If you leave me now
Title: If you leave me now
Author: agiponpon
Pairing: Ryo/Tegoshi
Genre: romance, hurt/comfort
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I only own the story...
Summary: After announcing his resignation from NEWS, Ryo's been bothered. Tegoshi acts weird, and he doesn't know why...
Tegoshi was avoiding him and it made Ryo nervous.
Since Ryo had announced his resignation from News and moving to the Kanjani entirely things had been pain, sweat and hustle, and everything related to News seemed to be under chaos. It was pointless to claim that the break up of the band had been a surprise since musical ineffieciency and indolence had gone on for a year and each member of the band had been focused on other projects for months. Yamapi obviously enjoyed his solo career and had not given almost any thought for News during last months and Ryo had felt like an outsider in the project that had showed no signs of life for a long time. It felt natural and rational to leave the band on the arms of the younger members (and Koyama). News had nothing to give to him anymore and he had nothing to lose apart from one thing...
Ryo would have wanted to tell Tegoshi that but he had not had a chance. At first he had thought it was a result of hustle and chaos but soon it had occured to him that it wasn't the case. Every time Ryo tried to reach for Tegoshi to spend a few minutes with him alone the boy had slipped away from him. He did not even let Ryo withing reach, gave him no chance to explain himself. Even phones and the Internet had turned out useless. Tegoshi had built an invisible and well guarded wall around himself that Ryo was unable to cross or break.
Ryo was about to abandon all hope when he finally reached Tegoshi in the locker room. Just like dozens of times before, Tegoshi tried to slip out of the room after he noticed being left alone with Ryo, but the escape attempt was expected. Ryo made it in front of the door first, did not bother to pretend that he had not seen the horror on other's face as the door clicked locked and he stayed before it standing like a stubborn guard.
"Yuya", Ryo said in a demanding way after making sure that there was no one to hear him calling Tegoshi with his first name. Their relationship was not an actual secret but it also was not a common knowledge. Both of them knew that announcing the relationship officially could have risen to be a scoop even bigger than the break up of News
"Ryo-chan", Tegoshi answered and crossed his arms on his chest. Ryo couldn't help noticing the affix added to his name. That would have been friendly and normal when used by anyone else but not Tegoshi. Tegoshi didn't have to use polite attachments when they were alone together and Ryo knew Tegoshi understood this. Chan cracked in his ears hideously and he knew Tegoshi had done it on purpose.
"We need to talk", Ryo said and noticed Tegoshi turning a bit pale. The younger one looked away trying to keep his cold shell.
"We have nothing to talk", he insisted stubbornly.
"Yes we do. Just listen!"
"I'm busy. Let me out."
"Not before you listen what I have to say!"
Ryo noticed that he was rising his voice a little and took a deep breath to calm down. Tegoshi was a persistent fool but he was not to blame.
"Maybe I don't want to hear what you have to say, Nishikido-kun."
"Yuya, listen!"
"No, you listen to me! You don't have to explain anything! You have nothing to explain! I get without saying what this is all about, so leave me alone!"
Ryo stared at Tegoshi speechless. He felt like they weren't talking the same language, not about the same subject at least. Was Tegoshi really that mad at him over a work related choice or had one of them understood something terribly wrong?
"Yuya..."
That was all Ryo got to say because Tegoshi decided to keep going, pour out every scary, anxious, dark feeling dammed inside of him at once.
"You could've said you wanted to break up with me! This mess... This whole resigning mess is useless! Do you really hate me that much you can't even stay on the same band with me? Is this your way of telling me something? Now everybody suffers! News suffers, Johnny's suffers, fans suffer! If I really am that appalling to you you should've said so! I... I could've left! You... You..."
Ryo was speechless. Clear tears started falling along Tegoshi's cheeks and a sharp sob made his body tremble but he tried to carry on anyway. But words refused to be be formed and Tegoshi bit his lower lip to keep inside another sob that was about to come out.
Ryo stared at Tegoshi without saying a word, fingers squeezed in fists and chest heavy. Was that what this was all about? Tegoshi, his stupid, selfish, silly Yuya, had thought that that the resign had something to do with him, something he had or had not done. Somehow the boy had reckoned that Ryo didn't want to carry on with him, that he had even abandoned half of his career just to get rid of him. Only Tegoshi could come up with something so silly and self-centered.
