All the petty scenes, and all the pretty things...
Characters: Uchiha Sasuke [ avenging_raven], Alphonse Elric [ bloodseal_soul]
When: Saturday, October 4th 2008 (Dusk)
Where: Sasuke's rooftop camp, near the edge of the Safezone.
Rating: PG-13 for sentimental stuff, a onesided boykiss, and enough angst to scar someone. And language. Mostly on Al's part.
Summary: Almost by accident, Al realized that Sasuke needed nothing so much as a friend, someone who cared about him, someone he could get close to. What he hadn't counted on was Sasuke getting a little too close. ... and that can't happen.
They'd gone on a walk or two prior to this, but Sasuke was about to show Al his little hideaway on top of a building on the fringes of town. Up until now there hadn't been too many people that had been up there; usually just Itachi, because there was no way up to the roof unless you were a ninja, a shinigami, or something that could fly. The building was fairly stable, but the stairs and the fire escapes were definitely not -- so the only way up was via running or jumping up the wall. He was standing at the base of his building, looking up; after a moment he looked over and held out a hand. "You're going to have to ride to get up there," he noted with faint amusement. "Ninja style, you know."
It was cold out, and Al had taken to wearing a sweater even under his jacket when night fell. The building was fairly tall for something so close to the edge of town, but it blended in well with the others around it. Just by the way he acted, the closer they got to this place, Alphonse could tell it was special to Sasuke. He'd shown Sasuke a few of his own places that he liked with incredible views, but they hadn't gotten to the more special ones yet. Sasuke seemed to enjoy the walks, and it was nice to see him get out of the house once in awhile. When Sasuke held out a hand Al automatically moved to take it, and had a moment of confusion before he thought of what 'ninja-style' must mean. Naruto had carried him that way once. "On your back?" Al asked to make sure, and moved closer, setting his free hand up on Sasuke's shoulder, eyes wide and curious.
In so many ways, this was 'home'. This was where Sasuke had retreated to when his life had unraveled; his little solitude, his sanctuary away from insanity. The building wasn't super-tall, maybe five stories at the most; it looked like it had been an office building at some point. He didn't invite people up very often, since most of the time it would have meant getting them up there and that would have gone counter to his solitary ways. Al, though...that was different. "Mmmhmm," he responded, squeezing Al's hand unconsciously before shifting a bit. "Come on, we're going up the wall and I'm not about to drop you on your head." There was a hint of a tease as he braced himself, waiting for Al to climb up onboard so they could head up to the roof. "I'm faster than Itachi is, fair warning."
Perhaps it was curious that they'd become so comfortable with each other so quickly; but it may have been simply that they'd both been in need of a friend at that point in time. Itachi had certainly helped move things along in his ever-meddlesome way, but the two very different teens had somehow decided they liked each other's company. "What about my backside?" Al teased right back, and squeezed Sasuke's hand. He moved around behind him, slid his arms around his neck, and hopped upwards, pressing his thighs just above the other's hips to keep himself in place. The warning was appreciated - Itachi was incredibly fast. That in mind, Al pressed close and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's shoulders, linking them over his chest so he wouldn't choke him. To avoid getting a faceful of Sasuke's hair, he put his chin to his shoulder. "I'm ready," he said quietly, voice breathy with excitement.
Right person, right place, right time. It wasn't like they were complete strangers to each other, but something had just sort of clicked. Maybe that was partially thanks to Itachi playing squish-teenagers-together. Who knew, really. "I promise to not drop you on it," Sasuke said with what was almost a chuckle. He wound his arms underneath Al's thighs to hold him on, resisting the urge to nuzzle. It was almost reflex, but he was a good boy and didn't give in. "Okay, here we go." With that much warning he shot up the side of the building. He was indeed faster, because he didn't have the chakra-use restrictions; he could use these abilities with impunity, and he did. In no time flat they were cresting the top of the wall, landing gently on what was a fairly ordinary rooftop -- if you ignored the little tent and evidence of a small, primitive, but well-organized camp. "Home sweet home," he murmured, letting Al get his breath back before he got down.
Itachi was a crafty bastard, even if Alphonse wouldn't use quite those words aloud. He was also smarter than was good for him, and seemed to take pleasure in smashing down just about every boundary that had ever been erected. In the case of these two it was personal space, and Al was now comfortable touching Sasuke. He tightened his grip, and even so he couldn't stop the harsh gasp that squeezed free when Sasuke moved. It felt momentarily like being pushed, similar to the vertigo on that Tilt-a-Whirl. God that Tilt-a-Whirl. Again, he felt the tiny prickle of chakra being used, just the tiniest sensation that could cause goosebumps if he wasn't careful. He sucked in a breath when they touched down at the top, and Al unlocked his legs, holding around Sasuke's shoulders a moment before he could steady himself on his feet. "Nice setup, here," he commented when he trusted his voice, and walked forwards, hand sliding down off the other's shoulder as he stared out over the Wastelands, then turned around and looked towards the city. In the lower, orange light of the oncoming dusk, it looked amazing. "... oh, wow..."
If Alphonse wouldn't, Sasuke would. Itachi was very much a crafty bastard in every possible sense of the word. Didn't matter though, Sasuke loved his brother just the way he was. Craftiness, bastardness, and all. He was comfortable with Al near him; usually he kept folks at arm's length, but Al had wormed past those barriers. Not that he minded. He honestly liked physical contact, just didn't trust people that close to him. Once Al was breathing again he let go, making sure he was on his feet before looking out over the city. It was some kind of strange cold beauty now, orange light pouring over it like liquid fire. He had watched this every single night when he was staying up here. "It's something else, isn't it?" he murmured, a faint smile touching his lips as Al stared out over the sight. Sometimes you could find beauty in chaos and destruction, if you lit it properly.
