you're like a storm against the window, leeteuk-centric
You're like a storm against the window
Leeteuk-centric, hinted Kangin/Leeteuk, PG-13, ~1670 words
Leeteuk doesn't realise that he is a workaholic until he's stretched his limits so tight he breaks.
I don't really think this vouches for warnings, but I'll put it here anyway: self-harm.
Leeteuk is a workaholic. I don't think it's as serious as what I've portrayed in here, but it's not far from improbable. Man needs to know when to take a break, not when management orders him to go on vacation. ): Title taken from Westlife's 'Amazing'.
-
The day had been horrifyingly busy, at best. Leeteuk listened to the clock ticking next to his ear, tick tick tick tick tick and he wondered about the things he could do with the time.
Tick tick tick tick -
The next morning started out busy. Leeteuk listened to his watch ticking quietly on his wrist, watched the second hand move without missing a beat. He jiggled his leg, tapping out the rhythm of their latest song, and wondered what his limit was.
The day ended busy. The clock was ticking in Leeteuk's head, driving him crazy, and as he lay down in bed and stared up at the dark ceiling, Donghae's snores coming every three ticks, he decided he felt good, like he was glowing. His mind raced through the things he'd done that day - practice, Teukigayo, researching, Sukira, paperwork, practice, cooking, mc-ing, socializing, filming, working out the scripts with Eunhyuk.
He liked to believe that he was doing everybody else a favour.
"I think -" Eunhyuk said.
"I'm busy."
Eunhyuk tried again. "Hyung, I haven't seen you rest in days."
Leeteuk paused in his work out. "I'm fine," said his mouth.
"Ryeowook tells me you haven't been eating." Eunhyuk was tapping his foot on the floor, out of nervous habit. Leeteuk frowned at Eunhyuk's leg, and the tapping stopped.
"I eat." Leeteuk concentrated on his breathing.
Eunhyuk stayed on his side of the gym, hesitating. "If you say so," he said, and left.
Leeteuk closed his eyes and counted. One, two, one, two.
Breathe in, breathe out.
He ate when he remembered to.
For the most part, he snuck out of his room, lit by the glow of his computer, in the middle of the night, when the air was quiet and still. The fridge hummed noisily, but Leeteuk made it quick, grabbing anything that looked appealing. One night, Leeteuk opened the fridge door to find it devoid of anything edible. He frowned, and wondered when he'd last visited the convenience store down the road.
His stomach seemed to be curling in on itself.
Leeteuk ignored it and paced back to his room. There was work to be done.
Sleeping was a waste of time, Leeteuk discovered next, when he hung a second clock on the wall opposite him and found that he couldn't sleep. So he stayed up most of the time, keeping quiet when Donghae came in and fell into bed, worn and exhausted.
When his lids started drooping, Leeteuk pinched himself. When that didn't work, he sank his teeth into the sensitive underside of his forearm. When that didn't work either, he brought out his pen knife.
It did the job.
The make-up noonas seemed to have developed a habit of tutting at him whenever he came in the morning. "You look terrible," they liked to say. "Stop depriving yourself of sleep." They dressed him in long sleeves and told him to stop being such a klutz.
Heechul would hang around them, staring at Leeteuk with narrowed gazes. Leeteuk usually avoided his eyes.
"Jungsu-yah," he'd said once. "Wake up."
Leeteuk looked at him in confusion.
"You know what I'm talking about."
Heechul left.
Eating was troublesome. Usually if Leeteuk concentrated hard enough at ignoring his stomach, the pangs of hunger left him alone.
Brochures and pamphlets about anorexia and binge eating were left sporadically on his table for him to read, when he came back from work. 'It's a Natural Part of Life to Feel This Way!' one screamed at him in bright green. 'Be Confident in Yourself!' said another. He threw them away. Usually. The pamphlets about using dolphins to help patients suffering from anorexia were intriguing.
Showering was a bother too, Leeteuk found. It was unnecessary, the amount of time he wasted pouring water on himself. He'd be doing their manager a favour. At least their water expenses would go down.
Leeteuk only nodded absently when Donghae explained to him in varying tones of discomfort why he wanted to room with Eunhyuk instead of sticking with Leeteuk.
At least he wouldn't have to worry about waking Donghae up in the middle of the night anymore.
The knock on the door nearly caused Leeteuk to fall off his chair.
Well, this is unexpected, he mused to himself as the door opened. The members had stopped trying to wheedle him out of his room a few weeks back. What brings forth this pleasure?
The shocking blow to the back of his head answered his question well enough. Leeteuk gazed up vacantly at someone's crotch from the floor, and wondered how he'd ended up in this position. The crotch moved away and someone knelt down at the floor beside him.
