Fic: Remarkability
Title: Remarkability (1/3)
Author: Aelora
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: For 2.16
Word count: 4,546
Summary: Kurt is the remarkable boy that Blaine has been looking for forever.
A/N: Thanks to my wonderful beta, whenidance for her very quick work (and her title suggestion)! And thanks to cookiedough for catching some other mess ups! I meant for this to be a one-shot fic exploration of Kurt and Blaine’s first few days as boyfriends. Then this part got long, and now it’s a three-part fic so I can get to the other days. Oh, boys.
Remarkable:
1. notably or conspicuously unusual; extraordinary: a remarkable change.
2. worthy of notice or attention.
Blaine isn’t certain how they got here. Not to the couch, specifically-he knows how that had happened. Leaning over Kurt in the chair-for all that, the kissing part is the greatest thing in the world-had been a little uncomfortable, and clumsy, and they’d spent more time trying to balance themselves than anything. So, they’d moved over to one of the two couches in the room.
But rather, Blaine still isn’t quite certain how they’d finally reached the point that had put them into a situation that required a couch….
Ever since Kurt had performed “Blackbird” a few days earlier in tribute to Pavarotti, may he rest his tiny little yellow feathers in peace, Blaine felt as if he’d been walking around in a dream state. Or maybe, finally, a waking state. He isn’t quite certain which it is yet. All he knows is that one moment, he had been looking at his best friend in all the world, the most remarkable boy he has ever known; and the next, he was looking at all he had ever wanted in the world, and it was his best friend, the most remarkable boy he had ever known.
It isn’t as if Blaine has never seen Kurt. He’d have to be blind, deaf, and utterly stupid not to have seen Kurt. From the moment he had been standing there on the staircase before him, Blaine had taken notice of Kurt Hummel. Beautiful, poised, almost ethereal in his perfection. His smile had tugged at just about every fiber of Blaine’s being, and then, there had been tears and, suddenly, Kurt had become something else in his mind. Not the boy he could fall in love with and date, but the boy who needed him. The boy he suddenly, urgently wished to protect and nurture and be there for whenever Kurt needed him to be. Kurt had been everything Blaine had ever wanted, even then, but in the I need a friend, I need a confidant, I need someone who understands me way.
And maybe that’s why Blaine had sold himself on the idea of Jeremiah when they’d met. It’s not like he hadn’t longed for a boyfriend, and it wasn’t as if he hadn’t spent the first twenty-four hours after meeting Kurt imagining him as his boyfriend. But ultimately, it hadn’t been possible, and then there’d been Jeremiah, and all Blaine could think was wow, I can have a boyfriend and still have someone like Kurt in my life, and everything will be perfect.
Well, that hadn’t exactly gone as planned. Not only did he make the whole thing with Jeremiah up in his head (he still has nightmares about everyone in that Gap pointing and laughing at his utter idiocy), but he found out he’d been hurting his best friend all along without even knowing it.
Blaine’s entire world pretty much imploded at that point. He’d pretty much been told that the most remarkable boy in existence would be willing to go out with him, even after Blaine had gone out of his way to prove he was a class A idiot, and then, he honestly didn’t have a clue where he was supposed to go from there. Blaine couldn’t bring himself to entertain the idea of going out with Kurt, only to do something even more horrendously stupid and hurtful, and then he’d lose Kurt completely. Friendship, relationship, all of it out the door.
So, he’d just kind of stood there at arm’s length, wondering if maybe someday in the future he’d be smarter and better and more worthy and able to handle taking on the enormous responsibility of being that right person for Kurt.
Then, he’d gotten drunk, and an innocent game of Spin the Bottle had almost turned into the biggest mistake of his life. Blaine and Kurt had said some hurtful things to one another, and they’d both been angry-well, now that Blaine looks back on it, he’d mostly been hurt by Kurt’s complete dismissal of his feelings-and he’d been so afraid he’d really screwed up that time.
Only, Kurt had still been there, waiting for and smiling at him when they met up in the Lima Bean, and though the conversation had been a little hesitant and awkward at first, they’d slowly slipped back into their easy companionship. It’s honestly the only thing Blaine has come to totally and completely count on in life. Being a teen sucks. Being a gay teen sucks even more. But having Kurt in his life has tended to make everything a little bit better.
So, no, it hadn’t been one moment of ‘Woe, I will never find someone to be my boyfriend’ to ‘Oh my god what about Kurt?!’ It had actually been a little more complicated.
The whole week has been complicated.
Blaine’s mind had been consumed ever since Kurt had told him he was jealous of Blaine’s solos-accused the Warblers of basically being the backup singers to Blaine’s Gladys Knight-or maybe Diana Ross is the better comparison. Either way, there had been something about Kurt saying that to him that Blaine hadn’t been able to let go of, nor had he been able to figure out what, exactly, had stood out to him about it. Yes, Kurt had a point once it had been made-the council always expected Blaine to sing lead. There wasn’t even a question. Blaine had always gone along with it because he loves singing, he loves performing, he loves it when the Warblers and the other students seem so pleased, when they pat him on the back and tell him how awesome it was. Honestly, if any one of the other Warblers had complained, he would have seen it earlier. But no one ever had.
Until Kurt.
And that’s what Blaine keeps coming back to with his epiphany during “Blackbird”. For months, Kurt had never even given him an inkling of being dissatisfied with not having a solo. There had been the failed audition for Sectionals, but that had just been an audition, and ultimately the council had decided against giving a solo to anyone but Blaine. (He’s tried not to spend too much time over the last week thinking back over the amount of times since the school year began that every Warbler has been passed up for a solo for his sake. That would ultimately lead to a severe concussion and several holes in his bedroom walls.)
