(no subject)
We all know that I have a love/hate relationship with personal ads. I read them EVERY day. Why? Probably because I'm bored and pathetic, but I like to tell myself that I do it to find some diamond in the rough. I think I get a lot more than I bargain for most days, though, and so I'm going to make use of my heckling and do it here. Who am I to heckle other pathetic, single people when I, myself, am both pathetic and single? I'm Erin fucking Parr, that's who. We don't ask questions.
Erin Heckles Criagslist M4W Personals Day 1:
Top 10 reasons why you should respond.... - 39.
Top 6 Reasons I Will Never Respond To You:
1. You sound awesome... for a mid-30's lady who had feathered blonde hair, wears tapered bluejeans and a vest.
2. What really strikes me is the dog lovers who enjoy motorcycling. I hate people like you. I hate the 'good ol' boy' bikin' with dogs type who is 'wicked cute' but has to put up a craigslist ad for his Cali-transplantin' self.
3. I'm sure my mom would love you, kiddo, and that's why I wouldn't date you.
4. His picture is waaay too far away. I picture a balding man with two Dachsunds and a moped.
5. What is parking karma? You mean you can park your moped without using a bike rack? *pats on head*
6. You have a motorcycle instead of a car, that means I have to pick your ass up when it's raining, and you probably need someone to help you take groceries home.
is there anyone out there ????? - 23
You have to be seen with the person in public? Shit, she has to be seen with *you*. To answer your question, no.
>>>over 6 feet tall, over 200 lbs...PURE MEAT<<<< - 21
Okay, Tiny, I wouldn't be pickin' on you if you used "YOU" instead of "U". No exceptions? Is that like no substitutions? Can I get my meat on the side? K, thanks.
Let's Talk, what a novel idea? - 23
This part is what really gets me:
1. I don't ask about your past lovelife, you don't ask about mine. Because I really don't care at this point. You ask me about mine, conversation is over.
I'm a firm believer in the fact that, even if you've had shitty relationships before, even if the people you have dated before have been complete asswipe shitheads, it was a relationship and you served some part of the insanity. Now, I'm not saying that you caused an abusive boyfriend to be abusive or that you deserved getting cheated on, not at all, but I AM saying that you did get into that relationship, and it is a part of you, no matter how small. I'll be the first to admit that even though I've had some downright asshole boyfriends, I was still part of the insanity, too. Not all women are insane just like not all men are jerky assholes. So-- that said, someone saying "Let's get into a relationship but we can't tell eachother about our past" seems fishy, if not downright sneaky. Sorry, it just hits home a little too much for me.
life is ephemeral - 25
Aww. I can't say anything bad about this guy.
Hoping for the Best Possible Female Kisser..... - 28
I wouldn't kiss that with a 10-foot pole. My hobbies are lifting weights, driving fast and making love. A couple of drinks will let us get to know each other better.
A guy who drives fast and lifts weights as his hobbies will not meet up with me to get me drunk and carry me back to his Nascar apartment, thanks.
What up Gurl? - 28
Really? All of Austin? What sort of "game" do you have? Boar? Deer? Turkey? Herpes?
Erin Heckles Criagslist M4W Personals Day 1:
Top 10 reasons why you should respond.... - 39.
Top 6 Reasons I Will Never Respond To You:
1. You sound awesome... for a mid-30's lady who had feathered blonde hair, wears tapered bluejeans and a vest.
2. What really strikes me is the dog lovers who enjoy motorcycling. I hate people like you. I hate the 'good ol' boy' bikin' with dogs type who is 'wicked cute' but has to put up a craigslist ad for his Cali-transplantin' self.
3. I'm sure my mom would love you, kiddo, and that's why I wouldn't date you.
4. His picture is waaay too far away. I picture a balding man with two Dachsunds and a moped.
5. What is parking karma? You mean you can park your moped without using a bike rack? *pats on head*
6. You have a motorcycle instead of a car, that means I have to pick your ass up when it's raining, and you probably need someone to help you take groceries home.
is there anyone out there ????? - 23
You have to be seen with the person in public? Shit, she has to be seen with *you*. To answer your question, no.
>>>over 6 feet tall, over 200 lbs...PURE MEAT<<<< - 21
Okay, Tiny, I wouldn't be pickin' on you if you used "YOU" instead of "U". No exceptions? Is that like no substitutions? Can I get my meat on the side? K, thanks.
Let's Talk, what a novel idea? - 23
This part is what really gets me:
1. I don't ask about your past lovelife, you don't ask about mine. Because I really don't care at this point. You ask me about mine, conversation is over.
I'm a firm believer in the fact that, even if you've had shitty relationships before, even if the people you have dated before have been complete asswipe shitheads, it was a relationship and you served some part of the insanity. Now, I'm not saying that you caused an abusive boyfriend to be abusive or that you deserved getting cheated on, not at all, but I AM saying that you did get into that relationship, and it is a part of you, no matter how small. I'll be the first to admit that even though I've had some downright asshole boyfriends, I was still part of the insanity, too. Not all women are insane just like not all men are jerky assholes. So-- that said, someone saying "Let's get into a relationship but we can't tell eachother about our past" seems fishy, if not downright sneaky. Sorry, it just hits home a little too much for me.
life is ephemeral - 25
Aww. I can't say anything bad about this guy.
Hoping for the Best Possible Female Kisser..... - 28
I wouldn't kiss that with a 10-foot pole. My hobbies are lifting weights, driving fast and making love. A couple of drinks will let us get to know each other better.
A guy who drives fast and lifts weights as his hobbies will not meet up with me to get me drunk and carry me back to his Nascar apartment, thanks.
What up Gurl? - 28
Really? All of Austin? What sort of "game" do you have? Boar? Deer? Turkey? Herpes?