[Ryo/Kame fanfic] Romeo AND Juliet
Title: Romeo and Juliet (a.k.a Nishimeo and Kameliet mwahhahahah!)
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Pairing: RyoKame-ish
Rating: Safe! This time no smut Te-He...
Genre: Romance Comedy
Summary: Just a crack of Ryo played as Romeo and Kame as Juliet. (I’m suck at summaries!)
Although this is just a free-time-waster fic, I had fun writing it! XD The characters are even more funny than the last fic I made (Well, the last one were so emo and angst if you read those). Fluffiness for the sake of comedy. Anyways, I sincerely hope you enjoy!
Romeo and Juliet
“YAMASHITA TOMOHISA! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?” Kamenashi Kazuya shouted, slamming fist onto the desk in front of NEWS’ leader, causing ripples in the coffee in his mug and shaking some of the stacks of stuff on it. A lone piece of paper slid to the ground. Yamapi picked up his mug, and took a sip. He smacked his lips.
“Ahem, Kame, what is ‘this’ precisely?” he asked. The younger man never called him in full name if there’s no something. Which mean he now very mad, and a mad Kame is even dangerous than in-the-mood-of-sex-Kame.
“THIS!” Kame screamed, slamming down the cast list that he had snatched from table inside KAT-TUN’s dress room once he had regained the ability to think. “And not only this but that!” he yelled, waving a finger at Nishikido Ryo, who stood behind him, rapidly.
“Kame, please stop using so many pronouns, it’s hard to decipher what you mean,” said Yamapi calmly.
“Wh-why the hell did you cast me as Juliet? I am a guy! A guy! I have a fricking penis!” Kame said, obviously beside himself to use such vulgar words, “And not only that, why in the world was I cast as the lead female who has to kiss with that thing!?”
“Hey! Call me a thing and I’ll scratch your eyes out!” Ryo scowled.
“Not now, poison tongue! I’m in the middle of a rant!” said Kame, turning to shout at Ryo daringly with mock words, exactly not like himself.
“Poison tongue?? How dare you say that to me!? Who do you think you are!?” Ryo burst out.
“SILENCE, NISHIKIDO RYO!” Kame said with dangerous tone, effectively made Ryo shock and turned down unwillingly then after regained himself he grumbled all around. Not noticing, Kame spin around and faced the also shock state Yamapi, “Well!?”
Yamapi gave a nervous laughter and scratched the back of his neck, embarrassed, “Well, um er, ehehe, I didn’t expect you to be so mad, you’re usually very mild mannered, um…”
“Just answer the damn question!” shouted the irritated younger man. And Yamapi honestly thought he look oh-so-damn-hot-and-sexy in mad condition.
“Ok! Ok! Knowing his demeanor, Jin is the most number one that want to be cast as Juliet even no one ask him to be, so…” he paused “I DON’T WANT MY PRECIOUS BAKANISHI PLAY AS THE ROMANTIC INTEREST OF ANYBODY!” Yamapi cried, hid behind Shige’s clipboard that lay randomly on the table just before Kame threw a punch at him.
“Then why you just be the Romeo!?” Kame demanded.
“I told you I join producer team this time…And Ryo want to play as Romeo like hell, he was the one who pleaded me, ask him” Yamapi smiled at Ryo, who glared him deadly, “He compatible for that role after all, if you see the casting yesterday” he added to coax the younger boy, “And this is self-drama, so we must use our own agency’s human resources, and for your info, it’s all guy. There’s no way I will find any actress here…Wait…” he narrowed his eyes, “You don’t think we should make those receptionists play, do you? Because their capabilities to act are as horrible as hell”
“NO, I’M NOT!” Kame yelled again, starting to lose patient, “Then what about the others!? Ueda and Tegoshi are more convincing as girl than me!!” Kame asked through gritted teeth.
“Well, Ueda won’t do if paired with Ryo-chan, knowing those two” Yamapi glanced at Ryo, “And Tegoshi wanted to be nurse along with Jin”
“Well, refuse it!”
“I can’t!”
“Why not??”
“Because he is Tegoshi. I know this is ridiculous but with those pleaded-wet-kicked-puppy eyes of him I can’t say no!!” Yamapi cried and blushed. Well, that was not ridiculous at all, Kame experienced it once and…Yeah, he couldn’t resist.
“So you thought that was a good reason to make me Juliet?” Kame asked, finally retreating.
Yamapi breathed a sigh of relief; put his disfigured clipboard down, “Yes.”
“What about Shige? Or Koki? Or Nakamaru? Or someone!?” Kame asked, still red faced and furious.
