Okay, time for a serious entry....
I'm lonely, I'm stressed out, I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm anxious and I'm worried.
Yes, all at once.
Yes I feel like crying, but I'm at work right now so I can't do that.
Yes I could at home, but I've been extremely stressed a lot lately and I don't want Serenity to always to have to be okay. I know she's stressed too....
Why you ask?
Lonely, well, because I am, everyone gets that way.
Stressed out? One word: Finals.
Tired: Working 11hrs between trying to be ready for finals sucks.
Anxious: Waiting to hear back about important things that I'm not going to mention right now... AND looking for another job! Whooo! More work!
Worried: As always about money.
Sad: because all this is kicking me in my metaphorical gut so hard that it's making me emo.
I can feel the muscles in my neck/shoulders/upper back tensing to the point where it's extremely painful. I've tried laying down, sitting in a comfy seat, rubbing them, nothings working. And nothing will continue to work until I get some answers.
God, why is the beginning of Chapter 2 sucking so much so far? Yes things are better, but at the same time I'm just as stressed if not more stressed then I was before now...
If anyone would be willing to send some good vibes/energies my way, they'd be a more then welcome relief.
I'm just glad I'm not to the point of cutting yet. Then again, hard to be that way when you're so busy too... I guess my past of self abusive behavior is part of the reason I try to keep my mind blank in stressful/bad situations. I mean yes it makes me emotionally 'meh/blah', but at the same time, isn't being a little blah and a bit bland in a conversation better then cutting yourself with serrated knives?
The thought has fleetingly crossed my mind, but it's quickly been batted away like some peskie mosquito time and time again. More so recently.
I don't ask for much... at least I don't think I do... I try to be a good person, why do I keep getting bitch slapped anyways?
I just don't get it. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
Once again I'm sitting here wondering if I was a bitch if so many bad things would stop happening? I'm sure it'd just make me more miserable, but I'm seriously wondering if it could be much worse then where I am right now. *sighs* I'm sure it could be, but still, sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
Was I such a horrible person in a past life that I must be smashed to the ground time and time again? Or is it the Gods just like laughing at me? I try to be nice, I try to do my best, but then when I really try and think things will be okay, what happens? OH LOOK! They're not! Wow! What a surprise!
Good job me.
Good job life.
Maybe I'll go write some emo poetry and get this shit outta my system. *sigh* I suppose anything's worth a shot at this point.