Losing a friend - Aoi\Uruha- 2\3
A\N sorry for horrible spelling and grammar, well y’know. It’s always like that when you don’t have beta and itching to post a masterpiece of shit. Anyways hope you got what the story about even if the stoopid WORD re-spelled a lot of words wrongly as I noticed just now (><) gomen!
You knew English isn’t my first, right?
Uruha’s POV.
Door clicked closed and Uruha slide to the floor of his new apartment slowly. He closed his eyes and watched it like a movie in slow motion. Fighting. Packing. Leaving. He didn’t even say goodbye or give Aoi his new address. Rude, isn’t it? They’ve been friends for…how many years? He couldn’t count. He stretched out his hand a grabbed a bottle of vodka from the bags with groceries from the supermarket he was mindful to get. How pathetic - he thought sitting there, on the floor of his brand new home facing the window and crying like a baby over his own mistakes.
You’re losing a friend - he smiled bitterly. Aoi probably thinks that I’m sick of him or something. Maybe he thinks it’s because of our fights, that tend to happen more now than before. Or maybe because of his dirty little secret, that Aoi was careless to reveal.
It’s not about revenge, Aoi, dear - Uruha sobbed, holding onto the bottle for dear life. He would never want to hurt Aoi. Aoi was his dearest friend, or so he thought, Aoi thought- Uruha burst into tears again.
I'm fickle and I'm vain. And you trick me over and over again, with your warm smile, your black eyes always warming my heart. With your always cheerful and welcoming nature, that leaves no room for discomfort. I always felt home with you, Aoi. But I betrayed you, I don’t deserve something as precious and sweet as you. I am your dearest friend. And you were my dearest friend.
Till you became my desired friend. Uruha downed the rest of the bottle as the thoughts appeared in his mind again. That thoughts. Inappropriate thoughts. That kind of thoughts friends should never have about each other.
Thank God he doesn’t know my best kept secrets.
Speaking of which. Uruha laughed out loud. He’d been often yelled at for having affairs and fuck buddies, but if only Aoi knew, who were those buddies. Well, not that Uruha cared about their identity, past and whatever they’re doing. They were all males.
That dirty thought that polluted their loyal, almost fairy tale - like friendship. For years now.-
He had to fulfill his fantasies with somebody, anybody. He tried his best to leave Aoi out of this. Aoi, as straight as man can be. Uruha had no chance in life. If he dared to try he’d risk their friendship - the most precious thing. So he chose to pretend.
But it was just too hard.
They weren’t Aoi. Not even close.
And when everything wasn’t enough, when neither sex, nor alcohol helped to ease the pain and shame he was living with. He cut himself. Locked himself in the bathroom and let it all out. Frustration. Anger. Self-hatred. Shame. Everything went down the sink as he washed the blood from his hands. And thighs. They always thought I’m just sick of wearing boy-shorts.- Uruha smiled through tears.
It’s been his last resort. Next station - six feet into the ground. And Aoi just had to uncover it.
He had nothing to keep him sane now. So he decided to leave. Just run. As he told Aoi that night to just leave him the fuck alone. And Aoi did. Though Uruha was restless since then. He felt being watched, and it wasn’t him being paranoid, was it? He couldn’t keep living in a lie.
“ I would rather just die, go to hell and crawl back, than let you go” - Uruha often wondered, did Aoi mean that? It was just not in his nature to say such things. Aoi preferred actions. So… did he mean it? Uruha drank himself into abyss just to forget that night, but he couldn’t. and when drunk, he couldn’t stop from pondering over those words. And couldn’t keep himself from dreaming. Though, in such an inebriated state he could neither cut, nor masturbate. Seems like the floor was spinning like a disco dancefloor. He crawled on his hands and knees to his bedroom and claimed the bed. His body was oh-so-ready to shut off, just one thought kept his mind racing like mad. Ignoring all the alcohol and stress.
There’s one thing that keeps me up at night. For a long time now, actually.
Why, Aoi? Why are you so sweet and caring? Always. I’ve never met anyone like you. If I haven’t known you for a good half of my life, I’d say you love me way too much for a friend.
But I won’t ever ask you about that, because you know what? Because I decided to stop it. Stop it all at once. I know it’s not really working right now, but with much effort and less Aoi, it should work.
The decision has been made. The plan was almost flawless. Avoid Aoi as much as possible and when it’s over, they could re-unite and be good friends again.
It have to work or I’m dead.
you should know by now.
comments!<3