Confused

Jan 23, 2012 23:37

(Sorry this is long - i got a bit carried away and forgot how to do a cut ( Read more... )

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Comments 8

gindaisy January 23 2012, 12:56:50 UTC
It's really hard when you have a history with someone but this situation sounds beyond hope. I think you have to let go of the idea that you are obligated to help him. Yes, supporting your partner is important but he needs to want to help himself.

I'm not sure what to suggest for the logistics of the breakup though. Could you pack up his things while he's out? Hopefully someone else will have better ideas.

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cosmicwonder January 23 2012, 16:02:20 UTC
I agree with gindaisy that you need to break up with this guy. You have tried as much as you can, but this relationship is clearly not working. There's nothing wrong with you having values that are important to you (such as hygiene) and if the other person can't respect those values, then you shouldn't be with them ( ... )

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theframmitbites January 23 2012, 20:12:34 UTC
Hi all ( ... )

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cosmicwonder January 23 2012, 20:25:29 UTC
Unfortunately, people can be immature at any age.

If there wasn't any agreement about him covering your rent and bills, then don't worry about "owing him anything." I was just trying to cover bases here, but if I were in your shoes, I'd just see him helping you as a gift. Especially that you helped him out in the past, he's being really petty about expecting you to stay in the relationship because he invested so much in you.

In terms of getting him to move out, I have to admit that this sounds difficult especially if he's not listening to you. I still say that you should firmly give him a date to move out by and in the meantime, find out what legal recourse you can take if he doesn't move out. Do you know any of his friends or family members? You might also consider contacting them and telling them the situation. Perhaps they can offer him a place to stay until he finds his own place.

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divalicious January 24 2012, 01:45:06 UTC
This relationship doesn't sound healthy and I agree with those that say that breaking up is probably your best option. It sounds *so* unhealthy in fact, that it almost strains credulity to believe that anyone would put up with that in a partner (Sadly, many people do ( ... )

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theframmitbites January 24 2012, 14:31:04 UTC
Yes, I agree. I told him that I thought it would be good if we had some space from each other. Sometimes I feel like he suffocates me for my time. My flat is small, but he gets very annoyed or sulky if I want to do things separately from him. For example, we both work in the CBD, so we both leave home at the same time in the morning, drive to the station together, catch the same train. I get off at one station, he gets off at the next, we go to work all day, then catch the same train home together. Sometimes, I want to sit in a carriage without him, just for a change and he gets very annoyed when I suggest that ( ... )

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damion_c January 24 2012, 23:16:05 UTC
If I may chime in.

You helped him out for 10 months when he had money. And he supported you for a year when you had no money or job, I would call that fair. If he really wants to wine about that, offer to pay his security deposit and first month's rent in he new place ( ... )

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theframmitbites February 2 2012, 16:11:29 UTC
Hi, sorry I have not checked back here for a while.
He has started looking at some other places and is going this weekend to check them out, so there has been some movement in this area. However, he has chosen a place where he used to live with his ex wife and is over an hour away from where I am.
This doesn't say much for him wanting anything long term unless it's the long distance thing. I say this, because I am without a car and so visiting him will mean country trains.
In terms of him being depressed, I considered that, but I'm not sure. He was promoted to a Manger in his job and he loves his work, he has also been granted entry to return to study which he has wanted to do for a while. I can't see anything in his life that is not working out for him, that would lead to depression.

Thank you for your reply :)

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