another shade of grey

[adenosine_tp]

with help from mistrali1 I have rewritten parts of my previous post- 'grey'. hope there's an improvement here.

I have come to learn:
there is no fine line
between black and white.
All that exists is grey.
An endless expanse of
rotten wasteland that I
trudge through each day,
trying to reach the other
end. I find corpses of
old memories along the way.
Dry

Comments

[idreamtoncetoo]

Great, great poem. And, it flows so well. To be honest, I'd love to write a musical arrangement for this.

These lines really strike me, "Only to forage further in this
world forever in gray-scale.
Muddled landscapes merge
into one another in ugly
blotches, patches, elsewhere
in smooth shades. Apparently
the artist was half-dozing
when he painted this picture.
Or, maybe he forgot his glasses."

What a beautiful metaphor questioning a superior power, maybe god? But, still, looking to a higher power to remove you from uncertainty? :

"Someone, anyone, pluck me from
this and drop me into a real
earth, "

I thought, at first, it would be more powerful of a piece if the narrator sought to tackle his/her conflict, alone. But, now, I've really fallen in love with the concept.

Well done

[mistrali1]

Wow - this is much more powerful and flows better and is just... tighter. There seems to be more of a cadence, too: as well as the wonderful rhyming, the lines themselves seem to be more concise and rhythmic.

"Or maybe he forgot his glasses" - nice touch here.

Their scornful laughter
echo in my ears even as
I carry on, sapped, telling
myself this is the last mile.
I also love this sentence, especially the last line of it.

Awesome, awesome stuff.