[ JongKey ] The Trouble with Boys ( Part 1/2 )
Title: The Trouble with Boys (1/2)
Rating: PG-13/R
Word Count: ~5,800
Pairing: Jonghyun x Key
Genre: Drama, romance, some fluff
Warnings: A lot of cursing, some slight sexual situations
Summary: Key wants to confess, but can’t. The fact that the rest of SHINee won’t stop interfering in matters really doesn’t help. At all.
Notes: I apologize for the length of this thing. It just wouldn’t stop. Anyway, Part 2 should be out soon, but I want to update my Onkey fic before I update this one. :) Please enjoy!
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The Trouble with Boys
Part 1
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Somewhere along the line, Kim Kibum had fallen for his best friend.
He wasn’t sure how it happened, but he remembered the two of them sitting together on the couch watching television one night, after a particularly long and arduous practice. To one side of him, Taemin had been flipping through channels (Key had graciously bestowed upon him the power to control the remote), and on the other side, Jonghyun was relaxing with them. He had felt Jonghyun stretch a bit and move back to get more comfortable, and then, lazily, casually, drape an arm right behind Key’s shoulder.
It was nothing, really. Jonghyun had done this numerous times. Key had done this numerous times. They’d held hands on numerous occasions too-and shared a milkshake once at a café, and this really wasn’t that bad, was it? It was hardly anything to bat an eyelash at in the world of Korean entertainment. But somehow, instead of relaxing, Key felt himself stiffening.
“What’s wrong, Kibum?” Jonghyun had asked lightly, his eyes on the television still. He seemed more focused on watching Star King reruns than Key’s suddenly changed state.
Key forced himself to relax a little. He heard the rhythmic pounding of blood in his ears-why was he reacting so fiercely to this? It was just Jonghyun. It was just Jonghyun-his best friend, his partner in crime, the boy whose smiling cheeks made him a little less of a tyrant during hectic mornings.
He lightly tilted his head toward the other boy, and noticed the completely relaxed nature of his face. His make-up was off, and he looked different than how he had appeared onstage only an hour or so earlier. He looked like a normal twenty-year-old boy, with two (maybe three?) pimples threatening to show near his jaw line and chapped lips and small, but focused eyes. He, like everyone else-like Key-had doubts and fears and insecurities and awkwardness, and it showed in his shining eyes. This was the Jonghyun that Key only knew, the Jonghyun that Key wanted for himself. Suddenly, he felt surprisingly possessive over the other boy.
“Kibum?” Jonghyun turned toward Key slightly, still with that lazy and unguarded expression on his face. He was tired from the day’s activities; they all were.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Key told him, quickly, dismissively.
Later on that night when everyone else was asleep, Key laid in bed, listening to his heart thump in tune with Jonghyun mumble-singing in his sleep, and it was only then that he realized that he loved him.
He could see how this would pose a problem.
---
The problem with this was that Key was not the kind of person who possessed much tact. If he felt it, he would have to say it. He never tried to sugarcoat things, or soften the blow with a compliment, or whatever else they were taught to do in etiquette classes, because that just wasn’t how he functioned. There was no such thing as a private feeling to him. And Jonghyun was such a good best friend because he would just simply hear him out. So, Key would tell Jonghyun everything while he listened (or maybe not) with one earbud in his ear and his laptop out in front of him, typing away.
As such, Key’s instinctive reaction the next day was to pull Jonghyun aside in the morning after he had been fed, and tell him openly and honestly that he had feelings for him and ask him to consider bending his sexuality a bit to be his boyfriend. Straight out, point blank. I. Like. You.
Morning came along and this plan was quickly shot down after Jonghyun tried to reason with (a rather embarrassed) Taemin about why Jessica noona was a thousand times more attractive than Sunny noona. Key didn’t know how this conversation topic was started up, and he didn’t care, because all he did know was that it made him angry. Unreasonably angry, maybe. If you called stopping breakfast preparations altogether and yelling at Jinki You Useless Thing to do it instead, ‘unreasonable’. Key was pretty sure the definition could be flexible in this case.
Leaving a mortified Onew and a generally-confused populace behind him-“Um, anyone know where the ‘off’ button is?”-Key made his way to the bedroom, angrily opening a closet and violently shoving aside racks of clothes to pick out what he was going to wear today. They had a schedule starting in about forty-five minutes, anyway. The manager was going to be here soon, and he had to be on top of it, and…
Did Jonghyun really like boobs that much?
As he grouchily pulled out a pair of pants, he could see the door opening slightly in the periphery and he rolled his eyes. He wondered which member the others had sacrificed to undertake the task of calming him down this time. Today, it was Jonghyun. Key glared at him. Jonghyun blinked.
“What?” Jonghyun asked, bluntly. He looked at his clothes briefly, before looking up at Key. “Are you mad because I borrowed this shirt of yours? I’m sorry, Kibum. The stain is barely noticeable!”
“No, it’s-what stain?!” Key rounded on him instantly. Jonghyun cowered a bit.
“Nothing! Forget I said it! What’s bothering you now, Kibum? Jinki hyung do something stupid on accident again?”
“No,” Key said, concisely, sourly.
“Then what is it? Come on, Kibum, you’re always bitching to me about something or another. Just spit it out. You’ll feel better afterward.” Jonghyun sat down at the edge of Onew’s bed, sighing. He could see that this was going to require patience.
“We’re going to be late to practice.” Key said. “Are you going to stand there watching like a pervert or are you going to let me change my clothes, Jonghyun?” He snapped.
“Maybe I should stay,” Jonghyun grinned foolishly. He ignored Key’s patented death glare (indeed, he was the only one other than Minho to be able to do so). “Come on, just get it out of your system. We’ve got a busy schedule today. And none of us need to feel you glaring at us from behind while we go about our day.”
Key paused a little bit. He looked at Jonghyun, and then idly back at the clothes he was holding in his hand. Well, he might as well try to get it out now. Breathe, Kibum, he told himself. I like you, Jonghyun. I like you, he repeated the words to himself over and over in his mind. “You know how I came out to you guys a while ago?” He started, taking in a deep breath.
“Yeah,” Jonghyun said. His voice quieted a little bit and there was a bit of a pause. Key didn’t look at him. Jonghyun broke the silence once more. “Hey, is there some guy you like? Do you like Jinki hyung? Is that why you were picking on him earlier? I didn’t know you were into the whole sangtae thing.” He smirked.
“Do you want to die?”
“Sorry,” Jonghyun chuckled. “Is that what this is about? Some guy? If he turned you down, I can take care of him for you, you know,” he grinned, knowing quite well it was a lame joke. For once, the atmosphere between the pair was a little awkward. Jonghyun didn’t know what to make of this, or whether a man was really the problem, or if Key was just honest-to-god PMSing. Key continued to glare at him. “Who is it? What kind of guy is he?”
“He’s an idiot,” Key said. “He doesn’t know anything about anything. I don’t think I’ve met anyone more absurdly idiotic. Now shut up and get out of here while I change. And-oh my god is that smoke?!”