The swindler-cast smiled, “Well, you’re obviously the pretty one beside Ueda and Tegoshi. Ah, my mistake, you’re the prettiest here” he said, “So it should be much compatible for you to play the female instead of Shige or Koki”
Kame groaned, his anger having died down considerably, “But what about kiss scenes?! I can’t kiss another male!” he said, pointing at Ryo.
“Yes! For once, I am agreeing with him, there is no way in hell that I am kissing that ugly turtle!” Ryo also shouted, joining Kame.
“Back in Shakespearian times, they didn’t allow women to act, so it was always an all male cast, those men didn’t have a problem kissing each other for the sake of the play,” said Yamapi.
“B-But-”
“You can’t-”
“Why-”
“I don’t-”
“I can’t-”
“We-”
“I’m a frickin guy!”
“Quiet!” Yamapi shouted amidst their broken protests, “Now Kame, just accept your fate and leave me be, I have work to do.” Che, yeah right…
“But-”
“This is so gay!”
“Leave!” said the NEWS’ leader sternly.
Kame pouted and sulked, finally turning around and stalking out.
“Oh yeah, and just in case you wanted to know, Jin specially requested that Kame be cast as Juliet, and you know I can’t go against what my baby says,” Yamapi said.
“J-Jin?” Kame asked as both he and Ryo turned around, eyes wide.
-----------------------
“Hm, hm-hmm” Jin hummed, lying back on couch and kicking his legs up, reading his script as Nurse on couch and memorizing lines when-
BAM!
The door to KAT-TUN’s dressroom banged open and in flew Kame, Ryo and Yamapi (who had decided to tag along to prevent any unacceptable possibility such as…Murderer) as the other KAT-TUN member stared wide-eyed at those three, especially Kame, they never see the youngest member look so furious.
“AKANISHI JIN!” Kame roared, pointing an accusing finger at him.
Jin sat up and smiled innocently, “Yes, Kame-chan, Ryo-chan, Pi-darling?”
“How could you betray me?!” Kame asked, furious again. Ryo stood off to the side with his arms crossed while Yamapi move forward to guard Jin from any possibilities to be beaten up.
Jin cocked his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh yes you do!” he shouted, nearing the couch dangerously as he sweat dropped, “You told Pi to make me Juliet! Admit it! You betrayed me!”
“No, I didn’t” he said, smiling impeccably.
“Yesyoudidyesyoudidyesyoudid!” Kame shouted, shaking a finger at Jin.
“Um, Kame, maybe Jin was-” Yamapi started.
“Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrogating the suspect, Pi!” Kame yelled, “Did you, or did you not request Pi to cast me as Juliet!?” he asked the older man.
“Fine, yes I did,” Jin said.
“Don’t deny it, you-wait what?” Kame said, cocking his head, a loose lock of brown hair suddenly springing up.
“Did you not hear him? He just admitted that he is the reason you cast as Juliet, do you have hearing problems, or is your brain just too small and slow to process information quickly?” Ryo asked, closing his eyes with an evil smirk.
The youngest in the conversation rounded on him, “Sh-Shut up, Ryo! I’m in the middle of an interrogation here, so stop interrupting me, dumbass!” didn’t want to make Kame yelled at him again, Ryo decided to shut his mouth submissively. Kame turned back to Jin with a sudden saddened expression, and sniffed “How could you betray me, Jin?” he asked, falling to his knees on the floor, dark brown hair covering his eyes,
Jin felt a little guilty now, “Umm, Kame, easy…I just told Pi to cast you as Juliet.”
That comment hit the boy like a boulder.
“Ouch,” grinned Pi, sniggering.
“Wh-why? I trusted you! I thought you were my friend!” Kame cried, head snapping back up pleadingly, distraught.
“You are my friend, Kame-chan,” said Jin.
“Th-then how could you do such a thing to me? Why would you want to cast me as a girl?” sobbed the poor boy.
“I didn’t mean it that way, I would cast you as a boy if I could,” he said mischievously, awkwardly giving him a small pat on the shoulder.
“What do you mean by that?” Ryo asked skeptically. He was starting to have a theory…
“Well, the sad truth is that Juliet is a girl" the older boy sighed, "If only you could play as a guy and still be Juliet...”
“How is that any better?” Kame whined from his spot on the floor, “I’ll still have to kiss Ryo!”
Jin suddenly grinned, “And that was my motive from the beginning.”
Yamapi couldn’t hold to snort, “Jin! How dirty!”
“NOOO~!” Kame sobbed, “Why? Why did you do this? Do you have something against me? How can you be so cruel?”
Jin just grinned, “Because I want to see you guys kissing!” he answered excitedly.
Ryo suddenly joined Kame on the floor. His theory had been proved correct.
“Well, Jin-baby, I don’t think you’re same as those fangirls out there…Maybe worse” Yamapi said matter-of-factly.
