Ignorance In Pieces (16b/?)
Title: Ignorance In Pieces (16b/?)
Author: adamissexable
Pairing: Kradam and Kradison friendship
Rating: NC 17
Summary: During Tour. Kris is trying to get over his failure of a marriage and sort out his newfound 'feelings' for his best friend. Adam catches Kris in a compromising position - angst, sexytimes, and laughter ensue.
Disclaimer: Though I wish some of it were real, it's most likely probably definitely not.
Notes: This story is a WIP - I try to post every other day, but it all just depends on my schedule/how much I've got written. Sorry! And this is ultimately a Kradam story, but there is A LOT of Kradison - if you're not into that then don't read it and please don't pm me complaining. For those of you who've held on this whole time, I appreciate it - and trust me, it will be worth it in the end! :D
Warning: ANGST ALERT! DO NOT READ if you have triggers of any sort and/or just don't like angst in general. Mention of abuse. Oh, and for you sick idols who have decided to read fanfic on their day off - get well soon! :D
Other Parts: http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/243 1.html
On another note this is a continuation of the last chapter. I am currently writing a one shot (that will probably turn out to be a lot longer than I'd intended) to hopefully cure the writer's block for this story, so that should be out someeeetime soon. I'm excited about it - getting pretty hot. :D
And for those of you Kradam beggars - Kris will be in the next chapter.
Ha well, think that's about it. Enjoy. (:
Allison shifted her gaze to the wall behind Adam’s head before allowing herself to speak, voice quiet and unsure, “You remember how I told you that I’m an only child, and that my mom raised me all of her life because my dad left when I was little?”
Adam breathed a slow sigh of relief before nodding his head lightly, eyes staring straight into hers even though she wasn’t looking at him.
She took a deep breath and her gaze drifted to Adam’s before speaking again, “I lied.”
Adam didn’t respond. He just continued to look at her, eyes drawn down occasionally by that hand on her stomach. He was missing something, something that related to that palm on her abdomen - he could feel it, but just shook his head when he figured he was over-analyzing.
Allison continued when Adam didn’t say anything, “I had an older brother. His name was Daniel and he died of cancer when I was 10 years old. He was 16.”
Ignoring the near-silent gasp from Adam, she spoke again, letting the words fall out of her exactly as they flitted through her mind, “Daniel was my dad’s everything. So much so that when he was first diagnosed my dad was positive Daniel would fight it - that he would live through it. Hell, we all did. Daniel was well, Daniel. Strong and determined and nothing could get in his way. Typical Iraheta, born and raised by my father.”
Adam watched as her lips twitched and a dry laugh fell out, but he stayed quiet and just soaked in every word that came from her mouth, every small movement she made - analyzing it, reforming it in his mind to create a something larger, something that hopefully made more sense.
The wry smirk fell from Allison’s lips and she started up again, voice noticeably more somber, “Daniel went through a year of chemo. It was horrible and so obvious that he wasn’t going to make it. That sounds wrong, I know - but you would have thought the same had you been there, Adam.”
She shook her head roughly, voice breaking and running a free hand over her face roughly, “The last few weeks of it, my dad started losing faith too. My mom, Daniel, and I all saw it - he would come to the hospital smelling like stale scotch and smoke, then ramble on to Daniel about some stupid shit that didn’t matter.”
Adam watched as Allison’s eyes focused in on his, some kind of realization dawning on her before she spoke again, “Anyways, after Daniel passed my dad went kind of crazy. He quit his job, and the only time he talked was when he wanted another beer or was hungry. Sometimes he’d leave the house, coming back in the early hours of the morning completely trashed and always furious.”
Adam tensed, there was a feeling in his gut, but god he hoped it wasn’t true. When Allison had stopped talking for a few brief moments, Adam nodded his head slowly, a signal for her to continue. No words were spoken on his end; if he opened his mouth he was positive he would lose it.
She cleared her throat, eyes drifting back down to her lap before she spoke again, voice shameful, “My mom worked long hours, trying to make up for my dad’s lack of income.” Allison paused, her chest rising heavily when she realized what part came next.
