it's been a long, long time coming

[adelaide129]

last night, i fought with nicole and then lindsey for a little bit and then locked myself in my room. i found a plastic bag and put it over my head, knotting it twice. i taped my hands together until the roll ran out, and i lay down on my bed with blankie in my hands. francisco was outside saying sweet things but i just listened to my breath,

Comments

[blue_ruin]

if you ever need to talk, i can completely relate to a lot of what you're saying. although i cannot condone suicide and would never want you to leave this earth, i know exactly what it feels like when it's the only satisfying option, when people don't understand that you're not being selfish, you just want to choose your own path. i sincerely think the world is better with you in it, and i hope you don't choose to end your path here, but it would be hypocritical of me to blame you for that choice. i have been in and out of hospitals this whole year for feeling the same way. the reason i have chosen to keep going is that i don't want the people who abused me years ago, and even those who continue to abuse me, to win. even though i feel like a piece-of-shit-waste-of-life, i know it stems from those people treating me like i was nothing. and i want to kick their asses by recovering and being happy someday