Question of the Day: #37's Replacement
I'm just a bit worried, that's all. I just want things to go back to when I was five, and when I could still see everyone in California in adequate health. I can't even tell her I love her because she's deaf. I can't visit her because that's too expensive. I just want to let everyone I know that I love, that I love them. This is the tip of the iceberg, the scratch on the glass. There's so much I would've done to change so many things. To stop you from drinking, to stop you from failing, to stop you from running away. To stop everybody from everything negative in their life that they would have experienced. At the very least I'd want to go through it with them. I want everyone to dump everything negative onto me for once. I feel like i haven't paid my dues. I want someone who is less fortunate than me to, for once, not be less fortunate than me. Because there are so many people less fortunate than me. I want to give back to people who gave me a lot. I don't want much. As snobby as it may sound, I find myself to be rather simplistic and not materialistic, even if I'm not. I really don't need much. I have 4 pants / shorts, and about 5 - 7 shirts. No cell phone. Hell, I probably don't need an internet connection as fast as mine is. And I feel guilty that I have more than I need. I could survive with much less. I want to not need as much as I need. I want people to recognize that I want to be a musician who lives his life as simplistic as possible, and never got in anybody's way, and someone they can come to with problems, and someone who has a well thought out answer for everything. One must reach their lowest low before reaching their highest high. Trek through the darkest caverns before being drowned in sunlight. But this may come as a surprise to some, because I suppose I hide my emotions well. I neevr tell anyone anything I'm feeling, unless it's urgent. Either that, or I'll write something like this, that I hide my real emotions in, and you need to piece together an awfully disoriented puzzle to find the real reason behind my pessimism of the day. And maybe I'm not always sure what it is that's bothering me. I suppose I'm some hopeless who will just become another victim of a dream. But at times, I could feel like I could actually be successful based off of talent and creativity for musical talent. That's wht I really want to be. But I have a feeling I've been overanalyzing things for too long now and possibly jumping to conclusions, and thinking people have been lost, when reconciliation is just around the corner. I feel like I'm responsible for things that I never in my wildest dreams could have caused. And I remember when I used to make sugar cookies with my mom, and we used to pick the shapes and put on the sugar, and we'd all eat them together and talk over dinner because it was Christmas time and I should have realized it wouldn't be around forever. And I'll always miss it. I miss Christmas, I miss being young. I want to be in preschool again. I want it back, because I want to be there forever. A preschooler would never judge you on what you looked like. Hell, they'd envy any high schooler that'd play with them. But I just feel like I miss so much, and want so much back. And I think I'm feeling better, and I think I'll leave you all with that.