Adam completely froze, not breathing, not moving, nothing. He couldn’t breathe until she proved him wrong, that he was just visualizing the worst-case scenario.
She lifted her head up, staring somewhere past Adam, not comfortable with meeting his eyes just yet, “One night about a month after Daniel died my dad came home from some bar at around 2 in the morning. I guess my mom was working the graveyard shift or something, because he came storming in my room claiming that the house was a complete disaster and that I must have skipped out on my chores. I remember I had made myself dinner when I got home from school, took care of a few things around the house, then fell asleep early. So maybe I did skip out on my chores, but it wouldn’t have mattered, regardless.”
Adam could tell she was rambling, thinking aloud - he didn’t think she even noticed he was still there. But he didn’t care, he’d listen to her for days if that’s what it took. Because that hand was still rubbing circles on her stomach and her eyes were creased slightly, wet lashes glittering in the dusk and he just needed to be proven so fucking wrong.
Allison continued, clearing her throat lightly, her tone now full of regret and…was that fury? “Anyways, like I said he came in and woke me up, screaming things at me like ‘why the fuck haven’t you done your job’ and ‘you pathetic bitch, what the hell do I keep you around for’. I remember huddling into the corner of my bed against the wall, only being able to shield my face from the blows, crying and completely terrified of the man I’d once called my father.”
Her voice crumbled and she breathed in deeply - the breath choking its way out of her lungs. Adam sat in the same spot, wanting more than anything in the world to shush Allison, to rock her in his arms until she fell asleep, but he couldn’t move. The complete audacity of the situation had him shell-shocked, his mind being the only part of his body that worked.
Allison rubbed the hand that wasn’t on her stomach across her eyes furiously before speaking again voice hoarse, “That was the first time. Each year I got older it got worse, although even in his drunken state he knew better than to leave a mark somewhere visible.”
Adam watched her shake her head in dry amusement, “I celebrated my 12th birthday alone, treating myself to a cupcake I’d bought on the way home from school with some excess change I found in my mom’s wallet - I never had many friends. It was a Friday so I stayed up later than normal, completely naïve thinking that he’d give me a reprieve on my birthday - he never had before.”
She paused briefly, breathing shallower breaths before continuing, voice taking on a new kind of intensity, “He came home early that night, somewhat sober for once. He walked up and stood right in front of me, just staring at me - cupcake in my grasp. Mumbling something, he slapped the damn thing out of my hand and I remember crying. I cried all night that night - funny thing was I didn’t cry from the pain, I cried because my cupcake was face down and smeared on the floor a few feet away.”
Adam watched a hysterical giggle make its way out of Allison’s mouth, shaking her head, eyes full of amusement - but he could tell it was nothing more than a faux-expression.
Allison continued, gaze shifting abruptly to her stomach and her voice sobered, “I got these scars when I was 13. I was having a bad day and I knew better than to talk back, but I was just so sick of it.” She shook her head slowly, “That night I learned never to speak unless I was spoken to directly.”
Adam’s fists were throbbing from being clutched so tightly to the comforter, but he embraced the pain - it was a good center of gravity. It was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment.
He just stared into her eyes, flickering them downwards to the hand on her abdomen occasionally, noticing at particular moments her fingers fluttered nervously.
Adam was grateful she wasn’t paying any attention to him; he couldn’t pull the proper soothing expressions to his face anymore. Hell, Adam hadn’t enough of a clue what he was feeling to even try and project that emotion. It was just a confusing, threaded mass in his gut, thrashing about wildly when he heard or watched something go wrong.
His eyes drew downwards when he observed a fluttering of her fingers. Adam couldn’t make himself think anything other than, shit.
Running a hand through the tangled mess that was her hair roughly, she stuttered briefly - words not falling out in the right order, or at least, that’s what Adam thought.
He watched her close her eyes, not opening them the entire time she spoke - like none of this existed behind her eyelids, “There was another night…I was 14 and was sitting on my bed listening to music, jotting down some spare lyrics that were bouncing around in my head. When I heard the front door shut, I stashed the headphones and notebook under my bed and ran to the kitchen to look for something to clean - he hated when I wasn’t doing anything ‘productive.’ It was actually pretty early for him to be home, around ten I think, and when he walked into the kitchen he just looked at me. It was different though, at the time I’d brushed it off as panic, but now I’m thinking he was actually seeing me for the first time? I don’t know how to phrase it because my looks had never held any purpose to him before.”
