FAQ
I got the idea to do an FAQ from my friend amethystrse and I hope she doesn't mind.
Why did I create this journal?
I have a number of of notebook style journals, three to be specific, each used for different things. I have on that is for my normal day to day things, another is my spiritual/dream journal, and the final is supposed to be to chart my Mental Health issues. Problem is I never write in any of them, I start an entry but never finish it. I have this horrible problem where I pick up a pen or pencil and all the ideas I have in my head disappear. So in short I am making this journal to write about ALL the aspects of my life that I can't get out in my other journals.
What are my Mental Health issues?
A good deal of my childhood was traumatic (won't get into specifics now) and I didn't escape it unscathed. I have suffered from depression of one form or another as long as I can remember, because of that depression I have been hospitalized a few times and while in the hospital I was diagnosed with a number of disorders including:
Yeah it's a grocery list of disorders and as much as I hate them I figure it's only fair to warn those who read this about it before hand. If these issues bother you or you think I am making them up in order to get attention then you are entitled to your opinion but please refrain from commenting on posts I make here. This journal is for me to express myself, not for me to get a written beating, so please be polite.
What, if anything, have I done about these issues?
I have spent many years going from one Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist or another, I have been on a number of medications including: Prozac, Trazadone, Serzone, Neurontin (this med is actually for seizures but my doctor prescribed it to me for panic attacks caused by anxiety), Seroquel, and Paxil, and well of course journal writing...a technique I am trying to get my alters (other personalities/aspects) to use to express themselves.
Other Personalities, just how many personalities do you have?
Counting me? There is at least 7 of us, but I am not sure there aren' t others, I often get the feeling there are others sitting back and watching but not coming out. Actually I think I will take this time to introduce my others, my crew if you will.
Robin- *bright happy wave* that's me, the one currently doing the typing. I am 21, short and I talk too much. I have been known to get attached to people too easily and get hurt because of that. I have always been emotional and a bit jumpy around aggressive people. I am very introverted and love nothing more than a good book, though art pencils and a sketch pad is a close second. I currently live in Lighthouse Point, Florida with my sometimes moody boyfriend Thomas. I have taken a number of Child Development classes and plan to open the first accredited school tailored to the Pagan/Magick/Earth religions. That goals a ways off, in the mean time I am trying to write a Sci-Fi/Fantasy book series.
I have survived a multitude of abuses from members of my family, neighbors, family friends, and significant others. It's hard for me to write about the abuse but sooner or later I will probably do just that, in the mean time suffice (if you can' t tell I really like that word) it to say the abuses were mental, emotional, physical, and sexual in nature.
Anika- Ah, how do I describe her? I guess first think I should say is that I owe her my life many times over and what little sanity I still have I accredit to her. She was the first of my others that I came to terms with, though for a long time I tried to dismiss her as a "role-playing" character, but I eventually realized that when I RPed her I receded to the background and she took over. That actually caused alot of problems because essentially everything that happened to Anika wasn' t really a game, for her it was all too real and emotional (as a result of this I "killed off" the RP version of Anika in order to give the real one chance to heal from the pain that the RP had caused her.) The real Anika is ageless but has an air about her that I refer to as Matronly.
It must be said that Anika isn' t a human, she is a wolf human...not a werewolf really though she can exhibit those traits, she is more a wolf whom has spent so much time in a human body that she has adapted a few human traits. With me, the others in the system, and anyone she thinks of as part of her Pack Anika is maternal to a fault (we call her our Den Mother). She exhibits patience, understanding, wisdom, intelligence, and a loving manner that have helped me and the others through more than a few problems. In fact there has been more than once where Anika held me while I cried or talked me done from making some very serious and permanent decisions in a moment of pain. I love Anika as my mother and she treats me as her daughter, a relationship my life has severely lacked for too long.
Anika isn't all loving though, she is the system protector, basically if you hurt any of us be prepared to face her and I tell you now I have seen men nearly twice my size cringe as she gave them a piece of her mind. A natural distrust if not all out contempt for men is part of Anika's nature leading those of us who know her to refer to her as the Adorable Amazon. Though I am not 100% sure I believe that Anika is either a spirit from the past living inside my body or one of my incarnations re manifested, I say this because I can' t remember a time when she wasn't there in the back of my mind helping me whenever I needed it.
Oh and I apologize if anything I have written so far has seemed confrontational, Anika is sorta influencing me as I write, mostly she is just helping to give me the courage to write at all but her natural distrust of everyone unknown makes her, and thusly me as well, on the defensive.
