.........

[red_qat]

So there's a coworker of mine with a massive crush on me; the rest of my co-workers know all about it since he's told EVERYONE (it's normally against policy for an employee to try to pursue a relationship with another, but apparently no one in my company gives a shit

Comments

[nella580]

First and foremost you need to make a decision as to whether you want to pursue a new relationship or not. But since you stated you don't want to cheat I'd recommend cutting out this crush-er all together. There is no reason for you to talk to a man obviously interested in you for 4 hours! Tell him you're not interested in his friendship. If he persists, talk to HR about harassment. Then work on the problems with your SO. You don't fix relationship problems by moving away from your SO and towards someone else.

[red_qat]

Leaving him for someone else was never my intention, and I know myself well enough that I would be anything but willing to jump into a new relationship after just having broken up with someone. I know these are two totally separate situations, but pursuing guy overhearing about my relationship problems just "gave him hope", so the two kinda intertwined. I'm more than anything scared to death that I'm looking like a lying, cheating skank, which I'm not at all.....the phone calls were the dumbest mistake, along with not telling my s.o. in the beginning that this dude has a crush on me.

[divalicious]

I think that the two situations are sort of separate and should be dealt with separately

[red_qat]

I realize that I need to tell him this guy has a crush on me, but how much do I need to tell him? Phone calls to someone else would be the final nail in the coffin, but I'm not sure how much I should tell him.

Another thing is the situation with his sister-in-law......the whole store knows he did it, but just the way he trashes her when he talks about her to people that don't even know her...it just gets me thinking about how he'll start talking about me when I tell him I don't want him in my life.

[cosmicwonder]

I think first and foremost you need to decide whether to stay with your boyfriend. At least from what you've said in your post, it doesn't sound like you are enjoying this relationship anymore and that you are not getting out of it what you want. That he is basically not around does make me wonder if you can even talk to him about your co-worker at all. If you do decide to stay in the relationship, I would tell your boyfriend everything that is going on, but you should also tell him how much it bothers you that he's not around. If your boyfriend wants to be in a relationship with you, then he needs to make more of an effort to be in the relationship.

Don't worry about what the co-worker will say about you. What's more important is that you have control over how you want to interact with him. People say crap all the time, and we can't control it. And I'm sure the rest of the store thinks that he's a douche-bag for sleeping with his sister-in-law.

[divalicious]

Hmmm well I think even just a light hearted "Hey, did you know ___ from work totally has a crush on me?" mention is all that's needed to set up some preventive measures in case he hears something later on. It doesn't have to be a thing, and he doesn't need to find out about the phone conversations... I think that would be pretty damaging and unnecessary. Just a mention is enough. I do this in my marriage all the time.. tell the husband about an ex-bf who's skulking around, in case the ex tries to stir any drama between us, or tell him about the married male friend who's edging on the boundary and asking me weird questions like "Do you have normal looking feet?" or making stupid comments like "I love women who look like you