Adam just stared at her, stomach now rolling with unprocessed emotion and nausea, his hands throbbing more with each minute that passed. He didn’t let himself breath loudly, short shallow breaths through his nose - he felt like any abrupt sound would shatter both of them.
She opened her eyes quickly, glancing towards the balcony upon hearing a siren, before closing her eyes again, head dropping down to her lap - like she was speaking to the hand on her stomach. “That night he raped me. Right there in the kitchen, sink water running and television blaring. I don’t think I called for help once, I knew no one would come anyways.”
That was it for Adam’s composure. His hands let go of the comforter swiftly as a broken growl sounded out of the back of his throat. He couldn’t even think straight, his heart was beating wildly and his chest was throbbing against his rib cage and it wasn’t until he ran his hand over his face that he realized he was crying. The salt from his own angry tears stinging the gash on his cheek.
He watched her open her brown eyes, tears falling out immediately as she looked right at Adam. The hand fluttered over her stomach slowly before she let the few words roll of her tongue, “I was pregnant for 3 months.”
Adam blanched, jaw hanging open, tasting his own tears. No, you’ve got to be kidding. There’s no way, she was only 14. He choked out the only word on his tongue, “No.”
Allison nodded her head reluctantly, speaking softer out of discomfort and shame, “I miscarried from the internal damage he’d done both before and after the baby. He was forced to take me to a hospital, managing to make up some bullshit lie to keep himself out of trouble.”
She held her breath briefly, eyes now blazing into Adam’s furiously, “He died right before I turned 15. Got hit by a car walking home drunk one day from some bar in downtown L.A.”
Adam knew she was done talking for the moment and his heart broke all over again just consuming the information he’d received. It pounded in his head painfully, destroying every other thing he’d ever worried about before. He drew his eyes to her, asking approval to speak and when she nodded her head, he did - voice scratching its way out of his abdomen, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
She shook her head roughly, the answer rolling off of her tongue before he’d finished the question. “There was no reason for you to be involved in any of it, especially during Idol. You had bigger things to be concerned about and besides…it had already passed.”
Adam growled in disapproval, “Fuck Idol, fuck all of it. You should have told me. You should have told Kris. You should have told someone.” And then multiple things were clicking in his head at once - little snapping sounds going off in his head repeatedly. When he would sing her to sleep in the early morning because she came to him crying - she never explained why. When she would flinch away sometimes, if things were tense in the mansion or she was overcome with emotion. And finally - the hand on her stomach.
He barely contained a gag at how fucking perfect everything fit together. How he was such an idiot for not noticing it before. And suddenly a familiar feeling was flooding him, a primal need to protect this girl from anything, from everything.
“Alli…I-” Adam had no clue what to say, but that hand on her stomach was destroying him internally and the words spilled out before he could contain them, “Why did you keep it?”
He didn’t need to explain what ‘it’ was, Adam could tell she knew when her eyes flickered down to her stomach for a few moments before lifting them back up completely vulnerable. “I had to. It was innocent, Adam,” her voice hitched and she cleared her throat before continuing, “It was nobody’s fault but my own. The baby did nothing, and there was no way in hell I was going to rid of it because the circumstances were fucked up.”
Adam almost recoiled at the venom in her voice, instead responding immediately, his voice holding a slight edge of disbelief, “It was not your fault. Don’t you ever say that again.”
Allison looked away, not believing what she’d told herself a thousand times before. She sighed heavily, head turned and staring into nothing.
“No, Alli. Look at me,” Adam persisted, voice now adamant, blue eyes glaring right into Allison’s. “I never want to hear you say that again. None of it was your fault.” Frustration rolled through him when he watched her nod quickly, absentmindedly, like she’d heard it before.
He took a deep breath before continuing - something was pawing at his chest, not painfully, just uncomfortably and it was rising up his throat. Voice softer and comforting he spoke, letting the words fall off of his tongue unconsciously, “This isn’t your fault, baby. None of it. Please trust me when I tell you that.”
