restless dream.....?
::makes way across own quarters, still limping using cane::
::sits in chair, positioned by viewport, looks out at the stars::
::work fingers of left hand slowly just like was instructed by Phlox::
I've just returned from the gym after another bout of physical therapy. The muscles in my left arm are beginning to respond but I still have no sensation or feeling in it. My left leg which was in better condition seems to be strengthening. I still use the cane, but am relying on it less each day. Phlox says I may never make it back to one hundred percent, but it should be close.
::sighs::
As far as I know Jonathan is still in the grips of some strange external presence, I haven't been able to see him or even check on his progress due to the rift between he and I, his partner would never have accepted any offer of assistance I may have put forth.
...
I can't decide which is harder for me at this point, dealing with the tumor and stroke or not feeling that I have Jonathan as a friend anymore. We haven't spoken a single time since he came to my quarters and we spoke of what I revealed to him on New Years Eve. I didn't mean to hurt him that night. It just felt so good to finally be able to share that information. I should have known how upset he would be, but the reason for his anger...that I didn't foresee.
I did things exactly like Henry had wanted up to that point. We weighed the pros and cons...they never substantiated not telling Jonathan...but it was what Henry wanted. I had to respect that. Jon was his son.....I only used him as a substitution for what I knew I couldn't have once I decided to fall in love with Henry Archer.
But now.....when I give in and finally tell him. It did the one major thing Henry was most fearful of. It took the only person I had considered to be family away from me. ::voice growing shakey, tears falling from eyes::
Jonathan, and his children were all I had left. Now I no longer have them. Everything I had with Henry was so wonderful, but now feels so empty.
::raises right hand to face, wiping across and down, sniffing, attempting to reign in too loose emotions::
::draws in a deep breath then releases it::
::computer chirps, reminding him it is recording mode, hadn't realized was quiet that long::
Who am I kidding other than myself....I never had any family after Henry died......Jonathan and his children were mine only in my warped imaginations, My pretend family I had set up in my mind....my now injured mind. I'm amazed at how the tumor has clarified things.....
too bad. It was a nice fantasy to indulge in.
Computer end personal log.
::sits quietly for a long time, then gathers self up and limps over to bed sitting on the edge::
Sometimes Henry I want to blame you for this mess.....but then I realize it wasn't your fault. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do....and there was no way I could have lived my life without you in it after we met. You were it for me Henry Archer.
I just wish.......
::shuts mouth, thoughts too painful to voice anymore, lays down on side, drifting off into sleep::
::sits in chair, positioned by viewport, looks out at the stars::
::work fingers of left hand slowly just like was instructed by Phlox::
I've just returned from the gym after another bout of physical therapy. The muscles in my left arm are beginning to respond but I still have no sensation or feeling in it. My left leg which was in better condition seems to be strengthening. I still use the cane, but am relying on it less each day. Phlox says I may never make it back to one hundred percent, but it should be close.
::sighs::
As far as I know Jonathan is still in the grips of some strange external presence, I haven't been able to see him or even check on his progress due to the rift between he and I, his partner would never have accepted any offer of assistance I may have put forth.
...
I can't decide which is harder for me at this point, dealing with the tumor and stroke or not feeling that I have Jonathan as a friend anymore. We haven't spoken a single time since he came to my quarters and we spoke of what I revealed to him on New Years Eve. I didn't mean to hurt him that night. It just felt so good to finally be able to share that information. I should have known how upset he would be, but the reason for his anger...that I didn't foresee.
I did things exactly like Henry had wanted up to that point. We weighed the pros and cons...they never substantiated not telling Jonathan...but it was what Henry wanted. I had to respect that. Jon was his son.....I only used him as a substitution for what I knew I couldn't have once I decided to fall in love with Henry Archer.
But now.....when I give in and finally tell him. It did the one major thing Henry was most fearful of. It took the only person I had considered to be family away from me. ::voice growing shakey, tears falling from eyes::
Jonathan, and his children were all I had left. Now I no longer have them. Everything I had with Henry was so wonderful, but now feels so empty.
::raises right hand to face, wiping across and down, sniffing, attempting to reign in too loose emotions::
::draws in a deep breath then releases it::
::computer chirps, reminding him it is recording mode, hadn't realized was quiet that long::
Who am I kidding other than myself....I never had any family after Henry died......Jonathan and his children were mine only in my warped imaginations, My pretend family I had set up in my mind....my now injured mind. I'm amazed at how the tumor has clarified things.....
too bad. It was a nice fantasy to indulge in.
Computer end personal log.
::sits quietly for a long time, then gathers self up and limps over to bed sitting on the edge::
Sometimes Henry I want to blame you for this mess.....but then I realize it wasn't your fault. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do....and there was no way I could have lived my life without you in it after we met. You were it for me Henry Archer.
I just wish.......
::shuts mouth, thoughts too painful to voice anymore, lays down on side, drifting off into sleep::