He’d spent the next two days wondering about it, wondering how to fix it, when Kurt had entered the Warblers’ rehearsal room, decked out in an all-black ensemble only he could have ever pulled off, and told them of Pavarotti’s death. Blaine still isn’t certain what initially had sparked the thoughts that began coursing through his mind and heart as Kurt began to sing-it had been everything and nothing all at once.
Mostly though, it had been one thought, one realization that had been slowly and carefully winding its way through his brain ever since Kurt had looked him in the eyes and said “No, you detect a lot of jealousy. Look, Blaine, sometimes I don’t feel like we’re the Warblers. I feel like we’re Blaine and the Pips.”
That one thought: Kurt didn’t need him anymore.
The Kurt he had met those months ago on the steps in the atrium had needed Blaine. Had needed someone, anyone, and luckily Blaine had been the one there to reach out to him. That Kurt never would have said such a thing to Blaine. That Kurt would have simply agreed with whatever solos Blaine was handed, and continued to gaze at him with eyes too full of adoration and veneration for Blaine to have ever felt completely comfortable with. That Kurt had made Blaine felt as if his purpose was to protect Kurt, to look after him, be there for him. Kurt had never allowed much room for role reversal between them, and the fact of the matter is, Blaine wants and needs someone to take care of him, too. (Enter Jeremiah… oh god, one day he will stop remembering that mess!)
And so, Blaine had sat there, watching as Kurt sang with his heart on his sleeve for all of the Warblers to hear, sang in memory of a bird he’d nervously taken on to nurture and care for, and Blaine remembered Kurt’s words to him in the hall a few days earlier. He remembered how Kurt had stood by him through the Gap fiasco, how he’d welcomed him back to 100% percent gayness after Rachel, how every moment over these last few weeks, something about Kurt had seemed stronger, seemed brighter… less fragile and more touchable.
Kurt didn’t need someone to hold him up anymore. Blaine didn’t have to be that friend. Blaine could look at Kurt now the way he was meant to be looked at-with admiration, awe, love. And god, if he were lucky enough that Kurt still wanted him, maybe Blaine would be allowed to take that last, final step. To touch him, kiss him, hold him like he had wanted to do when they first met. Now, Blaine knew, Kurt was strong enough to handle whatever mess Blaine might throw his way; he could hold Blaine up when he needed the support, smack Blaine down when he needed to be told he was stealing the spotlight from others, and assure him when Blaine was completely certain he just wasn’t good enough.
And oh, he hoped he was still good enough for Kurt.
He isn’t entirely certain what it was that had brought about this change in Kurt. His time spent at Dalton, where he no longer had to fear being slammed into lockers, slushied or having his life threatened? Maybe even a small part of it is attributable to Blaine for being there, for being the friend and support he needed to feel strong again. Blaine might never know. What he does know is that it happened, and it set something free in his heart, and allowed all of those pent up feelings he’d kept buried for so long to surface.
Kurt was what he had wanted all along, and maybe, maybe Kurt might still want him in return.
Blaine spent days debating what to do. Kurt wanted romance-Blaine didn’t know that he had such a thing in him. They still went to coffee together after rehearsal, and those moments were sheer bliss and utter torture for Blaine. He had wondered if Kurt felt anything like what he was feeling, how the boy had made it all these months without launching himself across the table or even giving a hint of his emotions away. For days, Blaine felt like he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, staring at Kurt with something like cow eyes, memorizing every word that fell from those perfect lips, gazing at his hands for what had to be hours-how masculine they were with long, strong fingers and yet so pale and soft, and Blaine just wanted to reach out and take them in his and hold them forever.
Yes, trips to the Lima Bean were difficult.
Then during the Warblers council meeting, Blaine thought he had hit on the perfect solution-make Kurt his duet partner. Not only would it give Kurt what he longed for (and honestly, deserved), but it would also be a perfect excuse for Blaine to spend more time with him. And maybe, somewhere along the way, he’d work up the courage to admit to Kurt that his feelings had changed. Maybe he’d even be able to assess if Kurt still wanted to be with him.
It had been perfect and brilliant, and the Warblers-god, he loves those boys-they’d gone right along with it, enthusiastically even, as if they all wanted him and Kurt to spend more time together, too, or something!
Blaine hadn’t planned on spilling his heart out to Kurt so soon, though. He’d honestly simply meant to practice their duet today when he came across Kurt decorating Pavarotti’s casket in the common room. But then Kurt had asked, and Blaine had found himself blurting out honest words, leaving himself open and vulnerable and absolutely terrified that Kurt was going to say “Oh, sorry. No longer interested.” And for just a moment, when he’d finally found the courage to lean forward and press his lips to Kurt’s, he’d thought that’s what had actually happened. Kurt hadn’t been responding; almost seemed to lean away, and then with one deep, indrawn breath, it had all changed….
And now, here they are, Blaine pressing Kurt against the back of the couch, mapping the curve of Kurt’s neck where it meets his jaw, learning the taste of Kurt’s skin with his lips and his tongue, feeling the press of Kurt’s fingers against his scalp where they curl into his hair, tugging just a little. Blaine can’t stop thinking that he’s wanted to experience all of this for far too long, and now it’s happening, and it’s even better than he could have possibly imagined. Kurt has surprised him as well; after their very, very brief discussion regarding sex a couple weeks ago, Blaine had worried his kiss would have been too much. But no, Kurt hasn’t shown an ounce of fear so far, though Blaine silently fears that maybe he just isn’t attuned to such things or something.
As his concern over that fact grows, he pulls back a little, staring down into Kurt’s beautiful flushed face until his too bright eyes open, looking up at Blaine questioningly. “Why’d you stop?”