---
It was an established fact in the SHINee household that if Key had to choose between SNSD and f(x) as to who he’d rather date, he’d choose neither and opt for 2PM instead. Minho knew long before Key spoke up about it, and the most of the others kind of figured it out along the way-really, what kind of guy was that excited to show off his ability to dance like a girl? It was only Jonghyun who seemed somewhat surprised when Key finally admitted it out loud a month or two after debut. At that time, Key just scoffed at him and wrote him off as being a typically heterosexual male. That being, emotionally handicapped and just plain dumb about ninety-five percent of the time.
But that was what Key had liked about Jonghyun, maybe. He was so clueless about that sort of thing because things needed to be crystal-clear and said to his face in order for him to process it as fact. He never assumed things, because he believed in hearing the truth before making a judgment.
That was why this whole affair was particularly difficult. Along with the fact that it was a practically well-known fact that Jonghyun was, well, not gay. Which was kind of awkward when Key was trying to initiate a very gay relationship with him.
And it was driving him up a wall, honestly. So much so that his bad mood pervaded throughout the week and vomited all over SHINee’s schedule. Their manager even pulled Key aside and told him to try harder and to give more energy into his performances as opposed to just sulking in the back row when it wasn’t his turn to sing. Jonghyun tried to cheer up his friend by joking around with him and he even sneaked him some late-night chocolate (which was so not allowed, and Jonghyun had to pass through hell and back to even have it in his possession). But neither of these things lifted the cloud of gloom that hung over the boy’s head.
---
It was a Saturday night and by this time, Taemin and Minho (mostly Taemin) had successfully browbeat Onew into cornering a very on-edge Key and speaking with him about his behavior.
So now they acknowledge me as the leader, Onew thought to himself dejectedly as he knocked on the bedroom door. Jonghyun was writing lyrics in another room, and Taemin and Minho were in the kitchen doing homework. Key was all alone in bedroom, as opposed to nagging at everyone else outside (as was his usual), which in and of itself was rather odd. “Who is it?” he heard Key ask from the other side of the door.
“Jinki. You know, Kibum-ah, that’s everyone’s bedroom, not just yours…” he mentioned lightly, but it seemed Key ignored him.
“You can come in.”
He opened the door and closed it behind him. Key was sitting in their bedroom on Onew’s bed, reading a book. His eyes snapped up at him when he entered. Onew settled for giving him an awkward smile.
“Hi.” Onew said. Key continued to stare him down. He assumed this meant something along the lines of ‘please continue.’ He paused. “Um. So. Basically, seeing as I’m SHINee’s leader, and more importantly, your hyung and friend who cares about you, um. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve been a little… off-color lately.”
“Oh really.” Key said, sarcasm dripping from his tone.
“Do you…want to tell me what’s wrong? I can help you fix it if I can.”
Key remained silent and continued to look daggers at Onew, who was feeling a little nervous and frustrated now. “Kibum-ah, all of us are worried about you. It’s not like you to behave this way. You’re normally the one taking care of us, aren’t you? Let us repay the favor. What’s wrong? For some reason Minho said it could be love problems, and Taemin then added on something crazy about how you apparently obviously liked Jonghyun, or something weird like that. But it’s not like you like anyone right now and I mean, you and Jonghyun aren’t like that because you’re best friends, so I really don’t know what those two were on about, crazy kids-Kibum-ah?”
He stopped talking. Key was looking at him with trembling eyes. Onew instantly panicked.
“W-What? Kibum? Oh my god, what? What happened? What did I say?” He looked around helplessly, before grabbing Taemin’s teddy bear and handing it to Key. Key looked at him incredulously before grabbing the bear and throwing it back at him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” He yelled, clenching his fists.
“Kibum, I-wait.” Onew stopped. He looked at Key with round eyes. “Taemin-ah… He was right, wasn’t he?”
“Congratulations, Jinki. Aren’t you our resident genius.” Key told him spitefully, and Onew clapped a hand over his mouth.
“You? Jonghyun? How? But-ah, I’m so confused!” Onew pinched the bridge of his nose. Okay. Calm. Breathe. He sighed deeply. “I’m glad you told me the truth, Kibum-ah. I shouldn’t have freaked out about it, I’m sorry. It was just kind of surprising-but not in a bad way! You can’t help how your feelings grow, right?” He smiled comfortingly at his younger band mate. Key seemed to become a little less distressed as he spoke.
“Are you okay with that?” Key asked, his voice unusually quiet.
“Of course,” Onew said, firmly. “I think you know not to be public about it. Under those conditions, I fully support you,” he smiled. “I want all of you to be happy. So, did you tell him?”
“No!” Key told him, flustering the tiniest bit. “I didn’t tell him. He’s too damn straight for me to tell him,” Key growled. “Jessica noona, my ass…” He muttered under his breath, and Onew chuckled nervously.
“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you at all. I mean, you are kind of girly… I mean, you’re not girly at all. In fact, you’re quite manly,” Onew quickly amended his statement after Key gave him the deadliest stare he’d ever seen. “Very masculine and… Um… Look. Nobody wants to see you so upset like this, alright?” he said gently. “Minho-ah, Taemin-ah and I are all worried about you. Jonghyun especially. He didn’t tell you, but he got in trouble with Manager hyung for getting you chocolate that one time.” Key nodded silently. “So just be proactive about your feelings and tell him, alright? We’ll help in any way we can,” he said earnestly.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Key rolled his eyes.
“Don’t be shy,” Onew said, smiling. Key looked at him with an expression that suggested that shyness had nothing to do with his caution on the matter, but he ignored it. “Anyway, do your best to confess!” Onew flashed him that thousand-megawatt grin and stood up. “No matter what happens, I’m sure your close bond will resolve everything in the end. Just…please stop snapping at me for no reason? Please?”
“Sure,” Key said, trying to sound annoyed. Though, he couldn’t help the small smile that blossomed onto his mouth. “It depends. Now get out of here.”
Onew took a deep breath after exiting the room. This situation could get sticky, but he had to help out his band mates however he could, even if it meant attempting to bend someone’s sexuality for the sake of another. He sighed a bit as he headed toward Minho and Taemin to inform them of the situation. This whole ‘leader’ business really was too much sometimes.
---
A few days had passed since Onew spoke to Key, and things settled down somewhat. Or, so Key thought.
Things started to happen. Little things. Things that weren’t on his radar at first but now, he was definitely starting to notice. Like how Onew, Taemin and Minho were suddenly absent a lot of the time, leaving him and Jonghyun all alone. Like that time when they were all supposed to grab lunch together after a morning performance, but then Key received a text from Taemin saying that “things came up” and so he and Jonghyun should go ahead alone. Or that time when the two of them somehow ended up alone in the living room watching a romance movie (who had put that thing in the DVD player, anyway?). Or when they spent an entire day shopping together because the other three had just magically gotten “lost” for the rest of the time they were at the stores.
Key didn’t think much of it, but then more and more “things” just kept coming up that prevented the other three from impeding on Key and Jonghyun, all the time. And Key found himself alone with his best friend more often than not, and it didn’t take much more for him to realize that he was being set up.
What the hell were they thinking?!
Was exactly what was going through his mind when he found himself locked in the bedroom with Jonghyun, alone, on a Friday night while Onew, Taemin and Minho went to the movies for a rare and well-deserved night out (to which they hadn’t even invited Key and Jonghyun to begin with, the jerks).
Fantastic. Just fantastic.
