Still standing
Hey guys. I've been away for awhile, haven't I? I said I wouldn't lose touch, and I did. I'm sorry about that. And now I come back to ramble at some odd hour of the evening when no one's around. I guess I'll just hope something interesting comes up.
Things have been busy. A lot has changed since what feels like a really long time ago, but actually wasn't too far back at all. As a lot of you guys probably know, I was dealing with a lot of issues... some of them have been resolved, and others have cropped up. For starters, I used to feel like everyday was more of the same, and nothing ever changed. Now, everyday is different. Some days are terrible, and get me so down that I wonder what I was moping about before. But, at the same time, I'd never change a day. I feel like I'm living now, for the first time in awhile.
I owe a lot of that to my awesome friends up here. God, I don't know what I'd do without them now. I used to never rely on anyone, and never trust people. But now I've got a solid group of people who I can be myself around. These are people that make me feel ok with being who I am... I know they won't judge me or ditch me for something like that. I won't waste anymore space here writing about each one of them... that'd bore you all to death and eat up your friend page. But maybe I can tell you a little about all of them if by some miracle we're online at the same time.
How's my love life, you say? (I know you aren't interested, but what a great transition, eh? :P) Well, things are still weird here. I really feel lonely a lot... and I get so jealous sometimes that it scares me, especially when I'm being envious of my friends. A part of me is still pathetic and desparate, trying to hold on to some hope that the girl of my dreams will come any day now, and make everything ok. Another part of me seems almost Asexual. I have very little interest in meeting women, and just silence my worries with cold logic. I know that's no way to live, either. Luckily, there seems to be another personality that's showing up more and more often. This guy's a pretty smooth talker, and makes me think I may not actually die cold and alone, but actually have many successful ones. (Imagine that! Me not obsessing over making one relationship work forever!) Hell, I've even gotten quite a few phone numbers, but haven't acted on any of them yet.
And Jill? yeah, she's a pretty recurrent character in my life. I don't know how true that is anymore, though, as I ran into her the other day, and I felt nothing. There wasn't any feelings of love or hate, she was just another person. And, in all honesty, I didn't feel like hanging out with her at all. Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf. Or maybe just becoming less shallow. :P
Class... welllllll, there's class. I got off to a shaky start this semester. I was really depressed, and I just felt overwhelmed. I've got that more or less under control now, so things are looking up in that regard. I won't be getting straight A's again this semester, I already accepted that. It'll probably be a lot closer to straight B's. But I can deal with that, and it'll be fine in the end. If I have to retake some classes, I will, it's not the end of the world. Acknowledging this fact has improved my quality of life more than I can imagine.
Extra cirricular activities were what were really driving me into the ground. My fraternity was taking up a shit-ton of time, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to stick it out. I will stick it out. Somewhere along the line, it became a part of me, and that's ok. I'm willing to work. But, I know that next year I will scale it back a little bit. I also ran for VP of Medicus and lost, but am the head of the blood drive committee. Getting that set up is quite the challenge, to say the least. I'm joining the Honor's fraternity/society thingy, too, and doing more with my floor. All in all, I'm busy, but it's ok. I'd go crazy if I wasn't, I think!
Musically, I lost a lot of my skill. I'm hard pressed to run through my scales, and even simple songs I used to play easily are tough. But I'm back working on my guitar playing now. In fact, I taught myself a song today and played it for my friends, and they recognized it! (Walking with a Ghost, by Tegan and Sara, for the interested. Easy, I know, but fun to play, and catchy!) So that's some good feelings right there. My new goal is to learn some coheed and cambria, but it isn't working too well. I've got the intro to a bunch of songs down, and about half of "A favor House Atlantic", but my skill just isn't there yet. It's something to work towards anyway.
Next year, I'm going to live in the dorms again, but that's ok. I'm rooming with a good friend of mine, and we're sandwhiched in between two rooms occupied by four of our best friends. So the six of us should have a great time. My schedule is also somewhat easier and more manageble, except for some strange exam times. Over the summer I'm going to be working at a hospital back home, so I should have plenty of spending money and valuable experience, too!
Socially, I don't think you'd recoginize me anymore. I used to be, as most of you have witnessed, very awkward. I still am, but it's not because I'm worried about making everyone like me. Sure, I'm not exactly normal, but I'm myself, and it works for me. I've learned to embrace my little quirks instead of be embarrassed by them. This sometimes proves difficult, but learning to laugh at myself is an awesome gift.
My health is pretty decent, but I have to be very strict with my gluten free diet. Bad things can appearently happen if I'm not. I've adjusted for the most part, though, and most every day I barely notice my limitations. It gets a little rought when eating out if someone else wants to make me a meal, but I get by. It's not like my lazy ass needs the extra food as it is! XD
All in all, life is good, I guess. I'm not always happy with it, and there's a lot I wish I could change. But things are having are starting to work for me, albeit a little slowly. I'm still holding onto my dreams, but they aren't the only thing keeping me sane anymore. I am content to live in the moment now, while working towards what I want. I'm not there yet, and maybe I'll never be, but I'll keep at it and see where I end up.
Sorry for the novel there. I did need to sort some things out, but, honestly, I missed you guys so much, and I wanted to let you know EVERYTHING that's going on with me. I actually had to conciously stop myself from writing more about almost every subject!
This weekend I'm heading home for some me time that I'm in desparate need of. I also hear both Kingdom Hearts and a new Suikoden game came out, so I'm probably going to nerd it up in between homework. But look me up! I might get the chance to shake some of the dust off of the old screen names and I'd love to chat.
Take care, guys. I love you all, and, even if I'm not around, know that I do think about you, and I do miss you.