Blaine feels a little shudder move through him at the sound of Kurt’s voice; all breathless and soft and a little high-pitched. He thinks, I did that. I made him sound like that. I am Spartacus!... or something.
“Blaine?”
And Kurt does that to him. Totally distracts him. “Sorry.”
He presses his lips to Kurt’s, hoping to erase the concern that’s flickering through his eyes. And oh god, he gets to do this! Just lean in and press his lips to Kurt’s mouth whenever he wants. Thinking that, he lingers there just a few moments longer than he meant before pulling back, leaning their foreheads together.
“I just… didn’t want us going too fast for you, or anything,” Blaine says quietly, not wishing to disturb the silence in the room or how all he can hear is Kurt’s breathing, his heart beat almost in tune with Blaine’s own. He reaches up to trail his fingers down the curve of Kurt’s neck, watching as the eyes below him widen slightly at the touch, breath quavering.
He can’t imagine he will ever grow tired of doing this. Just touching and watching and wanting.
The color in Kurt’s cheeks heightens slightly and this time, he is the one reaching up, pressing the tips of his fingers to Blaine’s lips, tracing lightly from corner to corner along his lower lip. “We’re just kissing, right?”
Yes, just kissing. But that doesn’t mean that Blaine’s mind hasn’t been wandering, and it doesn’t mean he hasn’t shifted repeatedly in an attempt to get more comfortable. And god, he doesn’t want to scare Kurt or upset him in anyway, so he really needs to get a handle on that. Even just thinking it, knowing he has no intention of actually doing anything sexual with Kurt at the moment, could be enough to upset him if their last conversation had been any indication.
Blaine smiles and kisses the fingers against his lips, receiving an answering smile in return. His heart melts a little at the sight, and then Kurt is leaning up, bringing their lips together once more, tongue slipping out to slide over Blaine’s lips, and god, both of them seem to grow bolder with every kiss. It’s Kurt’s turn to press Blaine against the back of the couch-neither of them have yet gone for a horizontal movement-and he slowly licks his way into Blaine’s mouth, and Blaine can’t stop the sigh he releases as their tongues sweep against one another. He loves the taste of Kurt’s mouth, slightly minty with just a hint of diet Coke from lunch, and so, so warm. One of Kurt’s hands is tangled in the lapel of Blaine’s jacket, pushing and pulling all at once against him; the other is cupping his cheek, slowly slipping back, fingers threading between curls as he shifts up into a kneeling position, leaning over Blaine fully now, pressing him further into the couch.
In all honesty, Blaine has never felt this wanted. It’s almost too much to take in. His body trembles ever so slightly under Kurt’s hands as they settle over his shoulders, as if in some need to hold him there. Blaine finds himself wondering if Kurt is just as worried as he is, that this could all be some crazy, elaborate and really awesome dream that he is having. He’ll wake up, and none of it will have happened, and he won’t know where to begin to make it happen.
Kurt’s mouth leaves his; brief, soft kisses moving across his cheek, over his forehead, down his nose, over one eyelid, and then the other. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Kurt’s voice whispers against his skin, and then his nose is pressing against Blaine’s cheek and he just remains there for a long moment.
Blaine finds it difficult to get a word out, like his throat just stopped working or something. Each kiss had been so tender, so sweet. He’s never felt anything like that. He tries to joke, “K-kiss my fore-forehead?”
Kurt huffs slightly, warm breath fanning over his jaw. “Just kiss you. Anywhere. Your face… your skin is so warm,” he moves to press a kiss against Blaine’s cheek, “and your lashes are so long,” he kisses both eyelids again, “and I like your nose,” another kiss, “and your chin,” one more, “but mostly… mostly I really like your lips.”
Blaine’s smiling as Kurt’s mouth closes over his once more. Yeah, he is never going to get used to this. He curls his hand around the back of Kurt’s neck, slipping his fingers into the soft hair there and sliding his hand upwards, pulling Kurt closer until the boy has to reach out to balance himself on the couch as their chests press together. When Kurt breathes in, Blaine feels the movement, and he draws in his own breath, pushing out against Kurt, feeling Kurt’s smile against his lips before their kiss deepens.
The sound of Kurt’s phone vibrating against the table breaks through the surrounding silence. Kurt just goes on kissing Blaine, ignoring it. Blaine smiles, but moves his hands to press Kurt back just a bit in order to ask, “What time is it?”
“Don’t know.” Kurt brings their lips together again, and Blaine forgets what it was they were talking about. He shifts, sliding an arm around Kurt’s waist, and then he switches their positions again, pressing Kurt into the back of the couch, climbing up to kneel on the cushions and lean over him, kissing him deeply before once more breaking away to continue mapping the contours of his neck.
There’s a soft noise that Kurt makes in the back of his throat when Blaine is hovering just beneath his ear, breathing there as he presses soft kisses against Kurt’s skin. When he hears it, he does it again, eliciting the same response, and then he moves up to Kurt’s ear, outlining the shell with his tongue, nipping lightly at the lobe, kissing it softly and just breathing there for a moment as Kurt squirms and gasps beneath him.
Yeah. Blaine is never, ever going to get used to this amazing feeling.
The phone starts buzzing again. Blaine feels Kurt sigh beneath him, and his heart is screaming No! No! No! even as his mind knows Kurt really should check to see who’s calling. He places one last quick kiss to Kurt’s neck before shifting back, and Kurt sighs again, giving him the sweetest smile Blaine’s certain he’s ever seen before he moves to stand, albeit a little shakily. Blaine can’t seem to take his gaze away as he watches Kurt walk over to the table, all long limbs and grace. He realizes his hands are shaking a little and he folds them into his lap as Kurt picks up his phone to answer.