“Are you kidding me? Their phones are off!” Jonghyun sighed as he collapsed onto Onew’s bed, throwing his phone aside. Key looked at him, nervousness fluttering through him. Had this been any regular situation, he would have been fine; Jonghyun was his best friend after all. They had always been comfortable together; at least, until now. But knowing that he was being set up so that he could confess his growing feelings for his best friend-now that just made him anxious.
“Mm, Jinki hyung’s bed is so nice. It’s not fair that we have to sleep on those terrible bunk beds.” Jonghyun motioned for Key to come lie with him on the bed-something that they’d done before with comfort and ease. But this time, as Key laid himself down next to his friend, he felt stiff and achy, like if Jonghyun touched him, he was going to snap like a twig. “Relax, Kibum. Seriously, you’ve been batshit crazy lately. It’s like you switched souls with a high school girl or something.” Jonghyun touched his arm and Key jumped a bit.
“Don’t make me kill you,” Key replied smoothly, and Jonghyun laughed.
“There you are,” he said affectionately, gently poking Key on his cheek. Key couldn’t help but smile a little, and the two of them laid together in some silence before Jonghyun scooted over closer to his friend. Key stiffened once more, though he looked at him. Jonghyun’s beaming face smiled at him, and Key’s eyes fell onto his masculine jaw line and up to his ear, and he was far too close for comfort, and his heart was thumping so erratically that he deemed it a medical miracle that he didn’t just have a seizure right then and there.
“So, is that guy still bothering you?” Jonghyun asked, his arm lightly brushing against Key’s elbow. Key shuddered a little at the touch.
“What guy?” He paused. “Oh, that guy.” Key said. His tone fell flat.
“You don’t like him anymore?”
“No, I do. For some godforsaken reason, I do.”
Jonghyun laughed. “Who knew you’d be so grouchy when in love? Did you even confess to him at all?”
“No,” Key muttered, still not very pleased. “Jjong, please tell me you have some chocolate left over. I need some right now. And I really mean need. As in, if you don’t get me some chocolate right now I might have to do something drastic, and you know that never ends well.”
“Yes ma’am,” Jonghyun grinned and ducked when Key threw a pillow at him. He pulled out half a bar of chocolate from the drawer nearby and made his way back over to his grumpy friend. Key broke off a piece and sighed as he slipped it into his mouth.
“So are you going to tell me about that guy or not? I’m waiting.”
“I didn’t confess to him. He doesn’t know. At this point I don’t think he’ll ever know, as I don’t intend to ever tell him, I think. I don’t think I can anymore.”
“Is it some hyung of ours? You’re always going on about older men and crap like that; I don’t really get it. It’s like, so what if they’re older? Younger guys probably have more energy in the sack, and you seem like you’d be demanding in bed.”
“Kim Jonghyun, you are the most disgusting and repulsive boy I have ever had the displeasure of conversing with. Please leave.” Key lazily flipped over onto his stomach, slowly easing into the conversation, tension slowly but surely melting away.
Jonghyun laughed and snuggled closer to his friend, attempting to make puppy eyes at him. “Aw, come on. I’m not disgusting. I’m cute. See?” Key only rolled his eyes and shoved him a bit away from him. “Why are you getting so close? Come on, I can’t fucking breathe!” He insisted, and Jonghyun (attempted to) pout and backed off a little bit. Bored, he broke off a piece of chocolate as well, before slowly slipping it into his mouth. He realized that some chocolate had melted off on his fingertips, so he licked them until they were clean.
What Jonghyun didn’t realize about this, however, was that Key was watching this whole scene unfold. And while the ominous stirring in his nether regions told him that he liked it, his brain was screaming at him to look away and stop processing it and stop imagining that Jonghyun’s tongue was licking off chocolate on some other appendage altogether…
Key’s face was hot. His body was hot. He was aroused, and Jonghyun was only inches away. He needed to leave. He needed to get out of here but it might be too obvious if he went to the bathroom now. His heart rate quickened as Jonghyun turned to him once more with a quizzical look on his face.
“Hey, are you alright? You look like you’re burning up.”
“I-I’m fine.” Key stuttered. Key hardly ever stuttered.
“Are you serious? You look like you’re in a lot of pain, or something,” Jonghyun added. “Here, turn around. I can’t see you properly when you’re on your stomach like that.” He tried to physically roll over his friend, who started to panic. What would Jonghyun think if he saw the state that he was in?
“What-Jjong, quit it!” Key exclaimed and he tried to escape him by rolling to the side, and he would have hit the floor if it wasn’t for Taemin’s lower bunk bed breaking the fall. Key looked over at Jonghyun, who just looked utterly confused at his friend’s erratic behavior.
“Kibum, what’s the matter?” Jonghyun asked as he sat up and concernedly moved over to the side of the bed, but before Key could answer (or refuse to answer), the door opened. Taemin was standing there, with the keys to the bedroom in his hand. Key took a deep breath and looked over; by this point, his arousal had thankfully begun to fade away.
At last. This torture was over. And he knew it-those three were behind it. And he was not happy.
“Sorry the door was locked, guys! I guess I just did it on accident…my mind was elsewhere.” Taemin smiled the most adorable smile he could muster-which was pretty damn adorable-and shyly clasped his hands together behind his back. Key looked at him blankly (perhaps plotting some evil retribution inside his head) while Jonghyun seemed a lot more oblivious and forgiving.
“It’s fine, Taemin-ah, I guess. But why would you even lock the bedroom door to begin with?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Taemin said sweetly, “but I have homework to do. Jonghyun hyung, will you help me with math?”
“Yeah, sure. Kibum, you alright there?” Jonghyun took Key’s small nod as a cue to go with the maknae, leaving Key to ponder his fate all by himself. He wondered what gods he had maligned in order to end up in such a situation, living with four complete idiots and for falling in love with the biggest idiot of them all.
---
Things just got even more awkward after that.
There was a point after a performance (when everyone was all sweaty and energetic) when Key and Jonghyun were walking together toward the dressing room. It was a crowded area and they were walking closely together, their arms bumping. At that point Key felt someone brush past him roughly enough so that he was pushed toward Jonghyun-close enough that their lips were mere centimeters apart. Key’s eyes locked on Jonghyun’s full mouth and dragged up to his eyes, before he flushed and moved away fast. Jonghyun, however, looked completely unfazed, probably defeating the purpose of that set up altogether.
When Key turned aside after he straightened himself up and willed his blush to disappear, he saw Taemin (who had never looked so devilish) standing a few meters away, watching them intently. When he realized that Key was looking at him, he quickly smiled and disappeared into the crowd.
This, however, was nowhere as awkward as that time during dinner when Onew thought it was completely appropriate to begin discussing why SM wanted to promote the “JongKey” couple and why it seemed that Jonghyun and Key would be a good match. Jonghyun took it all in stride; it went over his head, as did all of everyone’s efforts, but Key turned positively dour. So dour, in fact, that he punished Onew afterward by frying himself some chicken and eating it in the living room without offering him any. (And to top it all off, he only ate a little bit of it and then threw the rest of it away.)
