22. ~ [ Private // Unhackable. ]
If this is supposed to make me feel comforted in any way, I just feel sick. Even now not a day that goes by that I don’t regret it. I hate to think now that I did the right thing, just because of these newfound revelations. To think that I saved her from facing a similar fate rather than committing an act of euthanasia.
But I can’t bring myself to think that way. I can’t bring myself to justify what I’ve done. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save any of them. They were victims, too. Circumstance had brought them to where they were, and I was too hurt myself to be able to leave and find the help that could have saved them.
I was trapped underground for several months, in a shelter with only limited supplies of food and water. It wasn’t until the supplies had run low and there that I found the resolve to climb out from the gutter and face self with civilization. Tired, weak, dehydrated... The prospect of survivors didn’t seem likely to me at that time.
And that was just the thing. No survivors. No one left. My family, my friends, my colleagues, allies... all of them, cut off in the span of a night. Next thing I knew, five months had past and it was spent with me held up with a group of dying people.
Like I said: I couldn’t save them, or any of them.
Couldn’t even let them die. Because when she asked me to, I did.
With all my being, I regret it. Not even the recent events have yet delivered me from that regret.
Not even Eve knows.
My situation, my purpose, my mission here-to maintain order and control. I will continue to keep doing that, if only because I have no other choice. I have forfeited my right to choose.
Since the beginning, that night on Christmas Eve twelve years ago, I watched my home get attacked. Time and time again, it happened. I watched people I knew and cared about get hurt and killed. And now it’s happening all over again. It’s been happening.
This is how it was meant to be, I suppose.
[ ooc: If your character has hacking abilities that you think would comment or can read this, please ask for permission first. Otherwise this is fairly private. ]
But I can’t bring myself to think that way. I can’t bring myself to justify what I’ve done. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save any of them. They were victims, too. Circumstance had brought them to where they were, and I was too hurt myself to be able to leave and find the help that could have saved them.
I was trapped underground for several months, in a shelter with only limited supplies of food and water. It wasn’t until the supplies had run low and there that I found the resolve to climb out from the gutter and face self with civilization. Tired, weak, dehydrated... The prospect of survivors didn’t seem likely to me at that time.
And that was just the thing. No survivors. No one left. My family, my friends, my colleagues, allies... all of them, cut off in the span of a night. Next thing I knew, five months had past and it was spent with me held up with a group of dying people.
Like I said: I couldn’t save them, or any of them.
Couldn’t even let them die. Because when she asked me to, I did.
With all my being, I regret it. Not even the recent events have yet delivered me from that regret.
Not even Eve knows.
My situation, my purpose, my mission here-to maintain order and control. I will continue to keep doing that, if only because I have no other choice. I have forfeited my right to choose.
Since the beginning, that night on Christmas Eve twelve years ago, I watched my home get attacked. Time and time again, it happened. I watched people I knew and cared about get hurt and killed. And now it’s happening all over again. It’s been happening.
This is how it was meant to be, I suppose.
[ ooc: If your character has hacking abilities that you think would comment or can read this, please ask for permission first. Otherwise this is fairly private. ]