Comments | aethyrflux: liberation of love (aka, "let the goat come to you")

aethyrflux

liberation of love (aka, "let the goat come to you")

Jun 07, 2005 00:08

it is rare that i meet individuals whom i am able to trust so quickly and learn to love so unconditionally as i feel that i have in my relationships with todfox, and eposia... so, it just figures that eposia would have to move away for her career advancement just as we are getting to know one another. b/cs is not that far away, though... we moved her out there ( Read more... )

trust

Comments 23

mistressmaya June 7 2005, 15:50:41 UTC

My forebrain already knows these things; could you please download them directly to the emotional mainframe?

aethyrflux June 10 2005, 17:13:19 UTC

mmmmm... that sounds like a fun project! i'm certain that we can find some delightful methods through which to synchronize our wetware devices...

double00range June 7 2005, 17:32:39 UTC

when you offer me the liberty to express my love in whatever ways feel natural to me, i am much more likely to give that love to you

My sentiment exactly. Thanks for sharing.

aethyrflux June 10 2005, 17:15:35 UTC

damn, there i go preaching to the choir again!
i'm obviously going to have to work harder to find a controversy, in this crowd...

trans_simian June 7 2005, 22:18:35 UTC

Oh, I just can't resist. Although I do agree with many of the sentiments expressed here, I must play devils advocate for a moment, or else betray my own punk rock sensibilities ( ... )

aethyrflux June 10 2005, 17:23:44 UTC

that would be true, if that were the case!
however, i didn't say that people should have no expectations...
i said that "i am infinitely more willing to give to any relationship in which my partners do not have *unspoken* expectations... and instead are able to clarify with me what exact expectations we have of one another"

and i'm not sure that you are talking about the same thing that i am when i refer to "lust of result." q.v. the commentary on AL I,44 would you care to share a situation in which you think this kind of "lust of result" might be a good thing?

trans_simian June 11 2005, 11:49:46 UTC

A lot of the issues that people have with someone having certain expectations of them come not from those expectations being unspoken, but from their just being there. If someone had an expectation of you that you didn't want to fulfill, and they told you about it, and you said that you didn't want to fulfill that expectation for them, and they went on expecting it of you, I think it would irritate you just as much as if the expectation remained unspoken. So it seems to me that it is not really about the expectations not being talked about, but rather about their existence in the first place. I am not saying that you are being unfair with all this. It is a totally reasonable place to be at, but I think it really is just a feeling about expectations, and the people harboring them are not actually doing anything bad ( ... )

aethyrflux June 14 2005, 03:20:26 UTC

If someone had an expectation of you that you didn't want to fulfill, and they told you about it, and you said that you didn't want to fulfill that expectation for them, and they went on expecting it of you, I think it would irritate you just as much as if the expectation remained unspoken.perhaps that may have been true of me in the past, even recently, but i think that i have been getting a lot better at accepting people's differences... one thing that has managed to fluster me recently is when people represent themselves as expecting one thing, and then it turns out that they want something completely different... unless they just don't know what they want at all, really... but these are also natural human conditions... change, fluctuation, mystery, ignorance, fear, etc... and i must accept that people are going through whatever experiences they are going through... and if i am going to develop relationships with them, then we just need to be able to communicate, or be okay with not communicating for a while, until we figure out ( ... )

not a correction, just a clarification :) valela June 10 2005, 16:11:10 UTC

I did enjoy our conversation. We do have a certain core of similar world views. With regard to expectations in relationships, however, what I meant to say was that I "feel" the same way that you do. I am in a very similar, if not the same emotional state. The subset of things I can deal with and things I have either no ability or no desire to deal with are very much the same as those you have expressed (to the extent that I understood and accurately interpreted what you were trying to say ( ... )

Re: not a correction, just a clarification :) aethyrflux June 10 2005, 17:53:40 UTC

please note my clarification to trans_simian in the reply above... i, too think expectations are a natural thing... i just expect my partners to discuss their expectations with me and not to assume that i will fulfill them without an agreement to that effect. i do not intend to moralize (i don't want to "should" on people), but instead, i wish to discuss ethics... which i believe to be "a philosophical process one may use to question the rationale and efficacy of moral decisions." i also value understanding, sympathy, compassion, love, serenity, patience ( ... )