During the week that followed, Key turned from diva to positively demonic. Most learned to stay out of his way, and at last, Onew and Taemin decided to ditch the attempts to set him up with Jonghyun, because it clearly wasn’t working. Key just ended up embarrassed and incredibly annoyed, while Jonghyun remained completely oblivious. And as the days went by, Key’s pent-up frustration and gloom and need to just outright tell Jonghyun the truth began to affect his daily mood even more. It came to the point where he snapped at almost everyone for the silliest things.
But behind that suddenly rough exterior, it was plain to his fellow members and friends that something was wrong, and that Key wasn’t angry with them at all. He was tired, emotionally exhausted, and anxious. And most of all, it was Jonghyun who worried the most. Key was his best friend, after all. And while he had the tendency to be a bit nagging and overzealous sometimes, he was never quite this upset for no reason.
Jonghyun knew it had to do with that unknown boy, but Key never spoke to him about it no matter how many times he prodded him about it. He asked Onew, who just got flustered and tried to change the subject. He asked Taemin, who simply turned on the cute charm with his wide eyes and insisted that he had absolutely no clue that Key liked someone at all. Minho only shrugged and told him that it wasn’t his business, so he didn’t know either. And Jonghyun was reaching the end of his rope, but all he could do was watch as a tight-lipped Key passed from day to day with bundled up feelings locked away in the back of his heart.
---
Key was tired. He was so, so tired.
After yet another performance, he downright wanted to collapse. Normally, he’d have the energy, but with everything he had been straining to keep silent inside of him, he felt a lot more sluggish than usual. Secrets just took the life out of him.
The others were more upbeat though, and Key drowsily realized that Jonghyun was nowhere to be found in the dressing room where he and everyone else currently were.
“Where’s Jonghyun hyung?” He heard Minho ask Onew.
“No idea,” Onew replied. “We’re getting ready to leave soon though, so he’d better get here fast.”
“I’ll find him,” Key offered, and he left the room and walked down the hallways in effort to find their missing member. Really, Key wasn’t exactly in the best of moods right now and he really wanted to eat something, so unless Jonghyun wanted to be rendered impotent for the rest of his life…
Key stopped that train of thought immediately when he finally found the boy in question. And when he found him, he wasn’t alone. With him was a woman. A woman, whom he had expressed interest in more than once: Jessica Jung. Key felt ice grip his heart and jealousy, like poison, flood through his body. Jonghyun had briefly ditched them for a girl. Made sense, because he was straight, right? Straight as in, he didn’t like boys. Boys, like Key.
Key’s heart was thumping, thumping, and his mind was throbbing with pure, unadulterated resentment. The two of them were chatting in a relatively less crowded hallway, and Jessica was laughing at something Jonghyun had said, and Jonghyun touched her arm and she patted his cheek with her open, feminine palm…
By the time Jonghyun noticed Key, the darker haired boy had already turned on his heel and was walking quickly back to their dressing room where the other members were. He barely heard Jonghyun part ways with Jessica before jogging a bit to catch up with his friend.
“Hey! Kibum! Wait up, what’s the hurry? Did you come to get me? Man, am I hungry.” He chuckled, but Key ignored him. Blood was pounding in his ears and jealousy was consuming him like nothing else he’d ever experienced. In the back of his mind he could see Jonghyun’s bright smile as he chatted with her, and he felt unreasonably betrayed. “Kibum? What’s wrong? Hey, we’re going to eat now, right?”
“Shut up, Jonghyun,” Key said. “Don’t fucking talk to me. I’m really not in the mood to deal with your juvenility.”
Jonghyun paused, and slowed his pace a bit in mild surprise when he heard his friend’s words. It was a few moments later when he came back to his senses-and he snapped. “Kibum, what the hell?” He grabbed Key’s wrist to stop him from going forward, jerking him back a little. Key looked at him dangerously.
“Let me go,” he said threateningly, but Jonghyun wasn’t about to back down. This had gone on for long enough.
“Not until you explain your crazy hormonal behavior to me. Right now.” He tugged Key to an empty room nearby and left the lights off, before closing the door behind them and locking it from the inside. Key looked at Jonghyun with something between mild shock and fierce anger.
“Jonghyun, what the fuck is this? You can’t just drag me in here and expect me to come quietly! I’m sorry I fucking interrupted your little love fest with Jessica but-”
“Love fest? Kibum, what the hell?! We were just talking! Are we not allowed to talk? Is that against the rules of being the unfortunate guy who’s decided to be your best friend?”
“You were flirting with her like crazy!” Key couldn’t keep his voice down. Everything was coming out now, and he was knew that he couldn’t stop his words anymore. It was like the cage that had been barring back his true feelings had been opened, and all the words he wanted to say but never did were flooding out. There was no more holding back. “You’re always flirting with her like mad! Always talking about her and how fucking great her boobs are-seriously, you have no chance with her! What the hell are you thinking?! You can do so much better!”
“Kibum-what the-what?” Jonghyun was taken aback by Key’s words. They just seemed so out of the blue to him. “Why do you care so much? Is that what this is about? Jessica? Sure, she’s pretty and I like her, but… I wasn’t really flirting with her! Kibum, you do the same thing with Nicole and Sulli, you realize that, right?”
Key paused. Jonghyun was making sense (as much as he hated to admit it). He quieted a little bit, and looked at a particular point a few feet ahead of him, silent as he pondered his next move. Jonghyun, however, had had enough of silence. Key started a little bit when he felt someone’s hands grabbing his shoulders, firmly but gently. Key looked up and realized how close to him Jonghyun was. His head was throbbing.
“You need to just tell me what’s wrong, Kibum. You haven’t said anything, but somehow I have a feeling it could all be my fault. But I won’t know unless you tell me. I don’t even think you realize how intolerable you’ve been lately. I just want you to go back to how you were. I just want us to be able to laugh together again, like we used to. Is that so hard?” He sighed. “Is it really that boy, Kibum? Forget about him! If he can’t love you back then just leave him behind. If someone makes you that sad, then he isn’t worth it.”
“Are you telling me you’re not worth it, then?”
Everything stood still in that instant and Key thought he saw a thousand moments flashing inside of Jonghyun’s beautiful, dark eyes. He was aware of the feeling of his hands coming off his shoulders where they had been and Key let out a small breath, his eyes sincere as he searched his best friend for an answer, a reconciliation; anything.
“I don’t understand,” Jonghyun said, his voice suddenly quiet.
“Shut up,” Key told him, his voice earnest. “You understand. Maybe you understood all this time. That boy that I like... It's you, Jonghyun. That stupid, dumb, idiot boy that I like; it's you. And I know you don’t swing that way and all-but honestly, I don’t really care. Those are my feelings. I can’t change that, so just accept it.”
And Key felt a weight being thrown off his back and his thoughts and actions were no longer muddled with secret emotions. He felt more alert and level-headed than he had ever felt before and without hesitation, he leaned forward and lightly kissed his friend on the cheek. “You’d better head back to the dressing room. Everyone’s waiting for you so we can go eat,” He informed him. And with that, Key brushed past him and left the room to head back to where the other members were, leaving a stunned Jonghyun behind him.
Maybe that wasn’t how he had planned things, and maybe that wasn’t exactly the best confession in the world. But he had said it, and he could breathe now. He didn’t have to feel guilty about his feelings anymore because they had been said, and Key couldn’t take it back anymore. All that was left was Jonghyun’s answer.
---Read Part Two here!