Alphonse stood at Sasuke's side, eyes wide and clearly dreaming, lips parted and breathing stilled for a moment in time as he took it all in. A chance gust of wind pushed strongly from behind them, carrying a few bits of leaves and a tiny bit of dust, making Al's hair flutter and swirl, the ends of his coat snapping. Alphonse took a breath, finally, when the gust had passed he turned slowly to look up at Sasuke. There wasn't even a smile, just utter awe. "It's amazing," he breathed, and took a step closer to the edge. Times like this, for some reason, he felt that it was possible to disappear, to be gone like sand in wind, to dissolve into the sight around him, but he didn't feel that way now. Now, he felt real. Al looked back over his shoulder with a small, thoughtful smile and said softly, "Shame on you, keeping this all to yourself."
Sasuke, for his part, wasn't watching the sunset. He was watching Alphonse. The look on his face, his obvious enjoyment and wonder over the sight...it was just as entrancing as the landscape itself. The wind pushed Al's hair around his face, adding to the whole illusion. It made for an amazing counterpoint to the autumn landscape below them. "Glad you like it." He watched as Al stepped closer to the edge, following a moment later to stand at his elbow as they looked over the city. You could see little specks of light here and there in the houses that were occupied; sparks of life amidst devastation. It added to the scene's appeal. He hesitated a moment before answering, looking at Al as the blond looked back at him; when he did answer, it was with a faint smile of his own. "I never had anyone I wanted to share it with," he pointed out, hand rising, then dropping again to his side.
Spring, he'd said. He looked like spring, but autumn brought things out of him that had seemed to drop to the background before. The hand opposite Sasuke reached up to push his hair back from his face from the top, and Al watched Sasuke back thoughtfully for a long moment, trying to think things through. The Uchiha brothers and their inscrutable emotions, but he thought he saw the edge of a smile there, and it looked like a real one this time. Al's own widened, and he noticed the movement, wondering if it was a silent question or request for contact, and he reached out to touch gentle fingers to his forearm. To Al, touch was a method of affection, something sacred and made even more so by his lack of the sense for so long. Sasuke, not having had that for so long, probably wanted and even needed more than he was getting at this point in time, though Itachi was undoubtedly doing his share. Maintaining the cursory contact, Al looked out at the sprawling city again, watched the way it seemed to haze and ripple in places where the dust blew. "I'm glad you chose me," Al whispered reverently, the smile calming to something thoughtful and distant.
What Al looked like depended on the season. Right now Sasuke was watching him and debating just what he looked like, other than sunshine. He seemed to radiate sunshine, no matter where he went or what he was doing; even when he was upset there was something about him. That was a dangerous thing, in Sasuke's opinion...it made him entirely too attractive. The fingers that touched his forearm were almost like permission to reciprocate. He reached up, absently pushing a few wisps of blond hair out of Al's eyes. He craved contact and never got enough of it. Itachi was doing a lot to soothe that away; he did a lot, but there were places he couldn't go. He looked over the city as Al turned, fingers eventually landing on the other young man's shoulder. "Nobody I'd rather be up here with," he said softly.
Blissfully and completely oblivious, Al tipped his chin up when Sasuke's hand lifted, wide-eyed and eyebrows lifted curiously. The fingers brushed over his cheekbone and temple, and again he was amazed at how it felt so gentle, and somehow very controlled, like he was maintaining his grip on something. The fact that his eyes were so charcoal black, Al couldn't pick out the pupil helped to disguise anything he might be thinking, too. Still, it was almost like there was an edge of something, but it was far from Al's grasp of logic and so he simply let it go. There wasn't anything enough to be sure of, anyway. A smile softened his already gentle features, and he lifted a hand to set it over Sasuke's, holding onto him in some small way - as though he'd disappear if he didn't. As if Al's touch might be the only thing keeping him there. "... me either," he finally whispered truthfully, though he didn't look up at Sasuke as he said it. Instead he stayed silent and watched the sun shine almost blindingly off the mostly intact glass windows of a tall building.
Al was always so oblivious. It was both charming and incredibly aggravating all at once. Sasuke was used to being opaque. It was impossible for him not to be; he'd gotten so used to locking his thoughts away tightly, not to be shared or revealed. So even now, it was hard to let that wall down. He was keeping his emotions in check, very tightly...but his fingers twitched slightly when Al's hand covered his own. He'd never had anyone who was holding onto him quite like that, like they were afraid he was going to drift away if they let go. For a moment there was silence, then his fingers shifted, gliding under Al's chin and tipping it up so the other boy didn't have any choice but to look at him -- and his control snapped and instead of thinking, he just reacted. He leaned down, not processing what he was doing, just planting a kiss on Al's lips. If he'd thought, he never would have done it.
Alphonse felt the twitch and squeezed reassuringly, just a tiny movement of his hand as he watched the sunset over the buildings. He didn't think anything of it when Sasuke's fingers slid under his chin and tipped his face, up, but he touch there was like an electric shock. He honestly had no idea what was happening until it actually happened, and then it took a moment to sink in. Soft lips, gentle touch, and the world snapped like a thread pulled too tight, an almost audible whiplash across his mind. He absolutely couldn't breathe, couldn't fucking think, and that was the first time his mind had used that word on him. Because goddamnit, he suddenly got it. The touches, the looks, the smiles, the hesitation, even the words had all been because- ... goddamnit. It wasn't supposed to be like this! Alphonse made a sound against Sasuke's mouth and then put a hand to his chest, pushing him back and taking one step back as he did so - perilously close to the edge - though he was still clutching the front of Sasuke's shirt. There was a bright flush across his cheeks but the rest of him seemed pale, and he was shivering. There was no way to describe the look on his face, but the understanding in his eyes was horrible. "S-Sas..." he managed to force out, his lips trembling, and then he took a shaky step forwards, throwing his arms around Sasuke's neck and burying his face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I-I never meant to make you-"
The words were stuttering and unclear, but his meaning wasn't. It was crystal clear.