Takenya- Half succubus, half siren Takenya exudes sex and sexual energy the way most people breath, it's just that natural for her. However, Takenya uses her sex appeal to manipulate others to get what she wants. She laughs at me quite often for being shy of men and thinks Anika is crazy to detest them, though she wouldn't dare admit that to Anika...she is afraid of her. Takenya and I don' t always see eye to eye but there has been more than one time where I have willingly let her take over, mostly in a large group situation. She is witty, beautiful, feline-like in her movement, and confident...many things I am not. Being 100% honest with myself I envy the ease Takenya has with life and herself, she is ambitious & motivated...she gets what she wants with ease and grace.
I am not sure of Takenya's age (I estimate late 20's though) but I do know that she has dark Egyptian features and is a good deal taller than me (she hates being stuck in a 5'2 body)
Rosa- Just thinking about her makes me smile. Anika may have been the first alter I accepted but Rosa was the first one to make her presence known, I think I was 15 or 16 the first time she came out to play. Rosa is 12 years old but looks much younger (all my alters have been happy to show me what the look like to themselves) not more than 8. I don' t know why but Rosa is always dressed for Easter and continually smiles when she comes out; she makes my face hurt with her huge grin. In the beginning I lost time when ever Rosa came out, meaning she took over so completely it was like I went to sleep and she controlled the body, then I would wake up and have no idea what had happened.
Now Rosa is aware of me ( a recent development) and she isn't at all happy with me. The girl hates me with a vengeance, she dislikes all the things that I do as an adult and that I have disrupted her ideal view of reality. She now knows that the world isn't prefect, bad people & things exist and she blames it all on me. When she comes out she is still bright, happy, cheery and playful to everyone else but has done things like rip out my hair and destroy my stuff. In my head she ignores me unless it's to tell me I am a "bad, bad lady." I am not sure how she feels about Anika or is she even knows she exists, maybe it's time that I ask Anika to try to help her heal. I feel sorry for the girl, it can't be easy finding out that you are sharing the body of a 21 year old.
Malykhi- Pronounced Malachi, he is about 10 and the only male that I know of in the system. I don' t know alot about Mal, frankly he scares the hell out of me. He has very vivid images of killing people and claims to like to bath in as well as drink human blood. I don' t know if my fear of him has kept him locked up in my mind or if he simply has chosen not to come out. I haven't consciously prevented him from doing such but either way he has never done more than tell me horror stories that give me nightmares.
Julie- Not much is known of Julie either, she has never spoken to me except to mumble about being scared of being hurt by bad people. At 6 years old she is one of my littles but unlike the others she doesn't play or do much of anything but curl into ball hugging her knees while she rocks back and forth crying. Late at night I find myself clinging to conciousness as Julie cries about being scared of the dark. Arguing & raised voices scare her as well. Most of the time I don't remember Julie coming out, I only learn about it from other people. Anika is the only one so far to connect with Julie, though the poor girl wants her own family back and I am at a lose of what to tell her.
Recent events have been triggering Julie more and more and as such I am debating investing in a night-light and a teddy bear for her. Prehaps on my birthday (the 10th) I will ask my boyfriend to go shopping with us as we look for the perfect bear. Though I need to remember it's for Julie and to not pick just any bear but one that she loves.
Anna- The only one of my littles who has always been conscious of me and that she shares the body of an adult, she unsettles me because she is 5 but often talks and acts younger but enjoys pretending to be a grown up and does very grown up things. More than once she has come out during sexual activity, in fact it seems to be her favorite game. I don' t know what to do about this...5 year olds shouldn' t be having sex even if they are in an adult body but once she has control she doesn' t give it up easily. Recently I have been trying to encourage Anna, who is the most social of all my littles, to find friends her age outside the system...she even posted on a littles LJ community.
So that's my crew and I have written all the things I can think to write in my FAQ, I am sure I will be adding to it as time goes by.
If anyone who reads this has any questions of me or the crew please ask and we will answer your questions gladly. The question may even make it's way to a FAQ topic.
Why did I create this journal?
I have a number of of notebook style journals, three to be specific, each used for different things. I have on that is for my normal day to day things, another is my spiritual/dream journal, and the final is supposed to be to chart my Mental Health issues. Problem is I never write in any of them, I start an entry but never finish it. I have this horrible problem where I pick up a pen or pencil and all the ideas I have in my head disappear. So in short I am making this journal to write about ALL the aspects of my life that I can't get out in my other journals.
