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Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnZkYEr9aoA
A lot of bad things happening to people I care about. Anxious about what happens next. But there's nothing I can do except be there.
I miss things being easy. -
(Untitled)
A year ago I flew down with Abe to see my father for the last time. I keep thinking it was a month between finding out he had cancer, and him passing away. But it was only a couple of weeks. Mid winter is not a nice time of year. -
Choices
I have two "Senior Frontend Developer" job offers and I have to decide which to take by Monday. Neither want me to work on a mac, which is my preferred development environment for all sorts of reasons. But neither would make me use Windows (so, basically, Linux). Company A pays a little more than the other(+8k & health insurance). Company B has a ( Read more... ) -
Life, I suppose
I have withdrawn into myself a lot over the past few years. I miss being the social person I used to be, but it's just a bit hard. Things hit you, I suppose*. And when you're taught to always be happy. To never make other people's lives harder. You often find it's easier just to retreat for a while **. The interesting thing in all this is that ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
In the past 3 years I have learnt more than what I wanted to about loss. Up until this point I think I was privileged. I didn't really believe in things being gone for good. -
Sleepless
Its quarter to three and I can't sleep. I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I understand where it is coming from, but I am unable to talk about it when and where it matters ( Read more... ) -
Xmas
Heading down south Friday. This will be the first Xmas in my life where my father hasn't been there. I keep thinking about how strange that is. Its gotten pretty deep into my subconscious too. I've been dreaming of him almost every night for the past month. -
Dear Dad
It's been a month since I last saw you alive. We still miss you. Your granddaughter, Emma, has been listening to "Wish you were here" on repeat. We played that song at your funeral. Every other song makes me think of you. This is life, I know. But It's still so hard to believe you are gone ( Read more... ) -
Dad
He was bad today. The nurse told my family that he has maybe a day left. She whispered it as she left. Told them that if he passes away overnight, not to worry about calling anyone until the morning. I am heading there as early as I can, but won't be there until after 9.15am. I'm so so scared. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. This is ( Read more... ) -
Dad
So there's nothing they can do. Chemo unlikely enough to work that it would be detrimental rather than beneficial. Inoperable. So that's it really. Not sure how long he'll have. They reckon its spreading pretty fast. He reckons he's not that easy to kill and plans to last years. I hope he's right.
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