Oh god. Don't do this. I can't return it.
He already knew. He knew the moment he did it that it was a lost cause, that all he was doing was setting himself up for even more pain. Sasuke was breaking his own heart and he knew it. At the same time, though, he had just...needed the truth to come out. Al was everything he'd ever wanted, all in one package, and it was just poetic justice that yet again he couldn't have what he wanted. It always happened that way. Not once had he ever gotten what he really, really wanted. Just par for the course. When Al pushed back he didn't stop him, though he did tense -- just in case he had to catch him and keep him from plummeting. For the first time his gaze was totally open, and it was painful because every ounce of affection was matched with sadness and equal understanding. He knew. He blinked as Al wound arms around him; a second later he returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around the blond's waist (and not so incidentally steering him away from the edge of the building), his nose pressed into all that soft gold hair. "Don't apologize," he said quietly, voice very carefully controlled. Too controlled. "You didn't do anything...it's all my fault." His fault for giving in, his fault for yet again wanting what he couldn't have. "I'm...I'm sorry." You knew it was bad if he was apologizing.
It was that look that would shatter Alphonse. It was that one look, the one time he'd seen everything, and probably the one time he ever would see everything, now. It was one split and incredibly fucked up second that the two of them had shared, and there was nothing held back. How ironic, and how cruel, that it was over something like this. Alphonse should have known better. He should fucking known better right from the start that Sasuke was hurting and vulnerable, in a horrible position, and that everything he did could have been completely taken the wrong way. Al had come into Sasuke's life right when he was most raw and reached out a hand to him, and Sasuke had taken it. Every single thing they said and did had been a screaming indicator and Alphonse had deliberately ignored it, tried to play it off as Sasuke teasing reactions out of him, when really it was exactly how it had looked. ... Al had come into someone's life with the best intentions, and once again managed to fuck it up royally without even meaning to. That took some serious talent. Taking a noisy breath that sounded suspiciously like he was on the edge of tears, he clung closer to Sasuke. The logical thing to do would be to go home, but damned if he was leaving him alone now. He wasn't going to abandon someone he genuinely cared about, especially in a state like this. "Shhh," he whispered, absurdly trying to comfort Sasuke when it seemed on the outside that Alphonse was the one losing it. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to leave you. I'm staying." There was a bit of force behind the words, because Sasuke had to understand. He understood that Alphonse wouldn't leave Kamui, couldn't and didn't return Sasuke's feelings. He was attracted to him - he was human - but nothing could come from it. He knew Sasuke all of that, had before he'd kissed him, so he didn't bother saying it. No reason to twist the knife. What he did need to know, however, was that Al wasn't going to abandon him over this.
Even as he stood there, holding Al close, trying to recover anything he could from the situation, Sasuke was shutting down. The walls were coming back up, brick by brick, and he was retreating behind them to try and keep himself from hurting too much. It was always the way he was, if something went wrong and he got hurt he hid. Let the rest of the world see the shell, hide the vulnerability inside. Don't let them see you cry, don't let them see you're weak. That was really what it was, in the end; weakness. Just like he'd told Itachi, it was just weakness and foolishness. He never should have given in, ever. It was nobody's fault but his own. He'd known that he didn't have a chance in hell, and he'd done it anyway. Al's words just made him tighten his arms...even though he wasn't sure he believed them. Everyone left, or he left them before they could abandon him. It was just the way things were. "I shouldn't have done that." Even his voice was getting way too controlled, a sign that he was closing down and cutting off anything that even looked like emotions. It wasn't at all healthy, not even close, but he didn't know what else to do with himself.
Al stopped talking. He knew there was nothing he could say that was going to make this better, going to make this right. He didn't realize until the second time it came, but then exactly what Sasuke was doing worked its icy fingers up and squeezed Al's heart, making it impossible to breathe properly. He had no idea what to do. He wished he knew exactly what was going on in Sasuke's head, knew everything that had happened so he could say exactly what he needed to hear, to shine a blinding light on his fears and chase them all away, but damn it, he couldn't. Al's breathing jacked up and he slid his hand across the back of Sasuke's neck to keep him in place, as though physically holding him would stop the rest of him from leaving. Alphonse pulled back to look Sasuke in the eyes. His breathing was unnaturally stuttered, but he put his forehead to Sasuke's, both hands on the back of his neck and stared him in the eyes, bright roiling amber mixed with slate grey meeting the fading black. It felt like a thunderhead. "Please, stay...?" he whispered, and the soft, gentle voice held just the edge of vulnerability, of fear. If anything, maybe Sasuke would come back because this was the only thing Alphonse had ever really asked him for. He could hope.
He'd told himself over and over and over; told Itachi over and over and over that this was a dumb idea, that he never should have even let himself feel like this, that it was just a disaster waiting to happen. He'd been right. His heart had already been fragmented from any number of things, but this had just shattered it completely and it was all his fault and nobody else's. When Al pulled away he opened his eyes, the previously all too open gaze already shuttering, pulling back to the flat expressionless black that had characterized the way he'd looked at Al the first time he'd seen him. Just nothing there. About then, though, Al pressed his forehead to Sasuke's...and asked him to stay. Asked him to stay like he was afraid for what would happen if he left. His control broke enough for him to swallow, hard. He usually didn't let himself crack like that. He stared into those gold-amber eyes for a long time, before he finally managed to speak. "Al...if you ask me to, I will." He felt like a fool. This was why bonds were a mistake; they'd catch you and destroy you in the end, but he'd still voluntarily made this one and at the moment he didn't want to let it go.
