XD Always so logical. Not everyone can be so clear cut on things like this. While I too do the same thing you do, I realize a lot of other people don't. They think about it, but not with those same things in mind. They like them, they go out with them. They don't start thinking of all the other stuff until later, usually when it's... kind of late.
*shrugs* Dunno. Emotions sometimes boot logic out the window.
Well, I never said it was easy, and definitely not perfect, but, well. *shrugs* Like I said in the last line, there's enough to worry about without making things more complicated for no reason.
I'd say it has to do with all the screwed-up notions about sex. Even though it's acceptable to admit such a thing exists, it's still treated like some sort of controversial substance that has the potential to turn good kids bad and much be tightly controlled
( ... )
See, and this is why teenagers need to be taught not only what they're feeling, but how to have the discipline not to act on it impulsively. Self-control and all that. Once a person is into the right habits, it's easier to maintain them.
But I don't see why deciding to pursue a crush necessarily has to be so monumental. Deciding to go on a date or two to see how it goes is hardly the same as, say, asking someone to marry you. It's all about degrees, and acting on a crush in little steps doesn't have to be such a big deal. So you like someone, so what? It's normal to like or dislike people to varying degrees, and just deciding to explore that doesn't mean you're committing yourself forever to it. That's the whole purpose of dating and courtship, to take it in stages and test it out before making bigger decisions.
I also blame romance novels, movies and manga which build up the whole "confession and subsequent decision to go out" thing to world-shattering proportions. Of course this is done for the sake of drama because fiction *thrives* on drama, but it still kind of feeds into the expectations.
That too. But then again, if people weren't inclined to overly romanticize it in the first place, they may not be as inclined to read so much material that portrays it as such. I know I, for one, have never particularly cared for the genre for precisely that reason, it always seemed so very silly and absurd.
God, crushes /)_(\ My problem with them? They're never on someone I know very well, or expect to know very well. The odd time they are, thus far, the person hasn't been attracted to women. I don't want my feelings to be a burden for them, so I just work really hard to repress.
And then there's the part where I wasn't sure I was ready to date or otherwise express interest in anyone until just recently. My social phobia contributed to this, and continues to contribute, because, not having dated in high school? I haven't learned any of the social 'rules' for it yet. Thus, the prospect becomes more terrifying. I tell myself I'll try and find a way if I find someone I really am that interested in, but so far it either hasn't happened, or fear has won out. And really, I don't know how I'd be able to tell if I was interested "enough" in someone. (A more detailed post on this whole conversation can be found hereAnd that's not even getting into what happens if they're actually interested in me in return. I honestly have no idea
( ... )
But that's part of my point- it doesn't have to be such a big confusing deal. People making "dating" into this whole big artificial system, when there's not necessarily any more to it than it being a slightly more private and intimate version of "hanging out with friends", if that. And if you're crushing on someone, well, if you don't think you're compatible, then you don't have to pursue it, and shallow crushes tend to fade with time, especially when left alone. Pursuing a crush just means spending more time with someone, getting to know them, etc, like with any close friend.
Of course, it might seem different if you go the whole "dating services" route, but even then, I would assume that just treating someone the way you'd treat any friend or potential friend is undeniably the best place to start. The whole point I've been making, is that people effectively make a mountain out of a molehill and overthink the whole issue and make it worse than it needs to be.
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*shrugs* Dunno. Emotions sometimes boot logic out the window.
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But I don't see why deciding to pursue a crush necessarily has to be so monumental. Deciding to go on a date or two to see how it goes is hardly the same as, say, asking someone to marry you. It's all about degrees, and acting on a crush in little steps doesn't have to be such a big deal. So you like someone, so what? It's normal to like or dislike people to varying degrees, and just deciding to explore that doesn't mean you're committing yourself forever to it. That's the whole purpose of dating and courtship, to take it in stages and test it out before making bigger decisions.
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And then there's the part where I wasn't sure I was ready to date or otherwise express interest in anyone until just recently. My social phobia contributed to this, and continues to contribute, because, not having dated in high school? I haven't learned any of the social 'rules' for it yet. Thus, the prospect becomes more terrifying. I tell myself I'll try and find a way if I find someone I really am that interested in, but so far it either hasn't happened, or fear has won out. And really, I don't know how I'd be able to tell if I was interested "enough" in someone. (A more detailed post on this whole conversation can be found hereAnd that's not even getting into what happens if they're actually interested in me in return. I honestly have no idea ( ... )
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Of course, it might seem different if you go the whole "dating services" route, but even then, I would assume that just treating someone the way you'd treat any friend or potential friend is undeniably the best place to start. The whole point I've been making, is that people effectively make a mountain out of a molehill and overthink the whole issue and make it worse than it needs to be.
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