Fic: The Way I Loved You
Title: The way I loved you
Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own the characters of NCIS. I only borrow them for a little while.
Summary: Tony’s heart is broken. What’s he going to do about it?
A/N: I might turn this into a multi-chapter story. I have a few ideas. What do you think?
Prologue
Even though Anthony DiNozzo felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest he was not about to let Ziva David see him break down in front of her. He would save that for later when he was alone in his bedroom. He held his gaze as he stared deep into her dark brown eyes hoping it would be enough to bring the Mossad Officer to her senses. She couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t let her hurt him again. He hated what she was doing to him, but at the same time he could not bring himself to stop loving her with every fiber of his being. She had stolen his heart and even if he could he didn’t know if he wanted it back.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” Ziva repeated for the millionth time, “I’ve told you how my Father is. He will not….”
“I’ve told you a million times that I would convert for you,” Tony cut her off, “My faith isn’t important to me. I just want to be with you.”
“And that could never be,” Ziva said quietly, “I wish you’d understand.”
Ziva did not give Tony a chance to respond to what she had just said. Instead she turned and left the room left the room. Tony waited until he heard his apartment door close before he allowed himself to crumble onto his bed. Tony wanted to hate Ziva for making him this way. This was not the Tony that everyone knew and loved. He was weak. He hated Ziva for making him weak.
He had always thought that Jeanne would be the worst emotional pain that he would ever endure. Granted he had tried to convince everyone that he was alright by saying it had been all part of the job. He had told the lie so many times that he himself had started to believe it to be true. Yet the pain he had felt over losing Jeanne and her accusing him of murder combined would never even dent the pain that he had now felt because he had allowed Ziva to walk out.
“I would have given you everything,” Tony muttered, “And you don’t even care.”
Tony pulled himself off the bed. He wasn’t about to let her ruin him. He grabbed his jacket and headed out into night. He wasn’t sure where he was going to go but he knew he needed to clear his head. There were just too many thoughts racing through his mind and he had to sort through some of it before his mind exploded. He had never been known for having complicated thoughts. Yet here he was trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Could he have prevented Ziva from leaving him? Could he have somehow done something different to make her believe their relationship could have worked?
Tony sighed as he found himself standing in front of the bar a couple blocks from his apartment. His entire body had been on auto pilot as his mind had been replaying his entire relationship with the Mossad officer. He couldn’t help but laugh that his mind could only think of Ziva while his body could only think of hard liquor. Tony entered the building and quickly headed over to the bar.
“What can I do for you today Tony,” Fred the bartender asked when he noticed Tony slide onto a bar stool.
“Bourbon,” Tony grunted in response.
Bourbon was the preferred drink of his boss Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It was common knowledge that after an especially hard day of work Gibbs went home and drank his bourbon while he worked on his boat.
“And keep it coming,” Tony told Fred as an afterthought.
After awhile the number of drinks blurred together. One had quickly become two. Two had quickly become four. After it became apparent that it was the only thing Tony was going to drink Fred just gave the bottle to Tony claiming he had other customers and could not keep pouring countless shots for Tony every second.
“You’re too good looking to be sitting alone.”
Tony glanced up from his bourbon and found a blonde slide onto the bar stool beside him. Tony forced a smile but he knew it did not quite reach his eyes. He doubted he’d ever be happy again.
“I was just waiting for you,” Tony half heartedly flirted.
The blonde leaned in dangerously close and Tony half expected her to smack him in the back of the head. As pick up lines go it had been his worst attempt.
“Well here I am,” the blonde whispered, “What did you have in mind?”
Tony did not let his surprise show on his features. Glimpses of Ziva flashed through his mind and it took everything in Tony’s power not to allow himself to either break down or throw the shot glass at the mirror behind the bar.
“I got a bottle of wine back at my place,” Tony told her with a forced cheesy grin, “How about we go discuss it?”
“Lead the way.”
Tony slapped a few bills down on the counter after nodding towards Fred. He held out his arm and as the blonde snaked her arm around his he knew he was going to regret this. Yet he found he didn’t care. He was going to go back home to have a fun filled night with this blonde on his arm. Tony chuckled. He didn’t even know his name. Maybe the old Tony had not been completely lost after all.