Idiot, some back corner of Al's mind was chanting happily. Run. Runrunrun. This is dangerous. This is bad. ... and had it been anyone else? Anyone else who had done this, no matter who it was? He would have. Al would have bolted. He would have run like he had when he was younger, when things got to be too much, but now... Sasuke was just more important. He was a friend that Al had made that he'd thought he'd never make, and he couldn't bear to see him shut down again. Period. So when the flicker of hope came, just the barest measure of something to grab and hold onto, Al took it. He would drag Sasuke out of this kicking and screaming if he had to, and it all showed plain as day in his eyes, backing up the gentle concern and sharp edge of worry. "I'm asking you," he said softly, and gently rubbed the back of Sasuke's neck, soothing away whatever pain his grip had caused. A tiny smile touched the edge of his lips, shaky but genuine.
There was something so completely brutal about this, about forcing himself to do this. Every instinct was telling Sasuke to walk away, just like he always did; to run and abandon everything and sink back into that nice comforting numbness where nothing got to him. But here was Al, staring at him, holding onto him, and asking him to stay. It was torture, but he couldn't say no. He just could not say no to those eyes, no matter how much this was going to end up killing him in the end. So he'd stay. He would just have to shut up that part of him again. Somehow. But even as he was making that resolve his arms were tightening reflexively, like he didn't want to let go no matter how much he knew he had to. "I'll stay because you ask me to," he said quietly. "I just...can you forgive me?" He should never have put Al in that position. Ever. He should have known he was misinterpreting everything. He never should have gone out on that limb.
He felt Sasuke's arms tighten, and Al relaxed a bit as soon as he was able to see something reaching out. All right. This was progress. This was better. The tension and fear was still there, but he wasn't sliding down that slippery slope anymore - Al had a good hold on his hand now. He relaxed and wished he could look him in the eyes without being this suggestive, considering how close they were. ... and he wished he hadn't seen that fear. That was going to haunt him. But Sasuke didn't need to know that. For some reason, the question struck him as funny, but rather than laugh, he let out a soft breath much like Ginia's soundless chuckles and smiled. I've had much worse done, he wanted to say, but he didn't. "Can and do," he whispered, giving Sasuke a long look to make sure he knew he meant it. The smile finally came back, and Alphonse pulled him close. Somewhere along the line the sun had set without them, and Al stared off into the dark shot through with dying rays of light, and tried to make his mind shut up.
It wasn't so much reaching out as it was holding on to what he had left. Sasuke didn't want to be afraid, but right now he was having a hard time seeing anything good coming out of anything. Most of it was that he was just aching inside. Aching for what he wanted to do, for what he couldn't do, for what he'd already done. He still felt like he was slipping, but he was holding onto Al for all he was worth, and hoping to god that he wouldn't squeeze so hard that the other evaporated and left him standing there by himself. "Thanks." He rested his cheek against Al's hair and looked vacantly out over the darkened city, at the little islands of light and life. He wasn't alone, but he felt so alone, and it was all his own stupid fault. There was silence for a long, long time, then a soft sound of an indistinct nature. It could have been a chuckle, it could have been a sigh, it could have been a muffled sob. It was most likely not the latter, since Sasuke never ever cried. Especially not where anyone could see him. "God." The level of stupidity...and he wouldn't talk about his other complexes. Not here, and not now, because he'd just make it worse.
After a while it wasn't so much standing there as Sasuke holding him, and for some godforsaken reason unfathomable in Al's own mind, needing him. His mind ticked to a slow halt as things started to shut themselves out, and instead of saying anything, he squeezed a bit. He was pretty sure he knew what that sound was - just a little bit of all three columns, and Al smiled a little against Sasuke's shoulder. It was one of his sadder smiles, but it was still a smile. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you," he said softly, and he actually sounded very mildly teasing, gentle and comfortable. He put his hand to the back of Sasuke's neck and hugged close. This time his voice was different, a soft whisper. "Do you want to stay here for a while longer?"
The evening was getting cooler now that the sun had finally set entirely, leaving the city in darkness. Sasuke was just standing there getting his bearings, holding Al close to him, letting as much of his tension drain away as he could manage. Nighttime was very peaceful up here, quiet and solitary and even though they were part of the city you could see why it was easy to pretend you were the only person alive in the whole world. It was easy to sink into total isolation here. The fact that he wasn't alone despite being in his little haven was sort of throwing that off though. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad just yet. "Yeah, but most of them aren't good," he finally said softly. His eyes opened a touch in surprise as Al's hand slid to the back of his neck and the blond pulled himself closer and whispered. A moment later they closed again as his arms tightened a touch more. "If you don't mind," he whispered back, wistful and guarded and still caring, even if it was being actively muzzled now.
It should have been cold, but it wasn't. It should have been lonely, but it wasn't. It should have been simple, but none of this had ever turned out the way Al expected. Al knew about the night, about being alone, about being awake and staring out at nothing. Nights were so long. ... maybe Sasuke didn't know it, but Al understood, and he was ready to spend all night sitting up with him on this fifth-story roof with nothing around them but sky and stars, removed from the world, until the daylight came to bring them back to reality. At this point he figured anyone could think what they wanted. He cared. Maybe not the way Sasuke wanted him to, but he did. Awkward was now a part of them, they'd deal with it. Al gave a thoughtful hum, and the tiniest hint of a smile. "Nah, I don't mind."