What are my Mental Health issues?
A good deal of my childhood was traumatic (won't get into specifics now) and I didn't escape it unscathed. I have suffered from depression of one form or another as long as I can remember, because of that depression I have been hospitalized a few times and while in the hospital I was diagnosed with a number of disorders including:
- Dysthymia- A type of chemical imbalance (at least in my case) where the decrease in serotonin production causes prolonged depression.
- Major Depressive Disorder- Another name for "Clinical Depression."
- Social Anxiety- A disorder characterized by severe discomfort in social groups and situations.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)- A disorder characterized by rituals and obsessive behavior; ex- hand washing, counting steps, etc.
- Agoraphobia- Fear of large open spaces, often leading to the suffer spending the majority of their time in their homes, only leaving when absolutely necessary.
- Mild Schizophrenia- Mild hallucinations, both auditory and visual, are the gift to me from my parents. This disorder is heredity and the chances of the child getting it if both parents have it is as high as 75%.
- Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)- The most recent of my diagnosis this disorder used to be called MPD, but its name was changed in the 80's, DID is where severe mental strain causes the mind to fracture into several distinct personalities.
Yeah it's a grocery list of disorders and as much as I hate them I figure it's only fair to warn those who read this about it before hand. If these issues bother you or you think I am making them up in order to get attention then you are entitled to your opinion but please refrain from commenting on posts I make here. This journal is for me to express myself, not for me to get a written beating, so please be polite.
What, if anything, have I done about these issues?
I have spent many years going from one Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist or another, I have been on a number of medications including: Prozac, Trazadone, Serzone, Neurontin (this med is actually for seizures but my doctor prescribed it to me for panic attacks caused by anxiety), Seroquel, and Paxil, and well of course journal writing...a technique I am trying to get my alters (other personalities/aspects) to use to express themselves.
Other Personalities, just how many personalities do you have?
Counting me? There is at least 7 of us, but I am not sure there aren' t others, I often get the feeling there are others sitting back and watching but not coming out. Actually I think I will take this time to introduce my others, my crew if you will.
Robin- *bright happy wave* that's me, the one currently doing the typing. I am 21, short and I talk too much. I have been known to get attached to people too easily and get hurt because of that. I have always been emotional and a bit jumpy around aggressive people. I am very introverted and love nothing more than a good book, though art pencils and a sketch pad is a close second. I currently live in Lighthouse Point, Florida with my sometimes moody boyfriend Thomas. I have taken a number of Child Development classes and plan to open the first accredited school tailored to the Pagan/Magick/Earth religions. That goals a ways off, in the mean time I am trying to write a Sci-Fi/Fantasy book series.
I have survived a multitude of abuses from members of my family, neighbors, family friends, and significant others. It's hard for me to write about the abuse but sooner or later I will probably do just that, in the mean time suffice (if you can' t tell I really like that word) it to say the abuses were mental, emotional, physical, and sexual in nature.
Anika- Ah, how do I describe her? I guess first think I should say is that I owe her my life many times over and what little sanity I still have I accredit to her. She was the first of my others that I came to terms with, though for a long time I tried to dismiss her as a "role-playing" character, but I eventually realized that when I RPed her I receded to the background and she took over. That actually caused alot of problems because essentially everything that happened to Anika wasn' t really a game, for her it was all too real and emotional (as a result of this I "killed off" the RP version of Anika in order to give the real one chance to heal from the pain that the RP had caused her.) The real Anika is ageless but has an air about her that I refer to as Matronly.
It must be said that Anika isn' t a human, she is a wolf human...not a werewolf really though she can exhibit those traits, she is more a wolf whom has spent so much time in a human body that she has adapted a few human traits. With me, the others in the system, and anyone she thinks of as part of her Pack Anika is maternal to a fault (we call her our Den Mother). She exhibits patience, understanding, wisdom, intelligence, and a loving manner that have helped me and the others through more than a few problems. In fact there has been more than once where Anika held me while I cried or talked me done from making some very serious and permanent decisions in a moment of pain. I love Anika as my mother and she treats me as her daughter, a relationship my life has severely lacked for too long.
Anika isn't all loving though, she is the system protector, basically if you hurt any of us be prepared to face her and I tell you now I have seen men nearly twice my size cringe as she gave them a piece of her mind. A natural distrust if not all out contempt for men is part of Anika's nature leading those of us who know her to refer to her as the Adorable Amazon. Though I am not 100% sure I believe that Anika is either a spirit from the past living inside my body or one of my incarnations re manifested, I say this because I can' t remember a time when she wasn't there in the back of my mind helping me whenever I needed it.