"Hyung."
Leeteuk blinked at the ceiling, slowly got up. He wondered what he should do with his hands. He turned his head. "Youngwoon?"
"What do you think you're doing?" Kangin was breathing heavily. Leeteuk wondered if he'd been running. He didn't look very sweaty.
Leeteuk opened his mouth. "Working."
Kangin's face only grew stonier, if possible. "Does 'working' exclude taking care of your dongsaengs?"
"I have no time for this." Leeteuk got up slowly from the floor. The back of his head throbbed. "I need to work." He resumed his perch on the chair.
Kangin stayed on the floor. "What happened to you?"
The clocks on each wall of his room told Leeteuk how long Kangin stayed, waiting for an answer.
62 seconds later, Kangin left.
"Hyung," Siwon said nervously, "Yesung and Heechul hyung are having a fight."
Leeteuk swivelled in his chair. "Okay," he said. He turned and resumed typing. 24 hours a day. If Leeteuk had a choice, he'd extend a day to have a hundred hours. He'd have so much more time, then.
"A real, physical fight," Siwon added.
"Hm."
Leeteuk left his room a few hours later when he thought everyone had gone to sleep, and Yesung greeted him from the kitchen table, bottom lip cut open, blood clotting up and drying, the area surrounding his right eye darker than usual. The kitchen light gave his skin a grey pallor.
"Want some food?" Leeteuk asked absently. "I guess not," he mumbled to himself without waiting for an answer. "Can't eat in the state you're in." He brought out a container of ice cream.
Yesung sat silently across him, watching. Mid-scoop, Yesung reached across the table and took the ice cream container gently away, placing it to his cheek, where a bruise resided. Leeteuk blinked.
Then he closed the lid of the ice cream container and slid it back into the freezer. Taking out a jug of milk, Yesung poured the liquid into a plastic bowl and spilled some cereal in. Honey Stars. Leeteuk hadn't eaten cereal in... in... Leeteuk couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten something remotely proper. Took too much time to make. But Yesung worked fast, grabbing a spoon from the drawers and placing it on the table in front of Leeteuk.
"Eat up, hyung," he said quietly, and left. A pamphlet titled 'Workaholics: Symptoms' remained on his abandoned chair.
Heechul stopped dropping by every morning. It seemed that Heechul was holding a grudge against him, and Leeteuk suspected that it was a one sided battle that Heechul seemed so intent on. He was usually too tired in the mornings to put up with Heechul's constant presence anyway.
It was embarrassing mopping up the blood that spurted out of his nose every so often in front of him, too.
It came as a surprise when Leeteuk's vision started turning black at the edges. Kangin was yelling, a part of his brain informed. At him, he realized belatedly.
Kangin's yelling stopped.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep -
Leeteuk wasn't used to this. What happened to the ticking?
Beep.
When Leeteuk first opened his eyes, he thought he was in paradise. Heaven was his second guess. The scent of flowers filled his nostrils, and when he tilted his head to look to his right, a bouquet of roses assaulted his vision. He blinked away the red spots that covered his vision.
His stomach sat peacefully in his tummy.
"You awake?"
Kangin peered over at him. Stubble covered his jaw, and Leeteuk reached out a hand to stroke the patch of skin under Kangin's chin that refused to grow a beard. He smiled.
The IV was attached to his arm. The quiet beeping of the machine was as good a keeper of time as Leeteuk's watches and clocks served to be.
Kangin sat heavily on the side of Leeteuk's bed. His eyes followed Kangin's face. "Hyung," he started, but the door burst open and the members streamed in, worry shining in their eyes.
Back in the dorms, Leeteuk resumed his routine. Work, work, work, work. Kangin dropped by every now and then, and when he did, Leeteuk pretended not to work. He sat on the couch and flipped through the TV channels, thinking of the things he could be doing with his time.
It was... it was relaxing.
The day had been horrifyingly busy, at best. Leeteuk listened to the clocks ticking next to his ear, tick tick tick tick tick and he wondered about the things he could do with the time.
Tick tick tick tick -
The next morning started out busy. Leeteuk listened to his watch ticking quietly on his wrist, watched the second hand move without missing a beat. He jiggled his leg, tapping out the rhythm of their latest song, and wondered what his limit was.
The day ended busy. The clock was still ticking in Leeteuk's head, driving him crazy, and as he lay down in bed and stared up at the dark ceiling, he decided he'd worked himself to his limit. His mind raced through the things he'd done that day - practice, Teukigayo, researching, Sukira, paperwork, practice, cooking, mc-ing, socializing, filming, working out the scripts with Eunhyuk, and decided he'd rather spend the time sleeping.
