(no subject)
I'm in the mood for monologuing.
I went to Maddie's church with her today- it's true that the protestants have all the best tunes, and it was actually quite a nice service, but there was a bit too much "man, we would suck pretty hard if it weren't for Jesus" there, and I've had enough of that. I'll probably go back again some time soon, though; the preacher was good if a bit biblical, and the songs alone were worth the trip.
I want to shout something and I don't really have much to shout. I feel... angry. I think. Yes, really really angry, and I've nothing to be angry about.
I think I want everyone to stop thinking that they suck. EVERYONE. I am sick of meeting people who are perfectly confident on a small scale, and then when you zoom out they're all "yeah, but next to God we really suck." It bothers me. Mostly because I don't think I suck. I don't think God thinks I suck. I think he thinks I'm alright, really. I don't feel like I need a leg-up from Jesus to be a good person, or to get God to like me. I don't want to be that kid who hangs around the nice cool kid so the mean cool kid will like him.
And then I think: Alex, you're a proud man. You're a bit arrogant, you're narcissistic, and you know it. Surely this has coloured everything you've thought? And then I think it through, and it seems right, and then I'm all "well obviously I can't spot the flaws in my own logic", and then whenever I talk to people they're always "Jesus is in the bible as the only way to God, proud dude, so I don't know what your logic's all about" or "That seems good but... I don't believe in it, so my opinion is a bit moot really" or they're all "that's a damn good question and I have no answers for you."
Tomorrow is officially Be Awesome day. Be Awesome to someone, just for you. Not for anyone else. Do something good because you're a good person. (There are NO new ways to say that.) Just- suck it up and admit that you're made of stardust and you, personally, shine brighter than any damn star you care to name, because you do good things and bad things and you try SO hard.
Any God worth your time HAS to appreciate the effort.
So angry!
I went to Maddie's church with her today- it's true that the protestants have all the best tunes, and it was actually quite a nice service, but there was a bit too much "man, we would suck pretty hard if it weren't for Jesus" there, and I've had enough of that. I'll probably go back again some time soon, though; the preacher was good if a bit biblical, and the songs alone were worth the trip.
I want to shout something and I don't really have much to shout. I feel... angry. I think. Yes, really really angry, and I've nothing to be angry about.
I think I want everyone to stop thinking that they suck. EVERYONE. I am sick of meeting people who are perfectly confident on a small scale, and then when you zoom out they're all "yeah, but next to God we really suck." It bothers me. Mostly because I don't think I suck. I don't think God thinks I suck. I think he thinks I'm alright, really. I don't feel like I need a leg-up from Jesus to be a good person, or to get God to like me. I don't want to be that kid who hangs around the nice cool kid so the mean cool kid will like him.
And then I think: Alex, you're a proud man. You're a bit arrogant, you're narcissistic, and you know it. Surely this has coloured everything you've thought? And then I think it through, and it seems right, and then I'm all "well obviously I can't spot the flaws in my own logic", and then whenever I talk to people they're always "Jesus is in the bible as the only way to God, proud dude, so I don't know what your logic's all about" or "That seems good but... I don't believe in it, so my opinion is a bit moot really" or they're all "that's a damn good question and I have no answers for you."
Tomorrow is officially Be Awesome day. Be Awesome to someone, just for you. Not for anyone else. Do something good because you're a good person. (There are NO new ways to say that.) Just- suck it up and admit that you're made of stardust and you, personally, shine brighter than any damn star you care to name, because you do good things and bad things and you try SO hard.
Any God worth your time HAS to appreciate the effort.
So angry!