House of Cards (2/2)
[xxxx]
“Day 24.” Jongin whispered first thing in the morning. Days seemed to pass by a little slower compared to the past.
It’s been twenty four days. He reminded himself again as he laid down, practicing a breathing exercise one his nurses taught him. It is said to calm him down and fight off insomnia, but Jongin, optimistic, have made a habit of it every morning.
“Good morning.” A voice spoke beside him. Expecting Kyungsoo to be sitting on his wheelchair by his bedside, which the other often did, he staggered up to sit, like most times as well, but contrary to their usual mornings, when he opened his eyes, it wasn’t so.
Baekhyun stood there with a small cup, one that held his medications. The nurse giggled, and handed the cup to Jongin. Jongin noticed a missing pill from his cup of three, but before he can even ask, Baekhyun was already swaying on his feet. He took them unceremoniously, and pops them to his mouth all at once.
“You’re expecting someone!” Baekhyun beamed. “I bet it’s Mr. Do.” He sang. “It’s okay, Mr. Kim. I got ‘ya.” Baekhyun winked as he took the cup from Jongin, handing a cup of water then.
“Well, since your tests are coming out well, and you seem to have taken a liking to reading your day away, Dr. Zhang said you can take the day off.” Baekhyun said. “Just three weeks and you’re one less pill! Kick your demon’s ass today, Mr. Kim. ”
“Thanks, Baekhyun.” Jongin smiled. “I’ll do that.”
Touring around the center was a first. Due to his tight schedule of activities here and there, Jongin never had a chance to see the other parts of the Center. Baekhyun told him about the many amenities the center offers, and he was excited to see them. He’s been around the buildings where he was expected to be, met people who are suffering the same problems as him, but never out that everyday routine.
That day though, was quite different. With a novel in hand, he thought of spending the morning at the garden where he usually reads. He followed the same path from his room, passed by the cafeteria, the activity rooms, past Dr. Zhang’s office, and almost at the sliding doors that led outside.
But, that day, things felt different. For no definite reason, he followed his instincts, and Jongin turned right just before he reached the exit.
The long corridor was built with glass left and right. Slightly tinted but he can still see what was inside. He continued walking, curiously passing by the rooms that looked like gyms to him, though empty.
“Just stop!” He heard a loud scream, and a loud clash of something heavy hitting the floor. “Get out!”
Uniformed people scrambled out of one of the rooms. There were some with cameras dangling on their necks, and others were nurses, most of them men in black suits of different ages, mumbling among them as they rush in different directions, some bumping to Jongin on their way.
“We can’t wait any longer.” Someone whispered.
“He’s not getting better at all.” Another one said. “I’ll report this to the board. We can’t hold onto him any longer.”
“Give Kyungsoo more time. I beg you. You have to under-
Kyungsoo.
The name muted the murmurs from the passing people. Pushing through each of them, Jongin began to make his way down the hall, heart pounding, realizing what was waiting for him.
He then saw him instantly in the vast space. He was frozen in place as he saw Kyungsoo through the glass, on the floor, struggling to push himself up.
“Sir, you’re not supposed to be here.” One of the female nurses outside pulled on Jongin’s arm.
“I’ll take care of it.” Jongin explained, eyes not leaving the other.
“Sir, the patient wants to be alone.” She pleaded, pulling on him strongly.
“I said,” He grunted, “I’ll take care of it!” Jongin screamed, pulling his arm from the nurse’s grip. Kyungsoo whipped his head at the sound of his voice, eyes wide as he found Jongin standing there, struggling.
With pleading eyes, Jongin looked at him, waiting for any reaction from the other, hoping he would let him in. But Kyungsoo showed no sign of other emotions except shock. He sat there on the carpeted floor with a hand on his leg and the other clutching on the wheel of his wheelchair that was toppled over.
“Excuse me, excuse me!” A loud voice took everybody’s attention away, and another nurse, wearing a different set of garments compared to the others, squeezed his way through the others, eventually pushing his way past Jongin, crouching down to Kyungsoo.
“Kyungsoo, what are you doing on the floor?!” Jongin watched as the said nurse picked up Kyungsoo from the floor and down his wheelchair, even fixing the other’s wobbly legs, placing each foot on the footrest.