“Hi, Dad…. I hadn’t… It is? Wow. I’m sorry. I hadn’t looked at the time… No, I’m still at school, actually… Umm, a project that I was working on… I’m sorry. I’ll leave in a few minutes, I promise…. No, I’ll just pick something up on the way home; you guys don’t need to wait for me. Tell Carole I’m sorry… Okay. I will. Promise… Love you, too.”
Blaine feels mounds of guilt as he’s staring at the face of his pocket watch that reads six o’clock. Hadn’t he wandered in here around four? He had meant to practice a little, and then gone for a quick run to the Lima Bean before they both headed home. Oops!
When he looks up, Kurt has turned back toward him, leaning against the table, smiling. Blaine starts to apologize, only to stop when Kurt leans forward a little, laughing. “Wow!” Kurt says through his laughter. “I honestly know what they mean now by time flies when you’re having fun!”
Blaine joins in his laughter, a nervous kind of energy releasing with it as he slips his watch back into his pocket and stands, only belatedly realizing his clothing is mostly askew. Kurt’s is honestly no better, his cardigan twisted around his waist, tie half undone in a big loopy knot. They stare at one another for a moment before laughing again.
It’s Kurt who moves first toward Blaine, reaching out to fasten the top button of his shirt that had somehow come undone, and then fixing his tie. “You’re a mess,” he says, his voice still a little breathless and high, the smile ever-present, and Blaine knows Kurt has never looked so incredibly beautiful.
And that’s saying something.
“You’re not much better,” Blaine tells him, readjusting Kurt’s sweater and taking maybe longer than necessary to loop the tie back into shape. And if his fingers continue to sweep against Kurt’s neck, it’s just because he’s never fixed someones tie while they wore it before.
He can’t come up with an excuse for his shaking fingers, though.
The smile suddenly slips from Kurt’s face, and there’s a flash of panic in his eyes as he admits, “I don’t want to leave.”
Blaine’s fingers flex slightly, and then he lays his hands on Kurt’s shoulders and leans up to kiss him. “Call me the moment you get home. We can talk all night if you want.”
Kurt’s smile though dimmed slightly, returns with his words. “Help me clean up this mess?”
They stand close, shoulders touching as they gathered up the costume jewelry, glitter and glue from the table, and Kurt very carefully sets the unfinished casket in his bag along with the supplies. Once the strap is over his shoulder, he turns toward Blaine but his eyes suddenly seem to be everywhere but on Blaine. Sensing the nervousness, and feeling a fair amount of his own, Blaine reaches out for Kurt’s hand, taking it and tugging him closer.
“Come on,” he whispers. “Let me get my stuff and I’ll walk you to your car.”
They’re silent as they make their way through the mostly empty and quiet halls of Dalton, and Blaine stops in the Warblers’ rehearsal room where he had left his coat, scarf, and bag. Once ready, they thread their fingers together again, though this time, Kurt leans in for another kiss, taking it quickly almost as if he simply needed to know the past couple of hours had actually been real. Blaine squeezes his hand in response before they finally head to the parking lot.
Once Kurt has deposited his things into the Navigator and started the engine, he steps back out of the cab to stand in front of Blaine, hands wringing together slowly in front of him. He looks so shy and hesitant suddenly, nothing like the boy who was pressing Blaine into the couch not long ago, and sticking his tongue down his throat.
“I’m scared, too,” Blaine says softly, and Kurt looks up at that, eyes big and surprised as he stares. “I’m afraid I’m going to wake up any moment and none of this will have been real.”
Kurt nods slowly in response.
Blaine reaches out to lay his hand against Kurt’s cheek. “Please call me tonight? I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep without hearing your voice.”
He barely catches his balance as Kurt launches into his arms, tugging him close and kissing him with all the same need and hunger they’d both seemed to experience at the beginning. Blaine wraps his arms tight around Kurt’s waist, holding him close as they just kiss, mouths opening, tongues taking one last chance to taste one another before they have to separate.
When the kiss does end, they don’t pull apart for a few minutes. They just stand there, holding one another, staring at one another across the few inches that separate them. The sun is setting, and Blaine thinks the lighting is perfect for Kurt’s fair skin, the colors from the sunset casting hues of orange and red across his cheeks. Kurt’s thumb is moving gently over the skin of Blaine’s neck, back and forth in a lazy caress. It’s as if neither of them can stop touching the other.
“Please don’t laugh at me if I say I’m afraid to let go.”
Blaine shakes his head, arms tightening around Kurt. “I feel the same.”
Smiling, Kurt leans in and rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder. “I always kind of wondered, you know? That if I ever had the chance to hold you, would I ever be able to let go? Guess I have my answer.”
“Except, you know, we don’t really have a choice,” Blaine says with a smile. “Your dad is kind of scary.”
“Oh, please. He’s a big teddy bear.”
“Even big teddy bears are scary when you’re my size.”
Kurt laughs, loud and bright as he leans away from Blaine only to move back in and kiss him once more. “I think you’re pretty near to perfect, Blaine Anderson.”
Blaine pulls a face. “Keep that in mind the next time the council hands me another solo.”
“Don’t ruin this moment, please.” Kurt rolls his eyes but smiles as he steps back, still clinging to Blaine as he walks backward toward the cab of his SUV. “When should I call?”
“Umm, home. Dinner. Say, eight o’clock?”
Kurt nods, and then they’re both leaning in for one last kiss, and Blaine tries to memorize everything about it, from the feel to the taste to the sound before Kurt is sighing once more against him and then pulling away.
“Talk to you soon.”
“Yeah.”
Blaine doesn’t move until the Navigator has long disappeared down the road.
