[ oo1 ]
9:45 AM
[ The tape clicks on with a crackle. ]
Hellllllo, this is Andrew Bernard... of Scranton Pennsylvania. Uh, welcome to hour one of my impromptu New York adventure. I uh, just stopped into RadioShack to buy this little cassette recorder because if none of my bros are here, next best person to talk to? Me. The Nard Dog. Thought I'd keep a little audio diary of my trip. I mean I call it a trip because whoooa, what a trip! but in all seriousness, I'm kinda wondering if I've been like... kidnapped or something. I'd call the cops but I haven't exactly figured all this out yet, y'know? It's like I was cast in the sixth season of Heroes.
Pre-tty suspicious. Gonna look awful on my attendance record, too -- which makes me think Dwight is behind this one. [ A pause, and then, decisively: ] Yeah, gotta be it. Dwight's trying to get me fired again. It's got his name all over it: crazy robot computer woman calling me a "hero" -- yeah, nice one. The Bernard family has a long and proud genealogical propensity towards heroism, but this isn't a comic book or Superman Returns and I'm not falling for it.
[ He's quiet for a moment or two, then turns the tape off.
After a few minutes, it turns back on. ]
10 AM
I guess this could also be some crazy dream. I might just be back in Scranton passed out of my desk right... now. [ He pauses. ] Hopefully... not. Anyway, I'm about to call in and explain what's going on -- Erin'll understand. She just really gets me. Yeah, it'll be fine. Then she'll pass it onto Michael and in two hours I'll be back at work and maybe Dwight will have gotten fired.
Worse comes to worse, I know what to do in hostage situations: be polite, ask lots of questions unless someone has a gun, and keep the ransom as low as possible no matter how much money you're actually worth. Perfect strategy. Oh yeah. Totally got it covered.
[ Turns it off. ]
10:01 AM
[ Back on! ]
Also, I think they're shooting a movie somewhere around here. I just saw a guy with rabbit ears.
[ Off! ]
[ The tape clicks on with a crackle. ]
Hellllllo, this is Andrew Bernard... of Scranton Pennsylvania. Uh, welcome to hour one of my impromptu New York adventure. I uh, just stopped into RadioShack to buy this little cassette recorder because if none of my bros are here, next best person to talk to? Me. The Nard Dog. Thought I'd keep a little audio diary of my trip. I mean I call it a trip because whoooa, what a trip! but in all seriousness, I'm kinda wondering if I've been like... kidnapped or something. I'd call the cops but I haven't exactly figured all this out yet, y'know? It's like I was cast in the sixth season of Heroes.
Pre-tty suspicious. Gonna look awful on my attendance record, too -- which makes me think Dwight is behind this one. [ A pause, and then, decisively: ] Yeah, gotta be it. Dwight's trying to get me fired again. It's got his name all over it: crazy robot computer woman calling me a "hero" -- yeah, nice one. The Bernard family has a long and proud genealogical propensity towards heroism, but this isn't a comic book or Superman Returns and I'm not falling for it.
[ He's quiet for a moment or two, then turns the tape off.
After a few minutes, it turns back on. ]
10 AM
I guess this could also be some crazy dream. I might just be back in Scranton passed out of my desk right... now. [ He pauses. ] Hopefully... not. Anyway, I'm about to call in and explain what's going on -- Erin'll understand. She just really gets me. Yeah, it'll be fine. Then she'll pass it onto Michael and in two hours I'll be back at work and maybe Dwight will have gotten fired.
Worse comes to worse, I know what to do in hostage situations: be polite, ask lots of questions unless someone has a gun, and keep the ransom as low as possible no matter how much money you're actually worth. Perfect strategy. Oh yeah. Totally got it covered.
[ Turns it off. ]
10:01 AM
[ Back on! ]
Also, I think they're shooting a movie somewhere around here. I just saw a guy with rabbit ears.
[ Off! ]