“Thanks. You can go.” Kyungsoo murmured timidly as he turned his wheelchair around; turning his back at most of the people who was still watching from the outside.
“Sorry, Soo. I didn’t know people are going to come. Even President Choi came. I’m really sorry.” The nurse said.
“Chanyeol, just go.” Kyungsoo sighed as he wheeled himself near the glass panes, soaking up the sun that revealed itself in the horizon not so long ago.
Chanyeol knew more than to protest, so he dragged himself out the room, pulling the door close and leaving Kyungsoo alone, as he wished.
Jongin looked at him peculiarly. It was his first time to see anyone caring for Kyungsoo in the past three weeks he was there. Kyungsoo even told him anybody hardly visits him.
“Perhaps, you’re Jongin?” Chanyeol suddenly asked him, surprising the other. “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure.”
Chanyeol led him outside to talk, not before dispersing the remaining people outside the therapy room where they left Kyungsoo. The other nurses obliged, clearing the corridor in a hurry. They sat on one of the benches, and Jongin, still worried for Kyungsoo, glanced back at the windows from the outside, where he found Kyungsoo, looking back at him.
“Soo told me about you.” Chanyeol then spoke. “I’m his personal nurse, but more than that I’m his friend.” He looked at Jongin interestingly. “I’m Chanyeol.”
“Jongin.” He replied absentmindedly, thoughts still on Kyungsoo.
“Yeah, I know that. Kyungsoo talks about you.” The other muttered, chuckling. “So how’s therapy going for you?”
Jongin was surprised by the question, but he answered anyway. “Good, I guess.” Questions about his progress were common things in his present circumstances.
“Just keeping yourself occupied?”
Jongin nodded.
Chanyeol let out a deep breath, before he spoke again. “If only Kyungsoo would try that. Lately, it’s either he sleeps it off the whole day or he stares out the windows for hours. He doesn’t even like Dr. Zhang, never did any of the exercises he’s supposed to do so the doctor let him be for awhile and didn’t give him any activities to do. I know you’re kind of buddies at this point, and he’ll kill me if he knew I told you this, but he’s really, really stubborn.”
“At some point, we all are.” Jongin murmured. He knew what Kyungsoo was going through. People not understanding where people like them are coming from just makes it harder. “It’s hard for us, too. We can’t just explain to you guys how we feel or what we want. Especially Kyungsoo - he’s devastated with what happened to him. You can’t tell him it’s going to be okay, because he knows it’ll never be.”
“It’s been months, Jongin.”
“It’s been years for me, and here I am.”
Upon Chanyeol’s request, Jongin went back first to see how Kyungsoo was doing. After their talk, the nurse seemed to have taken a liking at his optimism, even asking Jongin a favour to smother his patient, Kyungsoo, with a little of his positivity.
“If you’re gonna talk about physical therapy and all that rainbow shit, leave me alone, Jongin.” Kyungsoo said without even looking back.
Jongin was almost offended, but deep inside he just thought of Kyungsoo, enough to let the remark go. He was his priority at the moment. He walked to Kyungsoo’s side and dropped the book he’s been holding forever to the other’s lap.
“Actually,” he said, “I came to take you back.”
“Really, now.” Kyungsoo frowned, doubting his intention, obviously. But Jongin knew better how to pull a smile from the other’s face - something he’s been working on for the past two weeks.
“I kind of missed our morning talk. You weren’t there when I woke up.” He slyly muttered, a smirk appearing on his face as he looked down on Kyungsoo subtly. When the other looked up to him, he quickly averted his gaze back in front.
“You don’t play fair, Jongin.” Kyungsoo pouted. “Just earlier you looked heroic struggling from the nurse and now you’re all smooth and shit.”
“And what’s wrong with that? I’m trying to be friendly here.”
“Did Chanyeol tell you to be like that?” He squints his eyes at Jongin, still unconvinced. “Because I’m not buying it.”
“No, actually he told me much more than just ‘smother you with my positivity’,” he narrated, mimicking how the nurse told him the words, “he told me to take care of you because you only open up to me and that’s a good sign, which by the way, is flattering.”
“I’m going to kill that giant.” Kyungsoo murmured to himself.
