ATTN: editors. i could use your help!

[adrien1720]

My father has always loved to spoil me with lavish gifts. When he was a young child, growing up in Portugal, his family could barely afford to put dinner on the table. Now that he has become a successful masonry restoration business owner, he is a firm believer in sharing the wealth. For every holiday, birthday, good report card, or sometimes just

Comments

[siamesemushroom]

My parents gave me and my older brother coal one year too.
In retrospect it was hilarious, though.

[siamesemushroom]

P.S.
I'll edit it later, I'm actually on my way out the door at the moment. But I'd love to

[captotter]

I liked it a great deal. What excellent juxtaposition--I think you do a very good job of setting the reader up. The entire piece works heavily on a reader's pathos, and it does it without ever being too much--and that's tough. I think the great thing is that this is like ANTI-Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. This is somewhat of a dangerous format to use. It's like a joke: you have your set up which takes you in one direction, then the punch line finishes it off. The difference is that a joke is funny and this is cathartic (obviously). In those instances, it's really important that you earn that punchline. Lots of writers will do something like this and undersell the beginning. I think you do a fine job of earning that punchline

[adrien1720]

i happen to be a huge fan of the drive by musings myself. i am working on a compiling a book of tiny stories like this one, in memorish form. i like reading work like this, so i figure others must as well. i have about a billion stories to tell--some amounting to 1 page and others to 5-6. i think setting up a book with small chapters keeps the reader, well...reading! haha. great editing btw, i find i sometimes add in little details that are unncecessary as a result of some of the fsu english classes i have taken. they always want to know shit that doesn't really add ANYTHING at all to the story. call me when you wanna get together. are you out of school now?

[captotter]

Actually I'm working all week. Gotta finalize grades, clean up my portable, box up books, and put the smack down on 14 year-old punk ass bitches that don't know what time it is*!

*(it's pain time, by the way--in case you didn't know)