He didn't either. Not a single bit.
When: Saturday, October 4th 2008 (Dusk)
Where: Sasuke's rooftop camp, near the edge of the Safezone.
Rating: PG-13 for sentimental stuff, a onesided boykiss, and enough angst to scar someone. And language. Mostly on Al's part.
Summary: Almost by accident, Al realized that Sasuke needed nothing so much as a friend, someone who cared about him, someone he could get close to. What he hadn't counted on was Sasuke getting a little too close. ... and that can't happen.
They'd gone on a walk or two prior to this, but Sasuke was about to show Al his little hideaway on top of a building on the fringes of town. Up until now there hadn't been too many people that had been up there; usually just Itachi, because there was no way up to the roof unless you were a ninja, a shinigami, or something that could fly. The building was fairly stable, but the stairs and the fire escapes were definitely not -- so the only way up was via running or jumping up the wall. He was standing at the base of his building, looking up; after a moment he looked over and held out a hand. "You're going to have to ride to get up there," he noted with faint amusement. "Ninja style, you know."
It was cold out, and Al had taken to wearing a sweater even under his jacket when night fell. The building was fairly tall for something so close to the edge of town, but it blended in well with the others around it. Just by the way he acted, the closer they got to this place, Alphonse could tell it was special to Sasuke. He'd shown Sasuke a few of his own places that he liked with incredible views, but they hadn't gotten to the more special ones yet. Sasuke seemed to enjoy the walks, and it was nice to see him get out of the house once in awhile. When Sasuke held out a hand Al automatically moved to take it, and had a moment of confusion before he thought of what 'ninja-style' must mean. Naruto had carried him that way once. "On your back?" Al asked to make sure, and moved closer, setting his free hand up on Sasuke's shoulder, eyes wide and curious.
In so many ways, this was 'home'. This was where Sasuke had retreated to when his life had unraveled; his little solitude, his sanctuary away from insanity. The building wasn't super-tall, maybe five stories at the most; it looked like it had been an office building at some point. He didn't invite people up very often, since most of the time it would have meant getting them up there and that would have gone counter to his solitary ways. Al, though...that was different. "Mmmhmm," he responded, squeezing Al's hand unconsciously before shifting a bit. "Come on, we're going up the wall and I'm not about to drop you on your head." There was a hint of a tease as he braced himself, waiting for Al to climb up onboard so they could head up to the roof. "I'm faster than Itachi is, fair warning."
Perhaps it was curious that they'd become so comfortable with each other so quickly; but it may have been simply that they'd both been in need of a friend at that point in time. Itachi had certainly helped move things along in his ever-meddlesome way, but the two very different teens had somehow decided they liked each other's company. "What about my backside?" Al teased right back, and squeezed Sasuke's hand. He moved around behind him, slid his arms around his neck, and hopped upwards, pressing his thighs just above the other's hips to keep himself in place. The warning was appreciated - Itachi was incredibly fast. That in mind, Al pressed close and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's shoulders, linking them over his chest so he wouldn't choke him. To avoid getting a faceful of Sasuke's hair, he put his chin to his shoulder. "I'm ready," he said quietly, voice breathy with excitement.
Right person, right place, right time. It wasn't like they were complete strangers to each other, but something had just sort of clicked. Maybe that was partially thanks to Itachi playing squish-teenagers-together. Who knew, really. "I promise to not drop you on it," Sasuke said with what was almost a chuckle. He wound his arms underneath Al's thighs to hold him on, resisting the urge to nuzzle. It was almost reflex, but he was a good boy and didn't give in. "Okay, here we go." With that much warning he shot up the side of the building. He was indeed faster, because he didn't have the chakra-use restrictions; he could use these abilities with impunity, and he did. In no time flat they were cresting the top of the wall, landing gently on what was a fairly ordinary rooftop -- if you ignored the little tent and evidence of a small, primitive, but well-organized camp. "Home sweet home," he murmured, letting Al get his breath back before he got down.
Itachi was a crafty bastard, even if Alphonse wouldn't use quite those words aloud. He was also smarter than was good for him, and seemed to take pleasure in smashing down just about every boundary that had ever been erected. In the case of these two it was personal space, and Al was now comfortable touching Sasuke. He tightened his grip, and even so he couldn't stop the harsh gasp that squeezed free when Sasuke moved. It felt momentarily like being pushed, similar to the vertigo on that Tilt-a-Whirl. God that Tilt-a-Whirl. Again, he felt the tiny prickle of chakra being used, just the tiniest sensation that could cause goosebumps if he wasn't careful. He sucked in a breath when they touched down at the top, and Al unlocked his legs, holding around Sasuke's shoulders a moment before he could steady himself on his feet. "Nice setup, here," he commented when he trusted his voice, and walked forwards, hand sliding down off the other's shoulder as he stared out over the Wastelands, then turned around and looked towards the city. In the lower, orange light of the oncoming dusk, it looked amazing. "... oh, wow..."
If Alphonse wouldn't, Sasuke would. Itachi was very much a crafty bastard in every possible sense of the word. Didn't matter though, Sasuke loved his brother just the way he was. Craftiness, bastardness, and all. He was comfortable with Al near him; usually he kept folks at arm's length, but Al had wormed past those barriers. Not that he minded. He honestly liked physical contact, just didn't trust people that close to him. Once Al was breathing again he let go, making sure he was on his feet before looking out over the city. It was some kind of strange cold beauty now, orange light pouring over it like liquid fire. He had watched this every single night when he was staying up here. "It's something else, isn't it?" he murmured, a faint smile touching his lips as Al stared out over the sight. Sometimes you could find beauty in chaos and destruction, if you lit it properly.