Adam watched Allison’s eyes carefully. He noted the flicker of surprise behind them before they morphed into something slightly stronger, more secure. That look - it was an answer. The answer he’d been looking for this whole time.
He scooted closer slowly warning her before he made even the slightest of movements, with his eyes. Upon receiving no extreme reactions Adam journeyed further, allowing his hand to reach up carefully towards her face, still asking permission. He almost cried out in relief when suddenly Allison leaned her face towards his palm, her entire body shuddering at the contact but still not pulling away.
It was all the invitation Adam needed. He barely contained the rest of his body from lurching forward to grasp her and tuck her into his side - instead, just leaning closer towards her and running his other hand through her hair, wiping her tears away, checking to see how badly her wrist was bleeding. Small, subtle gestures, but he had never felt such massive accomplishments in his life.
Allison’s breathing hitched and her eyes shut almost unwillingly as she swayed lightly, tears still falling despite her obvious exhaustion. He briefly let go of her, crawling further towards the center of the bed, settling his back against the pillows, then wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to his chest.
Allison’s otherwise tired eyes, stared into Adam’s unabashedly - completely heartbroken and full of sorrow. She nestled herself further into Adam’s side, her head resting on his chest, before murmuring a sleep-induced, near incoherent sentence, “Please don’t leave me, Adam.”
Adam let out a strangled sigh at this poor girl, pleading for him not to leave her when it should be the other way around. She hadn’t a clue how much she meant to him. The simple sentence was almost unbearable for Adam to hear, not even being able to form the idea in his mind - he would never leave this girl. This beautiful, strong, bubbly girl that never needed anyone’s help, yet always the first one to give.
He bent down to brush a kiss to Allison’s magenta hair, lingering there to drift in her scent before replying in an exhale, “I could never leave you, baby.”
Adam was almost positive she didn’t hear him though as he listened to her breathing slow and even out. He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to rest. For now he was going to put everything out of his head - any other issues would have to wait.
Comments make the idols get better quicker. Well not really, but it's a good pitch isn't it? :D
Author: adamissexable
Pairing: Kradam and Kradison friendship
Rating: NC 17
Summary: During Tour. Kris is trying to get over his failure of a marriage and sort out his newfound 'feelings' for his best friend. Adam catches Kris in a compromising position - angst, sexytimes, and laughter ensue.
Disclaimer: Though I wish some of it were real, it's most likely probably definitely not.
Notes: This story is a WIP - I try to post every other day, but it all just depends on my schedule/how much I've got written. Sorry! And this is ultimately a Kradam story, but there is A LOT of Kradison - if you're not into that then don't read it and please don't pm me complaining. For those of you who've held on this whole time, I appreciate it - and trust me, it will be worth it in the end! :D
Warning: ANGST ALERT! DO NOT READ if you have triggers of any sort and/or just don't like angst in general. Mention of abuse. Oh, and for you sick idols who have decided to read fanfic on their day off - get well soon! :D
Other Parts: http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/243 1.html
On another note this is a continuation of the last chapter. I am currently writing a one shot (that will probably turn out to be a lot longer than I'd intended) to hopefully cure the writer's block for this story, so that should be out someeeetime soon. I'm excited about it - getting pretty hot. :D
And for those of you Kradam beggars - Kris will be in the next chapter.
Ha well, think that's about it. Enjoy. (:
Allison shifted her gaze to the wall behind Adam’s head before allowing herself to speak, voice quiet and unsure, “You remember how I told you that I’m an only child, and that my mom raised me all of her life because my dad left when I was little?”
Adam breathed a slow sigh of relief before nodding his head lightly, eyes staring straight into hers even though she wasn’t looking at him.
She took a deep breath and her gaze drifted to Adam’s before speaking again, “I lied.”
Adam didn’t respond. He just continued to look at her, eyes drawn down occasionally by that hand on her stomach. He was missing something, something that related to that palm on her abdomen - he could feel it, but just shook his head when he figured he was over-analyzing.
Allison continued when Adam didn’t say anything, “I had an older brother. His name was Daniel and he died of cancer when I was 10 years old. He was 16.”