As Ryo stared at his boyfriend's tear spotted face and shaking body he realized two things. At first what they both already knew in their hearts. That he truly loved his Yuya and couldn't bear seeing him so broken ever again. And scondly that it was the time to say something. Quickly.
"Yuya..." he said again. Tegoshis face stiffened and he wiped his eyes with the upper side of his hands like he hadn't just broken down in front of Ryo. "I don't want to break up with you."
The relevant was now said and Ryo took a step towards Tegoshi to close the distance between them. He folded his arms around the younger one and pulled him to a tight embrace. He felt how confused Tegoshi was and when his words finally sinked in the boy's mind, he too wrapped his hands around him and answered the embrace. New tears moistened Ryo's shoulder but he pretented not to notice since Tegoshi was too proud to admit his weakness.
"I have no idea how you came up with that", Ryo muttered close to Tegoshi's ear. His lips touched the other's warm skin slightly as he talked. "I'd never break up with you and you know it, right?"
Tegoshi answered nothing since his voice was probably too weak but he squeezed Ryo closer to himself.
"Let's go sit over there, okay?"
Ryo released his grip around Tegoshi and nodded towards a bench on the other side of the locker room. Tegoshi was not crying anymore and nodded.
Right after sitting down Ryo grabbed Tegoshi on his side, buried his face in Tegoshi's hair and let his cheek rest against Tegoshi's head. Tegoshi lowered his head on his shoulder.
"Even though I'm leaving News I'm still with you. Always by your side, if you want to. Okay?"
Ryo talked in a gentle, quiet voice and squeezed Tegoshi against himself. Tegoshi nodded again.
"This is not an end. We still see each other in work almost every day and in our homes in the evening. I'm not going to disappear anywhere."
Ryo could feel Tegoshi nodding once again.
"This was a precisely considered decision an-..."
"But it's still unfair", Tegoshi muttered. "You leave us just like that. And all the fans... News just won't be the same anymore."
Ryo sighed and wondered how to explain the situation in a best way possible. It was about his personal decision, his life, but Tegoshi was right. It didn't affect only him.
"It's your job to show fans that News is not over yet", he finally said feeling like a child talking about adult matters.
"It's so like you to leave everything on to us", Tegoshi mumbled bitterly. Ryo smiled.
"Think of this as a new chance."
"But News's no longer the same!"
"It's not, and it's not supposed to be. News is the band of you four now, me and Yamapi are out now. Now you guys are going to prove that you are even more amazing with just the four of you."
Slowly Tegoshi seemed to understand what Ryo was after.
"You're still an evil, cruel bastard. You know that right?"
Ryo laughed and proved Tegoshi's point. Tegoshi too smiled a little feeling a lot better already like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. He would still miss the old News, but he had to keep moving forward. Life was unpredictable and its quirks had to be endured with head held high a hit after another, since usually the wait was rewarded with small, good moments that made the life worth living. News as it was was now part of the history, but that part had done its job, growed them as humans and built bonds between them. With them they were able to go on.
"You were a bit angry of my resignation too, weren't you?" Ryo teased holding Tegoshi close to him. "You were afraid you wouldn't be able to do it alone."
Tegoshi smiled shyly.
"Maybe a little. But mostly I was afraid that you were breaking up with me."
"What could've given you that idea?"
Tegoshi shrugged.
"I couldn't come up with any other reason.
"Idiot."
For a moment Tegoshi felt offended but as he turned his head and saw Ryo's gentle smile he had to smile too.
"You too..."
Ryo pressed a light kiss on Tegoshi's lips.
"Let's both be."
A/N: This is my first published piece ever and it's scary and exciting at the same time. I'm working on a bigger project, but since NEWS announced to break up, I wanted to write this short drabble to comfort all Ryotego fans out there. Hopefully no one finds this offencive.
English is not my first language and I translated this from Finnish, which is, because I enjoy writing in Finnish more than English. Hopefully it's still understandable.
