The Year of Lost Friends.
You know the saying "you win some and you lose some"?
Ever have those days you want to scream BULLSHIT?
FNBNNBDPNBNPBDN;SD.SDB/D/DVDFVMDKJDFKFDBJKNFDBNFBKDFKBDNJDNBJNBDJNGBJNDBJKFGJJBGNJGJGBJGBJ IS THE ONLY RESPONSE I HAVE TO THIS YEAR AND THIS NIGHT.
i'm a fairly normal person. A little weird, yeah, kinda short, sure, melodramatic, sure. Until this year, I'd never been involved in any kind of "drama", never faced the reality of the world, never lost anything that could be replaced, never spent half the year numb, never kissed anyone, never been part of a full scale criminal investigation.
That all changed. I won't (and can't) go into details, but I lost one of the most important people in my life, who may actually be the love of my life, to mistakes and people that were all before my time. It was hell. I don't remember half of the year because of all the pain. And, just after my life FINALLY was getting on track, two of my best friends started to date. And I should have been happy for them.
Cept it's not that simple. Cause the female half got me through everything that happened this year, and i helped her through some stuff too. And the guy... well. Let's just say, nothing's as simple as it seems, and that a first love is really hard to shake off, even when you really DON'T LIKE the person that loves become.
And the girl, she knew all that. Knew how much it hurt. knew i was still crying ever day, and I'm that girl that never cries. She knew I couldn't deal with him, and she really, liked him.
I stepped away. I COULDN'T TAKE IT. I'm not wonderwoman, no matter what's been said before. And the girl and I, we made our peace with that.
So I thought, anyway.
The boy and i just ended a six year friendship because the girl's feelings were hurt. Because I'm the selfish one. Because FOR ONCE i placed the safety and the SECURITY of my heart above what he wanted.
REALLY. HOW FREAKING DARE I.
I'm so frustrated/sad/hurt right now. It doesn't even MATTER, this should have been dealt with months ago. I'm not spellchecking/editing this, i don't have the energy. Comments/ comfort/ prayers are appreciated. I want this year to die in a freaking hole. I've lost so much and gained nothing.
I'm ready to go back to london.
AG.
Ever have those days you want to scream BULLSHIT?
FNBNNBDPNBNPBDN;SD.SDB/D/DVDFVMDKJDFKFDBJKNFDBNFBKDFKBDNJDNBJNBDJNGBJNDBJKFGJJBGNJGJGBJGBJ IS THE ONLY RESPONSE I HAVE TO THIS YEAR AND THIS NIGHT.
i'm a fairly normal person. A little weird, yeah, kinda short, sure, melodramatic, sure. Until this year, I'd never been involved in any kind of "drama", never faced the reality of the world, never lost anything that could be replaced, never spent half the year numb, never kissed anyone, never been part of a full scale criminal investigation.
That all changed. I won't (and can't) go into details, but I lost one of the most important people in my life, who may actually be the love of my life, to mistakes and people that were all before my time. It was hell. I don't remember half of the year because of all the pain. And, just after my life FINALLY was getting on track, two of my best friends started to date. And I should have been happy for them.
Cept it's not that simple. Cause the female half got me through everything that happened this year, and i helped her through some stuff too. And the guy... well. Let's just say, nothing's as simple as it seems, and that a first love is really hard to shake off, even when you really DON'T LIKE the person that loves become.
And the girl, she knew all that. Knew how much it hurt. knew i was still crying ever day, and I'm that girl that never cries. She knew I couldn't deal with him, and she really, liked him.
I stepped away. I COULDN'T TAKE IT. I'm not wonderwoman, no matter what's been said before. And the girl and I, we made our peace with that.
So I thought, anyway.
The boy and i just ended a six year friendship because the girl's feelings were hurt. Because I'm the selfish one. Because FOR ONCE i placed the safety and the SECURITY of my heart above what he wanted.
REALLY. HOW FREAKING DARE I.
I'm so frustrated/sad/hurt right now. It doesn't even MATTER, this should have been dealt with months ago. I'm not spellchecking/editing this, i don't have the energy. Comments/ comfort/ prayers are appreciated. I want this year to die in a freaking hole. I've lost so much and gained nothing.
I'm ready to go back to london.
AG.