Theme Challenge #10: Unsure

Jul 02, 2011 22:01

#10: Unsure
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Erik/Charles if you squint
Warnings: I got bitten by the angst monster.
Notes: First person POV again, but this time it's Erik's. Also, I switched around the order of the prompts because the one listed wasn't working for me, so I'll come back to it.



I have not been whole for a very long time. I have had parts of my soul, of my self slowly removed. I am an empty vessel. I am a man with only the last vestiges left of what was once a real person.

I have read the Bible. I was religious, once upon a time- and then, even after I realized that God had forsaken me and my people, I still read verses. It was one of the only books Shaw allowed me. I have read the Old Testament. I have read the New Testament, though it is not a part of what I once believed.

I had hope, once. I had dreams and belief in others. I had trust and love.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, though as a child, reasoned as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

I know now that I am the only person I can trust. I do not need hope. I do not need love. They are parts of me that were taken long ago, and it was foolish of me to try to find them again.

A starving man can eat and feel full for a time, but eventually he will be sick. His stomach has been changed, and food no longer carries any sustenance. I learned that in the camps, and I have learned it again here. I should have known that the emptiness inside me could never be filled.

Still. I doubt.

Charles-

Did I do the right thing?

I know that the answer is no.

I am so sorry, Charles.

x-men, fanfiction, table challenge, master list, angst

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