“Work on you too Pi, you’re the one who agree to cast them anyway…I can see your ticky-tricky plan~” Jin sing song-ed.
“I always know you’re not that stupid as people say, Jin” Yamapi smirked and placed kiss on Jin’s corner lips.
Meanwhile, on the floor, Ryo was extremely distraught but not like the younger man beside him. Poor Kame sobbed, now both his best friends had betrayed him! What had he ever done wrong to deserve this punishment?
-----------------------
“A dog of the house of Montague moves me,” said Nakamaru, or 'Sampson', reading off his script as he and Koyama, or 'Gregory', rehearsed on the stage. Yamapi was watching. Off stage, Shige, Massu, Koki, Ueda and the others who were playing another character waited in the audience, ready to spring on stage when needed. They were in the middle of their first rehearsal and were presently acting out Act 1 Scene 1. Where a fight break out between the people of the Capulet and Montague families on the streets of Verona, the Prince showed up and said that if there were another fight, they would be executed.
The only character missing was Ryo, probably because he was just being damn stubborn and didn’t want to act as the lover of Kame. Yamapi sighed, he would have to send someone to find him eventually, but for now, he needed to concentrate on the two actors who were making fools of themselves, giggling over every line. He massaged his scalp and reconsidered if he should change the genre to comedy, that way he could change the dialogue also.
Koyama suppressed his giggle with his fist, “W-well thou art-art not f-fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst p-poor john. Dr-draws thy tool. Here comes the house of Montagues,”
Nakamaru suddenly couldn’t control his laughter and ended up hunched over his stomach unable to read the next line, his face was bright red as he was overcome with giggles, “My-my- Hmmmph! My- n-nake- Pffffft! Ahahaha ha! My- my n-naked w-w-w- Ahahaha! My naked weapon is out!” he screamed before falling to the floor, giggling and squirming, “Naked weapon is out! Who knew Shakespeare was such a pervert!?”
Yamapi sighed, “Somebody’s mature,” he muttered before standing up, “Okay, that’s it! Obviously you two are too immature to handle these lines, so we shall be randomly skipping ahead to the masquerade scene, Act 1 Scene 5 now, where’s Ryo-chan and Kame?”
“Um, nobody’s seen them since this morning! We think they are purposely avoiding rehearsals,” called out a helpful and random actor.
Yamapi sighed and rubbed his temples, “Well, somebody get me the phone so I can call them! If they don’t pick up, somebody get them for me! And if they refuse to come out from the place, just drag them off!”
-----------------------
Kame was residing in his newly formed emo corner, sulking about how his life sucked and growing mushrooms. He couldn’t trust anyone anymore, not Yamapi or Jin, hell not Ryo. Maybe Ueda, Nakamaru, Tegoshi or Junno, but no… they had actually seemed quite glad when he had gotten the part of Juliet, giggling and chuckling at his humiliation. So no he couldn’t trust them either… What about the juniors? He sighed. No, not them either, they were most likely not gonna help him because they jut to-oh so obeying their senpais…
He had nobody left!
And the idea to make butai together and take Romeo and Juliet as first storyline was never be a good idea to begin with. Even if he loves that story but with this condition…Hell no. Furthermore this unnecessary small drama will be watched by all JE. He cursed anyone who was masterminds of this unnecessary project, they told it will be alleviation of stress, “Alleviation of stress my ass! It was just another mind-burden! What were they thinking!?” Kame burst out angrily.
His scoff stopped because cellphone in his pocket started to ring annoyingly, “Phone call? From Pi?” He sighed and stood up unwillingly, “Yes,” Kame said shortly.
“Kame!”
“Yamapi?”
“Yes! We’re rehearsing Act 1 Scene 5! And you’re in it! You're 15 minutes late! Did you forget?” Yamapi asked.
Kame groaned, he had purposefully been trying to avoid it, “Yeah I forgot,” he lied.
“Well, rehearsals are starting and you’re not at the studio, so come on, we’re all waiting for you!”
“I don’t want to go,” Kame said blankly and honestly.
“But-EEEEEEEEEEEK!” Yamapi suddenly screeched a high-pitched shriek and there were sounds of massive fumbling as someone else grabbed the phone.
“KAME! If you don’t get your small tiny ass down here right now, I will kick you so hard your grandchildren will feel it! So you BETTER be down here or I’m going up there!”
“No freaking way.” And he hung up the phone.
“Ugh! He hung up on me!” Jin screeched angrily and quickly zoomed out of the studio.
-----------------------
“Ryo-tan”
“What?”
“Ryo-tan”
“WHAT!?”
“…Don’t shout at me like that”
“What do you want, Tego-nyan?” Ryo asked rather angrily but still keep the voice down, he never can argue with Tegoshi. Said he was in NEWS’ empty dressroom which was a perfect time for him to continue his book he never bored with. His peaceful time was suddenly being disturbed by the youngest member.