He liked to believe that he was doing himself a favour.
-
Leeteuk-centric, hinted Kangin/Leeteuk, PG-13, ~1670 words
Leeteuk doesn't realise that he is a workaholic until he's stretched his limits so tight he breaks.
I don't really think this vouches for warnings, but I'll put it here anyway: self-harm.
Leeteuk is a workaholic. I don't think it's as serious as what I've portrayed in here, but it's not far from improbable. Man needs to know when to take a break, not when management orders him to go on vacation. ): Title taken from Westlife's 'Amazing'.
-
The day had been horrifyingly busy, at best. Leeteuk listened to the clock ticking next to his ear, tick tick tick tick tick and he wondered about the things he could do with the time.
Tick tick tick tick -
The next morning started out busy. Leeteuk listened to his watch ticking quietly on his wrist, watched the second hand move without missing a beat. He jiggled his leg, tapping out the rhythm of their latest song, and wondered what his limit was.
The day ended busy. The clock was ticking in Leeteuk's head, driving him crazy, and as he lay down in bed and stared up at the dark ceiling, Donghae's snores coming every three ticks, he decided he felt good, like he was glowing. His mind raced through the things he'd done that day - practice, Teukigayo, researching, Sukira, paperwork, practice, cooking, mc-ing, socializing, filming, working out the scripts with Eunhyuk.
He liked to believe that he was doing everybody else a favour.
"I think -" Eunhyuk said.
"I'm busy."
Eunhyuk tried again. "Hyung, I haven't seen you rest in days."
Leeteuk paused in his work out. "I'm fine," said his mouth.
"Ryeowook tells me you haven't been eating." Eunhyuk was tapping his foot on the floor, out of nervous habit. Leeteuk frowned at Eunhyuk's leg, and the tapping stopped.
"I eat." Leeteuk concentrated on his breathing.
Eunhyuk stayed on his side of the gym, hesitating. "If you say so," he said, and left.
Leeteuk closed his eyes and counted. One, two, one, two.
Breathe in, breathe out.
He ate when he remembered to.
For the most part, he snuck out of his room, lit by the glow of his computer, in the middle of the night, when the air was quiet and still. The fridge hummed noisily, but Leeteuk made it quick, grabbing anything that looked appealing. One night, Leeteuk opened the fridge door to find it devoid of anything edible. He frowned, and wondered when he'd last visited the convenience store down the road.
His stomach seemed to be curling in on itself.
Leeteuk ignored it and paced back to his room. There was work to be done.
Sleeping was a waste of time, Leeteuk discovered next, when he hung a second clock on the wall opposite him and found that he couldn't sleep. So he stayed up most of the time, keeping quiet when Donghae came in and fell into bed, worn and exhausted.
When his lids started drooping, Leeteuk pinched himself. When that didn't work, he sank his teeth into the sensitive underside of his forearm. When that didn't work either, he brought out his pen knife.
It did the job.
The make-up noonas seemed to have developed a habit of tutting at him whenever he came in the morning. "You look terrible," they liked to say. "Stop depriving yourself of sleep." They dressed him in long sleeves and told him to stop being such a klutz.
Heechul would hang around them, staring at Leeteuk with narrowed gazes. Leeteuk usually avoided his eyes.
"Jungsu-yah," he'd said once. "Wake up."
Leeteuk looked at him in confusion.
"You know what I'm talking about."
Heechul left.
Eating was troublesome. Usually if Leeteuk concentrated hard enough at ignoring his stomach, the pangs of hunger left him alone.
Brochures and pamphlets about anorexia and binge eating were left sporadically on his table for him to read, when he came back from work. 'It's a Natural Part of Life to Feel This Way!' one screamed at him in bright green. 'Be Confident in Yourself!' said another. He threw them away. Usually. The pamphlets about using dolphins to help patients suffering from anorexia were intriguing.
Showering was a bother too, Leeteuk found. It was unnecessary, the amount of time he wasted pouring water on himself. He'd be doing their manager a favour. At least their water expenses would go down.
Leeteuk only nodded absently when Donghae explained to him in varying tones of discomfort why he wanted to room with Eunhyuk instead of sticking with Leeteuk.
At least he wouldn't have to worry about waking Donghae up in the middle of the night anymore.
The knock on the door nearly caused Leeteuk to fall off his chair.
Well, this is unexpected, he mused to himself as the door opened. The members had stopped trying to wheedle him out of his room a few weeks back. What brings forth this pleasure?
The shocking blow to the back of his head answered his question well enough. Leeteuk gazed up vacantly at someone's crotch from the floor, and wondered how he'd ended up in this position. The crotch moved away and someone knelt down at the floor beside him.
"Hyung."