“And he said that as well.”
“Did you lie about the exercise Dr. Zhang asked you to do - the one about talking to someone? Because Chanyeol told me you don’t get any exercises for the time being.”
“Leave me alone, Jongin.”
“Yup, you did.”
“Shut up.”
[xxxxx]
One may think it’s been all great since then, but both Kyungsoo and Jongin knew what was ahead of them.
Jongin was recovering, as far as Dr. Zhang’s sessions go, but there were still dark days as well, but not as often as they used to. The doctor had prescribed lower dosage of medications for him, seeing the change in his personality in over a month he spent there. For Jongin, it was just a matter a time before he can be discharged and be ready to face the world.
Yet, Jongin knew better. Baekhyun teased him enough of it that he’s accepted the fact that the happiness he’s been feeling lately was because of one man - Kyungsoo.
For the first time in years, he had something to look forward to waking up. Kyungsoo kept Jongin’s demons at bay, shining brighter as they went by, almost making Jongin live and breathe freely.
As if Jongin’s only reason to seize the day and get better was Kyungsoo. Dr. Zhang reminded him, of course, of the risks he’ll take once he’s realized that Kyungsoo affects him that much.
And Jongin didn’t deny it. He was scared, yes, but he just couldn’t stop. From an earnest wish that he be able to comfort the other, it grew to a devotion of making Kyungsoo smile, and ultimately, happy again.
He even joked about just coming back to Dr. Zhang if he gets his heart broken, but more importantly, he realized it was all that was missing so far - something, or someone, to be passionate about.
On the other hand, Kyungsoo became much more difficult. Like a kid who loves to play with his favourite toy, he began to neglect everything else. Jongin wasn’t able to see what was outside the small bubble they’ve made for them.
He thought Kyungsoo was doing better. He thought he was making things right. Unfortunately, for Kyungsoo, Jongin’s presence didn’t really help at all.
His demons kept creeping on him, despite the smiles Jongin has pulled out of him. Jongin was a drug - a temporary fix to the brokenness inside.
“Day 35.” Jongin muttered softly to himself, squinting his eyes at the red digits of his clock. It was five minutes after 7, and Kyungsoo wasn’t on his bed. During those times, he would be in physical therapy.
He’d come back by nine, tired and sore all over, making him grumpy and basically irritable about anything. He would greet Jongin a good morning, and then pass out as soon as his back hits the bed.
Jongin would usually help him to move from his wheelchair to the bed, but stubbornly, Kyungsoo rejected his offer.
“I have to learn to do this myself.” He would usually say, and Jongin respected that, but he would stand there by Kyungsoo’s side in case he slips.
Kyungsoo filled his mind for the next ten minutes. As he laid there in bed, he reminisced of the past month he has spent with Kyungsoo.
It was surreal.
A month and they’ve gone from some fated hospital buddies to really good friends. He wondered if it was because of his efforts that Kyungsoo smiled often when he’s with him.
He still heard nurses gossiping about the star breaking down, or not taking his medications. Chanyeol told him often how Kyungsoo would go talk about him for hours, but never once did he talk about his own thoughts. Only Jongin heard the struggles. Only Jongin knew the pain. Only he fully understood.
Deciding against passing out to another deep slumber, Jongin resorted to finishing the novel he began reading a few days ago. Against the advice of his doctor, he went ahead and borrowed a novel about a girl falling in love with a quadriplegic, which all knows ended in tragedy.
He just wanted to try it himself, if the effect would be not as painful as before. Just a hopeful thought, that he’ll be able to detach his personality to a temporary emotion. It was all for testing the waters.
Seven chapters and two and a half hours later, Jongin put the book down, heart wrenching. The whiplash of ending one novel and warping back to reality usually would disorient him for awhile but this, this was different. It woke him up completely.
Maybe reading it was a bad idea. He could’ve brought back Romeo & Juliet or another, but no. He was thinking of Kyungsoo in every sentence. Every word, every pain, every goodbye, he had Kyungsoo on his mind.
Kyungsoo was late. It’s almost ten, and Jongin realized the other hasn’t come back yet. The lingering pang in his chest had Jongin half-jogging out his room, steadying his pace as he passed the familiar halls, to the physical therapy department where Kyungsoo should be.