Part Two
Author: Aelora
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: For 2.16
Word count: 4,546
Summary: Kurt is the remarkable boy that Blaine has been looking for forever.
A/N: Thanks to my wonderful beta, whenidance for her very quick work (and her title suggestion)! And thanks to cookiedough for catching some other mess ups! I meant for this to be a one-shot fic exploration of Kurt and Blaine’s first few days as boyfriends. Then this part got long, and now it’s a three-part fic so I can get to the other days. Oh, boys.
Remarkable:
1. notably or conspicuously unusual; extraordinary: a remarkable change.
2. worthy of notice or attention.
Blaine isn’t certain how they got here. Not to the couch, specifically-he knows how that had happened. Leaning over Kurt in the chair-for all that, the kissing part is the greatest thing in the world-had been a little uncomfortable, and clumsy, and they’d spent more time trying to balance themselves than anything. So, they’d moved over to one of the two couches in the room.
But rather, Blaine still isn’t quite certain how they’d finally reached the point that had put them into a situation that required a couch….
Ever since Kurt had performed “Blackbird” a few days earlier in tribute to Pavarotti, may he rest his tiny little yellow feathers in peace, Blaine felt as if he’d been walking around in a dream state. Or maybe, finally, a waking state. He isn’t quite certain which it is yet. All he knows is that one moment, he had been looking at his best friend in all the world, the most remarkable boy he has ever known; and the next, he was looking at all he had ever wanted in the world, and it was his best friend, the most remarkable boy he had ever known.
It isn’t as if Blaine has never seen Kurt. He’d have to be blind, deaf, and utterly stupid not to have seen Kurt. From the moment he had been standing there on the staircase before him, Blaine had taken notice of Kurt Hummel. Beautiful, poised, almost ethereal in his perfection. His smile had tugged at just about every fiber of Blaine’s being, and then, there had been tears and, suddenly, Kurt had become something else in his mind. Not the boy he could fall in love with and date, but the boy who needed him. The boy he suddenly, urgently wished to protect and nurture and be there for whenever Kurt needed him to be. Kurt had been everything Blaine had ever wanted, even then, but in the I need a friend, I need a confidant, I need someone who understands me way.
And maybe that’s why Blaine had sold himself on the idea of Jeremiah when they’d met. It’s not like he hadn’t longed for a boyfriend, and it wasn’t as if he hadn’t spent the first twenty-four hours after meeting Kurt imagining him as his boyfriend. But ultimately, it hadn’t been possible, and then there’d been Jeremiah, and all Blaine could think was wow, I can have a boyfriend and still have someone like Kurt in my life, and everything will be perfect.
Well, that hadn’t exactly gone as planned. Not only did he make the whole thing with Jeremiah up in his head (he still has nightmares about everyone in that Gap pointing and laughing at his utter idiocy), but he found out he’d been hurting his best friend all along without even knowing it.
Blaine’s entire world pretty much imploded at that point. He’d pretty much been told that the most remarkable boy in existence would be willing to go out with him, even after Blaine had gone out of his way to prove he was a class A idiot, and then, he honestly didn’t have a clue where he was supposed to go from there. Blaine couldn’t bring himself to entertain the idea of going out with Kurt, only to do something even more horrendously stupid and hurtful, and then he’d lose Kurt completely. Friendship, relationship, all of it out the door.
So, he’d just kind of stood there at arm’s length, wondering if maybe someday in the future he’d be smarter and better and more worthy and able to handle taking on the enormous responsibility of being that right person for Kurt.
Then, he’d gotten drunk, and an innocent game of Spin the Bottle had almost turned into the biggest mistake of his life. Blaine and Kurt had said some hurtful things to one another, and they’d both been angry-well, now that Blaine looks back on it, he’d mostly been hurt by Kurt’s complete dismissal of his feelings-and he’d been so afraid he’d really screwed up that time.
Only, Kurt had still been there, waiting for and smiling at him when they met up in the Lima Bean, and though the conversation had been a little hesitant and awkward at first, they’d slowly slipped back into their easy companionship. It’s honestly the only thing Blaine has come to totally and completely count on in life. Being a teen sucks. Being a gay teen sucks even more. But having Kurt in his life has tended to make everything a little bit better.
So, no, it hadn’t been one moment of ‘Woe, I will never find someone to be my boyfriend’ to ‘Oh my god what about Kurt?!’ It had actually been a little more complicated.
The whole week has been complicated.
Blaine’s mind had been consumed ever since Kurt had told him he was jealous of Blaine’s solos-accused the Warblers of basically being the backup singers to Blaine’s Gladys Knight-or maybe Diana Ross is the better comparison. Either way, there had been something about Kurt saying that to him that Blaine hadn’t been able to let go of, nor had he been able to figure out what, exactly, had stood out to him about it. Yes, Kurt had a point once it had been made-the council always expected Blaine to sing lead. There wasn’t even a question. Blaine had always gone along with it because he loves singing, he loves performing, he loves it when the Warblers and the other students seem so pleased, when they pat him on the back and tell him how awesome it was. Honestly, if any one of the other Warblers had complained, he would have seen it earlier. But no one ever had.
Until Kurt.
And that’s what Blaine keeps coming back to with his epiphany during “Blackbird”. For months, Kurt had never even given him an inkling of being dissatisfied with not having a solo. There had been the failed audition for Sectionals, but that had just been an audition, and ultimately the council had decided against giving a solo to anyone but Blaine. (He’s tried not to spend too much time over the last week thinking back over the amount of times since the school year began that every Warbler has been passed up for a solo for his sake. That would ultimately lead to a severe concussion and several holes in his bedroom walls.)
