Brie, these are two of the best pieces I think I've ever read by you-- your touch and flare are unmistakable, and your concepts are becoming more mature. The references to Billie Holiday in the second one are great, especially since now I know about more of them. The concept of the first poem, as well as the title, and the benign, relaxing tone makes it a true winner-- I really enjoyed both of them.
Your writing is capturing the true essence of simple, poetic beauty-- I'm really glad to see you constructing more of these. My sole advice would be to experiment with punctuation a bit more-- poetry should typically run like a sentence, with commas and periods and such.
But that's all I would say about these, and that's technical stuff. The essence of what you need to have is definitely here-- keep writing! >_>
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Your writing is capturing the true essence of simple, poetic beauty-- I'm really glad to see you constructing more of these. My sole advice would be to experiment with punctuation a bit more-- poetry should typically run like a sentence, with commas and periods and such.
But that's all I would say about these, and that's technical stuff. The essence of what you need to have is definitely here-- keep writing! >_>
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//CAKE!!!
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