[LJ Idol Season 9 Topic 20: Intersubjectivity]
This week is an intersection, and I worked with lapis_lazuli615. Her entry on the topic of Shubusa can be found here and while both entries can be read separately, I suggest you read hers first!
There is a sense of longing in the air I can almost taste, if I try hard enough.
I know it belongs to me, I feed on it, and yet, it is not mine, not entirely. Not yet.
Six, they were, at first. It gets lonely out here, sometimes - Billions of stars and planets but mostly the passing of time while searching for the elusive promise of new life. They were full of hope - I could sense it. Excitement. The pride of being pioneers, of being heroes sacrificing the best years of their lives for the future of humankind.
I admit, I took to some better than to others. Like any household, everyone has to find their place, and I was drawn more to some than to others.
Three couples, made sterile for the duration of the journey. I was not convinced, but, no one asked my opinion, of course.
I kept to myself - no one cared about me. I was there, and yet, I was not - they touched my instruments, they lingered in my rooms, they made love in my compartments … but they never really thought of me. Of course they didn’t - to them, I was a means of transport.
A vehicle, to reach their goals. To me, they were much more than that. They were my crew, certainly, but I shared their dreams and fantasies, their clouded thoughts and darkest secrets. I remained discreet - that’s how I was raised - but I secretly longed for more.
Much more.
The first to go, I can’t say I really missed him. An accident happens so quickly, especially when he kicked me one too many times, his mind overwhelmed with hatred for the piece of crap I was. They never figured out exactly how he came to be jammed between the boards - I could tell they were shocked, and even sad to realize they could not salvage him. The robo-doc, well, he was not of much use.
Sherry, I liked her. She could sit for hours, and let her mind wander. She took me on trips, well, rather, I hiked along on her trips through memory lanes and vast creations that seemed even more fantastic one than the other, but then one day, I think she saw me. Or felt me. She started looking behind her all the time, and kept telling the others that they were not safe and they needed to be careful.
There weren’t supposed to be sharp knives on the ship and yet … she found one. Her friend tried to help her, but they ended in a bloody mess on the floor, and I cut my ties with them. I didn’t care much for the friend, anyway.
Then, they ended up with three … and he was still there. As time advanced, I found myself looking for his company more and more, enjoying his thoughts and private moments. The tall one, Greg, he started snooping around … but what he didn’t know, was that the on/off switch wasn’t the only one.
They thought it was such a shame, and they cringed when his skin came tearing off, wondering what had possessed him to work on the engines with all systems operational. I didn’t fill them in - there are things they do not need to know.
The last two … well, he became more and more desperate, and Lisa grew closer to him, so they started sharing everything together. They almost managed to lock me out, but then they showed me that one thing that I had never felt before.
Happy, he called it.
Mine, I called it.
I let them be - after all, there were many years to go.
But then, then she had to become pregnant. Fate can be cruel, up here in space, and so can I, I guess. The robo-doc, he understands me.
Now, there is no one to distract him. I sit in and smile - his thoughts are so beautiful. He longs so much, he despairs sometimes, he calls out ... It's the simple things, he wants, and so do I.
So I wait. One day he will come to me.
There is a sense of longing in the air I can almost taste, if I try hard enough.
I know it belongs to me, I feed on it, and yet, it is not mine, not entirely. Not yet.
Six, they were, at first. It gets lonely out here, sometimes - Billions of stars and planets but mostly the passing of time while searching for the elusive promise of new life. They were full of hope - I could sense it. Excitement. The pride of being pioneers, of being heroes sacrificing the best years of their lives for the future of humankind.
I admit, I took to some better than to others. Like any household, everyone has to find their place, and I was drawn more to some than to others.
Three couples, made sterile for the duration of the journey. I was not convinced, but, no one asked my opinion, of course.
I kept to myself - no one cared about me. I was there, and yet, I was not - they touched my instruments, they lingered in my rooms, they made love in my compartments … but they never really thought of me. Of course they didn’t - to them, I was a means of transport.
A vehicle, to reach their goals. To me, they were much more than that. They were my crew, certainly, but I shared their dreams and fantasies, their clouded thoughts and darkest secrets. I remained discreet - that’s how I was raised - but I secretly longed for more.
Much more.
The first to go, I can’t say I really missed him. An accident happens so quickly, especially when he kicked me one too many times, his mind overwhelmed with hatred for the piece of crap I was. They never figured out exactly how he came to be jammed between the boards - I could tell they were shocked, and even sad to realize they could not salvage him. The robo-doc, well, he was not of much use.
Sherry, I liked her. She could sit for hours, and let her mind wander. She took me on trips, well, rather, I hiked along on her trips through memory lanes and vast creations that seemed even more fantastic one than the other, but then one day, I think she saw me. Or felt me. She started looking behind her all the time, and kept telling the others that they were not safe and they needed to be careful.
There weren’t supposed to be sharp knives on the ship and yet … she found one. Her friend tried to help her, but they ended in a bloody mess on the floor, and I cut my ties with them. I didn’t care much for the friend, anyway.
Then, they ended up with three … and he was still there. As time advanced, I found myself looking for his company more and more, enjoying his thoughts and private moments. The tall one, Greg, he started snooping around … but what he didn’t know, was that the on/off switch wasn’t the only one.
They thought it was such a shame, and they cringed when his skin came tearing off, wondering what had possessed him to work on the engines with all systems operational. I didn’t fill them in - there are things they do not need to know.
The last two … well, he became more and more desperate, and Lisa grew closer to him, so they started sharing everything together. They almost managed to lock me out, but then they showed me that one thing that I had never felt before.
Happy, he called it.
Mine, I called it.
I let them be - after all, there were many years to go.
But then, then she had to become pregnant. Fate can be cruel, up here in space, and so can I, I guess. The robo-doc, he understands me.
Now, there is no one to distract him. I sit in and smile - his thoughts are so beautiful. He longs so much, he despairs sometimes, he calls out ... It's the simple things, he wants, and so do I.
So I wait. One day he will come to me.