Cross-posted to shinee_replay and jongkey
Rating: PG-13/R
Word Count: ~5,800
Pairing: Jonghyun x Key
Genre: Drama, romance, some fluff
Warnings: A lot of cursing, some slight sexual situations
Summary: Key wants to confess, but can’t. The fact that the rest of SHINee won’t stop interfering in matters really doesn’t help. At all.
Notes: I apologize for the length of this thing. It just wouldn’t stop. Anyway, Part 2 should be out soon, but I want to update my Onkey fic before I update this one. :) Please enjoy!
---
The Trouble with Boys
Part 1
---
Somewhere along the line, Kim Kibum had fallen for his best friend.
He wasn’t sure how it happened, but he remembered the two of them sitting together on the couch watching television one night, after a particularly long and arduous practice. To one side of him, Taemin had been flipping through channels (Key had graciously bestowed upon him the power to control the remote), and on the other side, Jonghyun was relaxing with them. He had felt Jonghyun stretch a bit and move back to get more comfortable, and then, lazily, casually, drape an arm right behind Key’s shoulder.
It was nothing, really. Jonghyun had done this numerous times. Key had done this numerous times. They’d held hands on numerous occasions too-and shared a milkshake once at a café, and this really wasn’t that bad, was it? It was hardly anything to bat an eyelash at in the world of Korean entertainment. But somehow, instead of relaxing, Key felt himself stiffening.
“What’s wrong, Kibum?” Jonghyun had asked lightly, his eyes on the television still. He seemed more focused on watching Star King reruns than Key’s suddenly changed state.
Key forced himself to relax a little. He heard the rhythmic pounding of blood in his ears-why was he reacting so fiercely to this? It was just Jonghyun. It was just Jonghyun-his best friend, his partner in crime, the boy whose smiling cheeks made him a little less of a tyrant during hectic mornings.
He lightly tilted his head toward the other boy, and noticed the completely relaxed nature of his face. His make-up was off, and he looked different than how he had appeared onstage only an hour or so earlier. He looked like a normal twenty-year-old boy, with two (maybe three?) pimples threatening to show near his jaw line and chapped lips and small, but focused eyes. He, like everyone else-like Key-had doubts and fears and insecurities and awkwardness, and it showed in his shining eyes. This was the Jonghyun that Key only knew, the Jonghyun that Key wanted for himself. Suddenly, he felt surprisingly possessive over the other boy.
“Kibum?” Jonghyun turned toward Key slightly, still with that lazy and unguarded expression on his face. He was tired from the day’s activities; they all were.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Key told him, quickly, dismissively.
Later on that night when everyone else was asleep, Key laid in bed, listening to his heart thump in tune with Jonghyun mumble-singing in his sleep, and it was only then that he realized that he loved him.
He could see how this would pose a problem.
---
The problem with this was that Key was not the kind of person who possessed much tact. If he felt it, he would have to say it. He never tried to sugarcoat things, or soften the blow with a compliment, or whatever else they were taught to do in etiquette classes, because that just wasn’t how he functioned. There was no such thing as a private feeling to him. And Jonghyun was such a good best friend because he would just simply hear him out. So, Key would tell Jonghyun everything while he listened (or maybe not) with one earbud in his ear and his laptop out in front of him, typing away.
As such, Key’s instinctive reaction the next day was to pull Jonghyun aside in the morning after he had been fed, and tell him openly and honestly that he had feelings for him and ask him to consider bending his sexuality a bit to be his boyfriend. Straight out, point blank. I. Like. You.
Morning came along and this plan was quickly shot down after Jonghyun tried to reason with (a rather embarrassed) Taemin about why Jessica noona was a thousand times more attractive than Sunny noona. Key didn’t know how this conversation topic was started up, and he didn’t care, because all he did know was that it made him angry. Unreasonably angry, maybe. If you called stopping breakfast preparations altogether and yelling at Jinki You Useless Thing to do it instead, ‘unreasonable’. Key was pretty sure the definition could be flexible in this case.
Leaving a mortified Onew and a generally-confused populace behind him-“Um, anyone know where the ‘off’ button is?”-Key made his way to the bedroom, angrily opening a closet and violently shoving aside racks of clothes to pick out what he was going to wear today. They had a schedule starting in about forty-five minutes, anyway. The manager was going to be here soon, and he had to be on top of it, and…
Did Jonghyun really like boobs that much?
As he grouchily pulled out a pair of pants, he could see the door opening slightly in the periphery and he rolled his eyes. He wondered which member the others had sacrificed to undertake the task of calming him down this time. Today, it was Jonghyun. Key glared at him. Jonghyun blinked.
“What?” Jonghyun asked, bluntly. He looked at his clothes briefly, before looking up at Key. “Are you mad because I borrowed this shirt of yours? I’m sorry, Kibum. The stain is barely noticeable!”
“No, it’s-what stain?!” Key rounded on him instantly. Jonghyun cowered a bit.
“Nothing! Forget I said it! What’s bothering you now, Kibum? Jinki hyung do something stupid on accident again?”
“No,” Key said, concisely, sourly.
“Then what is it? Come on, Kibum, you’re always bitching to me about something or another. Just spit it out. You’ll feel better afterward.” Jonghyun sat down at the edge of Onew’s bed, sighing. He could see that this was going to require patience.
“We’re going to be late to practice.” Key said. “Are you going to stand there watching like a pervert or are you going to let me change my clothes, Jonghyun?” He snapped.
“Maybe I should stay,” Jonghyun grinned foolishly. He ignored Key’s patented death glare (indeed, he was the only one other than Minho to be able to do so). “Come on, just get it out of your system. We’ve got a busy schedule today. And none of us need to feel you glaring at us from behind while we go about our day.”
Key paused a little bit. He looked at Jonghyun, and then idly back at the clothes he was holding in his hand. Well, he might as well try to get it out now. Breathe, Kibum, he told himself. I like you, Jonghyun. I like you, he repeated the words to himself over and over in his mind. “You know how I came out to you guys a while ago?” He started, taking in a deep breath.
“Yeah,” Jonghyun said. His voice quieted a little bit and there was a bit of a pause. Key didn’t look at him. Jonghyun broke the silence once more. “Hey, is there some guy you like? Do you like Jinki hyung? Is that why you were picking on him earlier? I didn’t know you were into the whole sangtae thing.” He smirked.
“Do you want to die?”
“Sorry,” Jonghyun chuckled. “Is that what this is about? Some guy? If he turned you down, I can take care of him for you, you know,” he grinned, knowing quite well it was a lame joke. For once, the atmosphere between the pair was a little awkward. Jonghyun didn’t know what to make of this, or whether a man was really the problem, or if Key was just honest-to-god PMSing. Key continued to glare at him. “Who is it? What kind of guy is he?”
“He’s an idiot,” Key said. “He doesn’t know anything about anything. I don’t think I’ve met anyone more absurdly idiotic. Now shut up and get out of here while I change. And-oh my god is that smoke?!”
