Too funny...

Aug 01, 2005 13:16


Taken from the 12/16/2006 10-Day Holiday Cruise thread on the DISboards:


Noah In 2005

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto to Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the world has become wicked and overpopulated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans".

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I unleash unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard....but no Ark.

"Noah", he roared, "I am about to sart the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord", begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the building inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My nieghbors complained I am violated zoning laws by building an Ark in my yard and exceeding height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees to save the Spotted Owl. I tryed to explain to the enviromentalists that I need the wood to save the owl, but no go.

When I started to gather the animals, the animal rights groups sued me. They insisted I was confining animals against thier will. As well, they said the accomodations were too restrictive and was cruel an inhumane.

The EPA ruled ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they conducted an enviromental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I am supposed to hire for my building crew. Also, Trade Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I only hire Union Workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS is seizing all my assets claiming I am trying to flee the country with endangered species.

So, forgive me Lord, but it will take me at least ten years to finish this Ark.

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "you mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No", said the Lord, "The goverment beat me to it."
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