soldier, but more and more of their missions were shoot first, ask questions later. There was a time he could have talked out his concerns with Sam, maybe even to Jack, but lately it felt increasingly obvious that they were together, part of a military he found himself fighting against more often than with. He might have left already if he had anywhere else to go.
"It is what?" Teal'c finally asked, and Daniel knew he must have been staring into the fire a long time for Teal'c to give up waiting for his answer.
"Do you think anything we're doing really matters?" Daniel answered with a question. "We go from planet to planet and sometimes we fight Goa'uld and for what? Can we say the galaxy is better than it was five years ago?"
"The Jaffa teach that one warrior can turn the tide of a battle, if he is brave enough," Teal'c responded. "We have won a great many battles, Daniel Jackson."
"Sometimes it doesn't feel like it," Daniel admitted, standing up and walking to the edge of camp to watch the sunset, arms wrapped around his torso. Maybe Abydos was a curse, just long enough for him to forget how to be lonely.
"Looks clear. You've got first watch." Jack barely acknowledged Daniel with a brief nod before following Sam into the tent they were sharing.
Hours later, uneventful watch long past, Daniel stared at the moonlight straining through the canvas ceiling of the tent overhead. Somewhere outside he could hear a murmured conversation - Sam's voice alternating with Teal'c's low rumble - punctuating the silence. He closed his eyes when Teal’c finally came into the tent, pretending to be asleep though he knew he probably couldn’t fool him. Teal’c was almost silent and Daniel waited until, he hoped, Teal’c had settled into kel'noreem before pulling an arm up to shield his own eyes, some childish impulse to hide from everything (if I can’t see you, you can’t see me).
The tiny rustle of fabric warned Daniel before Teal’c’s hand brushed against the arm Daniel still had by his side. He wasn’t sure why he did it, whether he needed reassurance or connection or a simple touch, but he turned his wrist, just a fraction, to let Teal’c’s hand (large and warm and scars and calluses) slip into his own. Teal’c didn’t say a word - merely let him hang on and breathe and be anchored and Daniel wondered for a minute if perhaps he wasn't the only lonely person on the team, remembered Teal'c too had left a world and family behind. He gave Teal'c's hand a small squeeze, grateful for the connection however small.
*
Drey'auc should have been excited when her marriage assignment was announced. Rumors were that Teal'c would climb high in the ranks of Apophis's army, would be a warrior able to provide well for his family. But Drey'auc did not look forward to the constrained life that awaited her. Still, on the day of their marriage ceremony - a day when over a hundred Jaffa warriors were paired, given a month's leave before returning to battle - she looked her new husband in the eye and offered her barely-trembling hand to his much-warmer one.
He was more tentative than she expected, bedding her that night, and though they coupled often that month no child was conceived. When the month was over he donned his armor and left their house. She watched his back until he disappeared beyond the horizon. He never looked back. Still, she was surprised to find she missed his presence in their home, both as a warm body and as company to talk to.
And now, finally, her belly swelled with child and Teal'c had been granted leave for the birth, but he did not seem excited at the prospect. All he could speak of was a fellow warrior, one he had trained with, who had died in a village Teal'c had burned on his last campaign.
"Husband," Drey'auc said, coming upon him staring into the darkness, long after they should retire to bed. "You worry too much." She let her hands rub over his shoulders, wishing to soothe his thoughts.
Teal'c turned, laying hands on her belly, but the baby was not kicking. Drey'auc wanted to take his hands, shake them, make him tell her what worried him.
"You serve Apophis well." She ran her fingers over the backs of his hands, wrapped her palms around the tips of his fingers. "Our child will grow up great like his father.
His reply was sharp and angry. "Our child will grow up a slave to a lie."
"Do not say such things out loud," Drey'auc snapped back, pulling her hands away. He could not protect them while he was away and if others suspected he might not believe, he would put her and their child in jeopardy. "Even if they are true."
"I will say what I like in this house." His eyes blazed with anger but, she thought, not at her.
"No." Drey'auc stepped back, keeping her voice stern. "For me, for our child, for yourself, you will still believe. What other choice is there?"
"Master Bra'tac believes it does not need to remain this way."
"Master Bra'tac does not have a family depending on him nor a long life yet ahead," Drey'auc pointed out, sitting across from Teal'c at the table. "Teal'c, you are strong and wise and I have faith you will do what you know to be right. Whether or not Apophis is a god, we must live the life given to us. You cannot change the world because you do not like it." A voice inside her whispered that if anyone could, it was her husband, with that terrifying combination of determination and idealism, the ability so rare among her people to see not only what is, but what could be. She both loved and hated it about him.
Teal'c opened his mouth to protest but stopped, watching her hands rub circles to calm herself, not disturb the child within her. A flash of regret darkened his face, as though he were imagining the day he would leave them behind to pursue something much too big. Drey'auc could only hope that day was a long way off.