---
It was an established fact in the SHINee household that if Key had to choose between SNSD and f(x) as to who he’d rather date, he’d choose neither and opt for 2PM instead. Minho knew long before Key spoke up about it, and the most of the others kind of figured it out along the way-really, what kind of guy was that excited to show off his ability to dance like a girl? It was only Jonghyun who seemed somewhat surprised when Key finally admitted it out loud a month or two after debut. At that time, Key just scoffed at him and wrote him off as being a typically heterosexual male. That being, emotionally handicapped and just plain dumb about ninety-five percent of the time.
But that was what Key had liked about Jonghyun, maybe. He was so clueless about that sort of thing because things needed to be crystal-clear and said to his face in order for him to process it as fact. He never assumed things, because he believed in hearing the truth before making a judgment.
That was why this whole affair was particularly difficult. Along with the fact that it was a practically well-known fact that Jonghyun was, well, not gay. Which was kind of awkward when Key was trying to initiate a very gay relationship with him.
And it was driving him up a wall, honestly. So much so that his bad mood pervaded throughout the week and vomited all over SHINee’s schedule. Their manager even pulled Key aside and told him to try harder and to give more energy into his performances as opposed to just sulking in the back row when it wasn’t his turn to sing. Jonghyun tried to cheer up his friend by joking around with him and he even sneaked him some late-night chocolate (which was so not allowed, and Jonghyun had to pass through hell and back to even have it in his possession). But neither of these things lifted the cloud of gloom that hung over the boy’s head.
---
It was a Saturday night and by this time, Taemin and Minho (mostly Taemin) had successfully browbeat Onew into cornering a very on-edge Key and speaking with him about his behavior.
So now they acknowledge me as the leader, Onew thought to himself dejectedly as he knocked on the bedroom door. Jonghyun was writing lyrics in another room, and Taemin and Minho were in the kitchen doing homework. Key was all alone in bedroom, as opposed to nagging at everyone else outside (as was his usual), which in and of itself was rather odd. “Who is it?” he heard Key ask from the other side of the door.
“Jinki. You know, Kibum-ah, that’s everyone’s bedroom, not just yours…” he mentioned lightly, but it seemed Key ignored him.
“You can come in.”
He opened the door and closed it behind him. Key was sitting in their bedroom on Onew’s bed, reading a book. His eyes snapped up at him when he entered. Onew settled for giving him an awkward smile.
“Hi.” Onew said. Key continued to stare him down. He assumed this meant something along the lines of ‘please continue.’ He paused. “Um. So. Basically, seeing as I’m SHINee’s leader, and more importantly, your hyung and friend who cares about you, um. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve been a little… off-color lately.”
“Oh really.” Key said, sarcasm dripping from his tone.
“Do you…want to tell me what’s wrong? I can help you fix it if I can.”
Key remained silent and continued to look daggers at Onew, who was feeling a little nervous and frustrated now. “Kibum-ah, all of us are worried about you. It’s not like you to behave this way. You’re normally the one taking care of us, aren’t you? Let us repay the favor. What’s wrong? For some reason Minho said it could be love problems, and Taemin then added on something crazy about how you apparently obviously liked Jonghyun, or something weird like that. But it’s not like you like anyone right now and I mean, you and Jonghyun aren’t like that because you’re best friends, so I really don’t know what those two were on about, crazy kids-Kibum-ah?”
He stopped talking. Key was looking at him with trembling eyes. Onew instantly panicked.
“W-What? Kibum? Oh my god, what? What happened? What did I say?” He looked around helplessly, before grabbing Taemin’s teddy bear and handing it to Key. Key looked at him incredulously before grabbing the bear and throwing it back at him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” He yelled, clenching his fists.
“Kibum, I-wait.” Onew stopped. He looked at Key with round eyes. “Taemin-ah… He was right, wasn’t he?”
“Congratulations, Jinki. Aren’t you our resident genius.” Key told him spitefully, and Onew clapped a hand over his mouth.
“You? Jonghyun? How? But-ah, I’m so confused!” Onew pinched the bridge of his nose. Okay. Calm. Breathe. He sighed deeply. “I’m glad you told me the truth, Kibum-ah. I shouldn’t have freaked out about it, I’m sorry. It was just kind of surprising-but not in a bad way! You can’t help how your feelings grow, right?” He smiled comfortingly at his younger band mate. Key seemed to become a little less distressed as he spoke.
“Are you okay with that?” Key asked, his voice unusually quiet.
“Of course,” Onew said, firmly. “I think you know not to be public about it. Under those conditions, I fully support you,” he smiled. “I want all of you to be happy. So, did you tell him?”
“No!” Key told him, flustering the tiniest bit. “I didn’t tell him. He’s too damn straight for me to tell him,” Key growled. “Jessica noona, my ass…” He muttered under his breath, and Onew chuckled nervously.
“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you at all. I mean, you are kind of girly… I mean, you’re not girly at all. In fact, you’re quite manly,” Onew quickly amended his statement after Key gave him the deadliest stare he’d ever seen. “Very masculine and… Um… Look. Nobody wants to see you so upset like this, alright?” he said gently. “Minho-ah, Taemin-ah and I are all worried about you. Jonghyun especially. He didn’t tell you, but he got in trouble with Manager hyung for getting you chocolate that one time.” Key nodded silently. “So just be proactive about your feelings and tell him, alright? We’ll help in any way we can,” he said earnestly.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Key rolled his eyes.
“Don’t be shy,” Onew said, smiling. Key looked at him with an expression that suggested that shyness had nothing to do with his caution on the matter, but he ignored it. “Anyway, do your best to confess!” Onew flashed him that thousand-megawatt grin and stood up. “No matter what happens, I’m sure your close bond will resolve everything in the end. Just…please stop snapping at me for no reason? Please?”
“Sure,” Key said, trying to sound annoyed. Though, he couldn’t help the small smile that blossomed onto his mouth. “It depends. Now get out of here.”
Onew took a deep breath after exiting the room. This situation could get sticky, but he had to help out his band mates however he could, even if it meant attempting to bend someone’s sexuality for the sake of another. He sighed a bit as he headed toward Minho and Taemin to inform them of the situation. This whole ‘leader’ business really was too much sometimes.
---
A few days had passed since Onew spoke to Key, and things settled down somewhat. Or, so Key thought.
Things started to happen. Little things. Things that weren’t on his radar at first but now, he was definitely starting to notice. Like how Onew, Taemin and Minho were suddenly absent a lot of the time, leaving him and Jonghyun all alone. Like that time when they were all supposed to grab lunch together after a morning performance, but then Key received a text from Taemin saying that “things came up” and so he and Jonghyun should go ahead alone. Or that time when the two of them somehow ended up alone in the living room watching a romance movie (who had put that thing in the DVD player, anyway?). Or when they spent an entire day shopping together because the other three had just magically gotten “lost” for the rest of the time they were at the stores.
Key didn’t think much of it, but then more and more “things” just kept coming up that prevented the other three from impeding on Key and Jonghyun, all the time. And Key found himself alone with his best friend more often than not, and it didn’t take much more for him to realize that he was being set up.
What the hell were they thinking?!
Was exactly what was going through his mind when he found himself locked in the bedroom with Jonghyun, alone, on a Friday night while Onew, Taemin and Minho went to the movies for a rare and well-deserved night out (to which they hadn’t even invited Key and Jonghyun to begin with, the jerks).
Fantastic. Just fantastic.