Thanks for reading and please comment and critique!
Author: agiponpon
Pairing: Ryo/Tegoshi
Genre: romance, hurt/comfort
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I only own the story...
Summary: After announcing his resignation from NEWS, Ryo's been bothered. Tegoshi acts weird, and he doesn't know why...
Tegoshi was avoiding him and it made Ryo nervous.
Since Ryo had announced his resignation from News and moving to the Kanjani entirely things had been pain, sweat and hustle, and everything related to News seemed to be under chaos. It was pointless to claim that the break up of the band had been a surprise since musical ineffieciency and indolence had gone on for a year and each member of the band had been focused on other projects for months. Yamapi obviously enjoyed his solo career and had not given almost any thought for News during last months and Ryo had felt like an outsider in the project that had showed no signs of life for a long time. It felt natural and rational to leave the band on the arms of the younger members (and Koyama). News had nothing to give to him anymore and he had nothing to lose apart from one thing...
Ryo would have wanted to tell Tegoshi that but he had not had a chance. At first he had thought it was a result of hustle and chaos but soon it had occured to him that it wasn't the case. Every time Ryo tried to reach for Tegoshi to spend a few minutes with him alone the boy had slipped away from him. He did not even let Ryo withing reach, gave him no chance to explain himself. Even phones and the Internet had turned out useless. Tegoshi had built an invisible and well guarded wall around himself that Ryo was unable to cross or break.
Ryo was about to abandon all hope when he finally reached Tegoshi in the locker room. Just like dozens of times before, Tegoshi tried to slip out of the room after he noticed being left alone with Ryo, but the escape attempt was expected. Ryo made it in front of the door first, did not bother to pretend that he had not seen the horror on other's face as the door clicked locked and he stayed before it standing like a stubborn guard.
"Yuya", Ryo said in a demanding way after making sure that there was no one to hear him calling Tegoshi with his first name. Their relationship was not an actual secret but it also was not a common knowledge. Both of them knew that announcing the relationship officially could have risen to be a scoop even bigger than the break up of News
"Ryo-chan", Tegoshi answered and crossed his arms on his chest. Ryo couldn't help noticing the affix added to his name. That would have been friendly and normal when used by anyone else but not Tegoshi. Tegoshi didn't have to use polite attachments when they were alone together and Ryo knew Tegoshi understood this. Chan cracked in his ears hideously and he knew Tegoshi had done it on purpose.
"We need to talk", Ryo said and noticed Tegoshi turning a bit pale. The younger one looked away trying to keep his cold shell.
"We have nothing to talk", he insisted stubbornly.
"Yes we do. Just listen!"
"I'm busy. Let me out."
"Not before you listen what I have to say!"
Ryo noticed that he was rising his voice a little and took a deep breath to calm down. Tegoshi was a persistent fool but he was not to blame.
"Maybe I don't want to hear what you have to say, Nishikido-kun."
"Yuya, listen!"
"No, you listen to me! You don't have to explain anything! You have nothing to explain! I get without saying what this is all about, so leave me alone!"
Ryo stared at Tegoshi speechless. He felt like they weren't talking the same language, not about the same subject at least. Was Tegoshi really that mad at him over a work related choice or had one of them understood something terribly wrong?
"Yuya..."
That was all Ryo got to say because Tegoshi decided to keep going, pour out every scary, anxious, dark feeling dammed inside of him at once.
"You could've said you wanted to break up with me! This mess... This whole resigning mess is useless! Do you really hate me that much you can't even stay on the same band with me? Is this your way of telling me something? Now everybody suffers! News suffers, Johnny's suffers, fans suffer! If I really am that appalling to you you should've said so! I... I could've left! You... You..."
Ryo was speechless. Clear tears started falling along Tegoshi's cheeks and a sharp sob made his body tremble but he tried to carry on anyway. But words refused to be be formed and Tegoshi bit his lower lip to keep inside another sob that was about to come out.
Ryo stared at Tegoshi without saying a word, fingers squeezed in fists and chest heavy. Was that what this was all about? Tegoshi, his stupid, selfish, silly Yuya, had thought that that the resign had something to do with him, something he had or had not done. Somehow the boy had reckoned that Ryo didn't want to carry on with him, that he had even abandoned half of his career just to get rid of him. Only Tegoshi could come up with something so silly and self-centered.
