[Flashback] Jake and von Karma in "The Birth of the Chili Challenge"
Jake: *Late 2015, Officer Marshall returns to his post -- the security room leading to the evidence lockers -- with his lunch he just heated in the breakroom: homemade spicy chili in a sourdough bread bowl. He goes around the counter and sets his food down. Lunch break is just about the only excitement he gets during his utterly dull job, and he always takes the opportunity to be absent for a bit longer than the 30 minutes he's allowed. Today, for example, he stretched it out to two hours. People hardly ever need to use the room, especially at this time of day, so there's no harm, is there?*
Jake: *He sits down in his folding chair, presses the button to turn the lock securing the evidence room back on, and begins to pour himself a glass of rum.*
vonKarma: *unfortunately for Jake... there had, in fact, been an individual using the evidence locker room at the time of his departure--and with the lock system shut down, he'd been trapped inside the room for the entirety of the past two hours. The first ten minutes of von Karma's imprisonment had gone on unnoticed, as he had been attending to the evidence he was sorting in his own evidence locker-- the next half hour, after he'd realized he'd been locked in with no exit, had been spent pounding on the door and threatening the officer with docked pay with an increasing level of anger. After that while, however, he had resolved himself to pacing impatiently along the short hallway, waiting for a sign of the guard's return*
vonKarma: *during the last five minutes, the pacing had turned increasingly urgent and agitated, as if some thought--or several-- had started creeping upon the prosecutor's mind. Before any of them had seized permanent hold, however, von Karma's ears catch on to the audible electronic click and beep signifying the lock system reactivating, and he storms to the door and opens it with a loud clank*
Jake: *Jake finishes pouring when he hears the unmistakable clank of the door opening. He freezes, and a feeling of dread hits him when he realizes someone had been in there for the past two hours. He hopes it wasn't anybody too important...*
vonKarma: *the all too recognizable voice of von Karma booms out seconds before the man steps right up to the security desk* OFFICER! *pounds on the table so hard the decorative(?) bottles splayed all over the room collectively shake--the man looks just barely restrained, just a touch under frothing at the mouth* I will have your salary docked so far you will be paying to come to work!
Jake: *jumps a bit when von Karma, of all people, comes out and pounds the table. His mind is going, "Oh damn damn damn," but there's only a brief flash of the sentiment on his face before he smiles at von Karma, cool as rain* Whoops. Sorry, pardner. Didn't see you go in there.
vonKarma: Didn't see? *snaps his hand, inches away from Jake's face* I had the leniency to leave you dozing at your station when I arrived, and you had the audacity to leave your post.
vonKarma: *reaches to his pocket, retrieving a pocketwatch that he opens with a flick of his finger* If you had been six minutes slower, I would have been late for the pre-trial hearing of one of my cases. You have already caused me to miss my lunch; *in a hiss* be grateful that have not caused me to miss that.
Jake: *closes his eyes and backs off an inch when von Karma releases one of his trademark fingersnaps in front of his face. He looks up at him and speaks with no humour in his voice* Nothing ever goes down in front of this bone orchard. Can't blame a man for resting his eyes to fool himself into thinking time's on the move, can you? *smirks and gestures to his lunch* I left to re-stove my chili. If you're hungry, prosecutor, it's all yours.
vonKarma: "Chili"? *scowls at the deep red lumpy mixture contained within the bread bowl* I have no interest in food that comes from the inside of a can. *but despite his words, he gives the thing a distasteful, wary sniff--he is quite clearly hungry due to the offset of his perfect schedule*
Jake: *points a couple of fingers at von Karma* Hold it, hombre. This didn't come from no tin can. This is Jake Marshall's own secret recipe, perfected over the course of many long years. It ain't your average sissy-chili you'd find in the convenience stores; this'll set the roof o' yer mouth on fire if you ain't over-careful.
vonKarma: Hmph-- I am not one to fear some spice, boy.
vonKarma: Six minutes. *unlatches his pocket watch, and tosses it to the cowboy officer* I will finish it before then. Time me.