“Are you kidding me? Their phones are off!” Jonghyun sighed as he collapsed onto Onew’s bed, throwing his phone aside. Key looked at him, nervousness fluttering through him. Had this been any regular situation, he would have been fine; Jonghyun was his best friend after all. They had always been comfortable together; at least, until now. But knowing that he was being set up so that he could confess his growing feelings for his best friend-now that just made him anxious.
“Mm, Jinki hyung’s bed is so nice. It’s not fair that we have to sleep on those terrible bunk beds.” Jonghyun motioned for Key to come lie with him on the bed-something that they’d done before with comfort and ease. But this time, as Key laid himself down next to his friend, he felt stiff and achy, like if Jonghyun touched him, he was going to snap like a twig. “Relax, Kibum. Seriously, you’ve been batshit crazy lately. It’s like you switched souls with a high school girl or something.” Jonghyun touched his arm and Key jumped a bit.
“Don’t make me kill you,” Key replied smoothly, and Jonghyun laughed.
“There you are,” he said affectionately, gently poking Key on his cheek. Key couldn’t help but smile a little, and the two of them laid together in some silence before Jonghyun scooted over closer to his friend. Key stiffened once more, though he looked at him. Jonghyun’s beaming face smiled at him, and Key’s eyes fell onto his masculine jaw line and up to his ear, and he was far too close for comfort, and his heart was thumping so erratically that he deemed it a medical miracle that he didn’t just have a seizure right then and there.
“So, is that guy still bothering you?” Jonghyun asked, his arm lightly brushing against Key’s elbow. Key shuddered a little at the touch.
“What guy?” He paused. “Oh, that guy.” Key said. His tone fell flat.
“You don’t like him anymore?”
“No, I do. For some godforsaken reason, I do.”
Jonghyun laughed. “Who knew you’d be so grouchy when in love? Did you even confess to him at all?”
“No,” Key muttered, still not very pleased. “Jjong, please tell me you have some chocolate left over. I need some right now. And I really mean need. As in, if you don’t get me some chocolate right now I might have to do something drastic, and you know that never ends well.”
“Yes ma’am,” Jonghyun grinned and ducked when Key threw a pillow at him. He pulled out half a bar of chocolate from the drawer nearby and made his way back over to his grumpy friend. Key broke off a piece and sighed as he slipped it into his mouth.
“So are you going to tell me about that guy or not? I’m waiting.”
“I didn’t confess to him. He doesn’t know. At this point I don’t think he’ll ever know, as I don’t intend to ever tell him, I think. I don’t think I can anymore.”
“Is it some hyung of ours? You’re always going on about older men and crap like that; I don’t really get it. It’s like, so what if they’re older? Younger guys probably have more energy in the sack, and you seem like you’d be demanding in bed.”
“Kim Jonghyun, you are the most disgusting and repulsive boy I have ever had the displeasure of conversing with. Please leave.” Key lazily flipped over onto his stomach, slowly easing into the conversation, tension slowly but surely melting away.
Jonghyun laughed and snuggled closer to his friend, attempting to make puppy eyes at him. “Aw, come on. I’m not disgusting. I’m cute. See?” Key only rolled his eyes and shoved him a bit away from him. “Why are you getting so close? Come on, I can’t fucking breathe!” He insisted, and Jonghyun (attempted to) pout and backed off a little bit. Bored, he broke off a piece of chocolate as well, before slowly slipping it into his mouth. He realized that some chocolate had melted off on his fingertips, so he licked them until they were clean.
What Jonghyun didn’t realize about this, however, was that Key was watching this whole scene unfold. And while the ominous stirring in his nether regions told him that he liked it, his brain was screaming at him to look away and stop processing it and stop imagining that Jonghyun’s tongue was licking off chocolate on some other appendage altogether…
Key’s face was hot. His body was hot. He was aroused, and Jonghyun was only inches away. He needed to leave. He needed to get out of here but it might be too obvious if he went to the bathroom now. His heart rate quickened as Jonghyun turned to him once more with a quizzical look on his face.
“Hey, are you alright? You look like you’re burning up.”
“I-I’m fine.” Key stuttered. Key hardly ever stuttered.
“Are you serious? You look like you’re in a lot of pain, or something,” Jonghyun added. “Here, turn around. I can’t see you properly when you’re on your stomach like that.” He tried to physically roll over his friend, who started to panic. What would Jonghyun think if he saw the state that he was in?
“What-Jjong, quit it!” Key exclaimed and he tried to escape him by rolling to the side, and he would have hit the floor if it wasn’t for Taemin’s lower bunk bed breaking the fall. Key looked over at Jonghyun, who just looked utterly confused at his friend’s erratic behavior.
“Kibum, what’s the matter?” Jonghyun asked as he sat up and concernedly moved over to the side of the bed, but before Key could answer (or refuse to answer), the door opened. Taemin was standing there, with the keys to the bedroom in his hand. Key took a deep breath and looked over; by this point, his arousal had thankfully begun to fade away.
At last. This torture was over. And he knew it-those three were behind it. And he was not happy.
“Sorry the door was locked, guys! I guess I just did it on accident…my mind was elsewhere.” Taemin smiled the most adorable smile he could muster-which was pretty damn adorable-and shyly clasped his hands together behind his back. Key looked at him blankly (perhaps plotting some evil retribution inside his head) while Jonghyun seemed a lot more oblivious and forgiving.
“It’s fine, Taemin-ah, I guess. But why would you even lock the bedroom door to begin with?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Taemin said sweetly, “but I have homework to do. Jonghyun hyung, will you help me with math?”
“Yeah, sure. Kibum, you alright there?” Jonghyun took Key’s small nod as a cue to go with the maknae, leaving Key to ponder his fate all by himself. He wondered what gods he had maligned in order to end up in such a situation, living with four complete idiots and for falling in love with the biggest idiot of them all.
---
Things just got even more awkward after that.
There was a point after a performance (when everyone was all sweaty and energetic) when Key and Jonghyun were walking together toward the dressing room. It was a crowded area and they were walking closely together, their arms bumping. At that point Key felt someone brush past him roughly enough so that he was pushed toward Jonghyun-close enough that their lips were mere centimeters apart. Key’s eyes locked on Jonghyun’s full mouth and dragged up to his eyes, before he flushed and moved away fast. Jonghyun, however, looked completely unfazed, probably defeating the purpose of that set up altogether.
When Key turned aside after he straightened himself up and willed his blush to disappear, he saw Taemin (who had never looked so devilish) standing a few meters away, watching them intently. When he realized that Key was looking at him, he quickly smiled and disappeared into the crowd.
This, however, was nowhere as awkward as that time during dinner when Onew thought it was completely appropriate to begin discussing why SM wanted to promote the “JongKey” couple and why it seemed that Jonghyun and Key would be a good match. Jonghyun took it all in stride; it went over his head, as did all of everyone’s efforts, but Key turned positively dour. So dour, in fact, that he punished Onew afterward by frying himself some chicken and eating it in the living room without offering him any. (And to top it all off, he only ate a little bit of it and then threw the rest of it away.)
During the week that followed, Key turned from diva to positively demonic. Most learned to stay out of his way, and at last, Onew and Taemin decided to ditch the attempts to set him up with Jonghyun, because it clearly wasn’t working. Key just ended up embarrassed and incredibly annoyed, while Jonghyun remained completely oblivious. And as the days went by, Key’s pent-up frustration and gloom and need to just outright tell Jonghyun the truth began to affect his daily mood even more. It came to the point where he snapped at almost everyone for the silliest things.
