results of the D minor experiment series
EXPERIMENT ONE: 63.6% of the polled sample reported that the version of the Moonlight played in D minor was sadder than the original in C# minor. These results were not statistically significant, and may have been a result of the chronologically-linear souring of emotions as, due to poor experimental design, each listener was required to listen to 15 full seconds of the C# minor nipple-tweaked version before the D minor version began. Inconclusive.
EXPERIMENT TWO: With thirteen respondents, the mean sadness index (on a scale of 1-10) was 3.42 for the first example and 4.92 for the second example (in which an improvised musical performance in D minor with incomprehensible lyrics regarding "dead animals" was added to the 30-second sample of Unkie Dunkie's timeless comedy performance). Perplexingly, despite a clear correlation between the addition of the music and increased sadness, fully 75% of the polled sample reported that the comedy routine was either non-affected or actually made funnier. Inconclusive (but may suggest a complex, paradoxical link between feelings of sadness and the increased effectiveness of standup comedy; further research required).
EXPERIMENT THREE: Inconclusive (further evil research required). 12 out of 12 respondents said their happiest childhood memories went un-ruined. ...Damn, I tried.
EXPERIMENT FOUR: 63.6% of the polled sample did not find the combination of Mozart's Requiem and Kool & the Gang's "Celebrate" to be a suitable one for festive occasions. 18.6%, however, believed the combination to be suitable for bar mitzvahs. No information available on how many respondents were actually genetic clones of A. Hitler hiding in remote South American villages (i.e. flawed experimental design). Inconclusive.
EXPERIMENT TWO: With thirteen respondents, the mean sadness index (on a scale of 1-10) was 3.42 for the first example and 4.92 for the second example (in which an improvised musical performance in D minor with incomprehensible lyrics regarding "dead animals" was added to the 30-second sample of Unkie Dunkie's timeless comedy performance). Perplexingly, despite a clear correlation between the addition of the music and increased sadness, fully 75% of the polled sample reported that the comedy routine was either non-affected or actually made funnier. Inconclusive (but may suggest a complex, paradoxical link between feelings of sadness and the increased effectiveness of standup comedy; further research required).
EXPERIMENT THREE: Inconclusive (further evil research required). 12 out of 12 respondents said their happiest childhood memories went un-ruined. ...Damn, I tried.
EXPERIMENT FOUR: 63.6% of the polled sample did not find the combination of Mozart's Requiem and Kool & the Gang's "Celebrate" to be a suitable one for festive occasions. 18.6%, however, believed the combination to be suitable for bar mitzvahs. No information available on how many respondents were actually genetic clones of A. Hitler hiding in remote South American villages (i.e. flawed experimental design). Inconclusive.