Ignorance In Pieces (15a/?)
Title: Ignorance In Pieces (15a/?)
Author: adamissexable
Pairing: Kradam and Kradison friendship
Rating: NC 17
Summary: During Tour. Kris is trying to get over his failure of a marriage and sort out his newfound 'feelings' for his best friend. Adam catches Kris in a compromising position - angst, sexytimes, and laughter ensue.
Disclaimer: Though I wish some of it were real, it's most likely probably definitely not.
Warnings: This story is a WIP, therefore from now on I will be posting everyother day, possibly longer if I don't get the time to write. Sorry! And this is ultimately a Kradam story, but there is A LOT of Kradison - if you're not into that then don't read it and please don't pm me complaining. For those of you who've held on this whole time, I appreciate it - and trust me, it will be worth it in the end! :D
Notes: Sorry, I know, it's a day late! Anyhow, this chapter is going to be split into two parts - originally it was supposed to be read as one buuuuuut I figured I'd drag it out. (:
Other Parts: http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/2431.html
You know the drill! Enjoy! :D
Allison stared at the spot Kris had occupied moments before, for a few minutes. All he wanted is to know if she was alright and his heartbreak was palpable when she turned him away. Although in her defense, Allison wasn’t ready to talk. She wasn’t ready to think about the events that splayed out in her head like broken glass. They would just fall through the rest of her body scratching their way down the back of her neck, her chest, her stomach - all the way down to her feet where they would shatter into even smaller pieces.
She cleared her throat and averted her gaze to the water bottle she’d forgotten he left. Dragging her feet forward, each movement sending tiring shocks throughout her entire frame, Allison grabbed the bottle. Unscrewing the cap, she took a swig - wincing when it scratched its way painful, yet soothing down her throat.
The coolness of the water sent vibrating sensations throughout her blood stream - awakening her muscles inch by inch. Feeling a bit better, she set the water back down and reached out to slide the door open, stepping inside the room - shivering when the cold air hit her skin.
Ignoring the goose bumps that now covered her, Allison walked towards the bed, throwing herself on it and nestling her face within the pillows. Breathing in the clean detergent scent, there was a pang in her chest at the familiarity. Suddenly a sob was forming in her throat and tears were stinging her closed eyelids.
Allison hadn’t realized someone was in the bathroom until she heard the door open. Sitting up quickly, she wiped under her eyes reflexively before looking to see who it was - expecting Lil or Megan or someone of the sort. It was Adam.
Her cheeks flushed out of shame and embarrassment and they both just stared at each other for what felt like an agonizingly long amount of time. Adam wasn’t wearing any make up and the long gash on his cheek was raw and bright pink. One of his eyes was dark violet, almost black in some places, and she watched as he ran a tentative bruised hand through his inky-black hair.
Allison wanted to take back everything she’d said to him, everything she accused him of when he averted his gaze from her eyes - all she felt like doing was enclosing herself in his arms.
Allison watched as Adam looked down at the ground, before picking up his bright blue eyes and locking them on her dark brown ones. He spoke, and his voice broke with strain halfway through her name, “Alli.”
Adam took a step forward, nearing the opposite edge of the bed before continuing, the words rushing out before he could filter them, “I’m so sorry, for everything. I should have helped you sooner. I should have spoke up when I saw you with him the first time. I was just so caught up in my own fucking problems I couldn’t find the decency to realize yours.” He took another slow step forward, his knees hitting the edge of bed before he sat down cautiously, eyes probing into hers apologetically.
Allison flinched when he reached an arm out towards her, immediately chastising herself for it when she saw pain flash through Adam’s features. He spoke up again, hand dropping to his lap, voice now broken with internal fury and heartbreak, “Baby, are you okay?”
She felt a tug in her heart as Adam’s gaze probed hers intensely. Allison dropped her eyes down to her lap and fingered the edge of her shirt, then did something that might have shocked the hell out of her had she been able to draw the emotion - she answered the familiar question honestly. Shaking her head, Allison glanced back up at Adam, reeling in the tears that were threatening to overflow.
Adam scooted closer to her - the bed shifting with his weight - but didn’t attempt to reach for her. He cleared his throat before speaking again, slowly, softly - like if he spoke too fast he might break her, “I know you may hate me right now, but I need you to tell me what happened tonight. From when you met him, until…,”he trailed off not capable of finishing the sentence, stomach rolling at the mere thought.
It was Allison’s turn to move closer to Adam, now just an arm’s length away, but not touching. She mustered every bit of strength she could find, every piece she’d hidden for situations like these, and let it flow through her - warming her veins as it brought her a false sense of control.
Her voice was surprisingly steady when she spoke, eyes still cast downwards, “Adam. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you.” She paused waiting to see if he was going to comment, but when he didn’t she continued, “I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even remember everything.”
When Adam opened his mouth to speak she shook her head, not giving him the chance to make accusations. “No, I wasn’t drugged. It was my own fault. I…had a few drinks throughout the night…and it’s all pretty vague.”
Allison stopped when she felt more than watched him tense up - the hiss of a sharp exhale through his nose before he reined in his emotion, carefully controlling his urge to scold her. He shook his head and cleared his throat, voice just on the verge of anger, “Continue.”
She ran a hand through her tangled magenta locks nervously before speaking again, “I remember bitching out Kris for trying to get me away from Drew.” Allison stopped when she heard Adam’s breathing hitch, but from the mention of Kris, his actions, or both - she couldn’t tell.