But behind that suddenly rough exterior, it was plain to his fellow members and friends that something was wrong, and that Key wasn’t angry with them at all. He was tired, emotionally exhausted, and anxious. And most of all, it was Jonghyun who worried the most. Key was his best friend, after all. And while he had the tendency to be a bit nagging and overzealous sometimes, he was never quite this upset for no reason.
Jonghyun knew it had to do with that unknown boy, but Key never spoke to him about it no matter how many times he prodded him about it. He asked Onew, who just got flustered and tried to change the subject. He asked Taemin, who simply turned on the cute charm with his wide eyes and insisted that he had absolutely no clue that Key liked someone at all. Minho only shrugged and told him that it wasn’t his business, so he didn’t know either. And Jonghyun was reaching the end of his rope, but all he could do was watch as a tight-lipped Key passed from day to day with bundled up feelings locked away in the back of his heart.
---
Key was tired. He was so, so tired.
After yet another performance, he downright wanted to collapse. Normally, he’d have the energy, but with everything he had been straining to keep silent inside of him, he felt a lot more sluggish than usual. Secrets just took the life out of him.
The others were more upbeat though, and Key drowsily realized that Jonghyun was nowhere to be found in the dressing room where he and everyone else currently were.
“Where’s Jonghyun hyung?” He heard Minho ask Onew.
“No idea,” Onew replied. “We’re getting ready to leave soon though, so he’d better get here fast.”
“I’ll find him,” Key offered, and he left the room and walked down the hallways in effort to find their missing member. Really, Key wasn’t exactly in the best of moods right now and he really wanted to eat something, so unless Jonghyun wanted to be rendered impotent for the rest of his life…
Key stopped that train of thought immediately when he finally found the boy in question. And when he found him, he wasn’t alone. With him was a woman. A woman, whom he had expressed interest in more than once: Jessica Jung. Key felt ice grip his heart and jealousy, like poison, flood through his body. Jonghyun had briefly ditched them for a girl. Made sense, because he was straight, right? Straight as in, he didn’t like boys. Boys, like Key.
Key’s heart was thumping, thumping, and his mind was throbbing with pure, unadulterated resentment. The two of them were chatting in a relatively less crowded hallway, and Jessica was laughing at something Jonghyun had said, and Jonghyun touched her arm and she patted his cheek with her open, feminine palm…
By the time Jonghyun noticed Key, the darker haired boy had already turned on his heel and was walking quickly back to their dressing room where the other members were. He barely heard Jonghyun part ways with Jessica before jogging a bit to catch up with his friend.
“Hey! Kibum! Wait up, what’s the hurry? Did you come to get me? Man, am I hungry.” He chuckled, but Key ignored him. Blood was pounding in his ears and jealousy was consuming him like nothing else he’d ever experienced. In the back of his mind he could see Jonghyun’s bright smile as he chatted with her, and he felt unreasonably betrayed. “Kibum? What’s wrong? Hey, we’re going to eat now, right?”
“Shut up, Jonghyun,” Key said. “Don’t fucking talk to me. I’m really not in the mood to deal with your juvenility.”
Jonghyun paused, and slowed his pace a bit in mild surprise when he heard his friend’s words. It was a few moments later when he came back to his senses-and he snapped. “Kibum, what the hell?” He grabbed Key’s wrist to stop him from going forward, jerking him back a little. Key looked at him dangerously.
“Let me go,” he said threateningly, but Jonghyun wasn’t about to back down. This had gone on for long enough.
“Not until you explain your crazy hormonal behavior to me. Right now.” He tugged Key to an empty room nearby and left the lights off, before closing the door behind them and locking it from the inside. Key looked at Jonghyun with something between mild shock and fierce anger.
“Jonghyun, what the fuck is this? You can’t just drag me in here and expect me to come quietly! I’m sorry I fucking interrupted your little love fest with Jessica but-”
“Love fest? Kibum, what the hell?! We were just talking! Are we not allowed to talk? Is that against the rules of being the unfortunate guy who’s decided to be your best friend?”
“You were flirting with her like crazy!” Key couldn’t keep his voice down. Everything was coming out now, and he was knew that he couldn’t stop his words anymore. It was like the cage that had been barring back his true feelings had been opened, and all the words he wanted to say but never did were flooding out. There was no more holding back. “You’re always flirting with her like mad! Always talking about her and how fucking great her boobs are-seriously, you have no chance with her! What the hell are you thinking?! You can do so much better!”
“Kibum-what the-what?” Jonghyun was taken aback by Key’s words. They just seemed so out of the blue to him. “Why do you care so much? Is that what this is about? Jessica? Sure, she’s pretty and I like her, but… I wasn’t really flirting with her! Kibum, you do the same thing with Nicole and Sulli, you realize that, right?”
Key paused. Jonghyun was making sense (as much as he hated to admit it). He quieted a little bit, and looked at a particular point a few feet ahead of him, silent as he pondered his next move. Jonghyun, however, had had enough of silence. Key started a little bit when he felt someone’s hands grabbing his shoulders, firmly but gently. Key looked up and realized how close to him Jonghyun was. His head was throbbing.
“You need to just tell me what’s wrong, Kibum. You haven’t said anything, but somehow I have a feeling it could all be my fault. But I won’t know unless you tell me. I don’t even think you realize how intolerable you’ve been lately. I just want you to go back to how you were. I just want us to be able to laugh together again, like we used to. Is that so hard?” He sighed. “Is it really that boy, Kibum? Forget about him! If he can’t love you back then just leave him behind. If someone makes you that sad, then he isn’t worth it.”
“Are you telling me you’re not worth it, then?”
Everything stood still in that instant and Key thought he saw a thousand moments flashing inside of Jonghyun’s beautiful, dark eyes. He was aware of the feeling of his hands coming off his shoulders where they had been and Key let out a small breath, his eyes sincere as he searched his best friend for an answer, a reconciliation; anything.
“I don’t understand,” Jonghyun said, his voice suddenly quiet.
“Shut up,” Key told him, his voice earnest. “You understand. Maybe you understood all this time. That boy that I like... It's you, Jonghyun. That stupid, dumb, idiot boy that I like; it's you. And I know you don’t swing that way and all-but honestly, I don’t really care. Those are my feelings. I can’t change that, so just accept it.”
And Key felt a weight being thrown off his back and his thoughts and actions were no longer muddled with secret emotions. He felt more alert and level-headed than he had ever felt before and without hesitation, he leaned forward and lightly kissed his friend on the cheek. “You’d better head back to the dressing room. Everyone’s waiting for you so we can go eat,” He informed him. And with that, Key brushed past him and left the room to head back to where the other members were, leaving a stunned Jonghyun behind him.
Maybe that wasn’t how he had planned things, and maybe that wasn’t exactly the best confession in the world. But he had said it, and he could breathe now. He didn’t have to feel guilty about his feelings anymore because they had been said, and Key couldn’t take it back anymore. All that was left was Jonghyun’s answer.
---Read Part Two here!
Cross-posted to shinee_replay and jongkey