As Ryo stared at his boyfriend's tear spotted face and shaking body he realized two things. At first what they both already knew in their hearts. That he truly loved his Yuya and couldn't bear seeing him so broken ever again. And scondly that it was the time to say something. Quickly.
"Yuya..." he said again. Tegoshis face stiffened and he wiped his eyes with the upper side of his hands like he hadn't just broken down in front of Ryo. "I don't want to break up with you."
The relevant was now said and Ryo took a step towards Tegoshi to close the distance between them. He folded his arms around the younger one and pulled him to a tight embrace. He felt how confused Tegoshi was and when his words finally sinked in the boy's mind, he too wrapped his hands around him and answered the embrace. New tears moistened Ryo's shoulder but he pretented not to notice since Tegoshi was too proud to admit his weakness.
"I have no idea how you came up with that", Ryo muttered close to Tegoshi's ear. His lips touched the other's warm skin slightly as he talked. "I'd never break up with you and you know it, right?"
Tegoshi answered nothing since his voice was probably too weak but he squeezed Ryo closer to himself.
"Let's go sit over there, okay?"
Ryo released his grip around Tegoshi and nodded towards a bench on the other side of the locker room. Tegoshi was not crying anymore and nodded.
Right after sitting down Ryo grabbed Tegoshi on his side, buried his face in Tegoshi's hair and let his cheek rest against Tegoshi's head. Tegoshi lowered his head on his shoulder.
"Even though I'm leaving News I'm still with you. Always by your side, if you want to. Okay?"
Ryo talked in a gentle, quiet voice and squeezed Tegoshi against himself. Tegoshi nodded again.
"This is not an end. We still see each other in work almost every day and in our homes in the evening. I'm not going to disappear anywhere."
Ryo could feel Tegoshi nodding once again.
"This was a precisely considered decision an-..."
"But it's still unfair", Tegoshi muttered. "You leave us just like that. And all the fans... News just won't be the same anymore."
Ryo sighed and wondered how to explain the situation in a best way possible. It was about his personal decision, his life, but Tegoshi was right. It didn't affect only him.
"It's your job to show fans that News is not over yet", he finally said feeling like a child talking about adult matters.
"It's so like you to leave everything on to us", Tegoshi mumbled bitterly. Ryo smiled.
"Think of this as a new chance."
"But News's no longer the same!"
"It's not, and it's not supposed to be. News is the band of you four now, me and Yamapi are out now. Now you guys are going to prove that you are even more amazing with just the four of you."
Slowly Tegoshi seemed to understand what Ryo was after.
"You're still an evil, cruel bastard. You know that right?"
Ryo laughed and proved Tegoshi's point. Tegoshi too smiled a little feeling a lot better already like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. He would still miss the old News, but he had to keep moving forward. Life was unpredictable and its quirks had to be endured with head held high a hit after another, since usually the wait was rewarded with small, good moments that made the life worth living. News as it was was now part of the history, but that part had done its job, growed them as humans and built bonds between them. With them they were able to go on.
"You were a bit angry of my resignation too, weren't you?" Ryo teased holding Tegoshi close to him. "You were afraid you wouldn't be able to do it alone."
Tegoshi smiled shyly.
"Maybe a little. But mostly I was afraid that you were breaking up with me."
"What could've given you that idea?"
Tegoshi shrugged.
"I couldn't come up with any other reason.
"Idiot."
For a moment Tegoshi felt offended but as he turned his head and saw Ryo's gentle smile he had to smile too.
"You too..."
Ryo pressed a light kiss on Tegoshi's lips.
"Let's both be."
A/N: This is my first published piece ever and it's scary and exciting at the same time. I'm working on a bigger project, but since NEWS announced to break up, I wanted to write this short drabble to comfort all Ryotego fans out there. Hopefully no one finds this offencive.
English is not my first language and I translated this from Finnish, which is, because I enjoy writing in Finnish more than English. Hopefully it's still understandable.
Thanks for reading and please comment and critique!