When he didn’t say anything she continued, her hands drawing inconsequential patterns along the comforter. “I took shot at the bar before going out to dance with Drew.”
Allison paused briefly drawing her gaze towards Adam, distracted by the memories she’d forgotten, “I saw you - on the dance floor. Drew asked me if I wanted to go somewhere less crowded and I told him no, so instead he took me to an empty table…But I did see you, with that guy.”
There was a question in the way she spoke, but Adam couldn’t figure out what she was trying to ask. He tilted his head to the side slightly, his hand reaching up to scratch the back of his neck before he responded. “I couldn’t believe you were dancing with him like that Alli. I mean, I know you’re older now but baby, if Drake hadn’t been so…” he stuttered, a rare blush rising up to his cheeks before he continued, “distracting, I would have ripped you away from that…bastard and dragged you back to the bus.”
Allison felt a small smile creep to her face when she spoke, “You definitely looked distracted, honey. I saw everything.” She smirked briefly at the still apparent blush on Adam’s face before turning serious again - remembering what she was explaining. Her resolve was cracking, and she needed to hurry up and get this all out before it ate away at her heart.
“We sat at the table and talked, long enough to see you and Drake head back to the rooms.” She paused, drawing her gaze sideways, staring a little past Adam before continuing, her voice light and airy now and obviously trying to veer from the subject, “Did you know Drew’s a physical therapist? Yeah, supposedly a pretty good one. He said he’s worked with some professionals…who’s that football one you’re always crushing on? Brady. Tom Brady. Yeah, him.” She smiled to herself, remembering when Adam first showed her a picture of the gorgeous brunette during Hollywood Week.
Allison shook herself out of her reverie when she realized Adam hadn’t responded to her attempt at lightening the situation. She looked at him, smile fading when she saw he was glaring at her neck, jaw tight and fists clenched. Her hand jumped to her neck shamefully, thinking it was a hickey or something of the sort, but surprised herself when the action sent a painful jolt through her throat. It must have been bruised.
She tried to ignore the small disruption, almost reaching forward to touch his arm before shuddering violently and snatching her hand back, resting it against her stomach. Adam felt the ripple through the bed and his gaze softened when he looked up to catch her eye.
Allison shook her head, sensing that it was time for her to finish her side of the story. “A few drinks and a few minutes after you guys left we started kissing.” A sudden urge to curl in on herself became apparent - not only from what she knew came next, but also because this was Adam, practically her older brother, and she was embarrassed against her will.
Adam, sensing her discomfort, spoke softly, “Baby. I won’t judge you, I…I promise. I just need to know everything that happened. I’ve seen and done a lot worse - so please don’t be embarrassed.”
Allison smiled wryly before continuing, her gaze turned towards the wall, “Well at first it was just kissing, but then things got…heavier… and I agreed to go somewhere else with him - somewhere quieter.”
Upon seeing his careful composure falter - eyes full of something between disgust and awe, face pale - she reassured him quickly, “I wasn’t going to have sex with him, Adam. I promise. And even if I was it wouldn’t have mattered, I’m not a virgin and haven’t been for a long time.” The last sentence was a murmur, barely audible to her own ears, and she could have hit herself for letting the comment escape. He wasn’t supposed to know that, nobody was - ever.
She heard Adam suck in a surprised gasp as he just stared - like he was seeing her for the first time. Allison looked away from him, disgraced and internally berating herself for the slip and spoke up when she saw him open his mouth to say something. “Not now.” Her voice broke, bad memories seeping their way into her tone, “Not now.”
Adam continued to stare at her for a few more seconds before nodding his head numbly, and giving her the chance to take a few deep breaths before she continued.
“Things were going fast, and we never actually made it into a room. It was my fault, really. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be alone with him like that…so we stayed in the hallway, and he had me up against the wall, and well…you know the rest.” She couldn’t draw enough energy to be embarrassed anymore as she stared straight at him, raw emotion clawing its way through her stomach - a familiar feeling.
Adam waited a few seconds before responding - he wasn’t even sure what to say. “Yes, I saw…well, I saw most of it.” He paused again, briefly, trying to keep his tone in check and his words semi-filtered. “My first reaction was to rip the asshole off of you, but I was so stunned I couldn’t make myself move. I just watched because something inside me, somewhere, was screaming at me ‘It’s not right, she’s not right. This is all wrong.’” His gaze drifted from hers, completely ashamed and guilt-ridden, before he continued - voice completely torn yet just as intense, “I’m so sorry.”
He pulled a hand to his stomach numbly, resting it there and letting his head hang. Adam couldn’t find any more words; he couldn’t pull any thoughts to his mouth. Looking back up at Allison he was surprised to find silent tears streaming down her face. He scooted closer, chest roaring in agony when she backed away again.
Adam spoke up, desperate now, he needed to hold her and he wasn’t even sure whether it was for her sake or his own. He needed to bury his face in her ruby locks, he needed to be sure she was okay, how badly she was hurt. Adam’s heart drew towards her reflexively, so taut he thought he might just double over from the throb in his chest. Each time a tear fell from her face into her lap, a blow landed to his stomach. Adam was completely helpless and he couldn’t do a thing about it.
TBC....
Comments would be wonderful! :D