Chapter 1- I Don't Miss You At All
Tony strolled into the bull pen as he whistled one of his favorite Frank Sinatra songs. To Tony it was impossible to listen to a Frank Sinatra song and not either sing or whistle along with it. Tony slid behind his desk ignoring the suspicious glances he was receiving from the rest of the team. He had promised himself that today was going to be better and Tony was not about to break that promise to himself. Even if he had to fake it most of the day Tony was not going to let Ziva think that she had affected him in any way. Tony pulled the ear buds to his I-POD out of his ear just in time for Timothy McGee to appear in front of his desk.
“Enjoy your week of Tony?” McGee asked him.
“I’m glad you asked McGee,” Tony replied grinning,, “I had a wonderful week with a wonderful blonde.”
Tony ignored the shocked expression that appeared on Ziva’s face. Instead he began to delve into some of the less gory details as he explained to McGee what had happened over the last week. He had thought that today was going to difficult, but it made him feel better in a weird way for the details of his latest adventures with a random blonde were hurting Ziva. They may have been fabricated, but no one needed to know that little fact. As Tony rambled on he thought back to what had actually happened the night he brought home the blonde.
Tony forced a grin onto his face as he poured red wine into two wine glasses before handing one of them to his blonde beside him. She smiled flirtatiously completely oblivious to the pained expression that was shining bright in his eyes and instead focused on his forced goofy smile.
“You sure know how to show a girl a good time,” the blonde told him.
“You have no idea,” Tony told her as his mind briefly thought back to Ziva.
The blonde bit her lip as she looked Tony up and down. Tony couldn’t help but think about how Ziva used to bite her lip when she was focused on something important. He had always thought she looked cute when she did that, but he knew better then actually telling her. A single tear slid down his cheek and Tony rushed to wipe it away before the blonde saw it. He wasn’t about to ruin his evening because of what Ziva had done.
“Are you ok?” the blonde asked.
No matter how hard Tony fought to keep his tears at bay they did not seem to respect his wishes. His entire body began to shake as he tried to keep the sobs down. This had to be the first time in history that a DiNozzo cried on a date and he didn’t even know who he was crying in front of. The blonde wrapped her arms around him and allowed him to cry. Tony had expected her to run screaming but she hadn’t.
“Well this is a first,” the blonde told him once he had finished crying.
Her words earned her a small smile from Tony. It was the first smile of the night that had not been forced all night.
“I’m sorry,” Tony told her, “This never happened to me before.”
“Don’t worry about,” the blonde told him, “We’ve all had our heart broken.”
Tony snapped out of his daze and cut off his ramblings thinking that Ziva had heard enough. Even though she deserved everything she got for breaking his heart he decided he had plunged the knife into hers enough for the day.
“Sounds like you had an interesting week Tony,” McGee told him before moving back to his own desk.
“Of course,” Tony grinned, “Don’t worry McLove, you too will one day find a real girl.”
McGee rolled his eyes before turning his attention to the computer screen. Tony grinned to himself. A week may have past but he still had the talent for making fun of McGee. He turned on his own computer and a message popped up.
Come down to my Lab!
~Abby~
Tony jumped at the chance to be able to leave the bull pen so he would not have to stare at Ziva for a little while. Tony ignored McGee’s questions about if it was a case as he headed out of the bull pen to Abby’s lab. He ignored the elevator and instead took the stairs, two at a time, which allowed him to reach the lab faster. As soon as he walked in the lab he found the Gothic Forensic Scientist hurling herself at him. Tony wrapped his arms around Abby wondering how she always knew what peopled needed. For the entire week he had stayed in his bed watching movies and sleeping, but all he had really needed was a hug. He wondered if Abby knew that or if she was just excited to see his return.
“Good to have you back Tony,” Abby mumbled into his neck.
“Good to be back Abs.”
Abby pulled away a little bit and began to study Tony. He felt a little uneasy under her gaze, but he didn’t move away.