He’d spent the next two days wondering about it, wondering how to fix it, when Kurt had entered the Warblers’ rehearsal room, decked out in an all-black ensemble only he could have ever pulled off, and told them of Pavarotti’s death. Blaine still isn’t certain what initially had sparked the thoughts that began coursing through his mind and heart as Kurt began to sing-it had been everything and nothing all at once.
Mostly though, it had been one thought, one realization that had been slowly and carefully winding its way through his brain ever since Kurt had looked him in the eyes and said “No, you detect a lot of jealousy. Look, Blaine, sometimes I don’t feel like we’re the Warblers. I feel like we’re Blaine and the Pips.”
That one thought: Kurt didn’t need him anymore.
The Kurt he had met those months ago on the steps in the atrium had needed Blaine. Had needed someone, anyone, and luckily Blaine had been the one there to reach out to him. That Kurt never would have said such a thing to Blaine. That Kurt would have simply agreed with whatever solos Blaine was handed, and continued to gaze at him with eyes too full of adoration and veneration for Blaine to have ever felt completely comfortable with. That Kurt had made Blaine felt as if his purpose was to protect Kurt, to look after him, be there for him. Kurt had never allowed much room for role reversal between them, and the fact of the matter is, Blaine wants and needs someone to take care of him, too. (Enter Jeremiah… oh god, one day he will stop remembering that mess!)
And so, Blaine had sat there, watching as Kurt sang with his heart on his sleeve for all of the Warblers to hear, sang in memory of a bird he’d nervously taken on to nurture and care for, and Blaine remembered Kurt’s words to him in the hall a few days earlier. He remembered how Kurt had stood by him through the Gap fiasco, how he’d welcomed him back to 100% percent gayness after Rachel, how every moment over these last few weeks, something about Kurt had seemed stronger, seemed brighter… less fragile and more touchable.
Kurt didn’t need someone to hold him up anymore. Blaine didn’t have to be that friend. Blaine could look at Kurt now the way he was meant to be looked at-with admiration, awe, love. And god, if he were lucky enough that Kurt still wanted him, maybe Blaine would be allowed to take that last, final step. To touch him, kiss him, hold him like he had wanted to do when they first met. Now, Blaine knew, Kurt was strong enough to handle whatever mess Blaine might throw his way; he could hold Blaine up when he needed the support, smack Blaine down when he needed to be told he was stealing the spotlight from others, and assure him when Blaine was completely certain he just wasn’t good enough.
And oh, he hoped he was still good enough for Kurt.
He isn’t entirely certain what it was that had brought about this change in Kurt. His time spent at Dalton, where he no longer had to fear being slammed into lockers, slushied or having his life threatened? Maybe even a small part of it is attributable to Blaine for being there, for being the friend and support he needed to feel strong again. Blaine might never know. What he does know is that it happened, and it set something free in his heart, and allowed all of those pent up feelings he’d kept buried for so long to surface.
Kurt was what he had wanted all along, and maybe, maybe Kurt might still want him in return.
Blaine spent days debating what to do. Kurt wanted romance-Blaine didn’t know that he had such a thing in him. They still went to coffee together after rehearsal, and those moments were sheer bliss and utter torture for Blaine. He had wondered if Kurt felt anything like what he was feeling, how the boy had made it all these months without launching himself across the table or even giving a hint of his emotions away. For days, Blaine felt like he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, staring at Kurt with something like cow eyes, memorizing every word that fell from those perfect lips, gazing at his hands for what had to be hours-how masculine they were with long, strong fingers and yet so pale and soft, and Blaine just wanted to reach out and take them in his and hold them forever.
Yes, trips to the Lima Bean were difficult.
Then during the Warblers council meeting, Blaine thought he had hit on the perfect solution-make Kurt his duet partner. Not only would it give Kurt what he longed for (and honestly, deserved), but it would also be a perfect excuse for Blaine to spend more time with him. And maybe, somewhere along the way, he’d work up the courage to admit to Kurt that his feelings had changed. Maybe he’d even be able to assess if Kurt still wanted to be with him.
It had been perfect and brilliant, and the Warblers-god, he loves those boys-they’d gone right along with it, enthusiastically even, as if they all wanted him and Kurt to spend more time together, too, or something!
Blaine hadn’t planned on spilling his heart out to Kurt so soon, though. He’d honestly simply meant to practice their duet today when he came across Kurt decorating Pavarotti’s casket in the common room. But then Kurt had asked, and Blaine had found himself blurting out honest words, leaving himself open and vulnerable and absolutely terrified that Kurt was going to say “Oh, sorry. No longer interested.” And for just a moment, when he’d finally found the courage to lean forward and press his lips to Kurt’s, he’d thought that’s what had actually happened. Kurt hadn’t been responding; almost seemed to lean away, and then with one deep, indrawn breath, it had all changed….
And now, here they are, Blaine pressing Kurt against the back of the couch, mapping the curve of Kurt’s neck where it meets his jaw, learning the taste of Kurt’s skin with his lips and his tongue, feeling the press of Kurt’s fingers against his scalp where they curl into his hair, tugging just a little. Blaine can’t stop thinking that he’s wanted to experience all of this for far too long, and now it’s happening, and it’s even better than he could have possibly imagined. Kurt has surprised him as well; after their very, very brief discussion regarding sex a couple weeks ago, Blaine had worried his kiss would have been too much. But no, Kurt hasn’t shown an ounce of fear so far, though Blaine silently fears that maybe he just isn’t attuned to such things or something.
As his concern over that fact grows, he pulls back a little, staring down into Kurt’s beautiful flushed face until his too bright eyes open, looking up at Blaine questioningly. “Why’d you stop?”