He arrived to Kyungsoo’s usual room, but he wasn’t there. One of the nurses who saw him greeted him, asking what his business was there.
“Kyungsoo. Where’s he?” Jongin asked, catching his breath.
“Oh, Mr. Do left after therapy. I don’t know what time he’ll be back.” The nurse replied.
“But,” Jongin can’t help his curiosity. “Do you know how he is? Any progress on his physical therapy? Please tell me.”
“I can’t disclose any details regarding patients. That’s a policy-
“Please, I’m here to help. I want to help him. I just want to know exactly what’s going on with him.” He pleaded.
“But, sir-“The nurse hesitated.
“Don’t make this any harder for the both of us. I beg you.”
“The doctors don’t know as well. We’re all waiting for any sign of recovery, but there’s still none. All his wounds are healed, the spine is healing well. There’s a slight chance he’ll recover but there’s hope for him.” The nurse explained. “But we can’t tell him that yet, and give him false hope. Dr. Zhang reminded us that it’s up to Mr. Do to pick himself up. It’s what’s best for him, so please, please help him without telling him these things.”
Night has fallen, and the moon was shining brightly against the window of the room where Jongin stood stoic, staring at the rustling leaves on the trees. It’s been hours and there were still no news from anyone about Kyungsoo. Even Baekhyun didn’t know what time Kyungsoo will be back.
Accepting the fact that maybe Kyungsoo won’t be back ‘till morning, Jongin half-heartedly dragged himself back to his bed and covered himself, feeling a familiar tug in his heart he hasn’t felt for a long time.
No, he wasn’t thinking about death knocking on his door, he’s learned to deal with that. What was making his heart pound in anxiety was the fact that he was alone for the night. Kyungsoo has always been his anchor, his calm, but he was nowhere, and it worried him even more that he has no idea how he was.
Deep breaths. He thought. Sleep finally came and he was pulled into a nightmare, one that vanished almost immediately when he heard the deep voice he’s been waiting for all night.
“Jongin..” Kyungsoo whispered as he clutched on the other’s shirt. He can barely speak in between his sobs, and Jongin wasn’t waking up.
“Jongin, wake up, please.” He whispered again, tears generously rolling down his cheeks. He let out a scream, a loud cry as he hit Jongin’s shoulder, shaking the other.
“Wh-what?” Jongin sat up quickly, dazed and eyes heavy from the sudden noise as he tried to calm his heart down. He was deep in slumber, and the abrupt pull out of it had his heart and head pounding in pain.
He finally noticed Kyungsoo clutching on the cloth of his shirt, reaching to him with difficulty as he sat on his wheelchair. “Jongin, please..” The other begged.
Jongin sighed, seeing the tears in Kyungsoo’s eyes. He took a quick glimpse at his clock - it was almost midnight. Kyungsoo continued to wail in the darkness.
“Come here.” Jongin pulled slightly on Kyungsoo’s hand, leaning and bearing the other’s weight as carried him and place him by his side. “Talk to me.”
Kyungsoo was already gasping for air, the tears were falling endlessly. “J-Jongin..” he stuttered. “Take me away, please. I don’t want to b-be here.. Right now..” He whispered between his hiccups. “I beg you.”
Jongin felt helpless. Kyungoo’s tears won’t stop. He was in a storm he wasn’t sure if he can handle - but all from Kyungsoo, he decided to move.
With no second thought, he stood up and pulled two jackets from his luggage, took his car keys from the drawer at his bedside. He carried Kyungsoo with ease from his bed and placed him back to his wheelchair, and pushed him out their room.
Kyungsoo continued to shed tears as they passed by the halls, trying to keep his voice low as much as possible. Baekhyun almost stopped them when he saw the two, but Jongin quickly dismissed the nurse’s protest and went straight out the doors.
It was all too fast - carrying Kyungsoo to sit on the passenger’s seat, strapping the wheelchair on his truck bed behind, and striding to settle behind the wheel and driving away. In no time, Jongin was driving to nowhere.
Anywhere Kyungsoo would like to go, he’ll take him there, no matter what.
Just to make the tears stop.
Just to stop Kyungsoo from hurting.