“I know your all macho and everything,” Abby told him, “But if you ever want to talk…”
It was then that Tony knew without any doubt that Abby knew what had occurred between him and Ziva a week ago. He felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulder because there was one person on the team that he no longer had to be fake with. He didn’t have to fake a story about how he had spent an entire week with a beautiful blonde woman when in reality he had spent it in bed eating ice cream and watching old movies.
“Thanks,” Tony told her with a small smile.
Chapter Two- Stop and Erase
Tony entered his apartment proud of how he had handled himself his first day back to work. He had remained professional even when he felt a strong urge to smack or snap at Ziva. He had even been able to stay on Gibbs side throughout the work day. Of course he realized that not having a case and that he had kept going down to visit Abby for different reasons helped him make it through the day. Yet now that Tony knew he could make it through a day he knew it was time to do something he had been pushing off for a week. It was time he cleaned Ziva out of his life. He did not want anything left in his apartment that would even remind him of the Mossad Officer.
Bang!
Tony had barely thrown his jacket down on the couch when he heard someone’s insistent knocking on his front door. Tony threw his jacket down on the couch before turning back to the front door knowing that whoever was there did not seem to want to wait. Tony threw open the door as he prepared himself to be mad at whoever it was. Yet when he found Abby grinning in front of him he knew he couldn’t be mad at her.
“Hey Abs,” Tony said as he moved aside to let the Goth in.
“Hey Tony,” Abby told him as she entered, “I come bearing gifts.”
It was then that Tony noticed the brown paper bag that she held in her arms. It smelled distinctly of Chinese food, his favorite Chinese food to be exact.
“Is that?” Tony asked eagerly.
“Of course,” Abby replied.
Tony motioned for Abby to take a seat in the living room before he moved into the kitchen to grab anything they would need. Tony grabbed two beers from fridge knowing Abby loved him already and he didn’t need to break out the expensive wine for her. Not that he would have minded, but he knew she preferred a nice beer instead of wine. He grabbed two plates but he knew they wouldn’t be used. He just figured it would be a nice gesture just in case this was the one time Abby wanted to use a plate.
“Thanks,” Abby told him when he handed her the beer.
Tony grinned in return before setting the plates on the table and grabbing his own carton of Chinese from the paper bag. They sat in comfortable silence as they ate their Chinese and drank their beer. When they were done Tony cleaned up the mess and removed two more beers from the fridge.
“How is everything?” Abby asked.
Tony knew that she was referring to his first day back at work and how he had been forced to share an office area with the woman who had stolen his heart and stomped on top of it.
“Better than I expected,” Tony replied, “You were part of the reason it was better.”
“Really?” Abby asked with a smile.
“Yeah,” Tony told her, “I don’t know what I would have done if Gibbs had stopped me from visiting your lab every few hours.”
She was glad when Tony began looking around the apartment so he did not see the blush that was creeping across her cheeks. Abby turned away for a moment to compose herself before her she moved her attention back to her friend.
“What’s the matter?” Abby asked softly.
“I was going to get rid of everything that reminded me of…” Tony replied quietly, unable to bring himself to utter Ziva’s name, “I don’t know if I can.”
“I could help you,” Abby offered.
Tony turned his attention of the wall he had been staring at and back to the Goth, that he had always thought of as one of his best friends.
“You would help me?” Tony asked.
“Of course I would,” Abby replied, a small smile gracing her lips.
Tony was glad that Abby knew about him and Ziva. He had no idea what he would do if he did not have her to fall back on.
“Thanks Abs,” Tony told her, ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
There were so many witty comments Abby thought of in that moment of how Tony would probably wither away if she was not in his life. Yet she didn’t utter any of them because she knew it wasn’t what Tony needed to hear. Instead she rose to her feet and offered out her hand to Tony. Tony graciously accepted her hand as he climbed to his feet. Abby then began to help Tony rid his apartment of anything that reminded him of the Mossad Officer. He may have to see her every day at work, but that did not mean his apartment had to be covered in reminders as well.
A/N: I know it isn’t that long of a chapter. Next chapter will be longer and I have a few things planned for those of you TIVA fans. I’ll be putting the poll I discussed at the beginning in my profile so don’t forget to check that out.