Alphonse stood at Sasuke's side, eyes wide and clearly dreaming, lips parted and breathing stilled for a moment in time as he took it all in. A chance gust of wind pushed strongly from behind them, carrying a few bits of leaves and a tiny bit of dust, making Al's hair flutter and swirl, the ends of his coat snapping. Alphonse took a breath, finally, when the gust had passed he turned slowly to look up at Sasuke. There wasn't even a smile, just utter awe. "It's amazing," he breathed, and took a step closer to the edge. Times like this, for some reason, he felt that it was possible to disappear, to be gone like sand in wind, to dissolve into the sight around him, but he didn't feel that way now. Now, he felt real. Al looked back over his shoulder with a small, thoughtful smile and said softly, "Shame on you, keeping this all to yourself."
Sasuke, for his part, wasn't watching the sunset. He was watching Alphonse. The look on his face, his obvious enjoyment and wonder over the sight...it was just as entrancing as the landscape itself. The wind pushed Al's hair around his face, adding to the whole illusion. It made for an amazing counterpoint to the autumn landscape below them. "Glad you like it." He watched as Al stepped closer to the edge, following a moment later to stand at his elbow as they looked over the city. You could see little specks of light here and there in the houses that were occupied; sparks of life amidst devastation. It added to the scene's appeal. He hesitated a moment before answering, looking at Al as the blond looked back at him; when he did answer, it was with a faint smile of his own. "I never had anyone I wanted to share it with," he pointed out, hand rising, then dropping again to his side.
Spring, he'd said. He looked like spring, but autumn brought things out of him that had seemed to drop to the background before. The hand opposite Sasuke reached up to push his hair back from his face from the top, and Al watched Sasuke back thoughtfully for a long moment, trying to think things through. The Uchiha brothers and their inscrutable emotions, but he thought he saw the edge of a smile there, and it looked like a real one this time. Al's own widened, and he noticed the movement, wondering if it was a silent question or request for contact, and he reached out to touch gentle fingers to his forearm. To Al, touch was a method of affection, something sacred and made even more so by his lack of the sense for so long. Sasuke, not having had that for so long, probably wanted and even needed more than he was getting at this point in time, though Itachi was undoubtedly doing his share. Maintaining the cursory contact, Al looked out at the sprawling city again, watched the way it seemed to haze and ripple in places where the dust blew. "I'm glad you chose me," Al whispered reverently, the smile calming to something thoughtful and distant.
What Al looked like depended on the season. Right now Sasuke was watching him and debating just what he looked like, other than sunshine. He seemed to radiate sunshine, no matter where he went or what he was doing; even when he was upset there was something about him. That was a dangerous thing, in Sasuke's opinion...it made him entirely too attractive. The fingers that touched his forearm were almost like permission to reciprocate. He reached up, absently pushing a few wisps of blond hair out of Al's eyes. He craved contact and never got enough of it. Itachi was doing a lot to soothe that away; he did a lot, but there were places he couldn't go. He looked over the city as Al turned, fingers eventually landing on the other young man's shoulder. "Nobody I'd rather be up here with," he said softly.
Blissfully and completely oblivious, Al tipped his chin up when Sasuke's hand lifted, wide-eyed and eyebrows lifted curiously. The fingers brushed over his cheekbone and temple, and again he was amazed at how it felt so gentle, and somehow very controlled, like he was maintaining his grip on something. The fact that his eyes were so charcoal black, Al couldn't pick out the pupil helped to disguise anything he might be thinking, too. Still, it was almost like there was an edge of something, but it was far from Al's grasp of logic and so he simply let it go. There wasn't anything enough to be sure of, anyway. A smile softened his already gentle features, and he lifted a hand to set it over Sasuke's, holding onto him in some small way - as though he'd disappear if he didn't. As if Al's touch might be the only thing keeping him there. "... me either," he finally whispered truthfully, though he didn't look up at Sasuke as he said it. Instead he stayed silent and watched the sun shine almost blindingly off the mostly intact glass windows of a tall building.
Al was always so oblivious. It was both charming and incredibly aggravating all at once. Sasuke was used to being opaque. It was impossible for him not to be; he'd gotten so used to locking his thoughts away tightly, not to be shared or revealed. So even now, it was hard to let that wall down. He was keeping his emotions in check, very tightly...but his fingers twitched slightly when Al's hand covered his own. He'd never had anyone who was holding onto him quite like that, like they were afraid he was going to drift away if they let go. For a moment there was silence, then his fingers shifted, gliding under Al's chin and tipping it up so the other boy didn't have any choice but to look at him -- and his control snapped and instead of thinking, he just reacted. He leaned down, not processing what he was doing, just planting a kiss on Al's lips. If he'd thought, he never would have done it.
Alphonse felt the twitch and squeezed reassuringly, just a tiny movement of his hand as he watched the sunset over the buildings. He didn't think anything of it when Sasuke's fingers slid under his chin and tipped his face, up, but he touch there was like an electric shock. He honestly had no idea what was happening until it actually happened, and then it took a moment to sink in. Soft lips, gentle touch, and the world snapped like a thread pulled too tight, an almost audible whiplash across his mind. He absolutely couldn't breathe, couldn't fucking think, and that was the first time his mind had used that word on him. Because goddamnit, he suddenly got it. The touches, the looks, the smiles, the hesitation, even the words had all been because- ... goddamnit. It wasn't supposed to be like this! Alphonse made a sound against Sasuke's mouth and then put a hand to his chest, pushing him back and taking one step back as he did so - perilously close to the edge - though he was still clutching the front of Sasuke's shirt. There was a bright flush across his cheeks but the rest of him seemed pale, and he was shivering. There was no way to describe the look on his face, but the understanding in his eyes was horrible. "S-Sas..." he managed to force out, his lips trembling, and then he took a shaky step forwards, throwing his arms around Sasuke's neck and burying his face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I-I never meant to make you-"
The words were stuttering and unclear, but his meaning wasn't. It was crystal clear.
