What would you ask?

[cowgirl524]

Hey guys, I need some advice. My intermediary has found and spoken with my four siblings. They want contact with me, even though our parents asked them not to. I've never thought about what I might ask my siblings, I've always thought about what I'd ask my parents. But my parents don't want contact with me and my siblings have told them it is not

Comments

[amarook]

Wait, your parents were married, had kids already, and they gave you up???
And now they don't want contact with you? WTF!?!

That's just messed up. Sorry, but I thought I had heard all the stories.

I would say just ask what ever comes to mind. Are you going to meet them in person? When you do, you will be amazed at how comfortable you will feel with them. It's like some biological thing.

Good LUCK!

[cowgirl524]

I agree, I think it's pretty messed up too. I feel like it's worse than my parents being young kids, like 16 or something, who couldn't take care of a kid. At least that is more common, and more understandable in my mind. My parents were like freaking 43 and 44, shouldn't they have known better??

Anyway. I'm not sure if I'll be meeting them in person the first time or how long it will be before I do. It will take about a month for the consent to contact forms to be sent to my siblings and back to my intermediary then to the courts to be processed and then back to my intermediary, which is when I can have their information.

Thanks for the advice!

[epic_life_fail]

Take it slow. Don't get too detailed during the first conversation. You'll be meeting your family for the first time. I can't wait to meet mine. Good luck. Try to avoid asking about your b-parents too much. Your sibs sound awesome. Please update us on the meeting!

[cowgirl524]

I will be sure to update as this continues. Thank you for your advice!

[jo_lou25]

Can I ask how they found you? Im trying to find mine but my adoption was a closed one. I dont know what Id ask them. Good luck hope to read it in your lj

[cowgirl524]

I was born in Colorado, and my adoption was closed as well. I can't remember exactly how I found how that I needed to contact a confidential intermediary services company, but I did. It's cost me $1000+ (although I know some people on here have used other ways that were free, but I didn't know about those ways at the time).

I was assigned an intermediary by Colorado courts. She obtained my closed adoption files with my birth parents information, and searched for them. She found them and sent them three letters over the course of five months or so, telling them I wanted contact with them. There was no response. So I paid to start a secondary search for my siblings, which has turned out more fruitful.

You'll probably need to research closed adoption laws from whatever state you're from. There *has* to be some way. It may cost you money or it may take a long time or both. If it's what you want to do, try to find a way.

I'm still not sure what exactly I'm going to ask, I just feel like I *have* to meet them at least once.

Just be yourself

[tabr0wn]

When my birth daughter met my other children for the first time, I watched in amazement as 5 adult children sat on the grass at the park and got acquainted. There were times when they didn't know what to say and other times when they were all laughing at something someone said. But all in all, they just got acquainted the same way they would with any stranger they met for the first time and wanted to make friends with. My advice for you is to just be yourself, enjoy getting to know them and who they are while they are doing the same with you. Before you leave that first meeting, ask for pictures of your parents if you think they are open to it. Ask for medical history as well. And after you've left, write it down as when you get older you will need it, and so will your children some day.

Enjoy your new friendships and good luck.

Teri Brown
www.AdoptionRecords.com