Poll Future Pairing of The Way I Loved You
Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own the characters of NCIS. I only borrow them for a little while.
Summary: Tony’s heart is broken. What’s he going to do about it?
A/N: I might turn this into a multi-chapter story. I have a few ideas. What do you think?
Prologue
Even though Anthony DiNozzo felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest he was not about to let Ziva David see him break down in front of her. He would save that for later when he was alone in his bedroom. He held his gaze as he stared deep into her dark brown eyes hoping it would be enough to bring the Mossad Officer to her senses. She couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t let her hurt him again. He hated what she was doing to him, but at the same time he could not bring himself to stop loving her with every fiber of his being. She had stolen his heart and even if he could he didn’t know if he wanted it back.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” Ziva repeated for the millionth time, “I’ve told you how my Father is. He will not….”
“I’ve told you a million times that I would convert for you,” Tony cut her off, “My faith isn’t important to me. I just want to be with you.”
“And that could never be,” Ziva said quietly, “I wish you’d understand.”
Ziva did not give Tony a chance to respond to what she had just said. Instead she turned and left the room left the room. Tony waited until he heard his apartment door close before he allowed himself to crumble onto his bed. Tony wanted to hate Ziva for making him this way. This was not the Tony that everyone knew and loved. He was weak. He hated Ziva for making him weak.
He had always thought that Jeanne would be the worst emotional pain that he would ever endure. Granted he had tried to convince everyone that he was alright by saying it had been all part of the job. He had told the lie so many times that he himself had started to believe it to be true. Yet the pain he had felt over losing Jeanne and her accusing him of murder combined would never even dent the pain that he had now felt because he had allowed Ziva to walk out.
“I would have given you everything,” Tony muttered, “And you don’t even care.”
Tony pulled himself off the bed. He wasn’t about to let her ruin him. He grabbed his jacket and headed out into night. He wasn’t sure where he was going to go but he knew he needed to clear his head. There were just too many thoughts racing through his mind and he had to sort through some of it before his mind exploded. He had never been known for having complicated thoughts. Yet here he was trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Could he have prevented Ziva from leaving him? Could he have somehow done something different to make her believe their relationship could have worked?
Tony sighed as he found himself standing in front of the bar a couple blocks from his apartment. His entire body had been on auto pilot as his mind had been replaying his entire relationship with the Mossad officer. He couldn’t help but laugh that his mind could only think of Ziva while his body could only think of hard liquor. Tony entered the building and quickly headed over to the bar.
“What can I do for you today Tony,” Fred the bartender asked when he noticed Tony slide onto a bar stool.
“Bourbon,” Tony grunted in response.
Bourbon was the preferred drink of his boss Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It was common knowledge that after an especially hard day of work Gibbs went home and drank his bourbon while he worked on his boat.
“And keep it coming,” Tony told Fred as an afterthought.
After awhile the number of drinks blurred together. One had quickly become two. Two had quickly become four. After it became apparent that it was the only thing Tony was going to drink Fred just gave the bottle to Tony claiming he had other customers and could not keep pouring countless shots for Tony every second.
“You’re too good looking to be sitting alone.”
Tony glanced up from his bourbon and found a blonde slide onto the bar stool beside him. Tony forced a smile but he knew it did not quite reach his eyes. He doubted he’d ever be happy again.
“I was just waiting for you,” Tony half heartedly flirted.
The blonde leaned in dangerously close and Tony half expected her to smack him in the back of the head. As pick up lines go it had been his worst attempt.
“Well here I am,” the blonde whispered, “What did you have in mind?”
Tony did not let his surprise show on his features. Glimpses of Ziva flashed through his mind and it took everything in Tony’s power not to allow himself to either break down or throw the shot glass at the mirror behind the bar.
“I got a bottle of wine back at my place,” Tony told her with a forced cheesy grin, “How about we go discuss it?”
“Lead the way.”
Tony slapped a few bills down on the counter after nodding towards Fred. He held out his arm and as the blonde snaked her arm around his he knew he was going to regret this. Yet he found he didn’t care. He was going to go back home to have a fun filled night with this blonde on his arm. Tony chuckled. He didn’t even know his name. Maybe the old Tony had not been completely lost after all.
