It's been a while...
There's something wrong with me these days. I feel almost like I'm changing...And I'm being abandoned for it. And I hate it...I want to be good enough for everyone...But I'm just not what the world wants me to be. Everything is just...messed up. Well not everything...I'm actually really happy with certain aspects of my life for once. But for how long? I mean school is terrible. I'm too stupid for my history class. I thought I was okay in math until today. Same with chemistry. I actually failed two things in one day. So not like me. And...whatever. I don't feel like complaining about school. I don't really feel like talking about school at all. I hate it. I've never hated it this much.
Have you ever felt like you were being blamed for something you didn't know you did? Like everyone is persecuting you for no particular reason other than they have no one else to blame? Other people can do whatever they want to me. They can treat me however they like and I don't say a word. I say things I don't mean...just joking...why does everyone take offense? I'm not a mean person. I get along relatively well with just about everyone. And I don't mean to hurt anyone. My other problem is I've gotten randomly shy...Like, I'm CHRISTINE! I've always been somewhat outgoing. I've always been the one whose had the balls to walk up to strangers and say stupid things. Now I find it weird talking to my good friends...And I know I'm losing people again. And I don't want to I've just lost my ability to...talk. I used to be good with words, now I can't even look at people straight. I hate it. I always feel like an ass. Like I'm being put on the spot and if I don't have something witty or funny to say I just shouldn't talk...And I've lost any wit I ever had, if any, so I just stare blankly and of course things are awkward...I've lost myself. idk. I know I'm overreacting...I'm good for that. But I just don't feel the same or good enough anymore. It's complicatd. Like everything else in our lives. -sigh-
. I will let you down .
Have you ever felt like you were being blamed for something you didn't know you did? Like everyone is persecuting you for no particular reason other than they have no one else to blame? Other people can do whatever they want to me. They can treat me however they like and I don't say a word. I say things I don't mean...just joking...why does everyone take offense? I'm not a mean person. I get along relatively well with just about everyone. And I don't mean to hurt anyone. My other problem is I've gotten randomly shy...Like, I'm CHRISTINE! I've always been somewhat outgoing. I've always been the one whose had the balls to walk up to strangers and say stupid things. Now I find it weird talking to my good friends...And I know I'm losing people again. And I don't want to I've just lost my ability to...talk. I used to be good with words, now I can't even look at people straight. I hate it. I always feel like an ass. Like I'm being put on the spot and if I don't have something witty or funny to say I just shouldn't talk...And I've lost any wit I ever had, if any, so I just stare blankly and of course things are awkward...I've lost myself. idk. I know I'm overreacting...I'm good for that. But I just don't feel the same or good enough anymore. It's complicatd. Like everything else in our lives. -sigh-
. I will let you down .