Ignoring the near-silent gasp from Adam, she spoke again, letting the words fall out of her exactly as they flitted through her mind, “Daniel was my dad’s everything. So much so that when he was first diagnosed my dad was positive Daniel would fight it - that he would live through it. Hell, we all did. Daniel was well, Daniel. Strong and determined and nothing could get in his way. Typical Iraheta, born and raised by my father.”
Adam watched as her lips twitched and a dry laugh fell out, but he stayed quiet and just soaked in every word that came from her mouth, every small movement she made - analyzing it, reforming it in his mind to create a something larger, something that hopefully made more sense.
The wry smirk fell from Allison’s lips and she started up again, voice noticeably more somber, “Daniel went through a year of chemo. It was horrible and so obvious that he wasn’t going to make it. That sounds wrong, I know - but you would have thought the same had you been there, Adam.”
She shook her head roughly, voice breaking and running a free hand over her face roughly, “The last few weeks of it, my dad started losing faith too. My mom, Daniel, and I all saw it - he would come to the hospital smelling like stale scotch and smoke, then ramble on to Daniel about some stupid shit that didn’t matter.”
Adam watched as Allison’s eyes focused in on his, some kind of realization dawning on her before she spoke again, “Anyways, after Daniel passed my dad went kind of crazy. He quit his job, and the only time he talked was when he wanted another beer or was hungry. Sometimes he’d leave the house, coming back in the early hours of the morning completely trashed and always furious.”
Adam tensed, there was a feeling in his gut, but god he hoped it wasn’t true. When Allison had stopped talking for a few brief moments, Adam nodded his head slowly, a signal for her to continue. No words were spoken on his end; if he opened his mouth he was positive he would lose it.
She cleared her throat, eyes drifting back down to her lap before she spoke again, voice shameful, “My mom worked long hours, trying to make up for my dad’s lack of income.” Allison paused, her chest rising heavily when she realized what part came next.
Adam completely froze, not breathing, not moving, nothing. He couldn’t breathe until she proved him wrong, that he was just visualizing the worst-case scenario.
She lifted her head up, staring somewhere past Adam, not comfortable with meeting his eyes just yet, “One night about a month after Daniel died my dad came home from some bar at around 2 in the morning. I guess my mom was working the graveyard shift or something, because he came storming in my room claiming that the house was a complete disaster and that I must have skipped out on my chores. I remember I had made myself dinner when I got home from school, took care of a few things around the house, then fell asleep early. So maybe I did skip out on my chores, but it wouldn’t have mattered, regardless.”
Adam could tell she was rambling, thinking aloud - he didn’t think she even noticed he was still there. But he didn’t care, he’d listen to her for days if that’s what it took. Because that hand was still rubbing circles on her stomach and her eyes were creased slightly, wet lashes glittering in the dusk and he just needed to be proven so fucking wrong.
Allison continued, clearing her throat lightly, her tone now full of regret and…was that fury? “Anyways, like I said he came in and woke me up, screaming things at me like ‘why the fuck haven’t you done your job’ and ‘you pathetic bitch, what the hell do I keep you around for’. I remember huddling into the corner of my bed against the wall, only being able to shield my face from the blows, crying and completely terrified of the man I’d once called my father.”
Her voice crumbled and she breathed in deeply - the breath choking its way out of her lungs. Adam sat in the same spot, wanting more than anything in the world to shush Allison, to rock her in his arms until she fell asleep, but he couldn’t move. The complete audacity of the situation had him shell-shocked, his mind being the only part of his body that worked.
Allison rubbed the hand that wasn’t on her stomach across her eyes furiously before speaking again voice hoarse, “That was the first time. Each year I got older it got worse, although even in his drunken state he knew better than to leave a mark somewhere visible.”
Adam watched her shake her head in dry amusement, “I celebrated my 12th birthday alone, treating myself to a cupcake I’d bought on the way home from school with some excess change I found in my mom’s wallet - I never had many friends. It was a Friday so I stayed up later than normal, completely naïve thinking that he’d give me a reprieve on my birthday - he never had before.”