Also, Josh, sorry about not calling you while I was in the houston area... I got really busy, but I still should have called you and let you know what was up. My apologies, man!
Things have been busy. A lot has changed since what feels like a really long time ago, but actually wasn't too far back at all. As a lot of you guys probably know, I was dealing with a lot of issues... some of them have been resolved, and others have cropped up. For starters, I used to feel like everyday was more of the same, and nothing ever changed. Now, everyday is different. Some days are terrible, and get me so down that I wonder what I was moping about before. But, at the same time, I'd never change a day. I feel like I'm living now, for the first time in awhile.
I owe a lot of that to my awesome friends up here. God, I don't know what I'd do without them now. I used to never rely on anyone, and never trust people. But now I've got a solid group of people who I can be myself around. These are people that make me feel ok with being who I am... I know they won't judge me or ditch me for something like that. I won't waste anymore space here writing about each one of them... that'd bore you all to death and eat up your friend page. But maybe I can tell you a little about all of them if by some miracle we're online at the same time.
How's my love life, you say? (I know you aren't interested, but what a great transition, eh? :P) Well, things are still weird here. I really feel lonely a lot... and I get so jealous sometimes that it scares me, especially when I'm being envious of my friends. A part of me is still pathetic and desparate, trying to hold on to some hope that the girl of my dreams will come any day now, and make everything ok. Another part of me seems almost Asexual. I have very little interest in meeting women, and just silence my worries with cold logic. I know that's no way to live, either. Luckily, there seems to be another personality that's showing up more and more often. This guy's a pretty smooth talker, and makes me think I may not actually die cold and alone, but actually have many successful ones. (Imagine that! Me not obsessing over making one relationship work forever!) Hell, I've even gotten quite a few phone numbers, but haven't acted on any of them yet.
And Jill? yeah, she's a pretty recurrent character in my life. I don't know how true that is anymore, though, as I ran into her the other day, and I felt nothing. There wasn't any feelings of love or hate, she was just another person. And, in all honesty, I didn't feel like hanging out with her at all. Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf. Or maybe just becoming less shallow. :P
Class... welllllll, there's class. I got off to a shaky start this semester. I was really depressed, and I just felt overwhelmed. I've got that more or less under control now, so things are looking up in that regard. I won't be getting straight A's again this semester, I already accepted that. It'll probably be a lot closer to straight B's. But I can deal with that, and it'll be fine in the end. If I have to retake some classes, I will, it's not the end of the world. Acknowledging this fact has improved my quality of life more than I can imagine.
Extra cirricular activities were what were really driving me into the ground. My fraternity was taking up a shit-ton of time, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to stick it out. I will stick it out. Somewhere along the line, it became a part of me, and that's ok. I'm willing to work. But, I know that next year I will scale it back a little bit. I also ran for VP of Medicus and lost, but am the head of the blood drive committee. Getting that set up is quite the challenge, to say the least. I'm joining the Honor's fraternity/society thingy, too, and doing more with my floor. All in all, I'm busy, but it's ok. I'd go crazy if I wasn't, I think!
Musically, I lost a lot of my skill. I'm hard pressed to run through my scales, and even simple songs I used to play easily are tough. But I'm back working on my guitar playing now. In fact, I taught myself a song today and played it for my friends, and they recognized it! (Walking with a Ghost, by Tegan and Sara, for the interested. Easy, I know, but fun to play, and catchy!) So that's some good feelings right there. My new goal is to learn some coheed and cambria, but it isn't working too well. I've got the intro to a bunch of songs down, and about half of "A favor House Atlantic", but my skill just isn't there yet. It's something to work towards anyway.
Next year, I'm going to live in the dorms again, but that's ok. I'm rooming with a good friend of mine, and we're sandwhiched in between two rooms occupied by four of our best friends. So the six of us should have a great time. My schedule is also somewhat easier and more manageble, except for some strange exam times. Over the summer I'm going to be working at a hospital back home, so I should have plenty of spending money and valuable experience, too!
Socially, I don't think you'd recoginize me anymore. I used to be, as most of you have witnessed, very awkward. I still am, but it's not because I'm worried about making everyone like me. Sure, I'm not exactly normal, but I'm myself, and it works for me. I've learned to embrace my little quirks instead of be embarrassed by them. This sometimes proves difficult, but learning to laugh at myself is an awesome gift.
My health is pretty decent, but I have to be very strict with my gluten free diet. Bad things can appearently happen if I'm not. I've adjusted for the most part, though, and most every day I barely notice my limitations. It gets a little rought when eating out if someone else wants to make me a meal, but I get by. It's not like my lazy ass needs the extra food as it is! XD
All in all, life is good, I guess. I'm not always happy with it, and there's a lot I wish I could change. But things are having are starting to work for me, albeit a little slowly. I'm still holding onto my dreams, but they aren't the only thing keeping me sane anymore. I am content to live in the moment now, while working towards what I want. I'm not there yet, and maybe I'll never be, but I'll keep at it and see where I end up.
Sorry for the novel there. I did need to sort some things out, but, honestly, I missed you guys so much, and I wanted to let you know EVERYTHING that's going on with me. I actually had to conciously stop myself from writing more about almost every subject!
This weekend I'm heading home for some me time that I'm in desparate need of. I also hear both Kingdom Hearts and a new Suikoden game came out, so I'm probably going to nerd it up in between homework. But look me up! I might get the chance to shake some of the dust off of the old screen names and I'd love to chat.
Take care, guys. I love you all, and, even if I'm not around, know that I do think about you, and I do miss you.
Also, Josh, sorry about not calling you while I was in the houston area... I got really busy, but I still should have called you and let you know what was up. My apologies, man!