Comments | aestheticjunkie: FIC: Merge

aestheticjunkie

FIC: Merge

Apr 21, 2006 19:03

This is my first entry onto prompt table epsilon, which I stole from 1sentence. Here we go.

Title: Merge
Author: aestheticjunkie
Rating: R
Prompt: #1 - Motion (from theme-set Epsilon at 1sentence)
Characters: Jayne, River
Pairing: none
Words: Uh, more than one sentence. (737)
Disclaimer: All belong to Joss
Notes: Jayne, River, a hovercraft and lots of bullets.

( Shut up and shoot out his eye already. )

Comments 22

erinya April 22 2006, 04:00:30 UTC

Ooh, that was good. You know what really stood out to me, something that doesn't show up in a lot of Firefly fics? The planet, the setting. The traffic, the rain, the red sun through the clouds, the hills. This plus the fast-paced, kinesthetic action made the piece very cinematic. Which is not to say that everything else wasn't good as well. The interplay between River and Jayne, her unwillingness to give in to instinct and his skill and "feral"ness, was wonderful and perfectly in character. And I loved the ending, her acceptance of the challenge he throws her.

aestheticjunkie April 23 2006, 23:32:45 UTC

Thanks so much! I wanted to convey that sense of motion (of course) and also the chaos. Description of setting is difficult for me, so it's good to know that worked for you. Glad you liked!

raiining April 22 2006, 04:20:59 UTC

I agree, the setting was fantastic. Merge with that the half whispered words and splay it with "deceptively elegant Mandarin" and it was wonderful. A wonderful play-by-play, though I confess it left me looking for more.

Thanks for writing!

aestheticjunkie April 23 2006, 23:37:27 UTC

I must admit I curse - a lot. When I wrote down the words I realized they still have impact, especially when fans are so used to the characters cursing in Mandarin, which is still powerful but with a subtle difference. Glad you liked. Thanks for reading!

xx_squish_xx April 22 2006, 04:31:24 UTC

This was excellent!

"The raw English of his curses somehow hurt more than the deceptively elegant Mandarin." -- a most beautiful line

I love how River is feeling/thinking one thing, but responding completely differently. It's all very true to her character.

aestheticjunkie April 23 2006, 23:40:02 UTC

River is afraid of what she's become and of course afraid of embracing it - even in the face of danger when it's obvious she must use all her skills. Their lives are hard - Jayne understands that and does what he must, but River is still young and still learning the balance between her humanity and her new talents.

momin8r April 22 2006, 06:33:07 UTC

me likes! i could actually see them in the chase, very good imagery! TTFN :D

aestheticjunkie April 23 2006, 23:41:06 UTC

I'm glad that came across - sometimes when you're in the middle of the story you lose perspective and have to stand back once in a while to view the whole. Thanks for reading!

awesome!! anonymous April 22 2006, 07:30:56 UTC

i love it - can't wait for more!

Re: awesome!! aestheticjunkie April 23 2006, 23:41:37 UTC

Thank you! I'm hoping the prompt table will continue to inspire.