She paused briefly, breathing shallower breaths before continuing, voice taking on a new kind of intensity, “He came home early that night, somewhat sober for once. He walked up and stood right in front of me, just staring at me - cupcake in my grasp. Mumbling something, he slapped the damn thing out of my hand and I remember crying. I cried all night that night - funny thing was I didn’t cry from the pain, I cried because my cupcake was face down and smeared on the floor a few feet away.”
Adam watched a hysterical giggle make its way out of Allison’s mouth, shaking her head, eyes full of amusement - but he could tell it was nothing more than a faux-expression.
Allison continued, gaze shifting abruptly to her stomach and her voice sobered, “I got these scars when I was 13. I was having a bad day and I knew better than to talk back, but I was just so sick of it.” She shook her head slowly, “That night I learned never to speak unless I was spoken to directly.”
Adam’s fists were throbbing from being clutched so tightly to the comforter, but he embraced the pain - it was a good center of gravity. It was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment.
He just stared into her eyes, flickering them downwards to the hand on her abdomen occasionally, noticing at particular moments her fingers fluttered nervously.
Adam was grateful she wasn’t paying any attention to him; he couldn’t pull the proper soothing expressions to his face anymore. Hell, Adam hadn’t enough of a clue what he was feeling to even try and project that emotion. It was just a confusing, threaded mass in his gut, thrashing about wildly when he heard or watched something go wrong.
His eyes drew downwards when he observed a fluttering of her fingers. Adam couldn’t make himself think anything other than, shit.
Running a hand through the tangled mess that was her hair roughly, she stuttered briefly - words not falling out in the right order, or at least, that’s what Adam thought.
He watched her close her eyes, not opening them the entire time she spoke - like none of this existed behind her eyelids, “There was another night…I was 14 and was sitting on my bed listening to music, jotting down some spare lyrics that were bouncing around in my head. When I heard the front door shut, I stashed the headphones and notebook under my bed and ran to the kitchen to look for something to clean - he hated when I wasn’t doing anything ‘productive.’ It was actually pretty early for him to be home, around ten I think, and when he walked into the kitchen he just looked at me. It was different though, at the time I’d brushed it off as panic, but now I’m thinking he was actually seeing me for the first time? I don’t know how to phrase it because my looks had never held any purpose to him before.”
Adam just stared at her, stomach now rolling with unprocessed emotion and nausea, his hands throbbing more with each minute that passed. He didn’t let himself breath loudly, short shallow breaths through his nose - he felt like any abrupt sound would shatter both of them.
She opened her eyes quickly, glancing towards the balcony upon hearing a siren, before closing her eyes again, head dropping down to her lap - like she was speaking to the hand on her stomach. “That night he raped me. Right there in the kitchen, sink water running and television blaring. I don’t think I called for help once, I knew no one would come anyways.”
That was it for Adam’s composure. His hands let go of the comforter swiftly as a broken growl sounded out of the back of his throat. He couldn’t even think straight, his heart was beating wildly and his chest was throbbing against his rib cage and it wasn’t until he ran his hand over his face that he realized he was crying. The salt from his own angry tears stinging the gash on his cheek.
He watched her open her brown eyes, tears falling out immediately as she looked right at Adam. The hand fluttered over her stomach slowly before she let the few words roll of her tongue, “I was pregnant for 3 months.”
Adam blanched, jaw hanging open, tasting his own tears. No, you’ve got to be kidding. There’s no way, she was only 14. He choked out the only word on his tongue, “No.”
Allison nodded her head reluctantly, speaking softer out of discomfort and shame, “I miscarried from the internal damage he’d done both before and after the baby. He was forced to take me to a hospital, managing to make up some bullshit lie to keep himself out of trouble.”
She held her breath briefly, eyes now blazing into Adam’s furiously, “He died right before I turned 15. Got hit by a car walking home drunk one day from some bar in downtown L.A.”
Adam knew she was done talking for the moment and his heart broke all over again just consuming the information he’d received. It pounded in his head painfully, destroying every other thing he’d ever worried about before. He drew his eyes to her, asking approval to speak and when she nodded her head, he did - voice scratching its way out of his abdomen, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
She shook her head roughly, the answer rolling off of her tongue before he’d finished the question. “There was no reason for you to be involved in any of it, especially during Idol. You had bigger things to be concerned about and besides…it had already passed.”