Oh and I apologize if anything I have written so far has seemed confrontational, Anika is sorta influencing me as I write, mostly she is just helping to give me the courage to write at all but her natural distrust of everyone unknown makes her, and thusly me as well, on the defensive.
Takenya- Half succubus, half siren Takenya exudes sex and sexual energy the way most people breath, it's just that natural for her. However, Takenya uses her sex appeal to manipulate others to get what she wants. She laughs at me quite often for being shy of men and thinks Anika is crazy to detest them, though she wouldn't dare admit that to Anika...she is afraid of her. Takenya and I don' t always see eye to eye but there has been more than one time where I have willingly let her take over, mostly in a large group situation. She is witty, beautiful, feline-like in her movement, and confident...many things I am not. Being 100% honest with myself I envy the ease Takenya has with life and herself, she is ambitious & motivated...she gets what she wants with ease and grace.
I am not sure of Takenya's age (I estimate late 20's though) but I do know that she has dark Egyptian features and is a good deal taller than me (she hates being stuck in a 5'2 body)
Rosa- Just thinking about her makes me smile. Anika may have been the first alter I accepted but Rosa was the first one to make her presence known, I think I was 15 or 16 the first time she came out to play. Rosa is 12 years old but looks much younger (all my alters have been happy to show me what the look like to themselves) not more than 8. I don' t know why but Rosa is always dressed for Easter and continually smiles when she comes out; she makes my face hurt with her huge grin. In the beginning I lost time when ever Rosa came out, meaning she took over so completely it was like I went to sleep and she controlled the body, then I would wake up and have no idea what had happened.
Now Rosa is aware of me ( a recent development) and she isn't at all happy with me. The girl hates me with a vengeance, she dislikes all the things that I do as an adult and that I have disrupted her ideal view of reality. She now knows that the world isn't prefect, bad people & things exist and she blames it all on me. When she comes out she is still bright, happy, cheery and playful to everyone else but has done things like rip out my hair and destroy my stuff. In my head she ignores me unless it's to tell me I am a "bad, bad lady." I am not sure how she feels about Anika or is she even knows she exists, maybe it's time that I ask Anika to try to help her heal. I feel sorry for the girl, it can't be easy finding out that you are sharing the body of a 21 year old.
Malykhi- Pronounced Malachi, he is about 10 and the only male that I know of in the system. I don' t know alot about Mal, frankly he scares the hell out of me. He has very vivid images of killing people and claims to like to bath in as well as drink human blood. I don' t know if my fear of him has kept him locked up in my mind or if he simply has chosen not to come out. I haven't consciously prevented him from doing such but either way he has never done more than tell me horror stories that give me nightmares.
Julie- Not much is known of Julie either, she has never spoken to me except to mumble about being scared of being hurt by bad people. At 6 years old she is one of my littles but unlike the others she doesn't play or do much of anything but curl into ball hugging her knees while she rocks back and forth crying. Late at night I find myself clinging to conciousness as Julie cries about being scared of the dark. Arguing & raised voices scare her as well. Most of the time I don't remember Julie coming out, I only learn about it from other people. Anika is the only one so far to connect with Julie, though the poor girl wants her own family back and I am at a lose of what to tell her.
Recent events have been triggering Julie more and more and as such I am debating investing in a night-light and a teddy bear for her. Prehaps on my birthday (the 10th) I will ask my boyfriend to go shopping with us as we look for the perfect bear. Though I need to remember it's for Julie and to not pick just any bear but one that she loves.
Anna- The only one of my littles who has always been conscious of me and that she shares the body of an adult, she unsettles me because she is 5 but often talks and acts younger but enjoys pretending to be a grown up and does very grown up things. More than once she has come out during sexual activity, in fact it seems to be her favorite game. I don' t know what to do about this...5 year olds shouldn' t be having sex even if they are in an adult body but once she has control she doesn' t give it up easily. Recently I have been trying to encourage Anna, who is the most social of all my littles, to find friends her age outside the system...she even posted on a littles LJ community.
So that's my crew and I have written all the things I can think to write in my FAQ, I am sure I will be adding to it as time goes by.
If anyone who reads this has any questions of me or the crew please ask and we will answer your questions gladly. The question may even make it's way to a FAQ topic.