He drove for miles before stopping by the roadside in the countryside. The highway was almost empty; he didn’t even know where they were. Street lights barely lit the road, but it was calming nonetheless.
Kyungsoo has slept almost immediately when they left. Knowing how exhausting breaking down was, he gave Kyungsoo a bit more time to regain his strength and maybe a gain much more than that to be able to tell Jongin what was wrong.
Silence filled the car except Kyungsoo’s laboured breathing, as well as Jongin’s pounding heart in his chest.
“Isn’t it a little cliché that we’re here,” Jongin chuckles, trying to lighten up the mood, “All snuggled up at the back of my truck, watching stars like they’ll light up our stupid lives the more we look at them?”
The two laid down at his truck bed where he carefully spread a blanket he kept in his truck, covered by the jackets he brought from the center. He carried Kyungsoo to the back when he woke up, letting him rest his head on his shoulder.
There’s not much comfort he can offer, but he wanted to give it anyway.
With no response from Kyungsoo, he continued talking. “I don’t see why they use these scenes in like all those romantic movies. It’s sweet, okay, but it’s freaking cold,” He giggled.
Kyungsoo sighed. “I can’t even see the twinkling little shits because my eyes won’t let me.”
Seeing it as an opportunity, Jongin turned his head to look at Kyungsoo. “Hey, are you okay?”
“No.” He replied, sighing again.
“You can tell me when you’re ready. Let me help you.”
“I just want everything to end, Jongin.” Kyungsoo sighed again. It took a moment before his words registered on Jongin.
“Why?” He asked calmly.
Kyungsoo’s eyes began to water again, as he readied himself. “I- The agency dropped me, terminated my contract. They don’t want any liabilities if the handlers of my cancelled projects sue me, though it’s unlikely. ”
Jongin wasn’t sure how to reply.
“I have nowhere to go, Jongin.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Just focus on your recovery.” He tried to console the other.
“You know I’ll never recover. I’ll never get my legs back.” Kyungoo grunted, “I’ve long accepted that. It would’ve been better if I died from the fall!”
“No, stop that!” Jongin replied back.
“I want to die, Jongin. I should’ve died.” He began to sob again, pulling away from Jongin’s hold. “Kill me, just kill me please. You said you’ll help, so kill me, please.”
“Shut up.” Jongin panicked. “Just shut up, Kyungsoo.” He sat up, trying to catch his breath.
“Jongin, drive us to the sea, huh? Won’t you do that? No one will find me there. Please.” Kyungsoo continued to beg, pulling on the cloth behind Jongin’s shirt. “Please.”
“That’s not fair, Kyungsoo.” Jongin groaned. “All I did everyday was to try to make you happy. I found a purpose in pulling a smile out of your misery.”
“You can’t fix me. Jongin, you can’t fix me.”
And that did it. All the walls he’s built, the idea of being happy after all, fell into nothingness. Jongin knew how deep Kyungsoo was then, with every word he spoke. And can’t pull him up.
He failed Kyungsoo.
Once again, he realized how futile all his efforts were.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not good enough.” Jongin spurted.
“It’s not about you, Jongin.” Kyungsoo replied immediately. “This is me. The smiling person back in the Center, it wasn’t me. This is who I am. I thought you knew better.” Anger, confusion and shock filled Kyungsoo’s voice. The tears have stopped unexpectedly as the mix of emotions overtook all his sense.
“I believed it, Kyungsoo. You had me wrapped in a lie. I was getting better because of you, and now, I don’t know.”
The mix of pain and anger crept in, and Jongin starts to sob, pushing himself up from where they lay. He jumped off the flatbed while throwing the jacket back at Kyungsoo, settling himself at the driver’s seat, slamming the door close.
He wept. He hated the fact that he was crying again. He failed. All the effort he’s done, worthless. His tears ran down like rivers.
“Is it because I’m not making you happy, or that you feel like failing in making me happy?” He heard Kyungsoo’s deep voice behind him. The window was open, and he found Kyungsoo peeking innocently, as if he doesn’t care, or at least, he looked like asking with no trace of guilt from making him cry. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” Jongin replied, looking away, unsure if it was even worth it to explain.
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Of course, you don’t. None of us knows why we just break down and cry.”