Chapter 1- I Don't Miss You At All
Tony strolled into the bull pen as he whistled one of his favorite Frank Sinatra songs. To Tony it was impossible to listen to a Frank Sinatra song and not either sing or whistle along with it. Tony slid behind his desk ignoring the suspicious glances he was receiving from the rest of the team. He had promised himself that today was going to be better and Tony was not about to break that promise to himself. Even if he had to fake it most of the day Tony was not going to let Ziva think that she had affected him in any way. Tony pulled the ear buds to his I-POD out of his ear just in time for Timothy McGee to appear in front of his desk.
“Enjoy your week of Tony?” McGee asked him.
“I’m glad you asked McGee,” Tony replied grinning,, “I had a wonderful week with a wonderful blonde.”
Tony ignored the shocked expression that appeared on Ziva’s face. Instead he began to delve into some of the less gory details as he explained to McGee what had happened over the last week. He had thought that today was going to difficult, but it made him feel better in a weird way for the details of his latest adventures with a random blonde were hurting Ziva. They may have been fabricated, but no one needed to know that little fact. As Tony rambled on he thought back to what had actually happened the night he brought home the blonde.
Tony forced a grin onto his face as he poured red wine into two wine glasses before handing one of them to his blonde beside him. She smiled flirtatiously completely oblivious to the pained expression that was shining bright in his eyes and instead focused on his forced goofy smile.
“You sure know how to show a girl a good time,” the blonde told him.
“You have no idea,” Tony told her as his mind briefly thought back to Ziva.
The blonde bit her lip as she looked Tony up and down. Tony couldn’t help but think about how Ziva used to bite her lip when she was focused on something important. He had always thought she looked cute when she did that, but he knew better then actually telling her. A single tear slid down his cheek and Tony rushed to wipe it away before the blonde saw it. He wasn’t about to ruin his evening because of what Ziva had done.
“Are you ok?” the blonde asked.
No matter how hard Tony fought to keep his tears at bay they did not seem to respect his wishes. His entire body began to shake as he tried to keep the sobs down. This had to be the first time in history that a DiNozzo cried on a date and he didn’t even know who he was crying in front of. The blonde wrapped her arms around him and allowed him to cry. Tony had expected her to run screaming but she hadn’t.
“Well this is a first,” the blonde told him once he had finished crying.
Her words earned her a small smile from Tony. It was the first smile of the night that had not been forced all night.
“I’m sorry,” Tony told her, “This never happened to me before.”
“Don’t worry about,” the blonde told him, “We’ve all had our heart broken.”
Tony snapped out of his daze and cut off his ramblings thinking that Ziva had heard enough. Even though she deserved everything she got for breaking his heart he decided he had plunged the knife into hers enough for the day.
“Sounds like you had an interesting week Tony,” McGee told him before moving back to his own desk.
“Of course,” Tony grinned, “Don’t worry McLove, you too will one day find a real girl.”
McGee rolled his eyes before turning his attention to the computer screen. Tony grinned to himself. A week may have past but he still had the talent for making fun of McGee. He turned on his own computer and a message popped up.
Come down to my Lab!
~Abby~
Tony jumped at the chance to be able to leave the bull pen so he would not have to stare at Ziva for a little while. Tony ignored McGee’s questions about if it was a case as he headed out of the bull pen to Abby’s lab. He ignored the elevator and instead took the stairs, two at a time, which allowed him to reach the lab faster. As soon as he walked in the lab he found the Gothic Forensic Scientist hurling herself at him. Tony wrapped his arms around Abby wondering how she always knew what peopled needed. For the entire week he had stayed in his bed watching movies and sleeping, but all he had really needed was a hug. He wondered if Abby knew that or if she was just excited to see his return.
“Good to have you back Tony,” Abby mumbled into his neck.
“Good to be back Abs.”
Abby pulled away a little bit and began to study Tony. He felt a little uneasy under her gaze, but he didn’t move away.