Oh god. Don't do this. I can't return it.
He already knew. He knew the moment he did it that it was a lost cause, that all he was doing was setting himself up for even more pain. Sasuke was breaking his own heart and he knew it. At the same time, though, he had just...needed the truth to come out. Al was everything he'd ever wanted, all in one package, and it was just poetic justice that yet again he couldn't have what he wanted. It always happened that way. Not once had he ever gotten what he really, really wanted. Just par for the course. When Al pushed back he didn't stop him, though he did tense -- just in case he had to catch him and keep him from plummeting. For the first time his gaze was totally open, and it was painful because every ounce of affection was matched with sadness and equal understanding. He knew. He blinked as Al wound arms around him; a second later he returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around the blond's waist (and not so incidentally steering him away from the edge of the building), his nose pressed into all that soft gold hair. "Don't apologize," he said quietly, voice very carefully controlled. Too controlled. "You didn't do anything...it's all my fault." His fault for giving in, his fault for yet again wanting what he couldn't have. "I'm...I'm sorry." You knew it was bad if he was apologizing.
It was that look that would shatter Alphonse. It was that one look, the one time he'd seen everything, and probably the one time he ever would see everything, now. It was one split and incredibly fucked up second that the two of them had shared, and there was nothing held back. How ironic, and how cruel, that it was over something like this. Alphonse should have known better. He should fucking known better right from the start that Sasuke was hurting and vulnerable, in a horrible position, and that everything he did could have been completely taken the wrong way. Al had come into Sasuke's life right when he was most raw and reached out a hand to him, and Sasuke had taken it. Every single thing they said and did had been a screaming indicator and Alphonse had deliberately ignored it, tried to play it off as Sasuke teasing reactions out of him, when really it was exactly how it had looked. ... Al had come into someone's life with the best intentions, and once again managed to fuck it up royally without even meaning to. That took some serious talent. Taking a noisy breath that sounded suspiciously like he was on the edge of tears, he clung closer to Sasuke. The logical thing to do would be to go home, but damned if he was leaving him alone now. He wasn't going to abandon someone he genuinely cared about, especially in a state like this. "Shhh," he whispered, absurdly trying to comfort Sasuke when it seemed on the outside that Alphonse was the one losing it. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to leave you. I'm staying." There was a bit of force behind the words, because Sasuke had to understand. He understood that Alphonse wouldn't leave Kamui, couldn't and didn't return Sasuke's feelings. He was attracted to him - he was human - but nothing could come from it. He knew Sasuke all of that, had before he'd kissed him, so he didn't bother saying it. No reason to twist the knife. What he did need to know, however, was that Al wasn't going to abandon him over this.
Even as he stood there, holding Al close, trying to recover anything he could from the situation, Sasuke was shutting down. The walls were coming back up, brick by brick, and he was retreating behind them to try and keep himself from hurting too much. It was always the way he was, if something went wrong and he got hurt he hid. Let the rest of the world see the shell, hide the vulnerability inside. Don't let them see you cry, don't let them see you're weak. That was really what it was, in the end; weakness. Just like he'd told Itachi, it was just weakness and foolishness. He never should have given in, ever. It was nobody's fault but his own. He'd known that he didn't have a chance in hell, and he'd done it anyway. Al's words just made him tighten his arms...even though he wasn't sure he believed them. Everyone left, or he left them before they could abandon him. It was just the way things were. "I shouldn't have done that." Even his voice was getting way too controlled, a sign that he was closing down and cutting off anything that even looked like emotions. It wasn't at all healthy, not even close, but he didn't know what else to do with himself.
Al stopped talking. He knew there was nothing he could say that was going to make this better, going to make this right. He didn't realize until the second time it came, but then exactly what Sasuke was doing worked its icy fingers up and squeezed Al's heart, making it impossible to breathe properly. He had no idea what to do. He wished he knew exactly what was going on in Sasuke's head, knew everything that had happened so he could say exactly what he needed to hear, to shine a blinding light on his fears and chase them all away, but damn it, he couldn't. Al's breathing jacked up and he slid his hand across the back of Sasuke's neck to keep him in place, as though physically holding him would stop the rest of him from leaving. Alphonse pulled back to look Sasuke in the eyes. His breathing was unnaturally stuttered, but he put his forehead to Sasuke's, both hands on the back of his neck and stared him in the eyes, bright roiling amber mixed with slate grey meeting the fading black. It felt like a thunderhead. "Please, stay...?" he whispered, and the soft, gentle voice held just the edge of vulnerability, of fear. If anything, maybe Sasuke would come back because this was the only thing Alphonse had ever really asked him for. He could hope.
He'd told himself over and over and over; told Itachi over and over and over that this was a dumb idea, that he never should have even let himself feel like this, that it was just a disaster waiting to happen. He'd been right. His heart had already been fragmented from any number of things, but this had just shattered it completely and it was all his fault and nobody else's. When Al pulled away he opened his eyes, the previously all too open gaze already shuttering, pulling back to the flat expressionless black that had characterized the way he'd looked at Al the first time he'd seen him. Just nothing there. About then, though, Al pressed his forehead to Sasuke's...and asked him to stay. Asked him to stay like he was afraid for what would happen if he left. His control broke enough for him to swallow, hard. He usually didn't let himself crack like that. He stared into those gold-amber eyes for a long time, before he finally managed to speak. "Al...if you ask me to, I will." He felt like a fool. This was why bonds were a mistake; they'd catch you and destroy you in the end, but he'd still voluntarily made this one and at the moment he didn't want to let it go.