Blaine feels a little shudder move through him at the sound of Kurt’s voice; all breathless and soft and a little high-pitched. He thinks, I did that. I made him sound like that. I am Spartacus!... or something.
“Blaine?”
And Kurt does that to him. Totally distracts him. “Sorry.”
He presses his lips to Kurt’s, hoping to erase the concern that’s flickering through his eyes. And oh god, he gets to do this! Just lean in and press his lips to Kurt’s mouth whenever he wants. Thinking that, he lingers there just a few moments longer than he meant before pulling back, leaning their foreheads together.
“I just… didn’t want us going too fast for you, or anything,” Blaine says quietly, not wishing to disturb the silence in the room or how all he can hear is Kurt’s breathing, his heart beat almost in tune with Blaine’s own. He reaches up to trail his fingers down the curve of Kurt’s neck, watching as the eyes below him widen slightly at the touch, breath quavering.
He can’t imagine he will ever grow tired of doing this. Just touching and watching and wanting.
The color in Kurt’s cheeks heightens slightly and this time, he is the one reaching up, pressing the tips of his fingers to Blaine’s lips, tracing lightly from corner to corner along his lower lip. “We’re just kissing, right?”
Yes, just kissing. But that doesn’t mean that Blaine’s mind hasn’t been wandering, and it doesn’t mean he hasn’t shifted repeatedly in an attempt to get more comfortable. And god, he doesn’t want to scare Kurt or upset him in anyway, so he really needs to get a handle on that. Even just thinking it, knowing he has no intention of actually doing anything sexual with Kurt at the moment, could be enough to upset him if their last conversation had been any indication.
Blaine smiles and kisses the fingers against his lips, receiving an answering smile in return. His heart melts a little at the sight, and then Kurt is leaning up, bringing their lips together once more, tongue slipping out to slide over Blaine’s lips, and god, both of them seem to grow bolder with every kiss. It’s Kurt’s turn to press Blaine against the back of the couch-neither of them have yet gone for a horizontal movement-and he slowly licks his way into Blaine’s mouth, and Blaine can’t stop the sigh he releases as their tongues sweep against one another. He loves the taste of Kurt’s mouth, slightly minty with just a hint of diet Coke from lunch, and so, so warm. One of Kurt’s hands is tangled in the lapel of Blaine’s jacket, pushing and pulling all at once against him; the other is cupping his cheek, slowly slipping back, fingers threading between curls as he shifts up into a kneeling position, leaning over Blaine fully now, pressing him further into the couch.
In all honesty, Blaine has never felt this wanted. It’s almost too much to take in. His body trembles ever so slightly under Kurt’s hands as they settle over his shoulders, as if in some need to hold him there. Blaine finds himself wondering if Kurt is just as worried as he is, that this could all be some crazy, elaborate and really awesome dream that he is having. He’ll wake up, and none of it will have happened, and he won’t know where to begin to make it happen.
Kurt’s mouth leaves his; brief, soft kisses moving across his cheek, over his forehead, down his nose, over one eyelid, and then the other. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Kurt’s voice whispers against his skin, and then his nose is pressing against Blaine’s cheek and he just remains there for a long moment.
Blaine finds it difficult to get a word out, like his throat just stopped working or something. Each kiss had been so tender, so sweet. He’s never felt anything like that. He tries to joke, “K-kiss my fore-forehead?”
Kurt huffs slightly, warm breath fanning over his jaw. “Just kiss you. Anywhere. Your face… your skin is so warm,” he moves to press a kiss against Blaine’s cheek, “and your lashes are so long,” he kisses both eyelids again, “and I like your nose,” another kiss, “and your chin,” one more, “but mostly… mostly I really like your lips.”
Blaine’s smiling as Kurt’s mouth closes over his once more. Yeah, he is never going to get used to this. He curls his hand around the back of Kurt’s neck, slipping his fingers into the soft hair there and sliding his hand upwards, pulling Kurt closer until the boy has to reach out to balance himself on the couch as their chests press together. When Kurt breathes in, Blaine feels the movement, and he draws in his own breath, pushing out against Kurt, feeling Kurt’s smile against his lips before their kiss deepens.
The sound of Kurt’s phone vibrating against the table breaks through the surrounding silence. Kurt just goes on kissing Blaine, ignoring it. Blaine smiles, but moves his hands to press Kurt back just a bit in order to ask, “What time is it?”
“Don’t know.” Kurt brings their lips together again, and Blaine forgets what it was they were talking about. He shifts, sliding an arm around Kurt’s waist, and then he switches their positions again, pressing Kurt into the back of the couch, climbing up to kneel on the cushions and lean over him, kissing him deeply before once more breaking away to continue mapping the contours of his neck.
There’s a soft noise that Kurt makes in the back of his throat when Blaine is hovering just beneath his ear, breathing there as he presses soft kisses against Kurt’s skin. When he hears it, he does it again, eliciting the same response, and then he moves up to Kurt’s ear, outlining the shell with his tongue, nipping lightly at the lobe, kissing it softly and just breathing there for a moment as Kurt squirms and gasps beneath him.
Yeah. Blaine is never, ever going to get used to this amazing feeling.
The phone starts buzzing again. Blaine feels Kurt sigh beneath him, and his heart is screaming No! No! No! even as his mind knows Kurt really should check to see who’s calling. He places one last quick kiss to Kurt’s neck before shifting back, and Kurt sighs again, giving him the sweetest smile Blaine’s certain he’s ever seen before he moves to stand, albeit a little shakily. Blaine can’t seem to take his gaze away as he watches Kurt walk over to the table, all long limbs and grace. He realizes his hands are shaking a little and he folds them into his lap as Kurt picks up his phone to answer.