“I know your all macho and everything,” Abby told him, “But if you ever want to talk…”
It was then that Tony knew without any doubt that Abby knew what had occurred between him and Ziva a week ago. He felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulder because there was one person on the team that he no longer had to be fake with. He didn’t have to fake a story about how he had spent an entire week with a beautiful blonde woman when in reality he had spent it in bed eating ice cream and watching old movies.
“Thanks,” Tony told her with a small smile.
Chapter Two- Stop and Erase
Tony entered his apartment proud of how he had handled himself his first day back to work. He had remained professional even when he felt a strong urge to smack or snap at Ziva. He had even been able to stay on Gibbs side throughout the work day. Of course he realized that not having a case and that he had kept going down to visit Abby for different reasons helped him make it through the day. Yet now that Tony knew he could make it through a day he knew it was time to do something he had been pushing off for a week. It was time he cleaned Ziva out of his life. He did not want anything left in his apartment that would even remind him of the Mossad Officer.
Bang!
Tony had barely thrown his jacket down on the couch when he heard someone’s insistent knocking on his front door. Tony threw his jacket down on the couch before turning back to the front door knowing that whoever was there did not seem to want to wait. Tony threw open the door as he prepared himself to be mad at whoever it was. Yet when he found Abby grinning in front of him he knew he couldn’t be mad at her.
“Hey Abs,” Tony said as he moved aside to let the Goth in.
“Hey Tony,” Abby told him as she entered, “I come bearing gifts.”
It was then that Tony noticed the brown paper bag that she held in her arms. It smelled distinctly of Chinese food, his favorite Chinese food to be exact.
“Is that?” Tony asked eagerly.
“Of course,” Abby replied.
Tony motioned for Abby to take a seat in the living room before he moved into the kitchen to grab anything they would need. Tony grabbed two beers from fridge knowing Abby loved him already and he didn’t need to break out the expensive wine for her. Not that he would have minded, but he knew she preferred a nice beer instead of wine. He grabbed two plates but he knew they wouldn’t be used. He just figured it would be a nice gesture just in case this was the one time Abby wanted to use a plate.
“Thanks,” Abby told him when he handed her the beer.
Tony grinned in return before setting the plates on the table and grabbing his own carton of Chinese from the paper bag. They sat in comfortable silence as they ate their Chinese and drank their beer. When they were done Tony cleaned up the mess and removed two more beers from the fridge.
“How is everything?” Abby asked.
Tony knew that she was referring to his first day back at work and how he had been forced to share an office area with the woman who had stolen his heart and stomped on top of it.
“Better than I expected,” Tony replied, “You were part of the reason it was better.”
“Really?” Abby asked with a smile.
“Yeah,” Tony told her, “I don’t know what I would have done if Gibbs had stopped me from visiting your lab every few hours.”
She was glad when Tony began looking around the apartment so he did not see the blush that was creeping across her cheeks. Abby turned away for a moment to compose herself before her she moved her attention back to her friend.
“What’s the matter?” Abby asked softly.
“I was going to get rid of everything that reminded me of…” Tony replied quietly, unable to bring himself to utter Ziva’s name, “I don’t know if I can.”
“I could help you,” Abby offered.
Tony turned his attention of the wall he had been staring at and back to the Goth, that he had always thought of as one of his best friends.
“You would help me?” Tony asked.
“Of course I would,” Abby replied, a small smile gracing her lips.
Tony was glad that Abby knew about him and Ziva. He had no idea what he would do if he did not have her to fall back on.
“Thanks Abs,” Tony told her, ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
There were so many witty comments Abby thought of in that moment of how Tony would probably wither away if she was not in his life. Yet she didn’t utter any of them because she knew it wasn’t what Tony needed to hear. Instead she rose to her feet and offered out her hand to Tony. Tony graciously accepted her hand as he climbed to his feet. Abby then began to help Tony rid his apartment of anything that reminded him of the Mossad Officer. He may have to see her every day at work, but that did not mean his apartment had to be covered in reminders as well.
A/N: I know it isn’t that long of a chapter. Next chapter will be longer and I have a few things planned for those of you TIVA fans. I’ll be putting the poll I discussed at the beginning in my profile so don’t forget to check that out.
Poll Future Pairing of The Way I Loved You