Idiot, some back corner of Al's mind was chanting happily. Run. Runrunrun. This is dangerous. This is bad. ... and had it been anyone else? Anyone else who had done this, no matter who it was? He would have. Al would have bolted. He would have run like he had when he was younger, when things got to be too much, but now... Sasuke was just more important. He was a friend that Al had made that he'd thought he'd never make, and he couldn't bear to see him shut down again. Period. So when the flicker of hope came, just the barest measure of something to grab and hold onto, Al took it. He would drag Sasuke out of this kicking and screaming if he had to, and it all showed plain as day in his eyes, backing up the gentle concern and sharp edge of worry. "I'm asking you," he said softly, and gently rubbed the back of Sasuke's neck, soothing away whatever pain his grip had caused. A tiny smile touched the edge of his lips, shaky but genuine.
There was something so completely brutal about this, about forcing himself to do this. Every instinct was telling Sasuke to walk away, just like he always did; to run and abandon everything and sink back into that nice comforting numbness where nothing got to him. But here was Al, staring at him, holding onto him, and asking him to stay. It was torture, but he couldn't say no. He just could not say no to those eyes, no matter how much this was going to end up killing him in the end. So he'd stay. He would just have to shut up that part of him again. Somehow. But even as he was making that resolve his arms were tightening reflexively, like he didn't want to let go no matter how much he knew he had to. "I'll stay because you ask me to," he said quietly. "I just...can you forgive me?" He should never have put Al in that position. Ever. He should have known he was misinterpreting everything. He never should have gone out on that limb.
He felt Sasuke's arms tighten, and Al relaxed a bit as soon as he was able to see something reaching out. All right. This was progress. This was better. The tension and fear was still there, but he wasn't sliding down that slippery slope anymore - Al had a good hold on his hand now. He relaxed and wished he could look him in the eyes without being this suggestive, considering how close they were. ... and he wished he hadn't seen that fear. That was going to haunt him. But Sasuke didn't need to know that. For some reason, the question struck him as funny, but rather than laugh, he let out a soft breath much like Ginia's soundless chuckles and smiled. I've had much worse done, he wanted to say, but he didn't. "Can and do," he whispered, giving Sasuke a long look to make sure he knew he meant it. The smile finally came back, and Alphonse pulled him close. Somewhere along the line the sun had set without them, and Al stared off into the dark shot through with dying rays of light, and tried to make his mind shut up.
It wasn't so much reaching out as it was holding on to what he had left. Sasuke didn't want to be afraid, but right now he was having a hard time seeing anything good coming out of anything. Most of it was that he was just aching inside. Aching for what he wanted to do, for what he couldn't do, for what he'd already done. He still felt like he was slipping, but he was holding onto Al for all he was worth, and hoping to god that he wouldn't squeeze so hard that the other evaporated and left him standing there by himself. "Thanks." He rested his cheek against Al's hair and looked vacantly out over the darkened city, at the little islands of light and life. He wasn't alone, but he felt so alone, and it was all his own stupid fault. There was silence for a long, long time, then a soft sound of an indistinct nature. It could have been a chuckle, it could have been a sigh, it could have been a muffled sob. It was most likely not the latter, since Sasuke never ever cried. Especially not where anyone could see him. "God." The level of stupidity...and he wouldn't talk about his other complexes. Not here, and not now, because he'd just make it worse.
After a while it wasn't so much standing there as Sasuke holding him, and for some godforsaken reason unfathomable in Al's own mind, needing him. His mind ticked to a slow halt as things started to shut themselves out, and instead of saying anything, he squeezed a bit. He was pretty sure he knew what that sound was - just a little bit of all three columns, and Al smiled a little against Sasuke's shoulder. It was one of his sadder smiles, but it was still a smile. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you," he said softly, and he actually sounded very mildly teasing, gentle and comfortable. He put his hand to the back of Sasuke's neck and hugged close. This time his voice was different, a soft whisper. "Do you want to stay here for a while longer?"
The evening was getting cooler now that the sun had finally set entirely, leaving the city in darkness. Sasuke was just standing there getting his bearings, holding Al close to him, letting as much of his tension drain away as he could manage. Nighttime was very peaceful up here, quiet and solitary and even though they were part of the city you could see why it was easy to pretend you were the only person alive in the whole world. It was easy to sink into total isolation here. The fact that he wasn't alone despite being in his little haven was sort of throwing that off though. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad just yet. "Yeah, but most of them aren't good," he finally said softly. His eyes opened a touch in surprise as Al's hand slid to the back of his neck and the blond pulled himself closer and whispered. A moment later they closed again as his arms tightened a touch more. "If you don't mind," he whispered back, wistful and guarded and still caring, even if it was being actively muzzled now.
It should have been cold, but it wasn't. It should have been lonely, but it wasn't. It should have been simple, but none of this had ever turned out the way Al expected. Al knew about the night, about being alone, about being awake and staring out at nothing. Nights were so long. ... maybe Sasuke didn't know it, but Al understood, and he was ready to spend all night sitting up with him on this fifth-story roof with nothing around them but sky and stars, removed from the world, until the daylight came to bring them back to reality. At this point he figured anyone could think what they wanted. He cared. Maybe not the way Sasuke wanted him to, but he did. Awkward was now a part of them, they'd deal with it. Al gave a thoughtful hum, and the tiniest hint of a smile. "Nah, I don't mind."
He didn't either. Not a single bit.