Leeteuk blinked at the ceiling, slowly got up. He wondered what he should do with his hands. He turned his head. "Youngwoon?"
"What do you think you're doing?" Kangin was breathing heavily. Leeteuk wondered if he'd been running. He didn't look very sweaty.
Leeteuk opened his mouth. "Working."
Kangin's face only grew stonier, if possible. "Does 'working' exclude taking care of your dongsaengs?"
"I have no time for this." Leeteuk got up slowly from the floor. The back of his head throbbed. "I need to work." He resumed his perch on the chair.
Kangin stayed on the floor. "What happened to you?"
The clocks on each wall of his room told Leeteuk how long Kangin stayed, waiting for an answer.
62 seconds later, Kangin left.
"Hyung," Siwon said nervously, "Yesung and Heechul hyung are having a fight."
Leeteuk swivelled in his chair. "Okay," he said. He turned and resumed typing. 24 hours a day. If Leeteuk had a choice, he'd extend a day to have a hundred hours. He'd have so much more time, then.
"A real, physical fight," Siwon added.
"Hm."
Leeteuk left his room a few hours later when he thought everyone had gone to sleep, and Yesung greeted him from the kitchen table, bottom lip cut open, blood clotting up and drying, the area surrounding his right eye darker than usual. The kitchen light gave his skin a grey pallor.
"Want some food?" Leeteuk asked absently. "I guess not," he mumbled to himself without waiting for an answer. "Can't eat in the state you're in." He brought out a container of ice cream.
Yesung sat silently across him, watching. Mid-scoop, Yesung reached across the table and took the ice cream container gently away, placing it to his cheek, where a bruise resided. Leeteuk blinked.
Then he closed the lid of the ice cream container and slid it back into the freezer. Taking out a jug of milk, Yesung poured the liquid into a plastic bowl and spilled some cereal in. Honey Stars. Leeteuk hadn't eaten cereal in... in... Leeteuk couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten something remotely proper. Took too much time to make. But Yesung worked fast, grabbing a spoon from the drawers and placing it on the table in front of Leeteuk.
"Eat up, hyung," he said quietly, and left. A pamphlet titled 'Workaholics: Symptoms' remained on his abandoned chair.
Heechul stopped dropping by every morning. It seemed that Heechul was holding a grudge against him, and Leeteuk suspected that it was a one sided battle that Heechul seemed so intent on. He was usually too tired in the mornings to put up with Heechul's constant presence anyway.
It was embarrassing mopping up the blood that spurted out of his nose every so often in front of him, too.
It came as a surprise when Leeteuk's vision started turning black at the edges. Kangin was yelling, a part of his brain informed. At him, he realized belatedly.
Kangin's yelling stopped.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep -
Leeteuk wasn't used to this. What happened to the ticking?
Beep.
When Leeteuk first opened his eyes, he thought he was in paradise. Heaven was his second guess. The scent of flowers filled his nostrils, and when he tilted his head to look to his right, a bouquet of roses assaulted his vision. He blinked away the red spots that covered his vision.
His stomach sat peacefully in his tummy.
"You awake?"
Kangin peered over at him. Stubble covered his jaw, and Leeteuk reached out a hand to stroke the patch of skin under Kangin's chin that refused to grow a beard. He smiled.
The IV was attached to his arm. The quiet beeping of the machine was as good a keeper of time as Leeteuk's watches and clocks served to be.
Kangin sat heavily on the side of Leeteuk's bed. His eyes followed Kangin's face. "Hyung," he started, but the door burst open and the members streamed in, worry shining in their eyes.
Back in the dorms, Leeteuk resumed his routine. Work, work, work, work. Kangin dropped by every now and then, and when he did, Leeteuk pretended not to work. He sat on the couch and flipped through the TV channels, thinking of the things he could be doing with his time.
It was... it was relaxing.
The day had been horrifyingly busy, at best. Leeteuk listened to the clocks ticking next to his ear, tick tick tick tick tick and he wondered about the things he could do with the time.
Tick tick tick tick -
The next morning started out busy. Leeteuk listened to his watch ticking quietly on his wrist, watched the second hand move without missing a beat. He jiggled his leg, tapping out the rhythm of their latest song, and wondered what his limit was.
The day ended busy. The clock was still ticking in Leeteuk's head, driving him crazy, and as he lay down in bed and stared up at the dark ceiling, he decided he'd worked himself to his limit. His mind raced through the things he'd done that day - practice, Teukigayo, researching, Sukira, paperwork, practice, cooking, mc-ing, socializing, filming, working out the scripts with Eunhyuk, and decided he'd rather spend the time sleeping.
He liked to believe that he was doing himself a favour.
-