(no subject)

Mar 11, 2007 01:27



Fuck.

Fuck.

I can't...I don't..I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, or how we got to this point, or why this happened or anything at all.

It feels like I haven't taken a deep breath in about three weeks. There's this weight pressing down on my chest, crushing me, pulling me down. And every time I let myself think about what's coming and what happened I just feel like throwing up.

I still can't believe it. Any of it. I don't want to. I don't. I don't want to think about Dorcas and feel that aching pain in my chest. I don't want to think about Emmeline being lovely and herself and pregnant and taste the guilt.

PREGNANT. What the fuck. What are we going to do.

She'll make a brilliant mum. But I...I don't know.

I think I'm more scared now than I've ever been in my whole life. But all I can keep going is keep going. Can't even try to talk to Dorcas, not after being summarily shut down like that.

It's alright. Better that way. Safer.

God damn it.



How're you doing? You want to have that talk now?

Can't sleep. Not with the rain playing at the windows, filling the air with steady sound and making the whole world seem misty and unsubstantial. Though, let's be honest, it's not like I can ever really sleep. 'S alright though.

Have almost got used to sleeping in a real bed again. It's a wonder how quick you get used to sleeping on a bed roll. Miss all those sigils over the place too. Couldn't get enough of them.
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