“We have rehearsal you know.”
“So?”
“Shouldn’t we be going down?”
“Do whatever you want, I’m sure as hell not playing Romeo,” Ryo scoffed, reading his book intently.
“But Ryo-taaaaaaaa~n! You’re such a great actor! And you seemed to be really getting into it yesterday! Why trying so hard when you don’t want the role?” The younger member whined.
“I wasn’t really trying,” Ryo said blankly, still reading, or at least that was what it seemed like, for his eyes never moved.
Tegoshi frowned and ducked his head into his arms that rested on the arm of the couch, “Show off,” he muttered, but then perked up “C’mon, you got the part! Now you have a responsibility to fulfill! So just come, okay?” He pleaded.
“No.”
“Ryo-tan! Nobody can play Romeo as well as you do!” Tegoshi was now rocking back and forth on the couch.
“Whatever, I’m still not having him as my lover,” Ryo grumbled quietly.
There was a short silence before Tegoshi’s pout slid into a grin.
“Oh, so you just don’t want to declare your undying love to Kame-kun, eh? Even if it is acting…” he said with a glint in his eye.
“Exactly,” Ryo snapped and turned back to his book, “Wait…What? I mean WHAT??”
“Aww, don't you think Kame-kun is cute?” Tegoshi asked with a glint in his eye.
Ryo immediately went rigid in his seat, dropping his book and sitting bolt up, face turning 50 different shades of pink, magenta and red in the space of 5 seconds, “E-Excuse me? H-He? That ugly turtle? Cute? Wh-what gives you the idea that I would think he’s cute? I-I’m a guy! I can’t find other guys cute! I though you were stupid before, but now I know you’re an idiot! To think that I would think that he’s cute! No! Never! Not in a million years! I laugh at you! Aha! Ha! Ha! HA! Do you know how off you are? Tego-nyan, are you drunk or high or something? How could you come to that conclusion? Don’t snort on me! How could you ever even imply that I would think that Kame is cute? I hate that guy! I want to scratch his small eyes out! He’s a frickin skinny! You must be out of your mind! He is not cute! He is a…a… moron! Yes, a moron! Moron can’t be cute! And besides I’m the sexy Osaka Man! I don’t find anything cute! At all! Never! Ever! I don’t-”
“But Ryo-tan often said that I’m cute” Tegoshi said, matter-of-factly. Ryo stopped in the middle of his excruciatingly long rant and glared.
Tegoshi grinned, “My, my, Ryo-tan, you sure are getting worked up over one simple, tiny question…”
“I was not worked up!” he screamed.
“Okay, okay,” he said, holding up his hands in defense, “But you know what they say about certain people who deny something so hard, it’s probably true…”
“Well it’s not true!” Ryo roared, more than twenty anger marks popping up on his face.
Tegoshi just shook his head, “But Ryo-tan, I find Kame-kun is kinda cute, and I’m a perfectly happy, healthy, straight male,” he said, grinning.
There was a short awkward silence.
“No you’re not,” said the Osaka man, “This conversation is over! I’d like to get back to my book and for you to not bother me about going to those damn rehearsals! Get away from me!” he cried angrily, nearly losing it.
The other boy sweat dropped, “Aww, what’s the ma-”
“I. Am. Not. Gay.” Ryo said in a deathly growl.
Tegoshi whimpered but quickly composed himself. So instead of screaming and running away, he shakily grinned and tsked, “Tsk, tsk, Ryo-tan, denial, denial…Don’t worry, I have photos on coming out of all closet and what inside it, fortunately for you your photos is on my first list”
Ryo glared at Tegoshi as he gulped down. This brat…
“This is all about me being afraid to play as Romeo with Kame as Juliet, isn’t it? Fine, I’ll go to rehearsals, as long as you stop implying that I’m… I’m on that side of the fence,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Okay then Ryo-tan! C’mon!” Tegoshi said happily, grabbing the Osaka man by the arm and dragging him out.
They were suddenly greeted with the sight of Jin carrying Kame by the arm and pushed him inside the studio.
“Let me go! Let me go! I am not playing Juliet! I am not making out with a guy! No less, Ryo! Let me go! This is torture!”
“Shut up Kame!” Jin cried angrily.
“But-” Kame gave one final, feeble kick but then gave up, crossing his arms and pouting, wrinkling his nose and jutting out his lower lip just slightly.
Suddenly and randomly, Ryo started bashing his head against the wall repeatedly… and it looked to be very painful.
Tegoshi smirked, “You just thought he was cute, didn’t you, Ryo-tan?”
Ryo only banged his head even harder.
-----------------------
A/N:
OK I know this is weird. And…Err…Not proper ends?