[fic] the one where there are carrots (news, ryo and yamapi)
HELLO FLIST, I AM HOME. HOME AND BURSTING WITH NEWS LOVE. but for now have some more cardfic.
Title: The One Where There Are Carrots
Characters: NEWS (but especially Ryo and Yamapi)
Rating: G (shock!)
Length: 577 words
Notes: For pinkpapyrus, for Christmas. ♥
Ryo wrinkled his nose. "That's disgusting, even for you."
Yamapi slurped his carrot protein shake in contented silence. Ryo shook his head in disgust and returned his attention to his cell phone, from which he'd been emailing Jin. Your friend eats weird things, he typed, and then immediately deleted it. There was no telling what someone like Akanishi, who'd been bad enough even before several years' exposure to Yamapi, would think was normal.
"It's a seasonal thing," Yamapi said suddenly, as if that made perfect sense. Ryo looked at him disbelievingly.
"Seasonal? Like - winter?"
"Christmas," said Yamapi serenely, and took another drink.
Ryo knew, intellectually, that he should let it go. The answer was always to let it go. "How is it like Christmas."
Yamapi shrugged vaguely. "You know, Santa Claus," he said. "Here, you can finish it." He stood up, handed the mostly empty bottle to Ryo, and strolled away.
Ryo looked at the bottle in his hand. It smelled disgusting. He was going to throw it away right away -
It tasted even worse, and he immediately grabbed for his water bottle, cursing and making faces and spitting tiny flecks of carrot into the garbage. If that was the secret to Yamapi's muscle tone and clear complexion and soft hair, then he didn't want it. Any of it. Mostly.
He was contemplating his revenge when the director's assistant came to get him. He followed her obediently out to the open floor, where lighting equipment and props cluttered the floor, and menial assistants scuttled to and fro like so many oversized ants.
"We'd like to start with themed group shots," the assistant explained to him, as they wove past Massu and Tegoshi decked out in stocking caps and pointy belled slippers, and Shige examining a halo dubiously. "I think we'd like to start you with Yamashita-kun and Koyama-kun, if you could come this way, please - "
Yamapi was leaning against a large cardboard sleigh, wearing a very familiar red velveteen suit and twirling the matching hat on one finger. "Ho ho ho," he said when he saw Ryo. "Ho ho ho!"
Everything fell into place when the assistant handed him a pair of antlers.
"You knew," Ryo hissed, and lunged toward Yamapi, only there was a hand on his collar and he was stopped short.
"Nishikido-kun loves kidding around," Koyama's voice said cheerfully near his ear, and Ryo's vision cleared sufficiently to take in the production assistant, standing there with huge eyes. "Isn't the right, Nishikido-kun?" Koyama gave his collar a little shake.
Ryo gritted his teeth. "That's right," he said. "We play around a lot. Ha. Ha."
The production assistant nodded slowly. "All right," she said. "Well. If everything's fine I'll just - go get the photographer - " She didn't flee, exactly, but she was out of sight in approximately two and a half seconds.
"Let go of me," Ryo said irritably, and shrugged out of Koyama's grasp. Koyama, he saw when he turned, was wearing an identical antler headband and a fuzzy brown suit to match, not to mention his perpetual bright smile.
"We're cute reindeer, Ryo-chan!" Koyama said. "What's wrong with that?"
"It's not the reindeer," Ryo said, slanting a glare at Yamapi, who had stuck a hand inside his Santa hat to form a mouth and was apparently carrying on an engrossing conversation with it. "It's the carrots."
"Huh?" Koyama said.
"Never mind," Ryo said, and went to put on his reindeer suit.