“Hi, Dad…. I hadn’t… It is? Wow. I’m sorry. I hadn’t looked at the time… No, I’m still at school, actually… Umm, a project that I was working on… I’m sorry. I’ll leave in a few minutes, I promise…. No, I’ll just pick something up on the way home; you guys don’t need to wait for me. Tell Carole I’m sorry… Okay. I will. Promise… Love you, too.”
Blaine feels mounds of guilt as he’s staring at the face of his pocket watch that reads six o’clock. Hadn’t he wandered in here around four? He had meant to practice a little, and then gone for a quick run to the Lima Bean before they both headed home. Oops!
When he looks up, Kurt has turned back toward him, leaning against the table, smiling. Blaine starts to apologize, only to stop when Kurt leans forward a little, laughing. “Wow!” Kurt says through his laughter. “I honestly know what they mean now by time flies when you’re having fun!”
Blaine joins in his laughter, a nervous kind of energy releasing with it as he slips his watch back into his pocket and stands, only belatedly realizing his clothing is mostly askew. Kurt’s is honestly no better, his cardigan twisted around his waist, tie half undone in a big loopy knot. They stare at one another for a moment before laughing again.
It’s Kurt who moves first toward Blaine, reaching out to fasten the top button of his shirt that had somehow come undone, and then fixing his tie. “You’re a mess,” he says, his voice still a little breathless and high, the smile ever-present, and Blaine knows Kurt has never looked so incredibly beautiful.
And that’s saying something.
“You’re not much better,” Blaine tells him, readjusting Kurt’s sweater and taking maybe longer than necessary to loop the tie back into shape. And if his fingers continue to sweep against Kurt’s neck, it’s just because he’s never fixed someones tie while they wore it before.
He can’t come up with an excuse for his shaking fingers, though.
The smile suddenly slips from Kurt’s face, and there’s a flash of panic in his eyes as he admits, “I don’t want to leave.”
Blaine’s fingers flex slightly, and then he lays his hands on Kurt’s shoulders and leans up to kiss him. “Call me the moment you get home. We can talk all night if you want.”
Kurt’s smile though dimmed slightly, returns with his words. “Help me clean up this mess?”
They stand close, shoulders touching as they gathered up the costume jewelry, glitter and glue from the table, and Kurt very carefully sets the unfinished casket in his bag along with the supplies. Once the strap is over his shoulder, he turns toward Blaine but his eyes suddenly seem to be everywhere but on Blaine. Sensing the nervousness, and feeling a fair amount of his own, Blaine reaches out for Kurt’s hand, taking it and tugging him closer.
“Come on,” he whispers. “Let me get my stuff and I’ll walk you to your car.”
They’re silent as they make their way through the mostly empty and quiet halls of Dalton, and Blaine stops in the Warblers’ rehearsal room where he had left his coat, scarf, and bag. Once ready, they thread their fingers together again, though this time, Kurt leans in for another kiss, taking it quickly almost as if he simply needed to know the past couple of hours had actually been real. Blaine squeezes his hand in response before they finally head to the parking lot.
Once Kurt has deposited his things into the Navigator and started the engine, he steps back out of the cab to stand in front of Blaine, hands wringing together slowly in front of him. He looks so shy and hesitant suddenly, nothing like the boy who was pressing Blaine into the couch not long ago, and sticking his tongue down his throat.
“I’m scared, too,” Blaine says softly, and Kurt looks up at that, eyes big and surprised as he stares. “I’m afraid I’m going to wake up any moment and none of this will have been real.”
Kurt nods slowly in response.
Blaine reaches out to lay his hand against Kurt’s cheek. “Please call me tonight? I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep without hearing your voice.”
He barely catches his balance as Kurt launches into his arms, tugging him close and kissing him with all the same need and hunger they’d both seemed to experience at the beginning. Blaine wraps his arms tight around Kurt’s waist, holding him close as they just kiss, mouths opening, tongues taking one last chance to taste one another before they have to separate.
When the kiss does end, they don’t pull apart for a few minutes. They just stand there, holding one another, staring at one another across the few inches that separate them. The sun is setting, and Blaine thinks the lighting is perfect for Kurt’s fair skin, the colors from the sunset casting hues of orange and red across his cheeks. Kurt’s thumb is moving gently over the skin of Blaine’s neck, back and forth in a lazy caress. It’s as if neither of them can stop touching the other.
“Please don’t laugh at me if I say I’m afraid to let go.”
Blaine shakes his head, arms tightening around Kurt. “I feel the same.”
Smiling, Kurt leans in and rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder. “I always kind of wondered, you know? That if I ever had the chance to hold you, would I ever be able to let go? Guess I have my answer.”
“Except, you know, we don’t really have a choice,” Blaine says with a smile. “Your dad is kind of scary.”
“Oh, please. He’s a big teddy bear.”
“Even big teddy bears are scary when you’re my size.”
Kurt laughs, loud and bright as he leans away from Blaine only to move back in and kiss him once more. “I think you’re pretty near to perfect, Blaine Anderson.”
Blaine pulls a face. “Keep that in mind the next time the council hands me another solo.”
“Don’t ruin this moment, please.” Kurt rolls his eyes but smiles as he steps back, still clinging to Blaine as he walks backward toward the cab of his SUV. “When should I call?”
“Umm, home. Dinner. Say, eight o’clock?”
Kurt nods, and then they’re both leaning in for one last kiss, and Blaine tries to memorize everything about it, from the feel to the taste to the sound before Kurt is sighing once more against him and then pulling away.
“Talk to you soon.”
“Yeah.”
Blaine doesn’t move until the Navigator has long disappeared down the road.
Part Two