“You frustrate me, Kyungsoo. One moment, you’re a breath of fresh air, like some angel sent from heaven, and the next, you suffocate me with all your baggage.” Jongin sighed.
“That’s where you’re terribly wrong. You let me affect you that much.”
“Like I have a choice.” Jongin whispered to himself.
“What’d you say? I can’t hear you.”
“I said I don’t have a choice, Kyungsoo. You just affect me.”
“What? Is this the part you tell me you love me and I make you happy? Because that’s not where I think this is supposed to go. This is the part where you tell me you can’t see me anymore, right? That I just push all the wrong buttons and make it worse for you? That I’m not helping at all.” Jongin notices the fear in the other’s voice - his demons creeping up on his as well.
“Oh, shut up.”
“I’m sorry, Jongin. I really am.” With that, Kyungsoo closes the window and turns around, rests his back against the glass, pulling his knees against his chest. “Just take me to the sea and I’ll take it from there.” Kyungsoo sputtered.
An hour passed in silence - a dreadful hour of screaming in silence, hair-pulling, and chest pounding until they became numb; an hour of questioning themselves and finding no answers; endless blaming and self-pity. The two waited until their head stopped reminding them of their insecurities, until they decide to shut everything up.
Their backs were just separated by the closed window, and yet it felt like they were in two different worlds. Jongin had enough.
Wiping all the damned tears from his cheeks, Jongin pushed the door open and heads behind the truck once again, taking deep breaths to pull himself together. Though unsure if it was the right time to face Kyungsoo after breaking down like that, he did anyway, but Kyungsoo, with the jackets wrapped around his body, sat there, eyes closed, sleeping soundly.
As quietly as he can, Jongin sets up the tent over Kyungsoo and lay down beside him, pulling the other to rest against him. He was sure he was hearing Kyungsoo’s heart beating fast against him in the silence of the night. More than that, he was sure he heard Kyungsoo hiccupping, while feeling his shirt get damp in tears.
Jongin chose to close his eyes and let the other be, because he knew, even if he asks, their conversation will lead nowhere and will just frustrate him more.
“Are you not gonna talk to me?” Kyungsoo whispered against him. Jongin didn’t budge, pretending to sleep. “Are you asleep? It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me, just, just hear me out… or not, it’s up to you.” He sobbed again, quietly, before talking again.
“I’m a mess, Jongin. I’m not a kid that you just give a bag of candy and I’ll love you until it lasts. I’m not okay. The life I lived is gone. Do Kyungsoo is gone. There’s no reason to live anymore. I feel and am numb at the same time. I make you cry, and feel nothing afterwards, and then it’ll all come to me that I did that to you and hate myself for doing that to you. I know all these and yet I can’t change anything. I still have no idea what hope is, Jongin. Is it this? Me pouring my heart out, wetting your shirt with my tears instead of sleeping it off like earlier? It doesn’t make sense. What do you want me to tell you?”
“Just shut up, please.” Jongin sighs. “Stop asking, stop thinking. Just stop.”
“Then ask me. Talk to me, Jongin, please. I feel like shit right now.”
“Fine, Kyungsoo. Let me ask you.” Jongin replies sternly, opening his eyes wide to stare at the weeping man on his chest. “Can you give me an idea what could make you not depressed this instance? Please tell me just one thing.”
“You talking to me, I guess.” Kyungsoo murmurs softly.
“Right.” Jongin sighed. “As if we’re not talking since you woke up.”
“You know what I mean. Tell me about you.” Kyungsoo muttered calmly. Finally, Jongin hoped, the storm has passed.
“I never told you, but I promised myself I’ll make you happy. You made me feel again, Kyungsoo. Thirty one years and only now I start to feel again. You calm me in the most unexpected ways.”
“And you love me for that? Or is that a stretch?”
“Maybe. If wanting us to be happy can be considered me loving you, then yeah. I guess.”
“Okay.”
The night fell deeper, and the two slept in the cold, with only their bodies providing warmth.
“Jongin…” Kyungsoo whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Can you cover my feet? They’re freezing” He murmured in his sleep.
“Okay.” The other replied and took off his jacket and placed them over the other’s feet.
Can you cover my feet? They’re freezing.