*
Sam lay on a bedroll in the back of Thor’s ship, listening to the almost-silent hum of the engines whisking them back to Earth, not quite willing to close her eyes and see where her dreams might take her. Daniel and Colonel O’Neill were probably still in the other room, with Daniel bringing the colonel up to speed on everything he’d missed while frozen in Antarctica. In stasis in Antarctica. While they couldn’t rescue him.
She envied Daniel the easy way he had with the colonel. She'd had it once, in the beginning, after Antarctica, but then things had gotten complicated and she couldn’t let herself get too close to him anymore, couldn’t draw away. Pete was supposed to be the fix, the magic bullet to cure whatever rift was between her and colonel, give her that personal life he told her to have, but after Fifth…
A sliver of light came from the doorway and she blinked as it crossed her eyes. “Major Carter, are you well?” Teal’c asked quietly from the doorway.
Sam sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. “I think so, Teal’c. Or, I will be.”
Teal’c considered her for a minute and then stepped inside, closing the door before coming over to sit beside her. “When I first came to the world of the Tau’ri, I was surprised to find female warriors fighting beside the men,” Teal’c began. “In Jaffa society women are trained so they may defend themselves if attacked, but they are not fighters. For a warrior as great as O’Neill to fight beside a woman would be unthinkable.”
Sam shifted, remembering the military men she’d encountered over the years who’d thought the same thing. “It’s only recently that it's been acceptable here,” she pointed out to Teal’c. “Though women have been fighting unofficially throughout history.
“Daniel Jackson told me of the Amazons. Jaffa women also possess more fighting skill than is often acknowledged.”
“What happened…with Fifth…” Sam started. “Is exactly why people didn’t want us to serve.”
“Do you believe you were weak?” Teal’c asked, turning his head to look at her. “That you allowed yourself to be captured? That you did not attempt to escape?”
“It doesn’t matter what I believe.” Sam shook her head, tried to rub the feel of metal from her wrists. “It’s what they think about how strong I was.”
Teal’c sat in silence for several minutes, letting her words echo off the walls into silence, not looking at the hand she was using to rub her wrist over and over. “Major Carter, you proved to me the strength a woman can offer. Without your experience, I never would have spoken with Ishta’s people.”
“I almost gave up,” Sam whispered into the room.
Teal’c’s arm came up around her, pulling her gently to lean against his shoulder. “And yet, you did not.”
She leaned into the comfort he offered, feeling safe and secure -- his warmth so different from the cold, dispassionate metal, and closed her eyes, secure in the belief that the dreams would not come.
*
It was impossible to not hear stories about Teal'c, the shol'va who would win freedom for the Jaffa, but Ishta had not known what to expect when she sent her people out to bring him and his Tau'ri companions to Ha'ktyl. When he came into their camp and immediately demanded they change their ways, her heart sank. Surely someone who could imagine a world where Jaffa could be free could also imagine a world where Jaffa women could play an equal role.
"You do not approve of our ways," she said later, where she never expected to be, pressed against his back and stroking his arm. "And yet you too understand the desire and sacrifice needed to change what is."
"Not all sacrifices are equal," Teal'c said, rolling onto his back. "There is no gain in becoming like those we wish to free ourselves from."
Ishta sat up, pulling away from his touch. "We are not like the Goa'uld," she spat. He still understood so little, had no concept what her people had gone through to get to where they were.
"No, but you are as willing as they to sacrifice the life of another Jaffa."
"You have fought against and killed many Jaffa, even after you began campaigning for their freedom," she pointed out.
"Only to defend myself."
"But we too defend ourselves. Just as you cannot survive if another Jaffa kills you, we cannot survive without the symbiotes they provide." She did not expect him to understand.
The question he asked instead surprised her. "Why did you welcome me to your bed?"
She had not planned to bed another after the death of her husband, in truth had rarely seen Jaffa men for years unless they were at the other end of her staff weapon. It was a decision she hadn't realized she'd made until she offered the comfort to another lonely soul. "Because I could choose to," she finally said. "Because I see in you the ability to look at the world and see what it could be, and someone I could choose whether or not to be with, someone who had the same freedom."
Teal'c nodded. "And you can also choose a way to be free of the Goa'uld completely, no longer depend on them to survive or risk your own lives to procure symbiotes."
"Working with the Tau'ri, you have seen other ways of living?"
"They have shown me the value of freedom, but also the cost," Teal'c admitted. "One I have found worth paying."
"Then we shall talk again," she said, closing her eyes and considering. Teal'c had treated the woman, Carter, on his team as an equal. Perhaps he was a Jaffa she could also trust.
When she woke he was gone, and yet she expected he would return. If he so chose.