Jake: *catches it with both hands, visibly surprised* Are you loco? This is five-alarm chili con carne!
vonKarma: *raises one hooked eyebrow, picking up the bread bowl and the spoon--both of which look horribly out of place in his hands* Begin.
Jake: *blinks -- this is crazy, but it is von Karma... and he's suddenly curious to see if the old man is truly as perfect as they say he is* All right, prosecutor... *eyes the watch, then von Karma* ...Go.
vonKarma: *at the signal, he plunges the spoon into the chili, bringing it smoothly up to his mouth and chewing fast--this simple three step act is repeated again, and again, and again, unflinchingly; it is quite clear that the prosecutor is completely focused upon his task*
Jake: *stares at von Karma with pocket watch in hand, dumbfounded. There is no man in front him -- only a remorseless eating machine*
vonKarma: *it's only minutes later--and three quarters of the chili down--that the frighteningly quick pace slows down somewhat. There are light beads of sweat upon his temples, but there is no splatter on his clothes, no smear at the corners of his lips, and his movements are methodical, efficient, no waste of gesture and most definitely no unseemly expression of pain at tasting the firey food*
Jake: *is in awe of von Karma's speed, cleanliness and efficiency. The only signs of mortal life there are the beads of sweat* Uh. Two more minutes.
vonKarma: Hmph. *twenty seconds later, he's cleared the chili--he sets the spoon carefully down onto the table and begins to tear the bread bowl up into evenly sized pieces, the movements as before--bowl to mouth, bowl to mouth--there is no wavering*
Jake: *watches the bread quickly disappear into von Karma's mouth, not realizing that his own mouth is now half-open in disbelief. He's beginning to wonder if von Karma's senior digestive system can handle this abuse*
vonKarma: *and far more quickly than should have been possible, he's done-- he dusts off his hands, brushes off an errant crumb from his sleeve, and licks his lips--there is no need even for a handkerchief* Time.
Jake: *his eyes move down to the watch* ...Cleared with fifty-seven seconds left.
vonKarma: Hmph. Very good. *opens his hand for his watch*
Jake: *impressed, and a mite frightened* A man who shows no mercy to criminals... or his gut. *tosses the stopwatch*
vonKarma: *a particularly cruel grin* One must not show mercy, even to oneself. *rechains and repockets the watch--if he is experiencing any pain, there is no sign of it*
vonKarma: Very well, officer. For your offer and your passable lunch... I will refrain from deducting your pay at present. However, if I should catch you sleeping at your station again, I will not be so generous again.
vonKarma: Understood?
Jake: Comprende, pardner. *picks up his glass of rum with a smile* Both you and me, missing out on the most enjoyable part of our jobs. Sounds fair.
vonKarma: Hmph. Pray that it does not happen. *and he straightens his jacket and marches out of the security room... waiting till he is well cleared of the building before he coughs strongly and takes out his handkerchief to dab at the beads of sweat on his brow. He will be on time for the hearing--he will be perfect through the entirety of it, unwavering... but afterwards, like any other mortal, von Karma is quite aware he will have to be making a much needed visit to the restroom*
Jake: *takes a long sip from his glass and sets it down, sighing as he does. He gets up and walks to the phone; he'll need to get Angel to bring him one of her lunches today. As he picks up the phone and dials her number, he ponders out loud to himself:* Chili bread bowl in six minutes... Wonder who else could stomach that.
BONUS ANECDOTE:
Jake: ((I'm ashamed to admit this but))
Jake: ((I've... I've done that before))
Jake: ((I don't know how I didn't notice))
vonKarma: ((done... what? XD lock someone in?!))
Jake: ((the store was tiny but it would always be dead during most of my shift))
Jake: ((I went out for like, 3 minutes to grab something to eat and bring back))
Jake: ((and when I came back there was someone in there and I was like "oh DANGIT"))
vonKarma: ((oh god XD))
Jake: ((I must've been like half-asleep when they came in))
Jake: ((good thing it wasn't one of the times I went out to sleep in the grass for an hour))