(shake your) moneymaker
Pairing: taoris
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Zitao just wants new shoes. Yifan just wants to leave the mall and maybe stick his head in the ground.
Yifan hates going to the mall.
He hates how instead of sunlight, artificial store lights lure in customers like those lamps that electrocute bugs that fly into them. He hates how he gets lost in between clothing racks, panics, and trips over other shoppers. Don't even get him started on the indoor playground next to the food court. He wants to douse that germ haven with bleach. Who knows how many kids have slobbered and wiped their boogers on the mini slide?
But Yifan likes going to the mall because Zitao clings to him the entire time as they walk the same route through the same stores to look at the same shirts. Yifan likes Zitao, maybe a little too much, which is why he allows Zitao to drag him to the mall every other weekend.
They're walking out of a department store with Zitao wearing Yifan like he's some designer purse and sipping a pink lemonade that he somehow convinced Yifan to buy for him.
Zitao halts and clutches Yifan's arm, effectively cutting off his circulation. His eyes sparkle at the ridiculously overpriced items in the display window.
"Shoes," Zitao says, as if he's in a trance.
Yifan looks at Zitao's feet.
"You already have shoes."
Zitao says, "Yeah, but these are the Run-and-Gun 3000's, equipped with memory foam technology that adapts to the shape of your foot, state-of-the-art arch support, and high-quality cotton that allows your feet to breathe to prevent odor. That's why they're called the Run-and-Gun 3000's because-"
"-because they're so technologically advanced that they might as well be from the year 3000. I know. But how exactly are you going to pay for them?" Yifan says.
"Well, I-"
"This better not be another one of your get-rich-quick schemes. Remember when you tried starting a host club?" Yifan says.
"Stop interrupting me." Zitao punches him in the gut, only he forgets that he's trained in martial arts, so Yifan doubles over in pain. "The host club was a brilliant idea. It was a shame it didn't work out as planned."
Yifan would respond, but he's on the ground, writhing and coughing up blood. Zitao may have punctured one of his vital organs, but the younger boy doesn't really notice since he's too busy justifying his past get-rich-quick schemes, like that one time they fished out coins from the bottom of public fountains and ended up with enough money to buy a beanbag chair. (Except a week later Yixing's dumb cat named Sehun ripped it open.)
Or that one time they opened a lawn service that did fairly well until Yifan found out the hard way he was extremely allergic to bee stings and refused to go outside for a month later.
Oh, and there was that time when they cross dressed and sold Girl Scout cookies until they ended up in every neighborhood's blacklist.
"Are you even listening to me?" Zitao asks, annoyed.
Yifan finishes hacking up a kidney, gets up from the ground, and wipes his bloody mouth with the back of his hand.
"So what's your brilliant idea this time?" Yifan asks.
He seriously likes Zitao too much. Why couldn't he have fallen for somebody more vanilla? Being with Zitao is like letting a toddler loose in a frozen yogurt shop, so they add globs of mango and chocolate and taro yogurt with every fruit, candy bit, and caramel sauce imaginable. And somehow it still tastes good. Sigh.
Zitao slips his cold hands underneath Yifan's shirt and traces an "X" on his abs.
"We could sell one of your kidneys," he says, smirking.
Yifan yelps and swats the other boy away.
"Fuck off."
"We could do that too."
When Zitao wiggles his eyebrows, Yifan tells him they need a good waxing.
A/N: I've been writing too much angst lately, so I wanted to balance it out, haha. This is dumb. Taoris is dumb. Everything is dumb.
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Zitao just wants new shoes. Yifan just wants to leave the mall and maybe stick his head in the ground.
Yifan hates going to the mall.
He hates how instead of sunlight, artificial store lights lure in customers like those lamps that electrocute bugs that fly into them. He hates how he gets lost in between clothing racks, panics, and trips over other shoppers. Don't even get him started on the indoor playground next to the food court. He wants to douse that germ haven with bleach. Who knows how many kids have slobbered and wiped their boogers on the mini slide?
But Yifan likes going to the mall because Zitao clings to him the entire time as they walk the same route through the same stores to look at the same shirts. Yifan likes Zitao, maybe a little too much, which is why he allows Zitao to drag him to the mall every other weekend.
They're walking out of a department store with Zitao wearing Yifan like he's some designer purse and sipping a pink lemonade that he somehow convinced Yifan to buy for him.
Zitao halts and clutches Yifan's arm, effectively cutting off his circulation. His eyes sparkle at the ridiculously overpriced items in the display window.
"Shoes," Zitao says, as if he's in a trance.
Yifan looks at Zitao's feet.
"You already have shoes."
Zitao says, "Yeah, but these are the Run-and-Gun 3000's, equipped with memory foam technology that adapts to the shape of your foot, state-of-the-art arch support, and high-quality cotton that allows your feet to breathe to prevent odor. That's why they're called the Run-and-Gun 3000's because-"
"-because they're so technologically advanced that they might as well be from the year 3000. I know. But how exactly are you going to pay for them?" Yifan says.
"Well, I-"
"This better not be another one of your get-rich-quick schemes. Remember when you tried starting a host club?" Yifan says.
"Stop interrupting me." Zitao punches him in the gut, only he forgets that he's trained in martial arts, so Yifan doubles over in pain. "The host club was a brilliant idea. It was a shame it didn't work out as planned."
Yifan would respond, but he's on the ground, writhing and coughing up blood. Zitao may have punctured one of his vital organs, but the younger boy doesn't really notice since he's too busy justifying his past get-rich-quick schemes, like that one time they fished out coins from the bottom of public fountains and ended up with enough money to buy a beanbag chair. (Except a week later Yixing's dumb cat named Sehun ripped it open.)
Or that one time they opened a lawn service that did fairly well until Yifan found out the hard way he was extremely allergic to bee stings and refused to go outside for a month later.
Oh, and there was that time when they cross dressed and sold Girl Scout cookies until they ended up in every neighborhood's blacklist.
"Are you even listening to me?" Zitao asks, annoyed.
Yifan finishes hacking up a kidney, gets up from the ground, and wipes his bloody mouth with the back of his hand.
"So what's your brilliant idea this time?" Yifan asks.
He seriously likes Zitao too much. Why couldn't he have fallen for somebody more vanilla? Being with Zitao is like letting a toddler loose in a frozen yogurt shop, so they add globs of mango and chocolate and taro yogurt with every fruit, candy bit, and caramel sauce imaginable. And somehow it still tastes good. Sigh.
Zitao slips his cold hands underneath Yifan's shirt and traces an "X" on his abs.
"We could sell one of your kidneys," he says, smirking.
Yifan yelps and swats the other boy away.
"Fuck off."
"We could do that too."
When Zitao wiggles his eyebrows, Yifan tells him they need a good waxing.
A/N: I've been writing too much angst lately, so I wanted to balance it out, haha. This is dumb. Taoris is dumb. Everything is dumb.