It was one hell of a rollercoaster ride.
Kyungsoo was oblivious of the reasons why Jongin quickly fixed the truck and drove them back to the Center before the break of dawn.
Jongin excitingly pushed him inside with Baekhyun quickly running to them to check how they were. Jongin almost danced as he pranced around the nurse, who looked equally dumbfounded as Kyungsoo.
“He..” Jongin pointed at Kyungsoo, who in turn pushed the finger away from his face. “He said his feet were freezing. That’s a good sign, right?”
Baekhyun’s eyes grew wide in shock, but not as big as Kyungsoo’s.
“What did you say?”
Jongin was already pushing him to the direction of the physical therapy department, so the therapist can check on Kyungsoo.
The doctors were frantic. Jongin carried Kyungsoo to the therapy table and had the doctors ran a complete diagnostic test on Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo almost cried when he nodded every time the doctor asked him if he felt something. It had a little delay for his brain to register the sensation, but still, he felt it.
Finally, the nurse who told him of Kyungsoo’s chance dropped the news to the both of them. Kyungsoo really had chance, albeit slim, to be able to walk again.
And for the first time, Kyungsoo laughed wholeheartedly, eyes brimming with tears. He even tried to stop it, but ultimately, he can’t - not when Jongin was there.
“You can do this, Kyungsoo. You can build your life back.” Jongin muttered as he leaned down to embrace Kyungsoo.
“Yeah.” Kyungsoo whispered through his tear. “Thanks for waking me up, Jongin.”
Epilogue
Ah, Jongin.
I can still remember when I heard his voice in a dream the night I had the accident. I was in pain in the dark, not really knowing what was happening to me.
Then he spoke, voice hushed and sad, just pouring his heart out. He sounded desperate, like a man drowning just wanting to live, but wanting to die at the same time.
His voice echoed in the darkness, distracting my endless efforts of finding peace. The pain was excruciating, but the more he talked, the more I relaxed.
I don’t know, it just kind of happened. I followed his voice, and I opened my eyes, alive and back to the world.
And today, I’m going to make sure he knows how much his story has woke me up from the darkness I’ve been fighting for months now.
Jongin never asked but he always understood.
I hurt him most of the times by the broken pieces of my soul, yet he embraced all of it.
I don’t even remember how we got here. I just grew attached to him. Maybe I loved him because he loved me when I can’t accept myself. He loved me the most during my worst times.
And because of that love, I tried.
And I’m gonna try harder.
It’s early morning, a few minutes before Jongin wakes up, and I pull myself up to sit on the bed we’ve been sharing for the past months.
I was reluctant at first, knowing how difficult it’d be for him to take care of me, but that’s how Jongin was - selfless and loving. With Chanyeol’s help, as I was still not allowed to be on my own as doctor’s instructions, he took care of me when he’s home, when he’s not in his studio dancing away.
I lean over to reach for my wheelchair and pull it closer to the bed. I transfer to it with ease, and wheel myself out the room, straight to the calendar Jongin posted on my wall the first day he came to stay with me.
Finding the date today, I write Day 300 with the red marker that was dangling beside it. It’s been more than a year since the accident, and I’ve struggled much harder during my therapy, but fortunately, Jongin’s been there to console me after my long days.
Ten minutes pass, and another five, finally the clock strikes seven.
I hear Jongin grunting back in the room, most likely stretching his muscles he’s gained in a span of two months.
It’s hardly fair how Jongin can pull himself together now. Sometimes he’d have these episodes when he’ll blame himself for everything, or when he doesn’t want to talk to me at all, ignoring me the whole day. We’d get into fights and make up before the night ends.
You don’t want to know the gruesome details.
But most of the days, he’s funny. He would sing my songs and impersonate every role I did in the past. He promises to make me laugh the day after, and he always did.
Back to Jongin, I can already hear his footsteps. He’s probably walking out to search for me. I can still remember the first time I talked to him; he scrambled up his bed and flew to the switch to turn on the lights.
“Good morning.” He greets with sleepy eyes. He yawns and stretches his arms up in the air. Instinctively, he closes his eyes.
It’s the perfect time - my perfect timing.
I push myself up.
And I take one step, and another, wobbly at first but more confident after each one.