36. written. Once Upon a Time in Nazi-Occupied France.....

[actuallyagolem]

I'm sure you've all heard by now, but Clapet's graduated. He went home today. Even though he liked to use my face as a punching bag and stabbed me twice, I'm going to miss the guy. Despite everything, all those bad things he did, some of which I'm sure some of you saw or experienced first-hand for yourselves, he was human and I could relate to him

Comments

private - be a man, Howie. be a man.

[actuallyagolem]

Clapet knew at the end. I told him when it was starting to look like he might actually graduate. Actually, he asked me about it first.

Again, not that I'm ungrateful for being here, but it does. It's not a home, but at least there are people here that've made it feel like one.

And I don't know yet. I guess I've kind of just realized I could go back if I wanted to.

Re: private - good ol' Howie

[actuallyagolem]

I just didn't think it was important.

I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I don't really care if my death means anything to anyone on this boat. My death meant enough to all the Jews back home, and that's enough for me. More than enough.

But thanks, guy.

private

[mrs_persson]

You killed Hitler.

My goodness, I'd no idea.

Re: private

[actuallyagolem]

Yeah. I must have shot him about forty times in the face. I got a little carried away.

I told Howie a while ago. He said it wasn't the history that a lot of people knew, so I just kept it to myself.

Re: private

[mrs_persson]

Can't say I blame you for getting carried away. There's a time-stream out there where a friend of mine ensured that he was arrested for murder before he could even be elected Chancellor. And there's another where, I'm sorry to say, I and a few other people made the bad decisions that allowed him to come to power-that was relatively early in my career.

Re: private

[actuallyagolem]

So there are a lot of different versions of what happened out there. I guess I'm not too surprised. I kind of like your friend's time-stream best though, and then mine second best.

The things we heard. The things we saw even, with our own eyes, Una! I would have loved to have lived an uneventful life, if it meant those things would have never happened at all.

;private, durr.. and he speaks your ambiguity, donowitz.

[lost_undercover]

That's it then, am I right? You're leaving and heading home to see your family and all that. That's good. I'm happy for you, Donny. Take care of yourself, alright?

Let me ask you something, though. Why did you tell everyone? I mean that. I've been thinking about all the secrets I've been hiding and it's real work I'd rather not have, but I don't want everyone knowing the truth. Did it make a difference to you or did you only do it because you know you're done?

Fuck. One last drink before you go?

Oh, and be careful, guy. That's my hometown you're talking about.

;private - costigan would. what a guy.

[actuallyagolem]

You know, Billy [WOW YOUR NAME WHAT IS THIS], it didn't occur to me until Clapet left that I actually could go home. I just never thought about it before. I guess I am?

I don't really know. I should though, right? That's what everybody wants in the end.

As for spilling my guts, it was thinking about home that made me decide to just tell everyone. Thinking about going back to all of that, and possibly facing everything I did in the War - this kind of seemed like a good way to begin. I held on to my secrets as long as I could because debating the rights and wrongs of what I did seemed like a chore, and I was a bit of a monster when I was in the army, but I guess Clapet showed me that maybe it's better to face those things head-on instead of being a coward.

I keep rambling. I'm sorry, guy. Let's get a drink and I'll ramble at you, how does that sound?

And hey, it was my hometown before it was yours.

;private - <3

[lost_undercover]

You should, yeah. It's like you said: who would want to stay here if they had the chance for something else? You're good people.

You're not a coward, guy. You never have been. Now that you've got the opportunity to do something real? You're going to take it, because that's who you are. There's nothing wrong with that.

Sure, okay. Yeah. I'd like that.

That must be why it was a shithole then.

;private - <3!

[actuallyagolem]

I guess it's just hard because I might sort of love somebody here. And by sort of, I mean I do love someone.

I think I have to choose. I don't want to choose. I'm not that brave.

I could use a drink tonight. You're going to be free whether you like it or not.

Oh please, I gave it character. You kids ruined it.

[creatingalegacy]

And you said I hadn't helped him at all.

[...she knows she didn't, somewhere deep in there, BUT CANNOT BRING HERSELF TO ADMIT IT.]

[actuallyagolem]

You know, for all the bitching I did, you did help in your own fucked up little way. Clapet was so eager to prove you wrong that he went and graduated in record time. I used to tell him when he doubted himself that he could just use you as a comparison - he was going to get out of here long before you ever were, and he wasn't half as crazy as you.

So thanks.

[creatingalegacy]

Think whatever you'd like. I know the truth.

[actuallyagolem]

Nah, I know the truth. Clapet will go home and never think about you ever again, Amanda. You'll get no real satisfaction from this. He never believed your message.

It was just a waste of your time, lady, and I'm sorry. I hope you get better, because we all know you're really, really sick and this place hasn't really helped you much yet.

[ichoosefight]

Are you leaving? [ SEE HER SADFACE. LOOK AT IT. ]

[actuallyagolem]

Maybe. I don't know. I can though. I couldn't ever go home before.

[ichoosefight]

I'd miss you.

[actuallyagolem]

I'd miss you too.

Fuck, I'd miss a lot of people.