027.

[adamantined]

Comments

[atoner]

Know how?

[adamantined]

You just do. Some instilled sense or, I don't know, destiny or whatever.

[atoner]

Who's telling the destiny?

Would you actually hurt these people?

I think these are the more important questions.

[adamantined]

Someone actually has to tell destiny? I was always under the impression that destiny was just kind of... destiny. Sure you have a hand in potentially changing your fate, nothing is written in stone, it's possible to influence it, but. Destiny is just... destiny.

It depends on your definition of hurt and how much you can help it.

[atoner]

Some people have a big thing for prophecies. I guess it depends on where you're meant to end up, and if that's a making of your choosing or someone else's.

Sometimes you hurt the people you care about. It isn't something easy and it isn't something you brush off. You don't get over it.

But ... there are varying degrees of hurt. And the kind of hurt, the worst kind-I think it depends on whether you'd let that happen. If it's even in you to get there, and even if it is, how strong of a will you have to stop it.

[adamantined]

What if it's not really anyone's making? Or anyone's fault, I guess. What if it's just something that's going to happen and has to happen no matter what you do or say?

What if you really don't have a choice?

[atoner]

You can always go one way or the other.

private | unhackable

[adamantined]

Here's a scenario: Jackie will never die. She gets married and has a family and they all grow up and die but Jackie stays alive for hundreds, thousands of years. She doesn't have a choice. She can't change it, and she can't stop it. There's no going one way or the other.

Should she have gotten married, had a family, put everyone and herself through all that pain just so she could be happy for five minutes of her life? Is that fair?

private | unhackable

[atoner]

You just asked an immortal vampire with a strong group of friends and a son that, Claire.

private | unhackable

[adamantined]

It's not like I know all the details of your personal life.

private | unhackable 1/2

[atoner]

You have a point there. And since we've gone to private comments, Claire, I'd assume you mean yourself.

private | unhackable

[atoner]

That said, I've done things from the opposite end of things. I thought it was better to be alone, to not have that happiness because who knew how long it could last, and that wasn't how things should be. So, we're immortal. Once upon a time, there was a chance I could be ... changed, be human again, so I could live and breath and die with everyone who mattered to me. It was a prize, and I've since lost it.

But that doesn't change that it's important to have these people.

I know ... some day, everyone around me will be gone. That these five minutes will be up. That I'll even know the limit on my son's life, once and for all, but that doesn't change that I hold on as much as I can. It's a little selfish, but I'm doing what I can to help others. I fight. I struggle. Nothing's easy, and I've even been told that I'd only bring about doom and destruction, rather than the end I've been fighting for.

That doesn't change anything. I won't let that happen. And as long as I can keep the people around me I care about, I will.

private | unhackable

[adamantined]

Doesn't it hurt?

I know it's about being bigger than the pain or just... the idea of it hurting not mattering. Everyone gets hurt. It's a fact of life. But I look at people like my dad, my uncle, people that I know at home, and people that I know here, and it's this awful feeling that I've got no control over. I still want them in my life, though, even if it's for selfish reasons.

But I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to watch them die, and I don't know how I'm going to handle it when they do, and maybe that's selfish, too, but that's what I've got.

private | unhackable

[atoner]

I never said to be bigger than the pain.

Does it hurt, Claire? It hurts every day. I've had a long time alone to get used to the idea of being alone, but it hurts. Even here in the City, I try to make it seem like I'm not clinging to the people I've lost, but they're here, and back home in Los Angeles? They're not. Not just Cordelia and Wesley, but Buffy and everyone from Sunnydale, too. I've lost ... a lot, and they've died well before their time, and I'm not gonna tell you it gets easier.

But ... there will always be others. If not your family, but people to help. And that's the selfless route, I guess.

private | unhackable

[adamantined]

There will always be Sylar. I just can't decide whether or not it's fair to ask that much of people. The people who know about this anyway. I feel like I'm using them as a crutch instead of the other way around. I don't mind supporting people, protecting them, helping them, even if I kind of suck at it beyond just talking about problems. I just don't think people realize how much I'm relying on them, too. And that's the part I'm just not sure about.

If I'm being honest, though, it's just about selfishness, because I don't know if I can handle watching them all die the way you come off as being able to.

private | unhackable

[atoner]

But that isn't up to you, is it? If they want to be there for you, to let you be selfish ...

We don't make those choices for the people around us. If they know you're unlikely to age, it's up to them to decide if they want to be there for the time being.

I don't know that I handle it. I've just had a long time to adjust. That doesn't make it any better.