FF: Running (K)
"Running" by Adrienne
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~ * ~
If life had taught Laura Roslin anything, it was to run-from loss, from pain, from grief, from any situation where she might risk feeling these things again.
Running was the only way to safeguard her heart, to ensure that she would never again stand alone beside three freshly dug graves under a glaring Caprican sun.
There had been no joy in Laura Roslin's life that had not ended in pain. There had been no love in Laura Roslin's life that had not ended in death.
So Laura Roslin ran in solitude throughout her life, content enough to do so, and really, remembering nothing else.
When the worlds ended, she had had nothing left to lose. Never imagining that she would gain something that made all the loss and pain in her life somehow more bearable, until she no longer needed to run.
Laura Roslin believed that giving in to her emotions left her open and vulnerable, and therefore weak. Weak as a president, weak to the press and her subordinates, weak as a woman, as a human being, even. She was always running from weakness, which she detests above all else, the one trait she considers unacceptable, both in herself and in others. But oddly enough, she never thinks less of Bill Adama, never thinks him weak, even though he is ruled and swayed by his emotions more often than not, most especially by his guilt and his grief.
And in reaction to these perceived possible vulnerabilities in her emotions, she has built walls around herself, both literal and metaphorical, and within her psyche as well. Walls so old, too high and vast for anyone to ever hope to surmount. She wasn't certain how Bill Adama had found his way past her walls and barricades to travel so slowly and quietly on the thorny path to her heart. Nor was she certain when or how she had found her way to his. She sees now that they had traversed parallel paths throughout these many years of being out at sea until the paths converged, became one, and they were inextricably bound to each other's hearts and souls.
By the time the fact that they had fallen in love became something they both recognized, it was too late to run. And most incredibly of all, she discovered she had no desire to and that she had in fact quite possibly been running toward him, toward them, all her life.
And now, at the end of her life for the second time, Laura Roslin could stop running for good because for the first time she had a love she could keep until her dying day. For the first time she would be the one leaving, not the one left behind. But, for the first time, she did not know which was worse, the leaving or the staying.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~ * ~
If life had taught Laura Roslin anything, it was to run-from loss, from pain, from grief, from any situation where she might risk feeling these things again.
Running was the only way to safeguard her heart, to ensure that she would never again stand alone beside three freshly dug graves under a glaring Caprican sun.
There had been no joy in Laura Roslin's life that had not ended in pain. There had been no love in Laura Roslin's life that had not ended in death.
So Laura Roslin ran in solitude throughout her life, content enough to do so, and really, remembering nothing else.
When the worlds ended, she had had nothing left to lose. Never imagining that she would gain something that made all the loss and pain in her life somehow more bearable, until she no longer needed to run.
Laura Roslin believed that giving in to her emotions left her open and vulnerable, and therefore weak. Weak as a president, weak to the press and her subordinates, weak as a woman, as a human being, even. She was always running from weakness, which she detests above all else, the one trait she considers unacceptable, both in herself and in others. But oddly enough, she never thinks less of Bill Adama, never thinks him weak, even though he is ruled and swayed by his emotions more often than not, most especially by his guilt and his grief.
And in reaction to these perceived possible vulnerabilities in her emotions, she has built walls around herself, both literal and metaphorical, and within her psyche as well. Walls so old, too high and vast for anyone to ever hope to surmount. She wasn't certain how Bill Adama had found his way past her walls and barricades to travel so slowly and quietly on the thorny path to her heart. Nor was she certain when or how she had found her way to his. She sees now that they had traversed parallel paths throughout these many years of being out at sea until the paths converged, became one, and they were inextricably bound to each other's hearts and souls.
By the time the fact that they had fallen in love became something they both recognized, it was too late to run. And most incredibly of all, she discovered she had no desire to and that she had in fact quite possibly been running toward him, toward them, all her life.
And now, at the end of her life for the second time, Laura Roslin could stop running for good because for the first time she had a love she could keep until her dying day. For the first time she would be the one leaving, not the one left behind. But, for the first time, she did not know which was worse, the leaving or the staying.