Adam growled in disapproval, “Fuck Idol, fuck all of it. You should have told me. You should have told Kris. You should have told someone.” And then multiple things were clicking in his head at once - little snapping sounds going off in his head repeatedly. When he would sing her to sleep in the early morning because she came to him crying - she never explained why. When she would flinch away sometimes, if things were tense in the mansion or she was overcome with emotion. And finally - the hand on her stomach.
He barely contained a gag at how fucking perfect everything fit together. How he was such an idiot for not noticing it before. And suddenly a familiar feeling was flooding him, a primal need to protect this girl from anything, from everything.
“Alli…I-” Adam had no clue what to say, but that hand on her stomach was destroying him internally and the words spilled out before he could contain them, “Why did you keep it?”
He didn’t need to explain what ‘it’ was, Adam could tell she knew when her eyes flickered down to her stomach for a few moments before lifting them back up completely vulnerable. “I had to. It was innocent, Adam,” her voice hitched and she cleared her throat before continuing, “It was nobody’s fault but my own. The baby did nothing, and there was no way in hell I was going to rid of it because the circumstances were fucked up.”
Adam almost recoiled at the venom in her voice, instead responding immediately, his voice holding a slight edge of disbelief, “It was not your fault. Don’t you ever say that again.”
Allison looked away, not believing what she’d told herself a thousand times before. She sighed heavily, head turned and staring into nothing.
“No, Alli. Look at me,” Adam persisted, voice now adamant, blue eyes glaring right into Allison’s. “I never want to hear you say that again. None of it was your fault.” Frustration rolled through him when he watched her nod quickly, absentmindedly, like she’d heard it before.
He took a deep breath before continuing - something was pawing at his chest, not painfully, just uncomfortably and it was rising up his throat. Voice softer and comforting he spoke, letting the words fall off of his tongue unconsciously, “This isn’t your fault, baby. None of it. Please trust me when I tell you that.”
Adam watched Allison’s eyes carefully. He noted the flicker of surprise behind them before they morphed into something slightly stronger, more secure. That look - it was an answer. The answer he’d been looking for this whole time.
He scooted closer slowly warning her before he made even the slightest of movements, with his eyes. Upon receiving no extreme reactions Adam journeyed further, allowing his hand to reach up carefully towards her face, still asking permission. He almost cried out in relief when suddenly Allison leaned her face towards his palm, her entire body shuddering at the contact but still not pulling away.
It was all the invitation Adam needed. He barely contained the rest of his body from lurching forward to grasp her and tuck her into his side - instead, just leaning closer towards her and running his other hand through her hair, wiping her tears away, checking to see how badly her wrist was bleeding. Small, subtle gestures, but he had never felt such massive accomplishments in his life.
Allison’s breathing hitched and her eyes shut almost unwillingly as she swayed lightly, tears still falling despite her obvious exhaustion. He briefly let go of her, crawling further towards the center of the bed, settling his back against the pillows, then wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to his chest.
Allison’s otherwise tired eyes, stared into Adam’s unabashedly - completely heartbroken and full of sorrow. She nestled herself further into Adam’s side, her head resting on his chest, before murmuring a sleep-induced, near incoherent sentence, “Please don’t leave me, Adam.”
Adam let out a strangled sigh at this poor girl, pleading for him not to leave her when it should be the other way around. She hadn’t a clue how much she meant to him. The simple sentence was almost unbearable for Adam to hear, not even being able to form the idea in his mind - he would never leave this girl. This beautiful, strong, bubbly girl that never needed anyone’s help, yet always the first one to give.
He bent down to brush a kiss to Allison’s magenta hair, lingering there to drift in her scent before replying in an exhale, “I could never leave you, baby.”
Adam was almost positive she didn’t hear him though as he listened to her breathing slow and even out. He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to rest. For now he was going to put everything out of his head - any other issues would have to wait.
Comments make the idols get better quicker. Well not really, but it's a good pitch isn't it? :D